The Girl in the Ward
by Naty17
Summary: Suicide is a common thing among teenagers nowadays, but only a handfull are ever sent to the mental ward. But due to certain circumstances, Rin is one of them. And due to a little misunderstanding, she's put into a room with two boys... One is quiet, but at the same time, quite frustrating. The other just can't seem to get over some girl. Will she ever fully heal? Len x Rin x Mikuo
1. Care to introduce yourself?

**The Girl in the Ward**

_Okay! Yesh, a new story! Hooray! _

_I got a needle today… :'(_

_Now… you may have seen the story 'In the Mental Ward' by VampireKnight16. When she announced she was discontinuing her story, I thought to myself: "Why waste an idea so original (I think) and brilliant?" So, I asked to take over._

_BUT, as things turned out, it was actually her "brother" that hacked onto her account and said that story was to be discontinued, and allowed me to make a spin-off. Therefore, she canceled our agreement._

_Do I believe that? … The question remains unanswered for fear of offending._

_Not only that, but I was ¾ done with this chapter, and THEN, one of her reviewers decided to indirectly flame me in an anonymous review on her story, saying that she shouldn't let me have the story because I sounded mean and mine would probably suck. You don't know me, person! So stop acting like you do!_

_So, in the end, I decided I WILL be making a story using this idea, except instead of having Rin and Len share a room for no apparent reason, I actually GIVE one, and it will be actually Len, Rin, AND Mikuo sharing one room. I haven't yet decided the main couple (Mikuo x Rin or Len x Rin?), but it will mostly turn out as a non-cest Len x Rin._

_So, yeah. Original idea by VampireKnight16.  
Although this story here is different in many ways, you may find a resemblance here and there, because I only partially modified my plot lines n' stuff, and I was basing it mostly on her ideas. So yes, Meiko is still yandere._

* * *

**Chapter 1 – Care to introduce yourself?**

I watched my feet as I walked through the never-ending hallways of white. How I still could was beyond me... you'd think I'd be too weak to do so.

"There's also a big cafeteria, and they have a vegetarian special for you if you need it!" Megumi Megpoid rambled on cheerfully. I tried my best to tune her out. Besides… I'm not vegetarian.

Could she not understand I wanted to keep the depressing silence hanging? After all, what happiness could you gain from being locked up? To only be let out to eat, get therapy, and school?

I don't belong in one of these rooms, with the metal sealed doors and the child-proof everything. Or do I? As an artist, these plain white walls are punishment enough just to look at. Oh, the murals I could paint on these walls… but no, they'll most likely insist it's for my safety that they keep them blank.

So maybe I slit myself a little too much this time. Maybe I should've stopped the bleeding. Or maybe I should've locked the door so no one could get in. Now all I'm doing is convincing the people that evil runs in my blood. After all, I am a sinful child, born from a sinful mother. I am devil's spawn.

"There's been a slight misunderstanding, however..." Megumi trailed off, interrupting my thoughts.

"What is it, miss Megumi?" I asked, sounding pure and innocent. Surely, she'd realize I didn't belong here.

"Please, just Gumi!" she beamed.

"And...?"

"Right... Yes, well... your grandparents forgot to check off one of the questions... I suspect they may have done it on purpose, since we only have one room left." she said, then added, "We're under renovation. Although I wouldn't blame them much; we are, after all, one of the best mental facilities in the province! (1)"

"Alright... so what is it?" I asked, impatient with her stalling.

She bit her lip. "You ARE female, right?"

I nearly choked. "Y-Yes!"

She silently cursed. "Your grandparents left that question blank... Are you sexually active?"

This time, I really did choke on my own breath and spit. "Excuse me?" I asked in bewilderment, once I'd caught my breath.

"Are you a virgin?" Gumi asked.

One of the guards behind me snickered, but a quick glare from the green-haired young woman got him to shut up.

"No- I mean yes! I mean-" I swallowed, and tried again. "Yes, I'm a virgin."

Gumi seemed slightly relieved. "Good... Well, it turns out that you were put into the male pile, and..." she pressed a button on a control panel, and after scanning her identity card, a beep sounded.

She opened the door, and I gasped, horrified.

The walls were completely white (no surprise), save for a poster or two taped onto the wall. There was a bunk bed on the left side, and a regular on the right.

There was also a cushiony mat beneath the bed, as if to prevent anyone who fell to break any bones.

There was a door on the left side, which I guessed was a closet, judging by the sweater hung on the door knob. Another door was on the right side. A bathroom? Hopefully.

But the scariest things were my new roommates; two young boys my age.

"Oh, hell no!" I yelled, and tried to leave, but the guards blocked the way.

"Let me go!" I yelled, weakly punching the guards, even though I knew it had no effect. The guards only chuckled.

"Look, Rin, I know this may be shocking, but unless you want to be restrained, you have to calm down!"

I fell to my knees, and stopped beating the guard. "What's going on...?"

"There are only certain rooms with 3 beds. These, we give to those who are doing fairly well, and have a likely chance of leaving soon." Gumi explained.

"I'm leaving soon?" I piped up.

"No." Gumi said. "But due to renovations, this is the only room left. A boy's room."

"So why not ship me to a different place?" I pleaded.

Gumi watched me with pity. "Your grandparents signed a contract. We can't give you up. I'm sorry, Rin, but this is only temporary. It's only until renovations are complete, or another room is freed."

I lay there in shock.

"But don't worry! We are one of the best psychological centers in the province! You'll be fine in no time!"

I blacked out after this.

* * *

Alright, allow me to introduce myself.

Hello, my name is Rin Kagene. I am 14 1/2 years old, born December 27th, 1997.  
My mother's name was Lily Kagene. Does that not sound familiar? In my hometown, she was like a celebrity- but not in a good way. She was like Charlie Sheen, if you wanted to compare her to someone rich and well-known.

You see, mother was famous in our town for her lack of sanity.  
She murdered her own father-in-law (although who wouldn't want to?), claiming he was abusing her, touching her in places he shouldn't.

But of course, she was always an odd one. No one believed her.

So off she was sent to an adult mental hospital.  
Apparently, she has completely forgotten about me now. But the town villagers haven't.

I was constantly ignored. If someone saw me walking down the sidewalk, one would pull his or her child close, and walk to the other side of the street. After all, no one was sure sin wasn't contagious.

People seemed to think I'd curse them- or worse -if they got near me. So no one shoved me in the halls. No one talked to me, ever. No one even dared to cheat on me during a science quiz.

I was completely ignored. All except the bravest, meanest girls who would stick notes with mean things onto my locker.

It shouldn't have surprised anyone when I 'accidentally' cut myself too deep this time. It's a shame Grandpa walked in just then. I would've finally been freed...

But now I was locked up even more securely than before.

With two boys.

I don't like boys!

"So... that's gonna be pretty awkward now... with a girl here, n' all." the first one said.

The other only nodded in reply.

"Guess we won't be able to go in the bath together anymore, huh?" the first one said, with a smirk.

The other boy glared at him. "We never EVER did that."

"Poor Lenny can't admit he likes boys!" the first one teased in a sing-song voice. The second one was fuming.

As for appearances... most would consider themselves lucky.

The first one had short teal blue hair. His eyes glowed sapphire with mischievousness. His ears, though, strangely reminded me of the pointed ones of an elf.

The second one was blond, like me. His hair went down to his shoulders, I assumed, although it was up in a short ponytail. He had ocean-blue eyes, sparking with anger. He seemed very easily annoyed, this I could tell. And, wow, just his luck, his roommate seemed to be very annoying! A perfect match!

But yes, even I had to admit they were very good-looking. A normal girl would be thrilled, but I think I'd prefer it if they were ugly.

I secretly wondered why they were being kept here. What did they do?

"Oh yeah, forgot about you!" The attention was brought back to me. Oh, jolly.

"My name's Mikuo." The teal-haired one spoke. "That's Len." he pointed to the blonde. Mikuo held his hand out for me to shake, but after a few seconds, realized I wouldn't and awkwardly put it away.

"So, you're Rin, right?" Mikuo asked.

I didn't do anything.

"Hey Len, I think you two would both get along great! You both don't talk unless Gumi comes by, or I mention skinny dipping!"

Len only glared at him. Mikuo was right after all; he was quiet.

"So... are you going to say anything?" he turned back to me.

Just ignore him... find a spot on the wall, and focus... ignore any human life form present here...

"If you don't say something, I'll have to kiss you."

"What?" I stumbled out of the way, as Mikuo chuckled.

"Works every time!" he said. "It's how I got Miku to talk again, remember?"

Len grunted. I was guessing that meant yes.

I scowled. "Fine, I can talk, okay? Now leave me alone."

"Oh, I already knew you could talk. All the screaming before kind of gave it away. You sure seemed desperate to get away from us! Do we smell, or something?"

"Yes." I answered, completely serious. I caught a ghost of a smile on Len's face, but it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

"Tsk, tsk, how rude!" Mikuo said, scolding me. "Gumi'll get us for lunch soon; you'll be able to meet the rest of us!"

"Oh, goody." I said sarcastically. "More crazy people."

Mikuo seemed very offended by this. "We're not all crazy serial killers or rapists, okay? And... just a heads up... but starting today, you're officially a crazy person too."

Len only stared at the ceiling, deep in thought, ignoring us two. And, for maybe the 10th time since I got here, I wondered what he'd done to be sent here.

... I'm a crazy person. A freak. ...Why does this seem like old news?

* * *

"Over here!" Mikuo waved me over to a table.

A girl with long teal-colored ponytails sat beside a dark-blue haired male. Across from them sat a girl with silky pink hair running down to her waist and a guy with long purple hair tied in a single ponytail.

Mikuo sat beside the pink-haired girl. I reluctantly sat beside him. Len sat across from me, beside the dark-blue haired one.

"Everyone, meet Rin!" Mikuo announced. "Rin, this is Gakupo", he pointed to the purple-haired man, "Kaito", the blue-haired one, "Miku", the sensitive looking girl with the long pigtails, "and Luka." he concluded, gesturing at the pink haired girl.

Miku waved with a small yet sad smile. "Hi..." she said, her voice barely louder than a whisper. I waved back at her. That's when I noticed the way Kaito kept glancing at her.

Alright... so I'm a girl. Forgive me for liking sappy little love stories. I think it's alright to fantasize about things most likely not to happen, is it not?

"Rin's our new roommate!" Mikuo announced.

Luka stopped eating her top-class cafeteria food. "What?"

"I said, Rin's our new roommate!" Mikuo repeated.

I just sat there staring down at my lap while everyone stared at me.

"How?" Gakupo asked. "I mean... from what I can tell, she's a girl."

"There was a misunderstanding..." I mumbled, wishing I could be back in my room at home, in the attic.

They all stared at me silently, while I awkwardly prodded some 5 star meal of mashed potatoes, peas, and grilled chicken. None of it suddenly seemed very appetizing.

"Huh." Kaito said in a curious manner. "Funny."

"Yeah, I think so too!" Mikuo exclaimed. "Not too thrilled about sharing my room with a girl, though. I mean..." he shrugged. "It kind of complicates things."

I nodded silently.

An awkward silence loomed over the table, until Mikuo asked a question that - although I was sure everyone wants to know the answer to - nearly made me choke on my first bite of peas.

I coughed, spitting the green mush into my napkin. "What did I do? You mean, to get sent here?"

Mikuo nodded like it was obvious, slightly rolling his eyes. I had a tempting urge to glare at him until fire was literally burning in my eyes, but unfortunately, I resisted.

The others were watching me expectantly. I noticed that, even though Len hadn't said a word this entire time, his eyes were focused on my face, analyzing every blink of an eye, every twitch of my lips.

It sent shivers up my spine.

"I-Isn't that supposed to be private information?" I asked, suddenly wishing Megumi - or, sorry, it's just Gumi now - were here to stop this.

Mikuo again rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well no one ever follows that rule." If I weren't so nice, I'd have punched him.

"Yes, well not everyone is completely open like you, Mikuo." Kaito said in a collected voice. "Which means, we won't try to pry. Understood?"

I find Kaito would be a much better director than Gumi for this place. Apart from whatever had him sent here, that is...

"I just don't see what the big deal is!" Mikuo complained. "Either you're an attacker, a victim, or suicidal! What's so hard to tell?"

Kaito narrowed his eyes at him. "Sorry, Rin, Mikuo's a little more... eccentric than the rest of us."

"Well what's there to keep secret? We're all going to find out eventually, so why not now?" Mikuo continued his rant. "It's just like Miku! She eventually told us the truth! It'd be easier to just tell us in the beginning!"

Seeing my confused expression, Mikuo leaned in. "Don't worry, she was a victim, not an attacker. Her house was invaded by druggies. They killed her parents and raped her, is all. Left her with some trauma issues."

Miku freezed. Kaito murmured reassurances in her ear, but it was already too late. Miku covered her ears with her hands, and whimpered.

Who knows what was going on in the alternate world in her head? Most likely, she was reliving old memories.

Mikuo smirked mischievously, still leaning in. "I, on the other hand, was an attacker."

My eyes widened as my brain processed this.

Gakupo glared at Mikuo. "Watch what you say!" he gestured at Miku. "Look what you did now!"

Miku was trembling now, the poor girl.

Kaito sighed, and pushed a small button on a silver wristband he was wearing.

A tear slowly slided down Miku's cheek, when suddenly, two guards and a doctor burst through the doors.

The doctor injected a needle into Miku's arm, but her trembling only got faster.

One of the guards's lifted her fragile body, and left without any words said. The doctor was about to leave too, when Kaito grabbed him.

He spun around looking alarmed, fumbling for another needle, but Kaito only said in a calm voice: "Whatever you're giving him," he jabbed a thumb in Mikuo's direction, "you might want to prescribe a little less."

The doctor seemed relieved Kaito didn't attack him. He nodded, and left.

No one seemed to want to talk much after that. Even Mikuo kept his mouth shut. Not that I minded. In fact, I didn't mind at all.

I would've minded even less, though, if Len would stop staring at me.

* * *

Being the new kid, Gumi told me that, although normally I'd be required to follow the daily schedule, for today I'd be able to rest, and get used to things.

As if I would've been able to do that with Len watching me.

Naturally, to make sure I didn't have some sort of mental breakdown, Gumi thought it best to leave me with my 'rehabilitation partner'.

Basically, since they assume teenagers interact better among each other, not only do they have you spend time with the licensed therapists, they also provide you an extra half hour alone with another patient of the opposite gender.

And mine just so happens to be Len.

According to Gumi, Mikuo spends extra time with his therapists, since he has slightly more complicated issues than Len and I.

It makes me wonder, if he is one of the nearly-healed patients, then how bad are the rest?

But now, Mikuo's gone to 'Artistic therapy', and I'm alone with Len.

I put my clothes away, while he lies on his top bunk, staring at the ceiling.

I was so very relieved he wasn't staring at me anymore. It made me incredibly uncomfortable.

He was still staring up, when he suddenly spoke. "He's normally not this bad."

I flinched, dropping the hanger I was holding. "Who?"

"Mikuo." He turned, looking me in the eye now. "He's not usually this bad. They've just drugged him up."

I sat there gaping at him.

"No, they won't drug you that badly." he said, seemingly reading my thoughts. "He has bad depression issues. You'll understand some day."

I looked away, irritated. "Stop acting like you know me."

"I never said I know you." I could imagine him shrug. "It's just obvious you wouldn't get it, no matter how much I try to explain. You'll get it after a while, though. Maybe."

I ignored him, and focused on the bandages wrapped all over my arms. Because I was wearing long sleeves, no one else noticed.

I peeled them off, not caring if Len saw me.

Under the creamy white bandages, man-made ugly red scars ran across my arms, criss-crossing in random patterns.

I scratched at one on my wrist, sighing when blood started to ooze out.

Physical pain can often make you forget emotional pain.

After around five minutes, I heard Len swear under his breath.

My arms were flowing with dark red liquid, running down and creating a small puddle around me.

Dark spots filled my vision, and I think I may have laughed. Laughed in glee with the thought of leaving this place, leaving this life.

But I knew it wouldn't last when the metal doors burst open, and I was put onto a stretcher. Oh, but it wasn't coincidence; I knew what happened. Len pushed the button on his wristband that saved my life.

And I hated him for it.

* * *

_Oh the irony… hating someone who just saved your life… But come on, Rin. If I let you die, there wouldn't be much need to continue this story now, would there? Oh well…_

_Next chapter, you'll meet Kiyoteru and Meiko! Yay!_

_Is anyone wondering what the characters in this story did to get to the Mental Ward? …Anybody? …No one? …Oh well. I DO need help though! I need someone to help me figure out what:_

_-Kaito did_  
_-Luka did_  
_-Gakupo did_  
_-Teto did_  
_-(possibly) Yuki Kaai did_  
_-(possibly) Miki did_  
_-(possibly) Neru did_

_And, I need you to tell me which Vocaloid out of them ALL (apart from Mikuo, Rin, Len, Miku, Lily, Rei, Rui, or Kiyoteru) seems most like a psychotic murderer. Because I'm itching to write about a psychotic murderer. XD Now, let me repeat: NOT Mikuo, Rin, Len, Miku, Lily, Rei, Rui, or Kiyoteru! Comprendo? Good!_

**_Question of the chapter: What do you think Mikuo did? What do you think Len did?_**

_Okie dokie, so please, please, PLEASE review! I'm so excited to see what people think!_

* * *

_(1) Yes, American readers, I said province. A province is basically what states are called in Canada. This story takes place in British Columbia, near Vancouver, because… well, I don't know. I'm Canadian. Let's just leave it as, it's easier for me._


	2. Living just a Little Longer than Planned

**The Girl in the Ward**

… _Heh heh… I'm BACK! AND GUESS WHAT? Mikuo was high the entire first chapter! XD_

_Okay, so not TECHNICALLY, but... his prescription just needed to be lowered. _

_What is he taking exactly? Well, have you heard that the stuff in bananas makes you feel happy? Well, it was basically that. Yep. Can't remember the exact name, but that's what it was. I like bananas… Len does too. Ish yummy. :D_

_Also, this story is now going to be told in PRESENT TIME! YAY! Normally, I do it in past-tense, but you won't BELIEVE how much it was erking me to write the last chapter that way! I guess my writing style is changing… huh._

* * *

**Chapter 2 – Living just a Little Longer than Planned**

Hmm... My arms feel heavy. Kind of as if I entered in some weight lifting contest... they hurt.

I hear a few beeps, and wonder where they're coming from, when suddenly, the memories come rushing back.

The blood...

I bolt upright into a sitting position. Sure enough, I'm in a hospital room, but not the town one. This one has newer equipment, a rather comfy bed, and no grandparents waiting to see me wake up.

The only person I find is a doctor with short brown hair and glasses.

"Ah, you're awake." he says.

He looks Asian, but he does have American features too. He looks about in his early twenties.

Quite a handsome young man, if I liked older guys. **Which I don't.**

"My name is Dr. Kiyoteru." he says with in a calm yet inviting way. His smile is dazzling, his teeth perfectly whitened. Well, he seems normal, at least.

"I understand where you're coming from." he says, sitting himself down at the foot of my bed. "I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you."

Okay, I've decided I like this guy.

"You know, I have at least one kid in here every day." he said. "It'd be a big favor to only see you here to keep me company, not to add to the list of people to save, though."

I look away, suddenly ashamed with myself. He just has this effect on people, I guess.

He shakes his head. "Here, you must be thirsty." he hands me a glass of water.

I didn't realize how parched I really was until the tall glass is empty.

Kiyoteru raises a brow. "Would you like some more?"

"Y-Yes... please..." my voice croaks. The doctor laughs and refills my glass.

After the third one, I'm finally quenched.

"So, yesterday was your first day, correct?"

I nod.

"Hmm... Funny. Normally it's the second day people end up here. What was it that threw you?"

I swallow. "Crazy people..."

Kiyoteru laughs. "You poor thing! I heard you're sharing a room with Mikuo! I'm not surprised you broke down this fast!"

What I'd normally be insulted by coming from anyone else makes me actually laugh.

"Ah, but you can't really blame him... the amount of drugs they give him to keep his mind off things is unending! The poor guy's guilt is unhealthy for him- even more than his drugs are."

He seems to be so pure. I wonder why he chose to work here, of all places?

"Also, hopefully you're not too horrified to know that I'll also be doubling as your counselor." he says.

"My therapist?" I ask, my voice still hoarse.

He winces. "I find that sounds too negative, but yes. I hope you don't mind too much."

I shake my head no. "Not at all." I say.

He grins. "Good!"

We talk for a while more until Gumi comes. She asks if I'm able to return to my dorm, and Kiyoteru answers I'm good as new. Oh, how I wish...

But I don't want to leave.

I've finally found at least one normal person here, and already, I'm being pulled away.

It's only once I'm at the door to my dorm do I realize something's missing.

"My bow! (1)" I exclaim. "My hairclips!" I turn on the guard. "Where are they?" I ask in a dark tone.

I see a small smile on the guard's face, and immediately want to smack it right off. "They've been taken away for security reasons." he answers, opening the door.

"No! You can't take them!" I screech. "They're the only thing I have from my father!"

"I'll see what I can do." the guard says, before closing the door on me.

But I know he won't bother.

And Len does too.

"You should've thought of that before you nearly scratched yourself to death." I hear from the top bunk.

"Will I get them back?" I ask, my voice lowered one octave.

Len shrugged. "I'll see what I can do."

I grit my teeth at him. The way he mocks me like this seems somehow colder than Mikuo's blunt comments.

I sit on my single bed and stare at the new bandages on my arms, listening to Mikuo's slow, steady breathing coming from the bottom bunk.

"No matter how many times you try to break yourself, they're always going to fix you back up again." I stare at the new silver colored band around my wrist. It's the same one I see everyone wearing.

"I wasn't going to."

"I was only saying."

I sigh, and finally look up at him. He has his head propped up on his hand, and is watching me curiously with those blue eyes.

"Mikuo asked where you were." He says. "He gets kind of... easily attached to people. It's part of his condition."

"He watched Miku get carried off like it was no big deal." I point out.

"He was also stuffed with drugs then."

I sigh in defeat, and he takes this as a sign to continue his story. "They actually had to sedate him." he says. "He started crying."

The guilt I feel for upsetting someone I don't even know bothers me. "Why are you telling me this?"

"So you don't do it again." he says. He's completely serious now. "Seeing you dying there on the floor... it's not really the prettiest scene. It doesn't bring back good memories either, s-" He catches himself, but it's too late. I already heard.

"Were you an... an attacker?" I ask.

His face contorts in a mask of pain. "It wasn't me."

I wait for further explanation, some dark story, but nothing else is said. Obviously, he doesn't want to talk about it.

"What about Mikuo?" I ask next.

There's a long pause. "Yes, he was, but... he had reasons, I guess you could say." Len finally says.

"Will you tell me what happened?" I ask, already knowing the answer he'll give me.

"No. If he wants to tell you, he will." Len says. "You might want to get dressed now." he adds before I can ask another question. "We'll be going down to breakfast soon."

I pout a little as I grab my clothes.

Yes, there is a specific uniform for this place. Only on Fridays are we allowed to wear real clothes.

But unfortunately, today is Wednesday. So the uniform it is.

There are several different versions, though. Not that I really care. I take a random one off the rack, and walk to the bathroom.

There's a white tee-shirt, with a gray sweater to go on top. Then there's a school-girl styled pleated skirt, with long gray leggings.

Maybe I should've chosen the navy blue one, or the maroon red. Grays don't suit me very well.

I walk out, and find that Mikuo's awake. "Morning." he simply says. No sarcastic comments. No excited chatter. Just a normal greeting from a seemingly normal person.

"Hi." I reply.

My view of him has changed knowing he had an emotional breakdown because of me. Because of something I did to myself.

And one look at Len's face proves that he knows this too.

* * *

Miku is back for breakfast.

Lucky for me, a guard was passing by when I knocked, so he was able to escort me to the cafeteria alone, without having to wait for Len and Mikuo.

She looks back to normal, but I can't help but pity her. Her precious virginity, stolen from her by vicious, evil souls. I hope they rot in hell.

She's cutting up her leek and cheese omelet with her fork, mincing it into bites small enough for a tiny mouse. And she only stares at it, as if the answer to all her problems is staring back.

Kaito tries to get her to eat, but she still refuses. Eventually, he gives up.

"I heard about what happened." Kaito tells me.

Luka slowly shakes her head. "I didn't think we were that scary, really."

Gakupo, Mikuo, and Len aren't here yet, so it's just us four.

Kaito studies my face. "Was your life really that bad?"

I nod. "I was doomed from the day I was born." I say quietly. I mentally punch myself for sounding so ridiculous; this isn't some lamely scripted TV show! (2)

"What, were you cursed?" Luka asks, ignoring her bowl of Lucky Charms.

"In a sense..." I say.

A tense atmosphere settles between us. "Well?" Kaito asks, breaking the silence. "You can't just say things like that and not tell us the whole story!"

I shake my head. "I-I'm sorry, but I just don't-"

"Kaito!" a girl about 17 years old sits beside our blue-haired companion.

She has a short brown bob with chocolate brown eyes, decorated with specks of red. Her breasts are hard to miss with their size, and she smiles seductively at him.

"I've missed you～!" she purrs. "I haven't seen you since yesterday."

"Yes, Meiko, I know." Kaito says. His voice is cold and harsh, but Meiko doesn't seem to get a hint.

And still, she sits right beside him, so his left side is completely pressed to her right.

"I was dreaming about you all night! I don't know what I'd do if you decided to leave me!" she coos.

I arch a brow. She's his girlfriend, huh? I thought he had his eyes on Miku, and by his tone of voice, he doesn't seem to appreciate her company.

"That's great, Meiko." he says sarcastically, but she either ignores this fact, or doesn't notice.

"Who's this?" she asks, finally noticing me, and the disgust in her voice seems to imply that I'm a contagious disease. Even Luka looks irritated now.

"That's Rin." Kaito says dully. "She's new."

Meiko eyes me suspiciously. "She's cute."

Somehow this feels more like an insult than a compliment.

"Kaito..." Miku lightly yanks at his arm.

Meiko glares at her. "Don't touch him, you ugly turd."

I'm about to snap something back at her myself, but Miku beats me to it. "Meiko..." her face scrunches in defiance. "Go. Go away."

Slap!

Miku's head snaps to the other side, and a red mark is already appearing on her left cheek.

Kaito suddenly lunges at Meiko, pinning her arms to the floor as they fall. I quickly remember the button on my wristband and press it.

The next seconds pass by quickly.

While Luka is hugging Miku in her arms, attempting to calm her before she goes hysteric, Meiko is wriggling under Kaito's grip.

"Ooh... I see you like it rough! I can go rough!" she says mischievously.

But before Meiko has a chance to 'go rough', the doors swing open, and a group of guards and doctors burst in. Two doctors and 5 guards, to be exact.

It happens just like the night before- the first doctor injects a needle into a still wriggling Meiko while the second one plunges his into Kaito's veins.

No matter how much I protest, I know it's no use, that it doesn't matter if he was only defending Miku; He caused a scene. He's mentally unstable. He'll be taken away too.

The guards pick up both their unconscious bodies and carry them off.

Meanwhile, the second doctor coaxes Miku into swallowing a pill. Almost immediately after she takes it, her trembling recedes, and she stops crying.

But Luka and I are still by her side.

After a few moments, Luka explains.

"Meiko has some sort of strange obsession with people. She's quite possessive, and can't not have a crush or a boyfriend slash girlfriend. Apparently, she's here for murdering the girl dating a boy she liked. The boy commit suicide, but she came here."

I know my mouth is open, but I can't help it.

One single thought echoes through my brain: What just happened… it could have been worse. **Much**, much worse, from what I just heard.

We eat the rest of our breakfast in silence. The guys never get here. Either they went to visit Kaito, or something happened to them too. Hopefully, the first suggestion is the correct one.

* * *

Gumi has a schedule printed out for me.

_8:00 - 8:30 am; wake up/prepare for day_  
_8:30 - 9:15 am; breakfast at cafeteria; room 6_  
_9:15 - 9:30 am; prepare for class/arrive to class_  
_9:30 -12:45 pm; educational system (see separate school schedule)_  
_12:45 -1:30 pm; lunch at cafeteria, room 6_  
_1:30 - 2:30 pm; separate therapy (Gumi's scribbled down an extra note that says: therapy session on your own with licensed therapist!)_  
_2:30 - 3:00 pm; interactive therapy (Gumi's written another note: meet with Len in your dorm room!)_  
_3:00 - 5:00 pm; creative/artistic therapy_  
_5:00 - 6:00 pm; return to dorm/free time_  
_6:00 - 6:45 pm; dinner at cafeteria, room 6_  
_6:45 - 8:00 pm; free time_  
_8:00 - 9:00 pm; return to dorm_  
_9:00 pm - 6:00 am; lights out_

_'Each person must fit in 30 minutes of physical activity everyday!' _is scribbled in on the bottom.

So that's it. Huh. People must take an awfully long time getting their things ready for class; I mean, 15 minutes? Come on!

But still, it gives me time to actually find the room.

The school schedule is stapled to the daily schedule sheet.

There are different classes everyday except for Sunday. On Sunday, we get to sleep in until 9, and instead of school, we have mass for an hour. Then for an hour and fifteen minutes, we have an extra free period. The rest of the day, though, is the same as usual.

Getting back to classes... since there is only around 3 hours of school each day, the classes rotate around. For today, Wednesday, my first class is math, my second, science, and my third, language studies. That's all.

When I finally get to math, in room 15, I'm surprised to see a girl who looks about 9 (2) sitting at one of the front most desks. Maybe I'm in the wrong class?

But no, there are others my age scattered around. Perhaps she's only very gifted.

I sit at a seat and wait for class to start. Eventually, it does. As my new teacher drones on about mathematic blah, I watch the clock as the seconds slowly drain away.  
Thankfully, it doesn't take long for it to end. Science goes by just as quick, and I now find myself exiting room 12, language studies.

Next on my schedule is separate therapy.

I walk over to the medical wing. Luckily, I remember where Kiyoteru's office is. I knock on the door and open it.

On the hospital bed lays Kaito. I forgot they took him away this morning.

"Hi..." I wave to him awkwardly. He waves back too, forcing his eyes to stay open.

"Do you know where Dr. Kiyoteru is?" I ask.

"Kiyo-san said he had to tell Gumi something." Kaito says. His voice is a little hoarse.

"Oh, okay..." I say. We sit awkwardly for a moment.

"At breakfast, before Meiko" he wrinkles his nose, "got there, you were going to say something. Something about your life before this place. Care to continue?"

I stutter. "N-No thanks, I-I mean like, isn't that stuff, like, you know, personal? I-I mean, I just don't feel comfortable sharing, and I probably sound like a real bitch right now, so-"

"How about we do tradesies?" Kaito interrupts me. "You tell me what you did, I'll tell you what I did."

I ponder on this for a moment. He knows I'm itching to know what my other optional friends here did... but it doesn't seem too fair a deal to me.

"Tell you what; I'll tell you my life if you tell me what either Len or Mikuo did." I answer.

"Sorry, no can do." he says. "If they want to tell you, they'll tell you. I'm not one to stir up drama."

"Oh, come on, please?" I beg.

"No, I'm sorry, Rin. The only secrets I'll tell are my own."

"But Kaito!"

He opens his mouth to speak, but the door opens.

"Ah, Rin, you're here already!" Kiyoteru exclaims. "I hope you didn't have to wait too long."

I have a strong urge to roll my eyes at him.

For I had a chance to learn a new secret. And if there's one thing I learned coming here, it's that the more you know, the more powerful you become.

"Nope, I just got here." I say with a cheerful (and fake) smile.

"Oh, good!" Kiyoteru smiles, and I just can't stay annoyed. "Right this way, then!"

He holds the door open for me, as he glances curiously at Kaito. But Kaito just sits unmoving, staring at the white wall in front of him.

Kiyoteru directs me into a smaller, more private room. There are no windows, just two love seats (4) facing each other, and a wooden desk in one corner.

Doctor Kiyoteru sits in one love seat, and I sit in the other.

There are no windows in this room, or any visible cameras. No one to see or hear anything I do.

I should feel relieved, but I can't help but feel claustrophobic.

Kiyoteru spends about a minute or 2 just watching me, studying me, as if all my secrets and personal reasons were written all over my body.

"Rin... I..." he trails off, seeming uncertain. I wonder if this is his first real session? "I want you to tell me exactly what happened, leading to the day you got here. Everything."

I am a little reluctant to do so, but I think he senses this. He sighs, and goes to a small fridge I didn't see before beside the desk. He pulls out two cokes, opens one for himself, and hands me the other.

"Technically, I'm not supposed to give you this, but it's better than a beer." he shrugs. "You'll be close to the legal drinking age soon anyway, so a few years of waiting won't hurt. I think you might want something to wash the words down with though, huh?"

That's surprising. He's very different from the norm, but it's refreshing. The way he acts like an old friend, but he's not trying too hard in that creepy old-person way.

"Thanks." I say, and open it. I take a long gulp, and feel the bubbles tickle my throat as I swallow. Almost immediately, I feel some energy seeping back into me.

"It's no problem, but let's not make this a habit." he says with a grin. "I wouldn't want to get fired!"

I smile with him.

"But really." he says in a serious tone. Back to business, huh? "I want to help you get better, and to do that, I want you to tell me everything, even the stuff that isn't important. Anything you can remember."

I hesitate, then take a deep breath, as I fade back into the world of memories.

* * *

"Oh, Rinny!" Warm arms embraced my small form.

"See this chair in your room?" Auntie Haku asked. "Your mom and I used to pretend that was a car! We used to travel all over the world on that couch!"

"Really?" My 5-year-old self asked. "How? It's just a couch!"

Aunt Haku giggled. "We used our imagination, Rinny!"

The little blonde girl laughed, and ran over to straddle said couch, as her father watched from the shadows.

Dell Honne made a mistake. He knew that. He always knew that, and he was still aware of this at that day.

And yet, he still couldn't seem to grasp the fact that this girl was he and Lily Kagene's daughter. The result of one night on that exact couch. The one night his senses took over. No, he didn't rape her- she's wanted it as much as he, or so he liked to think -but it was this child that brought Lily to the brink of insanity.

How could the daughter of such a sinful mother turn out to be so pure? And how could this man, Dell Honne, ever delude himself into thinking he loved that sinful woman? Thankfully, the child resembled her mother in every way; he saw none of himself in her.

But hopefully, this young innocent girl would end up like neither of her parents.

Unfortunately, she did.

"Auntie Haku?" the girl called.

"What is it, Rinny-baby?" the man's sister cooed, smiling.

Haku hated him for leaving the girl, but Dell couldn't help it; it frightened him to even look at her, knowing it was also his. So, like every man does at least once in his life, he ran away from it all.

"Auntie Haku, where's my momma?" said-child asked.

Haku's expression turned sad. "Your momma was a great woman, but she... she had a problem that she kept a secret, and it got bigger and bigger until she couldn't take it anymore. So she had to go somewhere."

The little girl struggled to make sense of it. "Heaven?"

Haku laughed. "No, somewhere special, for people like her. But I know, Rin, that no matter where she is, she's somehow thinking of you."

5-year-old Rin frowned. "Grand-maman (5) told me she forgot about me."

Haku gazed at her sadly. "Somewhere deep inside, she remembers you, I'm sure of it."

"... I don't think so, Auntie. If she did, she'd let me know. So I don't think so..."

* * *

"I remember, I started to paint when I was 6 or 7. The first thing I painted was the tree beside the main path across my house. Aunt Haku was so proud of me, she had it framed. A few weeks later, when she went to visit mom, she came back looking pale.

"I asked her what was wrong, and she showed me a painting. My mom painted it, and even though it was a lot better done, you could tell it was the same tree. Thing is, she never saw my picture; it was only a weird coincidence."

Kiyoteru seems to find this interesting, as he takes another sip of coca-cola.

"I think I finally realized what was going on when Aunt Haku brought me to the park. All the parents grabbed their kids, whispering 'devil's child', and left.

"It was the same in middle school. You see, I was home-schooled my whole life, until..." I trail off.

"Until what?" Kiyoteru presses.

"Well... Aunt Haku used to teach me, but when I was 11, she died in a car accident..."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." He doesn't go on about how much that must've hurt, etc., but simply deduces I don't want to talk about it much. To which I appreciate.

"A few weeks later was my birthday. Dad came to visit for the first time in years. He got me a cheap bow and hairclips for my birthday, but it's the only thing I ever got from him."

"That was the stuff you showed up with on your first day..." Kiyoteru says thoughtfully.

I nod.

"I reckon they took it for security reasons?" he asks.

"So they say..." I nod again.

He sighs. "I'll see what I can do to get them back." Kiyoteru says.

And unlike the guard, I believe this man will genuinely try to do so, just for me.

"How?"

Surprisingly, he blushes. "I-I have my ways!"

I smirk. "Should I ask?"

"No, thank you."

I laugh, and so does he. "I think that's enough of your past for now; why not go for some easier questions, like... what's your favorite school subject?"

I smile. "Art."

Kiyoteru pauses for a moment, rubbing his chin in curiosity. "Huh." he says. "Just like Mikuo."

I must've tensed at the name, because he raises a brow. "Who would you say is your favorite of the people here?"

I don't have to think for long. "You, Kiyoteru."

A half-smile appears on his face. "Just Kiyo-san is fine." he says. "And although I'm flattered, I meant from the actual patients here."

"Oh, in that case... Miku? Maybe Luka?"

"Luka, huh? It seems she's getting better then, if you think so."

"Why?" I ask. "Did she go completely crazy?"

Kiyo-san shrugged with a small smile. "Not my business to share."

I sigh, but leave it as is.

"Is there anyone you find you dislike?" he asks next.

"Meiko (6), definitely. And Len, I think."

Kiyo-san raises a brow. "The quiet mysterious Len, but not the annoying Mikuo?"

I don't answer, which he takes as confirmation.

"Alright then... why? I understand Meiko, but what has Len done?"

"First off, he saved my life."

Kiyoteru only shrugs this off.

"Then, he just... annoys me, okay? He's just so frustrating with his smart ass comments all the time!"

Kiyo-san looks baffled. "Len Kagamine... the calm, quiet Len Kagamine... a smart ass? Huh." he shrugs. "I would've never guessed."

"I'm surprised." I say, raising my hands. "I would've thought he acted like this to everyone."

Kiyo-san arched a brow curiously. "Just to you, huh?" he asks, obviously amused. "Isn't that interesting?"

I cross my arms and pout, when he suddenly stands to his feet. "Time's up now! I'll get a guard to escort you back to your dorm." he winks.

I wave goodbye as a tall strong man follows me to the last dorm.

He scans his card, and the door opens.

And I am pushed into my room. Alone… except for Len.

The door shuts closed behind me, and I awkwardly sit on my bed. Len's on the bottom bunk across from me, reading a book.

"So, um... how was your, uh... your therapy?" I ask nervously.

He looks up with an annoyed frown. "Fine, thanks." He looks back down at his book and continues his reading.

So very heart-warming.

"My therapist is Kiyo-san... He's uh, really nice, and... um... is yours... nice?"

He looks up again and scowls. "I'm reading, Rin! If you really want to talk, wait 'til Mikuo gets back."

I feel my anger bubble.

I jump at him pinning the arm with the wristband under my leg, so he can't get to it. With my hands, I wrestle out the book from his grip.

"H-Hey!" he complains, swiping his free hand around, but to no success.

"I don't care if you don't want to, but my grandparents didn't pay for this for nothing, so I might as well do something!"

That was a lie; I just have stubbornness issues and a bad temper.

Len stares out me intently before rolling his eyes and sighing. "Fine. What do you want to know, apart from the reason I'm here?"

"What's your favorite color?" I ask, finally releasing him.

He lifts a brow. "Orange. Sunset orange. Why-"

"Mine's either golden yellow, or dark blue. I can't decide." I say. "What about your birthday?"

He stares at me in disbelief, like he didn't think I was actually serious. "March 16th. (7)"

"Huh, the day before Saint. Patty's day!" I point out. "Mine's December 27th."

"Huh. My sister was born on December 27th..." he trails off.

"You have a sister?" I'm curious to find out about someone he obviously cares about.

"... Favorite animal?" he changes the subject.

"What's her name?"

He glares at me, and repeats his words. "Favorite animal?"

"Was she younger or older?"

"I don't want to talk about it!" he yells out. I'm taken aback; I haven't yet seen him lose his cool.

"... Can't you at least tell me her name?" I plead. Why am I so insistent? Who knows. Stubbornness issues again, I think.

He sighs. "... Lenka."

"Len and Lenka..." I nod approvingly. "Cute." He squirms uncomfortably.

"Deer." I say next.

"What?"

"My favorite animal- deer." I say.

I nearly gasp at the look in his eyes. Immense relief and gratitude; silent thanks. Something I never thought I'd see in those dark eyes.

But... there was definitely something else in that look too. I didn't care enough to study it better. Why not? It was then that I made the shocking realization; I was staring into two pools of dark blue- my favorite color.

"Favorite fruit?" I ask.

For the rest of the session, I avoided his eyes.

* * *

Creative therapy is next on my list of things to do.

I walk over to Gumi's office, in room 1; she wanted to talk to me about it. Plus, I don't have a clue on which room to go to for this creative therapy thing.

"Rin!" she greets me with a happy grin. "How are things? Are you settling in alright?"

I notice her grin doesn't reach her eyes. But why would it? Even an idiot should be able to imagine the difficulties of a job like this.

"Yes, fine thanks."

I wonder how she manages to keep upright through it all. Surely, if it were me, I would've crumbled already from the pressure.  
How many kids live here? At least 80, I'm sure. How does she feel knowing some may never get out? Does it make her feel guilty just to look at them? ... Am I one of them?

"Alright, so let's get straight to the point." she says. "For creative therapy, there are 4 different categories; painting, music, writing, and martial arts."

I can't imagine what would convince such a young woman to stay here- maybe she truly believes she can help the kids heal? Unless...

The door suddenly opens. It's Kiyo-san. "Megumi, you wouldn't happen to know where I could find Mew Hagatte, would you?"

"Um..." thinks Gumi. "I believe she's in room 21 for martial arts right now."

Kiyo-san grins. "Great! Thanks."

He turns to leave, but Gumi calls out to him. "Hiyama, wait I-!" Suddenly, her eyes flicker to me, and her hopeful expression deflates "Never mind..."

Kiyo-san raises a brow, but doesn't say anything. He closes the door as Gumi stares after him.

Unless... it's rather SOMEONE who keeps her here.

I smile to myself as she goes on explaining.

"For about 2 hours, you will be in one of those 4 classrooms, setting your mind at peace by indulging into something creative!"

I nod. I already know my answer...

"So, which class would you like to-"

"Paint!" Gumi looks surprised at my fast response. My cheeks flush. "Please..."

Gumi smiles sweetly. "Good! From now on, your class for creative therapy will be in room 18!"

I smile slightly (VERY slightly), and rush off to my new class.

I speed-walk through the still-blank hallways (followed by a guard, of course) to room 18. Inside, about 20 people sit in front of ready easels.

The teacher looks up at me briefly, but quickly resumes her lesson.

"Change of plans- we have another new friend here, so we'll just do free-style today. Meanwhile, our new friend here can take a seat off in the back row."

All eyes focus on me. I blush and feel like shrinking down in size. I've never been good with being the center of attention.

I spot Mikuo in the very last seat in the left corner, and set up my things beside him. I'd rather sit beside a familiar face than a complete stranger.

On my other side is a girl around my age with magenta pink hair in nice corkscrew curls, tied up into two small pigtails on each side of her head.

Her skin is quite pale, although that is kind of expected from a Vancouver citizen. Her eyes are a reddish-pinkish color, though, which makes me slightly nervous.

"Hi!" she says, struggling to sound joyful. "My name's Teto."

I'm a little surprised at her sudden introduction, and a little confused about her obvious hesitance. It must be part of her therapy, I decide.

I hold my hand out to her. "Rin." I introduce myself.

She smiles slightly. "Nice to meet you. You have very nice... um..."

"Eyes." Mikuo helps out from my other side.

I can't help but wonder if he meant it, or just used it as the obvious example.

"Uh, yeah." Teto says. "Nice eyes."

I snort out a laugh. "You don't have to try so hard around me. It's not exactly convincing..."

Her face falls. "Really? Dang it..."

"That's not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe you... just need to be yourself, I guess."

"No good." Teto replies. "Apparently my real self 'appears' insensitive and rude. (8)"

"I think whoever said was even more insensitive and rude!"

She nods enthusiastically. "Glad you agree!"

And so, for the next 2 hours, I learn about Teto's life.

Her parents owned a bakery, so she absolutely loves bread. She has an older brother named Ted, and was bullied a lot for being poor and ugly.

She smiled when I told her I thought she was anything but ugly.

She was sent here to try and gain control over her often suicide attempts.

"I've been saved 19 times." she'd said.

The whole time, Mikuo said nothing, too engrossed in his painting to care about us.

And so, finally, our time was up.

I painted a deer- my favorite animal. It stared at whoever was gazing upon its painting, standing in the very middle of the road. I thought it was very good, but Prima-sensei told me the deer's face looked too human. I pouted a little, but it's not like she asked me to redo the whole thing.

Teto just had a bunch of random splotches of color on her canvas, or so it seemed. Upon further inspection, I realized it was a tree.  
The different colors melded into each other in such a way, the shading seemed perfect. The leaves, although of all sorts of different colors, were spread so perfectly, it reminded me of a peacock's feathers.

Funny how it took me a while to realize it, when now, it seems so obvious.

"Wow, that's amazing!" I breathed. "Really unique!"

Teto shrugged. "I guess so... I like yours better though."

I smiled. "Thanks!" Then, I looked over at Mikuo's painting.

It was about 80% done, and looked... interesting, although it felt depressing to look at... sad...

On the canvas stood a girl. Her dark eyes were emotionless as they stared at me. Her straight black hair was short, and framed her face evenly, and she looked normal enough.

It might have been something with the eyes that told me; they way they seemed glassy, as if she weren't really looking through them. When you look closely, you can see the reflection in her eyes of someone with teal-colored hair; Mikuo.

But despite this, it was the mouth that gave it away- the way it was slightly hung open on one side, drool gathering in the corners.

I gasped. "W-Who's that?"

Mikuo just stared sadly at the painting. It was someone from his past. Definitely.

Teto looked over, and gasped. "Wow!" She tapped my shoulder excitedly. "Rin, it kind of looks like you!"

"What?" I pulled away from her.

"Yeah! Like, you know, if her hair were blond, the eyes were blue, and maybe if her skin was a little paler, she'd look almost exactly like you!"

Mikuo raised a brow. "... I do see a little resemblance."

"N-No, I don't see it!" I object.

Because this girl has a mental problem.

No, not just a disorder like us, but an actual problem in her brain development. Down syndrome? No, she seems better than that... Autism? No, still too normal looking.

But no matter what it is she has, I know she wasn't perfectly made. I also know that Mikuo cared for her in some way.

"I-Is that your... your sister?" I ask nervously.

He slowly shakes his head, not taking his eyes off the girl's. "I'm an only child. So is she."

I nervously glanced at the girl again.

People tended to be a lot more overprotective of the handicapped children; I've never had any good experiences with them.

"What was her name?"

"..." He hesitated. "Is, not was. Her name is Haine-Lin."

"Pretty..." I murmur.

Teto watches with interest. "Hmm... Well, I guess we should be going, since class is over. Bye, Rin!"

"Bye!" I say, as she exits the class.

I take one last look at Mikuo - he's still staring at the picture - and leave.

* * *

I've only made it a few hallways when I run right into Kaito.

Like, literally. We both fall over, and my butt hits the ground rather painfully.

I wince a little, and Gakupo's hand lifts out to offer help. I grasp it with both of mine, and he pulls me up.

"Thanks..." I mumble, dusting myself off.

"Hey, no problem!" Gakupo grins.

Kaito stands up and frowns. "You didn't help me up..."

Gakupo rolls his eyes, and ignores him. "What are you doing for free time, Rin?"

"Um... I was just going to find something to do at the dorm, I think."

"Oh." Kaito says. "We were going to go outside to the field; you know, for the 30 minutes we need every day?"

"Would you like to come with us?" Gakupo finishes for him, ignoring Kaito's playful glare.

I hesitate. "I don't really like sports..."

Kaito leans down and whispers in my ear. "You know, they won't appreciate you sulking around. That's not exactly proof of stable mental facilities."

I jerk away. "I wasn't going to sulk!"

"It would probably seem like you were." Kaito shrugs. I hate to admit it... but he has a point.

I sigh. "Fine... I'll go."

They both grin. "Great!"

.o0o.

5 minutes later, I'm running after a black and white ball.

Or, more specifically, hopping and wheezing while trying to get the ball well Kaito and Gakupo expertly pass it around the field.

I'm so exhausted, I even fall to the ground. "Ugh..."

The guys run over laughing.

"Maybe soccer's just not your sport?" Gakupo suggests.

"Meh..."

You know, I'm surprised Kaito hasn't at all mentioned our conversation this morning. I guess there are times to be serious, and times to just relax and have fun.

As if this is any fun.

"Hey, maybe we can try basketball?" Kaito suggests. "She might be kind of short, but you never know!"

* * *

About 50 minutes later, I still can't jump over this stupid skipping rope more than twice at a time.

"Damn it!" I yell in frustration, as the red plastic rope gets caught on my left foot again.

The guys are just laughing their stupid asses off in a corner.

"You'd think that she'd be able to do at least average at the easiest sport ever, but..." Kaito manages, between laughs.

I glare at him.

So far, we've tried soccer, basketball, baseball, Frisbee, lacrosse, volleyball, and skipping rope.

I think I may have gotten a concussion along the way, too; I got hit in the head by basketballs, lacrosse sticks (my own one, actually...), volleyballs, and whipped by the %&*#!$ skipping rope.

And of course, these two seem to find this hilarious. Great.

"Oh well... it's about time we get ready for dinner, anyway." Gakupo says.

I huff, and stomp inside. The two guys follow, snickering along the way.

* * *

"What do all of you guys do for the 30 minutes of activity?" I ask.

For dinner today is Chinese lemon chicken and fried rice covered with red sweet n' sour sauce. Yum～.

"I do volleyball." Luka says. "And occasionally some lacrosse, when I feel like it."

"I play ball-hockey." Kaito grins.

"I don't really have anything specific." Gakupo says. "I mostly just do what I feel like playing. Although I do like batting."

Of course, don't you worry, the bats are plastic. Only the ones nearly completely stable get to use real bats- if they don't have a criminal record involving a bat.

So Gakupo's allowed.

"What about Miku?" I ask.

She's been tracing patterns in her napkin, but she suddenly looks up. "Soccer." she says, and goes back to her tracing.

"She used to be a soccer star at her school." Mikuo says. "Here, she doesn't have to do anything physical until her emotions are under more control."

Miku, a soccer star. Timid little Miku... broken into little pieces... it's hard to picture it.

"I play soccer too." Mikuo says. "But Len... Len pretty much ignores that rule most of the time. He just stays in the private piano room the whole time."

"..." It's funny how quiet Len becomes around Mikuo. "Sometimes I swim."

"When someone else says they're going." Mikuo objects. "You just tag along."

Len shrugs in indifference.

"Piano, huh?" I ask. "I do art for creative therapy."

"Miku and Len both do music." Gakupo says. "I'm in martial arts, and so is Luka."

"I'm all alone in writing..." Kaito says in a mock-longing voice.

"And you already know where I am." Mikuo says.

I nod. "In art, with me."

We converse for a while more, until it's time to return to our dorms.

Since I'm not really planning to go out again, I change into my pajamas, and climb into bed with my sketchpad.

I start sketching the lines of a face, then the nose, eyes, moth, hair, until I start nodding off to sleep.

It may still be early, but I'm exhausted.

The last thing I remember before falling unconscious is Haine-Lin's face staring at me from my sketching paper.

Day 2 of my life in the mental ward, complete. Status: currently all in one piece.

Hopefully things will stay this way.

* * *

_OH MY FREAKING GOD THIS WAS SO WAY TOO LONG!_

_Hahaha! When I was planning this chapter, I wanted to try and put in a whole day. However, I thought it was going to be about 4000, maybe 5000 words. But now… 8000 freaking words? HOLY BALUGAS! Please don't expect any more to be this long… -_-"_

_So… uh… hi! Already, I'm going to ask you to vote for your favorite of Rin's roomies… Mikuo, or Len?_

_Question of the chapter: Who should the main pairing be? Mikuo or Len?_

_I NEED YOU PEOPLE TO ANSWER!_

'_Kay, thanks! Please review!_

* * *

_(1) TEE HEE, RIN IS ACTING LIKE KATNISS! Gotta love the Hunger Games~! ;)  
__(2) Nope, not a terribly scripted TV show; just a terribly scripted fanfiction. XD  
__(3) It's Yuki Kaai, if you were wondering.  
__(4) Don't get any creepy ideas…  
(5) Grand-maman = Grandma, in French. Since this is in British Columbia, Canada, Rin does speak some French.  
(6) XD My computer tried to correct the word Meiko by changing it to Mexico! LOL!  
__(7) In non-cest stories, I always make Len's birthday in March. I don't know why… he just seems like a March baby!  
__(8) That's what my teacher told me… )':_


	3. Tick, Tock

**The Girl in the Ward**

_Dudes…_

_I'm sorry I'm slow. But this took forever to write… GAH! WHY MUST YOU BE SO LONG?_

_I have another longer chapter for you in store, though… okay, so maybe it's not THAT long, only about 5800 words... but still. You were lucky you got 8000 last chappie. Normally my chapters are only 2000 words long._

_AND NOW YOU CAN MAKE THE STORY SUMMARIES LONGER! Instead of 255 characters, now summaries are like 385 characters! IT'S SO FREAKING EPIC! So yeah, I added some stuff to the summary._

_And PEOPLE! PLEASE cast a vote on the poll I have on my profile! I'm thinking of making a new story, and seriously NEED you people's help!_

* * *

**Chapter 3 –** **Tick, Tock**

A week has passed now. Day 9 of my new life has begun 8 hours ago, as soon as the clock struck 12.

Time... Whenever I think of time, I think of both numbers, and space. Because technically, they're all the same thing, are they not?

As every second ticks by, one second drains out of my life time. Every new second, a new dozen cells are created in my body. But when will that stop? When will the space of time in my life be full? When will the sand in my hourglass run out?

As the numbers increase, so does our knowledge, our maturity, our pain.

At every second, the number grows bigger. At every second, a person has just died, a child has been born, a person has cried her last tear.

But when the seconds reach 60, it falls back, crashes back down to 1... Is that what happens to life? When it reaches its fill, when we die, do we get reborn just as easily?

To think that you can have such deep thoughts about something as simple as a clock, innocently ticking away on the wall.

"Rin?"

"Hm?" I look over to them.

Luka, Kaito and Gakupo stare back. Miku is humming a tune, as she sprinkles sugar onto her eggs.

"Rin, can you guess what we did?" Luka repeats.

I'm a little surprised, but maybe I could give it a shot. I bite my lip. "I guess I can try..."

The three smile triumphantly.

I lean over and scrutinize them. "You were a victim..." I say to Luka. I point to Gakupo. "You were an attacker." I point lastly at Kaito. "You were suicidal."

They all glance at each other. "You were wrong about us all." Gakupo says with a smirk.

"Dang it..." I say. "I thought for sure..."

"I was a 'victim', I guess you could say." Gakupo says. "My parents abused me as a child. They scarred me both physically and emotionally. So child services sent me here after I tried to strangle the foster family's parrot."

I laugh. "You tried to strangle a parrot?"

"What?" Gakupo lifts his hands in an innocent position. "It felt like it was making fun of me!"

"You shouldn't have told that to a bird-lover like me!"

A chickadee's song is so melodious in the morning... sometimes I feel they may be the only normal ones around.  
They really know how to live properly; fly around freely, don't let love get in a way of the circle of life, fly around some more, and hope life won't end in the next hour.

Hope the clock will keep ticking a little longer.

"I was really bullied." Kaito starts. "One day, I had enough. I tried to choke the main one with my own hands, and then beat the rest to a pulp." He cracks his knuckles proudly.

I gasp. "They didn't...?"

"Die?" he finishes for me. "No, they're still living. I heard one broke his arm though. My folks were a little concerned, so they sent me here."

"With good reason." Gakupo rolls his eyes. Kaito only smirks.

"Yes, yes, one of your friends really is an 'attacker', as Mikuo puts it. I'm not the only one, though..." Kaito trails off with a small smile.

"Mine isn't really that exciting." Luka says with a yawn. "Kind of boring, really."

"What is it?" I ask.

"Yes, do tell, Luka!" Gakupo presses on with a mischievous smile, reaching for her hand.

She sighs, and thinks for a moment. "I really like water, but I can't swim. So I kept on asking to go to the beach, and nearly drowned almost every time I went."

I lean in a little more. I notice Gakupo has let go of her hand, and is scowling.

"After a while, they assumed it was all a bunch of suicide attempts, and they sent me here."

She glances nervously at Gakupo. He gives her a look, and she turns away, almost seeming ashamed.

I can only wonder why.

* * *

Class goes by in a flash. I sit beside the girl I saw before on my first day of class, whose name, I found out, is Yuki. She's an amazingly smart 9-year-old in for serious depression issues.

Nothing too bad for such a young girl, but bad enough to have her threaten to take her own life.

Nothing out of the ordinary happens today- Tei Sukone stabbed the girl beside her with a pencil and was sedated and sent to the infirmary, but apart from that, all was calm.

So now, as the seconds on the clock tick away, I sit here, wondering about Luka.

Why did Gakupo look so annoyed? Was Luka lying? Or does he simply not like being reminded of what she did? I wouldn't be surprised if he found it stupid. Why would a girl like Luka want to die? Unless it really was an accident...  
But she's been here for at least 2 years. Not even a suicide attempt should last long, should it?

I'm up and going as soon as we're dismissed.

I say goodbye to Yuki (after ensuring she'll correct my homework before I turn it in- she's **THAT**smart), and leave the classroom, only to get yanked suddenly to the side.

I worry for a moment that it's another yandere like Tei that wants to stab me for looking at someone specific, but I sigh in relief realizing it's only Luka.

"Hey... you scared me!" I say.

"Look, I lied, okay?" She says quickly, ignoring me. She looks away, not able to meet my eye.

"About... what?"

"My reason for being here. I never drowned, and there was only one suicide attempt, but that wasn't what got me here."

I blink with confusion.

She looks downward so her bangs cover her face. "Come on... let's go somewhere else."

For a mental ward, they certainly have low security. I mean, sure, they have cameras at every 10 feet along the walls, but we don't see one guard.

I secretly wonder if we'll get in trouble for this...

She rushes us into the smaller chapel in room 4. Quickly, she rushes up to the confession corner, and kneels in front of the 10 inch silver cross.

"God, as always, I ask you to forgive my sins, no matter how unforgivable they are. Although I should rot in hell where the Devil Himself lives, I hope perhaps you will be kind enough to help me forget while on this beautiful Earth that is your creation."

She continues her prayer. "I also wish that this young maiden of the name Rin be able to forgive me as well, and if not, shall not be emotionally scarred, and shall remain somewhat pure. Amen."

She stands up and faces me. "... I think God has given me the courage now... to tell you the truth."

She points at a wooden chair nearby. "You might want to sit down."

As we both sit down- me on the chair, she on the piano bench -I blink incredulously. Because what else really is there to do?

"The truth is... I had a really tough time at school." she starts. "The only thing I was good at was Math and Phys Ed. My 8th grade teacher really hated me. He found my attitude annoying and thought I was just another self-absorbed airhead."

I realize I'm on the edge of my seat, and scooch back a little.

"So one day, I was really annoyed, and then he started getting all in my face. Thing is, the whole historian fair was in a few days, and one kid brought in a collection of weapon knives used in a bunch of different wars for his project. And... that night, before I left..."

I shudder. It wasn't hard to guess what happened.

"All the other kids were already gone, and the teacher was cleaning off the black boards. And... I grabbed one of the meanest knives I could find from the kid's project, came up behind him, and..."

She can't even finish. She lets out a sob, and I try patting her back to calm her.

"I was almost done with him when a girl named Penny came in... she saw the mess and freaked."

She sniffs, and wipes a few tears away.

"They got that kid's project disqualified, and students weren't allowed to even bring eating knives to school because everyone was so paranoid. Now though... Now I'm nothing but a ghost story."

I watch her with a look that must be a mix of amazement, disbelief, and horror. "I would've never guessed..." I breathe out.

"I'm sure you wouldn't have..." Luka says sadly. "After all, I seem like a complete airhead, don't I? I don't seem capable of doing such a thing. But believe me..." she leans forward. "If I felt like it, I could break your neck right now."

My eyes widen, and my breathing stops. Suddenly, I can see it; the anger, sadness, and regret in her eyes, but also something else... a proud look, as if she was somehow pleased with herself.

It scares me.

"I'm sorry..." Luka quickly looks away realizing what she said. "I probably shouldn't have said that... I just wanted to... make a point, I guess."

I suppress a shiver. "N-No, everything's fine..."

She must sense it. The awkward reluctance in the air... anyone could feel it. But who wouldn't after being told something like that?

"... I have to go." she says, as she rushes out.

And I'm left sitting there with only my own thoughts as company.

* * *

I've always wondered what would happen if I died in the next seconds.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. ... ... ...

Gone. Just like that. Would anyone really notice? Would anyone care? What importance does a young lonely 15-year-old girl like me have? None.

As I sit in Kiyo-san's office, I ponder about this. I have many times before, of course, for who hasn't at one point in their lives?

But only now do I really know people who'd notice. Care, maybe, maybe not. But they'd definitely notice. Miku... Kaito... Gakupo... Teto... Luka... Yuki... and Mikuo and Len.

Mikuo and Len... I can feel my cheeks heating.

"Rin?"

"Hm?" I snap out of my daze, and look up to see Kiyo-san with a worried expression on his face.

"Did you hear my question?" I shake my head no. "I asked if you were getting along better with your roommates."

Those two again... I suppose I have.

Len still watches me curiously, but I've become used to it. In fact, strangely enough, I actually seem to miss it whenever he looks away. I suppose it makes me feel... special. Important. I don't know... I just like it.

I suppose I'd consider us... friends of a sort... It's hard to really pin a specific relationship on us. Friends, acquaintances, enemies? I'm not sure.

Something strange happened the other day, though.  
I was on my way to Kiyoteru's office, just to visit (apparently I'm stable enough not to need a guard with me full time), when I heard a piano being played. It was coming from one of the chapel rooms - #3, I believe?  
I opened the door as quietly as I could, and listened.

It was Len playing. The music was beautiful- some sort of smooth melody, the notes going up and down, and up again. The way he played it made it seem almost like sound effects were added in.

I took a few more steps towards him, when he suddenly stopped playing. He must've heard me, but he didn't turn around or acknowledge me. Instead, he started playing an entirely new tune.

I recognized it quickly- after all, people at my old school used to sing it in the halls and blast it in their cars.

Rolling Girl, by Ring Suzune. A slower, softer version of the song, but definitely recognizable.

I wondered how he knew it, since it was still fairly new. Were we allowed MP3s? Then, suddenly, I remembered the lyrics.

_'Rolling Girl, alone in the world, with no one to cling on._  
_So much noise inside her little head,_  
_such a tragedy, such a tragedy.'_

_'"No problem", she said it once more._  
_But in the end, she lost it again,_  
_Oh, lost again, lost again,_  
_It's a matter of finding the odd one out in the end,_  
_When you realize you're still rolling.'_

_'Oh, one more time, one more time._  
_"I'll be rolling for tomorrow too",_  
_so she says, so she says,_  
_as her world shatters to pieces._  
_Are you ready yet? Not even close._  
_My future is not looking good now._  
_I'll just stop my breathing now.'_

I gasped, for the song fit me perfectly.

As the last chord chimed, I ran out.

"We're getting along fine." I tell Kiyo-san. "I don't know if I'd call us friends yet, but we're doing well."

Then there's Mikuo.

He was stuffed with drugs again a few days ago. He had an emotional breakdown when he looked at me the day before. He kept reaching out for me, and calling out the name "Haine! Haine-Lin!"

That day, he was like the first day I saw him.

Mischievous, uncaring, slurring his words. But that night, while Len was somewhere playing piano, and Mikuo and I were alone in the dorm, he seemed suddenly back to normal.

"Teto was right; you really do look like her, you know." he said, both his face and tone completely serious.

He didn't say a word to me after.

"Both of them?" Kiyoteru asks.

"Both of them."

"Which would you say you prefer?"

"... I... I don't know." I admit. "I mean... they're both good people, I think, but I don't really prefer one to the other."

Kiyo-san arched a brow. "They both seem to like you well enough." he said. "In my opinion, at least."

He thought for a moment. "Hmm... This should be interesting."

That was all he left me with to think of when I left his office.

I wonder, what's so interesting?

* * *

_(A/N: ... Geez... I have no idea what I'm going to do for this part... Rin, Len, I need you both to cooperate! I already let Luka get away with being over-emotional, so you two better follow the plan, GOT IT?)_

The door opens, and I'm let into my dorm. Len is already there waiting for me.

Right... social therapy. Ah, the fun awkwardness of social interaction...

"Hey..." I wave at him nervously.

He nods back as an answer.

I sit down on my bed. I never do really know what to talk about here... after all, I'm not sure he'd be one to really talk about the latest fashion, and what celebrities should like, totally get together already～! (1)

Would it be easier if I tried to act like Kiyo-san? After all, Kiyoteru and I get along really well, I find. Hmm... what's one thing Kiyo-san often asks?

"W-Who do you prefer here?" I ask nervously. ... Great. That sounds like a cliché line the innocent lead female role in a movie would say to her love interest. NOT exactly the type of effect I want to have...

Len looks up with an almost mischievous kind of interest. "What do you mean?"

I blush a little. "Like, who here do you get along with best?"

He arches a brow. "Out of everyone?"

"Out of everyone."

"Hm..." He thinks for a moment. "I'm not sure if I necessarily get along with anyone... but I guess I'd say Mikuo."

"Oh? Why's that?" I ask. "I thought he annoyed you."

"Well of course he does." Len scoffs. "He probably always will. I just... I don't know... feel bad for him? He's been here for a whole year already, and still hasn't moved on. I guess I can sort of... relate to him, in that way."

Interesting. Huh. "Why are you so quiet around him? The only time I really hear you talk is... now, really."

"He does the talking for me." Len shrugs. "And if there isn't anything to say, I just don't say anything."

"But you're talking now."

"I have something I can say." He says matter-of-factly, with a small smirk.

"Huh..."

He watches me in that way he always does now. Despite myself, I can feel my pride rise.

"The other day..." he starts, "I was playing piano. You heard me, and came in. When I was done, you ran out." He smiles to himself. "Was it really that bad?"

I grit my teeth. "You changed songs when you noticed me there."

Len shrugs. "I thought you might like it more than Kokoro." he says. "Did you recognize it?"

"Rolling Girl..."

He nods. "Mm-hm."

"... Why'd you choose that one?"

"I felt it suit you." he says with another innocent shrug.

"I found it insulting."

"A shame." he clucks. "I thought you would have liked it."

I want to ask more about it, but don't know what to say. His innocent little act isn't really satisfying me anyway. After a slight pause thought, he starts to talk again.

"I've decided that since you got me to admit something about... Lenka..." he winces. "You have to tell me something about your family."

I suddenly go stiff; I don't really have much family...

"To start, who did you live with?" Len asks.

"... My grandparents." I answer, without providing further detail.

"And which do you prefer?"

"My grandpa, honestly, although out of my whole family, my favorite was my aunt."

Len raises a brow, probably wondering about the 'was' part. "Was she your mother's sister, or your father's?"

"Dad's sister..." I say reluctantly. "Her name was Haku... She died in a car accident when I was 9."

Len bows his head down in respect. "Sorry to hear that."

"It's fine..." I say simply. He doesn't need to know how much I miss her.

"Alright... then how about your mother?" he asks instead.

This time, I completely freeze. "I... didn't really know her." I finally say.

Len raises a brow. "Oh?"

Suddenly, I can feel the emotions building up inside me. The hate, the longing, the sadness... all of it being forced into a ball of words in my throat, which I'm struggling to keep down.

When my eyes start to water, though, I know I'm fighting a losing battle.

"Are you alright?" Len asks with a soft tenderness I haven't heard before.

"She's the reason I'm here!" I finally blurt out. "Alright? It's all her fault!"

Len has a confused expression on his face. "What did she do?"

I gulp. "Ever heard of the expression 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree?'"

He nods slowly, looking for further explanation, but seems to understand when I don't give any.

"She's somewhere else like this." Len says in a monotonous voice. Not a question, but a statement.

I nod. "She claimed her stepdad was abusing her... She killed him!" I shriek. "People were afraid of me, they hated me!"

"Shh..." Len tries to quiet me down. "No one here hates you. You're normal here. You're not the only one who's had someone close to them become a murderer- in fact, half the people here are murderers!"

I inch away from him. "You don't understand me..."

"Don't I?"

"NO! You don't!" I'm screaming now.

He glares at me. "Stop acting like the victim, Rin." he hisses. "Because honestly, compared to others here, your case is probably one of the simplest."

"SHUT UP!"

"Stop acting like the whole world revolves around you, Rin!" he growls. "Because there are so many people suffering a hell of a lot worse than you are!"

"NO THERE AREN'T! These people at least have some family left!"

"NOT ALL OF THEM DO, RIN!" Len is yelling too now. "AT LEAST YOUR PARENTS ARE ALIVE!"

My anger suddenly disappears. "What...?"

Len sighs. "My parents died when I was 6, so I've been switching foster homes all my life with my sister Lenka. She's a year older than me, but really skinny and pretty, and a lot more mature than I am, but..."

He sighs. "The reason I'm here is because I was accused of killing her."

I gasp. "W-What?"

"I found her on my way home from school..." he says. "She was just lying in the little alleyway between two apartments, and... at first I thought she was sleeping, but...!"

He's trembling now, and I realize he was right- what had happened to me was nothing compared to what happened to him.

Hesitantly, I sit down beside him. Seeing he doesn't do anything to show he doesn't like it, I try putting my arm around his waist.  
He flinches at first, but calms down just as quick. So I lean my head onto his chest, and listen to his heartbeat.

He sighs, and continues. "The foster family we were with didn't trust me, but they really loved Lenka, so they automatically assumed that... that I killed her..."

He shifts away a little then. "But I swear I didn't! I'd never do something like that to her!"

I turn my head (while still leaning against him) upwards to look him in the eye. "I believe you."

Th-Thump, th-thump, th-thump… His heart beat starts to get faster. I wonder if that means I made him happy? I really hope it does… (2)

"...Thanks..." he says quietly, slowly leaning his head against mine.

* * *

(A/N: Nope, no kissy stuff yet, sorry! …Now I'm gonna get like, writer's block for this part… WHAT NOW?)

I didn't go to lunch. Instead, I told Len to tell everyone else. My little secret… apparently it wasn't too bad of a secret, but hell, did it sure feel like one to me. Even if everyone else brushed it off… I kind of wanted someone to act like it was a huge deal.

So I'd have something to keep me in my place. Something to remind me of who I am. Something to give me a reason to be sad.

It's time for creative therapy now. I walk to class a little slower than usual, but I don't think Ms. Miriam will mind too much.

Unfortunately for me, it seems more than half the class is late today. Or maybe I'm just early.

With a sigh, I sit down in my usual seat. Teto isn't here yet, but Mikuo is. Teto already knows my secret, so it's kind of comforting having her around… but Mikuo? I'd be lying if I say I'm not nervous.

He already started his painting; another picture of his dearest Haine-Lin. She looks different though…

In the painting, she was standing in what seemed to be a park. The moonlight shone on her, and the stars really did look like they were sparkling.

But Haine herself… Her hair wasn't as black as it used to be. It lightened to more of a gray shade, some parts almost looking like a light brown. And unlike the usual pictures, where she had only a blank stare, this girl… was actually smiling. The normally blank eyes emitted an air of happiness, and affection.

This wasn't really Haine-Lin. Or maybe it started out as her… but it contained parts of someone else too.

"You okay?"

Mikuo's voice made me jump. "Yeah, I'm fine." I say, a little confused.

"…" He's quiet for a moment. "I didn't think you'd ever tell us."

Oh. Right… that's why. I told them my special little secret.

"Oh, uh… yeah…" I say awkwardly, not really knowing what else to do.

"…" He's quiet again. His dark blue eyes are clouded though, and he seems deep in thought. "You told him first."

"Huh?"

"Len." He looks up at me. "You told Len before you told me."

I frown at him. Haine-Lin isn't the only one who seems different… Mikuo's teal colored hair is a little ruffled in the front, as if he were running his hand through. I wonder why he seems so stressed…?

"Well… he was just there." I say. "Is that bad?"

He looks back to his canvas and just keeps painting. "No. I was just saying."

Huh. Strange.

* * *

I skip dinner too.

In a way, I'm hoping someone will come looking for me. Maybe I'm just looking for unnecessary dram, but being alone is… well, lonely.

A knock at the door surprises me, making me jump.

"U-Um, come in!" I squeak.

It's Gumi. Her emerald green hair is as perfect as ever, her blue eyes clouded with slight worry. "Are you alright?" she asks.

"Fine, thanks." I reply simply. Not exactly the person I was thinking of when I said I wanted someone to come looking for me…

"I was looking for you in the cafeteria, but you weren't there." Gumi says, straightening herself. "Mikuo told me to find you here. You do know you're not supposed to skip meals, right?"

"Sorry." I say, but only because it's probably what she wants to hear, not because I mean it.

"Anyway… I noticed you were having trouble finding something to do for your 30 minutes of physical activity."

"Yeah." It's true, I have… but this comment is making me wonder if they are constantly watching us… I shiver. Quite a scary thought. But then again… what did I think they do with all those security cameras?

"Well, like I said before, we're under renovation." Gumi beams proudly. "And we've just finished constructing a mock beach! So now, you can go swimming or kayaking or play beach volleyball…"

She suddenly frowns. "But don't be getting any ideas." She says sternly. "Anyone going swimming must wear a lifejacket- and it will be securely strapped on so you can't take it off. Also, we have a lifeguard for certain hours." She wags her finger at me. "So you'd better not try anything."

"…"

"Alright! So… with that, I guess I'm done!" she happily walks off.

How on earth does she stay so happy? …She must not be human.

* * *

I had no idea I enjoy kayaking. I'd never tried it until today. But, floating peacefully in the middle of their beach-like pool… I don't think I've ever felt more relaxed.

As the boat gently glides along the clear blue waters, I gently close my eyes. How nice it is to be away from that place… I'm not quite sure if it's really making me any better, or if it's just making things worse.

With a yawn, I grab my oar. Even though I can't really see the sky- oh no, the 'beach' is in a glass dome with a permanent slightly cloudy sky painted on the ceiling –I can tell it's getting late. I push the plastic paddle into the water, and push it behind me. The kayak begins gliding forward.

Well… I know where I'll be spending most of my time now.

Len can have his piano all day, but I'll grab my kayak and swim out to the middle of nowhere instead, thanks.

* * *

When I'm finally back in my room, I'm shivering. I definitely should've brought a towel.

"What time is it?" I ask Mikuo, who's sitting beside the small digital alarm clock (3).

"It's…" he checks the time. "Almost 8:30."

"Wha- oh crap! I didn't realize I was gone that long!"

Mikuo gives a boyish half-smile. "Don't you fret, we weren't too worried! Gumi came by and told us where you were. Please don't cry!"

I roll my eyes. "Dream on."

"That I shall."

Just then, a knock sounds at our door. It's Gumi… again. Why does she keep showing up?

"Rin, may I speak to you for a moment?" she asks.

I breath out a sign, and go out to join her in the hall. "Yes?"

She looks nervous. "W-Well, normally we don't permit visits, but he was very generous, a-and he said you'd be glad to see him, and that if anything, it would make you better, a-and we needed the money, so-"

I frown. "I'm sorry… who?"

Gumi winces. "Your father called… he'd like to come visit you."

* * *

… I don't know what I'm feeling. Angry? Betrayed? Scared? Probably a mix of everything.  
I haven't seen dad since the accident, when we were both at Aunt Haku's funeral, and even then he didn't say a word to me.

So why now? Now that everything seemed worse than I could've possibly imagined? To make fun of me? To actually take up his responsibilities as a father and start caring? Well why doesn't he go care for his new wife and twins if he feels like being fatherly? Why does it have to be me?

One thing's for sure… tomorrow's gonna be one hell of a morning.

* * *

_FINALLY FINISHED, OMFG._

_I seriously had my doubts… but I did it._

_So! Now Rin's father- the man she hasn't seen in 6 years –is coming back to visit! This should be dramatic…_

_**Question of the chapter: What do you think her dad is coming for?**_

_Oh, the most obvious question… I'm curious to see what you people think!_

_Also, this is like, the last chapter to vote for your favorite guy! Next chapter will be the one I choose the final pairing in! Ooh, can you feel the tension?_

_I was hoping I'd be able to milk this chapter a little and make it a little longer, but… I kind of rushed the ending, starting at the part where Rin is in the art room._

_Speaking of the art room, I'm sorry there wasn't much Mikuo x Rin fluff this chapter… I've been trying to make the amount of romance equal to each boy but… Len kinda took over from me. I'm sowwy…_

_Anywho, uh… please review!_

_P-S: Here's a hint to a certain question you may have… ahe-hem: Rape. There you go~!_

_**REVIEW OR CHINCHILLAS SHALL EAT THE UNIVERSE.**_

* * *

_(1) She's imitating a dumb blond. XD No offense to any blonds, or any dumb people.  
(2) -_-" I can imagine all the readers face palming now, saying, 'Well, DUH!' LOL! I'm sorry people… but since she doesn't get along well with people, she just… doesn't know.  
__(3) I think Len's like… asleep or something. He just doesn't make an appearance in that scene, even though he's supposed to be in the room. Or maybe he's in the bathroom…?_


	4. Meltdown

**The Girl in the Ward**

_Fish... ... ... :)_

_Kyo Sohma is so hot... I'm watching Fruits Basket again. XD_

_Tee hee! Yuki's cross-dressing again... LOL!_

_I just love how only one person got my hint right! XD Everyone assumed the same thing... you'll find out next chappie who was right~!_

_Hmm... I was gonna say something... but now I can't remember what! CX Tee hee!_

* * *

**Chapter 4 - Meltdown**

"Yawn..."

I blink my eyes open at the sound of our alarm clock, and groan. "Nghn..."

"Rin?" Someone's shaking me... why is someone shaking me...? "Rinny, wake up!"

"I am awake, Mikuo... leave me alone already..." I roll over, swatting his hand away.

"Come on, Rinny! Today your dad's coming to visit! You have to wake up!"

I sit up so fast then, we bump heads. "Ow..." I groan, rubbing the bump. Mikuo laughs, though he's also hurt the same way.

"That got you up! Maybe we should set that as our alarm; 'Rin, your dad's here! Rin, your dad's here!" he laughs, and I can't help but smile back to him.

'He has no idea...'

I glance over at Len, who's watching us with a small smile.

'But Len knows.'

I put my hair accessories back in my hair, and glance at the small mirror on my bedside. All mirrors have plastic covering over it, in case someone tries to cut themselves with glass shards, I suppose.

Oh, yeah, they officially claimed me to be stable enough yesterday to get back my hair clips and ribbon. Normally I would've been thrilled... but I had bigger things to think about.

When Mikuo leaves for the bathroom to get changed, Len sits himself down beside me on my bed, though he leaves enough space between us for another person to sit between. I wonder... is he giving me space, or is he just afraid and giving himself some space?

"You're nervous." he says. Funny how it's not even a question, but a statement. Over-confident bastard... "Mikuo doesn't have a dad, so he doesn't really understand."

"He told you that?" I look over to him.

Len shrugs. "Let's just say... I was a little... concerned about him. So... I kind of did some digging through the files."

In other words, he was afraid he's be harmed, and took precautions to know what he'd be up against. Smart.

"Is it right of me to assume you won't be sharing any of that info with me?"

"I just did, didn't I?" he smiles.

"You know what I mean."

"Well then, yes, you would be correct."

I sigh. "That's fine... I guess it doesn't really matter too much anymore anyway. I know he's not dangerous."

We're quiet for a moment.

"Why are you always so... you know..." I try asking. He watches me curiously. "It's like you're always trying not to let people get close to you, in a way. Like... you sort of put up a wall."

"..." He cocks his head. "I'm not quite sure what you mean, exactly."

"Well... sometimes, it's almost like those people in stories, who try to protect the ones they care about by keeping themselves away from them. But you're innocent, so you shouldn't have to. That's what I don't understand."

The ghost of a smile appears on his face. "I guess it's just part of my nature."

Silence ensues between us then, but it's not completely awkward. He's a quiet one, and I'm fine with that.

But it's always the quiet ones...

I have to hold back my laughter. Oh, how true...

I jump in surprise when I feel something on my hand. 'Spider?!' But no, surprisingly, it's someone else's hand- Len's hand.

His eyes are boring into my eyes with a strange warmth. He squeezes my hand and whispers, "Good luck."

I know he's talking about the upcoming meeting with my father... but I can't help but blush. I mean, who wouldn't?

"Quit being weird..." I say, hiding my face. He chuckles, and stands up, walking towards the bathroom door. Perfect timing too; just then, the door slams open, and out Mikuo waltzes, now fully dressed.

"Hiya!" he says. Len just brushes past him, walks into the bathroom and shuts the door behind him.

"..." Mikuo stares at the closed door. "Rude, much... he could've at least said hi back!"

I laugh, and he grins at me. Suddenly, his face lights up like he has an idea. He leans in closer. "We've got like, 10 minutes still before we have to go, so..." He looks both ways, as if someone may be listening. "Wake me up when we leave."

With that said, he runs back to his bed, and collapses in it. I laugh. "You know, Len'll drag you out when he sees you like that."

Mikuo's eyes open wide. "... If Len asks, I left early."

"He's not that stupid, you know. He's obviously smarter than you are."

Mikuo sits up. "Not true; there's a difference between being smart and lazy."

I roll my eyes. "Stupid-head."

"Well... okay, I guess he's just a little smarter than me, life-wise, but our test scores are pretty much the same, and I'm way awesomer than him, so that's got to count for something."

"Stupid."

Mikuo just sticks out his tongue. "Whatever."

* * *

"That's going to fall if you put that there."

Teto looks away from her pencil structure to glare at me. "No it won't. I'm the architect of this magnificent skyscraper, I should know."

I glance at her 'magnificent skyscraper' with a raised brow. "It looks like a demented teepee."

"It's a beautiful teepee, thank you very much!" Teto argues.

"I like it..." Yuki says from beside me.

"See? I told you it's awesome!" Teto boasts.

"No, you said it was magnificent." I say.

She rolls her eyes at me, and sticks out her tongue. "Same freaking thing." She resumes her 'construction'.

"I already told you, it's going to fall if you put that there. Those two-", I point at the two pencils she wants to use for support, "aren't stable enough to hold it up."

"Bullshit." Teto says.

"Don't swear!" Yuki cries out. "That's against the rules!"

Teto sighs. "Sorry. Bullcrap." Yuki squirms, but doesn't say anything against the new synonym.

Teto, face scrunched up in concentration, carefully places the pencil on the pointed end of the other two. It wobbles... but stays. "Ha! Take that, Rin!" she says, jumping out of her chair.

But when she jumped, her knee wacked her desk. The pencils give way, as the whole 'magnificent skyscraper' tumbles to the ground. Teto just stares at the remains of her creation in horror, and I can't help but laugh.

"Ha! Nice one, Teto!" I laugh, holding back tears.

"Um... are you three done your English work already?" The teacher asks.

"Yep!" I say, finally regaining control over my laughter.

Two rows over, I can't help but notice Len's small smile, as he bends over his desk working.

Teto slumps back down in her chair and grins. "I so totally didn't finish my work!" she whispers proudly. "I don't see the point, anyway. I mean, they'll probably never let me out of here, and even if they do, this stuff goes on your records. Nobody would want to hire someone who has 'stayed at Vancouver's home for the mentally ill' on their record."

"They will if they're desperate!" Yuki offers.

"Or if they're even more messed up than we are." Teto mopes.

I smile, though I should probably feel as down as she does when thinking of the future. Honestly though, the real world seems more like a completely different dimension compared to this. To me, I almost feel like I'll stay here forever. The real world is like a distant dream, so sad... Why would I want to return to that?

"Hello?" Gumi pokes her head through the doorway. "Could I borrow Rin for a moment?"

But of course, just to make sure I'm never completely happy, some of the real world has to come back and haunt me.

It's time now. The father who hasn't cared to see me in 6 years... I'm going to meet him again. But why now of all times...?

As I stand from my seat, the truth really sinks in. I'm going to see my dad... I'm going to see my dad... What does Dad want?! I don't want to see him! No! He doesn't have the right! He could've visited some other time in the last few times, when I needed him! Not now!

Despite the fact that I'm starting to feel sick, mixed with the shouting of protests inside my head, I walk over to where Gumi is waiting. She smiles. "Are you ready?"

I don't say anything, just nod.

"I'm aware you don't get along very well with your dad- or at least, that you don't see each other often, but I think it'll be fine. Do you want a room with cameras, just in case?"

"..." My head is hurting. "Len."

"What?"

His face flashes in my mind. His warm gaze from this morning, wishing me good luck... I need him. I can't do this without him. I can't... I need him.

"I need him."

"You need... Len?" Gumi looks hesitant. "Well... I don't know..."

"Then I'm not going." I say. "I won't go without him."

Gumi sighs, but goes back into the class. Not too long after, she comes back with him in tow. I must look so pathetic right now, so desperate... I nervously brush back a strand of hair, and look away. (1)

"It's okay, Rin." he smiles a half-smile that automatically relaxes me.

"Coming?" Gumi asks.

He looks up. "Yeah, sure." I glance up at him in worry, and he smiles at me. "Don't worry, it'll be fine."

I nod, and follow him down the hallway. It seems like forever before we get to... wherever we are. With every step, my stomach seems to feel heavier. Heavier and heavier, until I reach the door.

"I feel sick...!" I say. Len gently rubs my back, and pushes me forward slightly.

"This is it." he says. "Just get it over with. You'll be fine."

The door opens, and suddenly I'm in a room with white walls. There's a white cot in a corner, and only one single window shines sun into the room, though there's also a light bulb above our heads. (2)

But my gaze is focused on the man in front of me. His back is facing me, his face dramatically turned to the window. And then, he spins around.

Dell Honne looked good for his age. He must still be in his early thirties, but he has the advantage of his hair already being a natural silver color, which hides any obvious graying.

Wrinkles are forming around his eyes, though it may just be from smiling. Smiling… with his other family. The step-mother I've never met. The half-brothers I've only seen pictures of. But if that's the case… it most certainly doesn't appear to be so now. This… is most definitely NOT a smile.

He walks up closer, glaring at me all the while. He stops about 10 feet away, and looks up to Gumi. "Who's he?"

Gumi put a hand on Len's shoulder, though they're nearly the same height. In fact… I think Gumi might be just a little shorter. "This is Len. One of Rin's roo- friends." She quickly corrects herself.

Oh? Does Dell not know yet?

"And why is he here?"

"Rin insisted on him being here." Gumi replies nervously.

"Well I want him out."

"I'm sorry sir, but if Rin insists on him being here, it's either he stays, or they both leave." Gumi says sternly, though her voice seems a little strained.

Even other adults seem to get their confidence sapped out of them in front of my father's piercing gaze… interesting.

Dell stares at me for a moment, as if trying to hint I should tell Gumi to let Len leave. When I don't say anything, he sighs.

"Fine. Let him stay."

Gumi smiles at us one last time, awkwardly rests her hand on Len's back for a moment, then takes her leave.

Len brushes up to me, which I appreciate. It reminds me that he's here, and that I'm not alone.

"So…" Dell eyes us with a raised brow. "Are you two… together?"

I flinch, and Len shifts away. So long to that appreciation… "N-No, we're just friends." I stutter, hiding my face not only from my father, but from Len's stare that I normally allow, and even enjoy.

Out of the corner of my eye, Dell's eyebrow raises even higher. "It doesn't seem like it. Don't lie."

"She's not lying." Len says.

A small pause.

"Oh, I get it. That 'friends with benefits' thing sure is getting popular among kids these days…" Dell shakes his head with a smirk.

"It's not like that!" I protest. But it's too late; he's already made up his mind.

"Whatever. Like mother, like daughter, I guess."

Len glances at me with a strange expression for a moment, but I pretend I didn't see it, wish I hadn't seen it. "Mother was a good woman."

"Right. That's the same thing they said at the asylum."

I don't answer. Mom… you don't even remember who I am. Why am I defending you?

"I hope you realize how disappointed I am in you." Dell sits on the cot. I notice how the expression on Len's face changes. His jaw is set, his eyes coolly watching the man known as my father. "I come to visit, only to find you've followed Lily's footsteps."

He watches me for a reaction, but I don't give him one. I only hope he can't see my hands shaking at my sides.

"I knew from the moment you were a baby that you were just some crazy kid. Haku was stupid to think otherwise. She took care of you for what, 10 years?"

Wrong. Eleven.

"But you ended up killing her in the end. Even though I warned her."

Len's eyes widen. I have to resist the urge to scream 'He's lying!', and cry. Aunt Haku was one of the kindest people I knew. I would never have killed her.

"You're nothing but a selfish, bitchy brat, Rin Kagene. And I guess you always will be."

Silence, as I blink away small tears of rage in my eyes.

"Now you seduce this guy-" he gestures at Len, "so you can bring him down with you, huh? Sounds just like your mother."

"My mother loved you!" I yell at him. He smiles, glad to see he struck a nerve.

"Right. Sure. Whatever Haku told you, I'm sure she sweetened it a little. Did she forget to add the part where Lily Kagene, your mother, murdered my dad? Did she forget to add in how much blood was there? How your mother was just sitting beside him? Maybe she forgot to mention how the shock gave my mother a heart attack, and killed her?"

… Aunt Haku never mentioned anything about her mom dying of a heart attack… And I'd always assumed my mother was telling the truth; that my grandpa attacked her, and she defended herself. But this woman didn't even remember she had a child… how much else was twisted in her mind?

Dell grits his teeth. "I guess you want to kill me now too, huh? Go ahead, do it. I dare you to. Show these people how crazy you really are!"

Len steps away, watching me. Sniffling and crying, I look exactly like someone whose secret has just been uncovered. I look exactly like the killer Dell wants me to be. I look guilty.

"I'm not crazy…!" I say.

Whatever connected me to Len now- that small string of sympathy that bound me to him -snapped just then.

Did I betray him when I said those words? Of course. We're living in a mental ward. To say you're not crazy is saying you don't belong. It's like saying you're better than them.

'I'm not crazy…!' But if that were true, I wouldn't be here, would I?

'Len… I'm sorry.'

"Really?" Dell sneers. "You're not crazy? Then why are you still here? Why aren't you out yet? Why does everyone hate you then?"

A sudden thought occurs to me.

"You… knew."

The smirk on his face wipes away any doubt I had.

For 14 years now, I've suffered. Every person in town had been warned about the crazy child on Applewood Street. Everyone was told to keep the children away, to neglect me. Haku tried to help me, but couldn't change a thing. 'She's a murderer's daughter. She's crazy.' That's what they'd always say…

But he knew. He knew this was going on, that this was happening to me, that I was suffering… and he just relaxed and enjoyed my pain from miles away. Unlike his sister, he did nothing to try and help me. Just drank in my suffering…

His way of sweet revenge.

"It's true though. You even know it." Dell continues on with his torture. "Everyone hates you. Wouldn't it be better if you were never even born? It's never too late, you know."

A sob echoes in the room. My nails scratch at my chest, and I fall onto my knees.

The door opens behind me.

I think it might be Gumi, but I can't be sure. I can't hear anything but the ringing inside my head.

No, that's a lie. I can hear Len.

It takes a lot of strength, but emotional and physical, to look up. My head feels heavy, and my visions a little blurry…

He sees my staring, and frowns.

He must hate me now… I shouldn't have brought him. I shouldn't have brought him!

I squeeze my eyes shut. "You should be ashamed of yourself." He says. To me? I don't know. I hope not.

Suddenly, I feel a prick in my arm, and everything goes black.

* * *

Miku watched her friends from the side of the soccer field.

How she longed to be able to kick that black and white ball with them… but either Luka or Kaito would stop her anyway. Because it could emotionally scar her. 'Right.' Miku scoffed. 'As if I weren't already scarred enough.'

And to think… she could have been let out a long time ago. She'd gotten over herself a long time ago. Rape may not be something desired by people (unless they really did belong in a place like this), but it wasn't the end of the world. It couldn't be, for here she was, still very well alive.

She'd been 'healed' for weeks now. So why did she stay? Why did she pretend she was still so fragile? Simple, really.

Kaito kicked the ball from his side of the field. Miku watched as it flew through the air, and landed into the other net.

"Holy- Did you see that?!" Kaito shouted to the others. Luka rolled her eyes. Gakupo ran up to him, and clapped him on the back. "Nice!"

Kaito grinned , then turned towards Miku, his eyes sparkling. "Miku, did you see that?!" he asked, his eyes sparkling. Miku nodded quickly, just as amazed as Kaito himself was.

That, right there, was her reason: the young man standing in front of her- though, of course, he didn't know.

She could've been released ages ago... but he'd still stay. He'd stay here, even if he decided he didn't want to. They'd force him to.

It was easy enough too pretend she was as lost as before- for she once was. She knew how to act from experience. Be silent, act innocent, be scared of practically anything and everything.

Although she wasn't too pleased with the idea of humiliating herself when Meiko hit her, she had to play this role. Shaking and seeming unresponsive- that's exactly what the old Miku would do. Though to be honest, she'd nearly lost it then, and hit Meiko back. But then people would have noticed a difference in her actions. And besides... violent girls aren't all too appealing, are they? No doubt Kaito would have been disgusted.

Soccer had been her favorite sport before the accident. It still was. But, because of the fate she'd chosen for herself, she was forced to sit in the grass and watch instead, although she preferred watching over staying cooped up inside.

How long Miku had spent daydreaming, she couldn't tell, but she looked up, when Kaito came running over. "Can you pass me my water bottle?"

Miku lowered her head shyly, playing her part perfectly. "... Please."

Kaito cocked his head to the side in confusion, but then chuckled as he understood. "Alright, alright... can you pass me my water bottle _please_." Keeping a straight face the whole time, Miku handed him said bottle. She'd actually considered going into acting before... but now, there wasn't any hope left for it.

Dreams are shattered that quickly; in less than a half hour, Miku's entire life was destroyed.

'Come on, Miku, don't think like that...!' she scolded herself, and shook her head.

Kaito gave her a strange look- after all, shaking your head at... nothing... isn't exactly a normal thing to do -but smiled. "You're funny." he said, ruffling her hair.

Miku pouted, frowning up at him in a way meaning, 'Don't touch the hair.' He laughed, and ran back towards Luka and Gakupo, who were holding hands and whispering, constantly glancing our way.

And so she was alone again. Why was she always alone? Couldn't someone keep the crazy scarred girl company?

Absorbed into her thoughts again, she nearly missed Mikuo's shouting.

"Guys! Guys! He- Help! Come on!"

Miku frowned, as she watched her friend run up to the others. "Guys..." he panted. "Rin... dad...infirmary... passed out... Len... not happy... depressed people... no fun..." The three looked at each other.

"You're not making any sense, Mikuo." Gaku said.

Mikuo tried to catch his breath. How long had he been running...? "Rin... her dad came to visit, but he's like... mean, or something. So she had some sort of meltdown, and they incinerated her-"

"Incinerated her?!" Luka repeated. "I'm really hoping you mean injected..." (5)

"Yeah, whatever..." Mikuo scoffed. "Point is, she's in the infirmary."

"Yeah... and?" Gakupo asked. "This is a mental ward; people go into the infirmary every day, especially for mental breakdowns like that."

"But she's our friend! We have to visit her!" Mikuo whined like a child.

"Right... you two are just _friends..._" Gaku mumbled.

Mikuo frowned. "What...?" Luka elbowed Gakupo in the stomach, causing him to double over. "Where is she? Is she alright?" she asked. "Guys, come on! We have to go see her!"

Miku could tell Luka was only faking the enthusiasm- she could use a little work on her acting skills. It was to stop Mikuo from asking any questions, though God knows it was obvious he had feelings for the blondie. Miku was sure he'd already realized. Accepted, maybe not, but he had to have realized it to appear so panicked.

As for said blonde... Miku wasn't sure. Maybe it was because she didn't see Rin enough, or maybe the girl just masked her emotions well, or maybe Rin hadn't even realized it yet! Or maybe... just maybe, it was because those feelings didn't exist. Miku hoped for Mikuo's sake it wasn't that last one.

As everyone rushed after an impatient Mikuo, Miku stood from her spot on the grass. The grass was flattened, showing her body's imprint in the slightly damp ground. She smiled at the shape, then stood, and slowly walked towards the abandoned soccer ball. She quickly glanced around to make sure no one was looking, then threw the ball in the air.

It landed on her knee, bouncing back into the air. She bounced to ball around like that, laughing at the familiarity and the joy. Then, she let the ball fall back onto the green soccer field.

She ran with it, dribbling the air-filled sphere, around, then shooting it into the net. She grinned. "Score...!"

She was completely unaware of the deep blue eyes watching her. Kaito had looked back, wondering simply where Miku went, noticing she wasn't beside him. But of all things... Kaito most definitely didn't expect to see her running around like a healthy child, chasing a dumb, old, dirty soccer ball.

Luka paused, and came up beside him, also staring at Miku. "It seems your dolly isn't as broken as she pretends to be." she said thoughtfully.

From her office, staring out the window, Gumi Megpoid and her coworker Kiyoteru Hiyama, were thinking the exact same thing.

* * *

Some say every person on the earth is like a complex puzzle. I don't believe this. I never really have.

The world is filled with three different categories of people. First, the boring people who will end up, or already are, working in a simple office. These are the people who constantly wish they could be other people, but don't have the guts to become them.

Then there are the simple-minded ones, who don't have any other care in the world but their hair and the people who they think look up to them. They'll live on until something comes their way, if anything ever does.

Then there are the absolute geniuses, those who, although they may not be the ones with the best grades in the class, have a dream, a goal to strive for, and really do succeed in them. These are the only people who really seem to make it in life.

But then there are those who belong in the 4th ignored and despised category: the crazy kids. (3)

Me.

The thoughts in my head bounce like ping-pong balls, unable to stop so I can focus on only one of them, as I struggle to regain my conscience.

"Rin…?"

My eyes finally blink open, and though my vision is still blurry, there's no mistaking the shaggy teal-colored hair I see.

"Mikuo…" My head hurts, and I rub my temple.

Mikuo lets out a small relieved smile. "You're alright… good. You definitely had all of us worried there!" A nervous chuckle as he scratches the back of his head.

I look down and see his hand is gripping lightly around my own. "…" He seems to notice my staring, and embarrassed, lets go, dropping his hand back to his side.

I can't help but kind of miss his warmth.

"Len… Where's Len?"

"He was just here. Do you want me to go find him?"

Len… is he mad at me? …I don't think so, but still, that dark part of my mind is screaming "Why wouldn't he be?!" I really hope he doesn't believe anything papa said…

Dad… suddenly, I feel sick again.

"Are you alright?" Mikuo asks. "Here, drink some water."

He hands me a glass, and I gulp it down, not realizing before how thirsty I was.

"Kiyo-san should be here pretty soon. He was supposed to wake you up earlier, apparently, but…" the corner of his lip twitches upward, but he doesn't finish the sentence.

A thought suddenly occurs to me. "Mikuo… shouldn't you be in class right now?"

"Geez, you just sounded like a teacher just then!" He laughed. "I skipped for today. I said all the stress could make the day traumatic for me, so they let me stay here!" Another laugh. "It's too easy, sometimes…"

I smile. "Thanks… I-"

"Rin, I see you're finally awake!" Kiyo-san says as he walks in.

I nod awkwardly. Not really knowing what to say. "Mikuo, I'm afraid you'll have to excuse us for a while… you know why."

Mikuo nodded. "You're doing private therapy early today."

Kiyo-san smiled, and nodded. "Yep. You can go back to class now, too."

Mikuo grumbled, but couldn't hide a small smile, as he made his way to the door. He waved at me, and closed the door behind him, leaving the young doctor and I alone in the room, about to discuss my fate.

"…"

"I'm sure you're wondering what's going to happen to you after yesterday." Kiyo-san said, shuffling through some papers.

"…" I don't say anything.

"Well… to get straight to the point, Gumi doesn't think you did any of what your dad said, but… you were going to be out of here pretty soon, but because of what he said, it's the rules that you have to stay longer."

"…" I was going to leave soon? How soon? A couple of days, a couple of weeks…? And now… that was gone. "How much longer do I have to stay?"

"… At least 6 months." Kiyo-san says.

My heart sinks, but I don't do anything to express it, other than the tears watered up at the corners of my eyes.

"Okay", is all I say.

After that, he asked questions about my past, about how I felt now, about other things, so many questions, and I answered them with a few words, waiting for the clock to finally stop ticking.

Eventually, I was let out, and sent to my dorm for social therapy.

When I got there, escorted by Doctor Kiyoteru Hiyama himself, I found both my room mates waiting for me.

Of course; Len was always supposed to be there at this time, and Mikuo had a day off. There wasn't anything strange about it.

I come in, and lay on my bed with a sigh.

"…" The two guys just stare at me. "…" I stare at the ceiling. 'Well…? What are they waiting for? Say something…!'

"… I might act funny today again." Mikuo finally says. "They decided to give me some happy pills. You know… because of my 'traumatic experiences' n' stuff."

I roll my eyes, and sit up. "Anyone ever tell you your conversation skills really suck?"

He shrugs, a small smirk on his face. "It's one of the many reasons I'm here."

I chuckle, and shake my head, lying back down on the dull mattress. And then the silence returns. 'It's one of the many reasons I'm here.' And yet, I still don't even know the real reason, the biggest, main reason.

Meanwhile, the guys are whispering about something in the corner. What exactly, I can't hear. Who knows what it is, really.

Suddenly, Len stands up, and walks to the bathroom. I watch him leave. Right before he steps in, he turns and raises a brow towards Mikuo. "You really should. Just saying." And then the door closed behind him.

I turn to look at Mikuo. "What was that about?" I ask.

Mikuo looks over to the far wall, and sighs in frustration. "He… well…" Another frustrated sigh. "I… think I should… tell you… I guess. But…" he looks back at me with pleading eyes. "Please… don't-"

"Tell me what?" Something is warning me against it, telling me I don't want to know. But I have to. I have to know. If not, how will anything work out? It'll just prove I really do think of these people as crazy mental ward people, instead of friends!

"…" (4) He rubs his temples. "I… want to tell you… what I did to get here."

* * *

_I'm currently not satisfied with having a word count of only 4200, so I'm going to add a scene in Miku's perspective between the part with Rin's dad, and the part where she wakes up. If you're reading this, hopefully I actually stuck to my word, and the word count is at least 5500. If not… well… I suck._

_Well… *done writing the Miku part* I came close. 5 445. *sigh* Oh well…_

**Question of the chapter (almost forgot): **How do you think Rin will react to Mikuo's little confession? Good? Badly?

_By the way, all my italics and boldings got deleted because I switched over to my crappy little laptop. :P I might (/probably won't) add them in later._

_PLEASE REVIEW!_

* * *

_(1) Being self-concient... one of the first signs of love...~! Haha, sorry… XD_  
_(2) Not like that... I mean on the ceiling above their heads... -.-"_  
_(3) Some may disagree with me, but I can't help but find a ring of truth to this little speech of mine. Well? What category do you belong in? (I'll know based on what you answer… ;D)_  
_(4) I'm so tempted to just add in, "I'm pregnant" right in there as a joke, but I have a feeling it'll ruin the moment… XD (I'm watching The Back Up Plan again. I love that movie~!)_  
_(5) I seriously wrote incinerated at first... I couldn't remember (/still can't remember) the right word, so instead, I'm just saying injection. Yay~! XD It's still better than 'frozen'. "Incinerated her?! I really hope you meant froze her!" Right, Luka. Because freezing someone isn't as bad as incinerating them... (By the way, just in case, incinerating means lighting someone on fire, and basically burning them to dust.)_


	5. Truths and Lies

**The Girl in the Ward**

_Howdy y'all!_

_... *giggle giggle* I don't actually talk like that... feels funny. :) Imma cowgirl! Yay! :D_

_Soooo... I know everyone's really been looking forward to this chapter, but... ... ... *braces myself for a beating* I'm lazy. And ironically enough, even though this is my most popular story, I actually prefer Lost and Found._

_Mikuo: Gee, thanks._

_Anytime, Kuo!_

_I changed my little beginning dialogue a little. When I answer the Vocaloids like I just did, I never put Naty before I say something; it just erks me. So instead, I'm going to just remove italics when 'replying' to a Vocaloid. Would you like to see another example? Len, come here and say something!_

_Len: ... No._

D: Why not?

_Len: ... You killed my sister._

Pfft, no, you killed Lenka, not me!

_Len: *le gasp* I DID NOT!_

Then why are you in the ward?

_Len: You said it was because my foster parents thought I did!_

But were they right...?

_Len: NO!_

Well then perhaps you did something after? You can't be forced into a mental ward from mere suspicion of something. You need actual proof that there is reason to store the pupil away from society. Don't you, Len?

_Len: ..._

Aw, don't go quiet now! I'm trying to use you as an example!

_Gakupo: Naty-san... I think you may be getting off hand..._

Aw... Well... maybe you're right, Gaku-kun. *Turns back to Len* See? Gakupo still loves me!

_Gakupo: *shrug* I have no reason not to- yet. Well... except maybe making Luka lesbian in Lost and Found..._

Oh, hey, I just remembered! SugarStarCherry thinks you're cool, and wishes she could see you more often here!

_Gakupo: Is that so? Well... *waggles eyebrows* Hello there~._

She says she doesn't really like the perverted Gakupo.

_Gakupo: ... Oh. ... What does she like, then?_

Dude. No hitting on my Fanfiction buddies.

_Gakupo: XD What? I wasn't hitting on her! I was simply trying to be appealing!_

... I don't even know what to say to that. Save it for Luka, I guess.

_Gakupo: *rolls eyes* Luka and I barely even talk to each other in this story. I mean, we're supposed to be dating!_

^-^" Sorry!

_Gakupo: *laughs* Whatever. This example is getting too long. Just start the story already!_

o.o Wow. I like Vocaloids that like me. Can I get a hug?

_Gakupo: Maybe later. Now start the story!_

_... My brother just suggested I make Kaito get run over by a train. Kaito doesn't seem happy. Eric, you better run for it; Kaito says he wants to run you over with his ice cream truck. Eric says that if Kaito doesn't like the train, he can switch to a road roller. Kaito's starting the ice cream truck. ... Eric... I'm not telling him that. I'm not telling him he has girly underwear... ... Oh, what's this? Kaito hung himself with his scarf. Whoops!_

_Now you know why the Vocaloids hate me so. :) Except for Gakupo. Gaku and I are cool._

_Gakupo: Just start the story already! XD_

_.o0o._

_I've decided to start putting these at the beginning too._

_(1) LOL, this story is still rated T, so it didn't feel right to say the word 'nipples'. But... female nubs? Seriously? XD That has got to be the worst synonym I have EVER come up with. OTL_

_(2) What had happened on the couch facing the (still-opened?!) window..._

_(3) I decided a long time ago that SeeU's real name in my stories would be Cynthia Yu. I just haven't gotten around to using her yet. To anyone who's curious, the way she got her nickname was that, in elementary school, she'd gotten a teacher who, when doing attendance, only said the first letter of the first name. So, like, M. Hatsune. K. Shion. R. Kagamine. C. Yu. At first, it was like an insult, where people would put an I in front and make it "I C. Yu" (get it?), but eventually, she embraced the nickname, and people just call her SeeU now. And there is SeeU, the shrink we haven't even met yet (/will we ever?)'s background. :)_

_(4) Okay, most of the time, I am perfectly fine with writing in the American English, but I REFUSE to spell kindergarden with a t. Because that just doesn't make sense. So, it is spelt there with two d's. :)_

_(5) To be honest... all this was based off my conversation with Len in the A/N at the beginning, which is why that line sounds so familiar. I really had none of this planned, but I suddenly realized, when I was thinking up this chapter, that Len was missing a little something. It came to me when I was thinking up some of Rin's monologue in my sleep. (Instead of thinking up events and continuing like that, I think of monologue, and come up with ideas based on that. It's much like how I do it while actually writing.) My main monologue, my powerful lines for this chapter was the part where she'd describe everyone's pain, and imagined how they must have felt. And as I listed it all in my head, I decided to put Len last for dramatic effect. But then, without me really thinking about it (this stuff comes naturally to me, so I don't really think too hard about monologue/dialogue; I just follow my instincts and write things as they come to me. Make it up on the spot, you know?), Rin's voice just came in with that one line about Len: "Len, who had his sister die, and… … … and… what? Is that it?" And I thought, 'Wow, what a twist!' I just had to include that! After all, she's right. You can't really be put in a ward by mere suspicion of a foster parent. I mean, you could, but... it's not all too likely. They'd probably put the parent in there, unless the parent can find reasonable proof that their child is mentally unstable, such as severe mood swings, or something. This is a very long footnote._

_(6) Pfft, LOL, it's fun to imagine that! Haha, that could be the sequel to Fear Garden, or something!_

* * *

**Chapter 5 - Truths and Lies**

* * *

"I... want to tell you... what I did to get here."

I can't help but gape for a moment. "What?"

His brow creases in frustration. "You heard me."

"I just..." I can't really find the words to say. I've wanted to know this since I first got here... and suddenly, now that I can, and will be hearing it... I don't want to. It sounds bad. Just the atmosphere around us feels bad.

But I know I have no choice.

Or do I? I could tell him no, that I don't want to hear it.

But then again, while that might be a relief to him, it would probably also make him feel bad. Knowing Mikuo, it would definitely make him feel bad.

Mikuo may seem like someone really confident, happy (most of the time), and fun to be around. He may seem like he has a big ego to some. But the truth is, he really doesn't have as much self-confidence as most think. Shun him once, and he may never open up to you again.

He doesn't seem to forget easily either. Gakupo had told her this one.

Once, when he'd upset Miku (without meaning to, of course), Len called him stupid.

Stupid because he always seemed to do that without even caring how others might feel when he says certain things. Stupid because no matter how many times people warned him, he never listened. Stupid because he doesn't learn from his mistakes.

Mikuo refused to talk to him for a good week or two, and acted coolly in his presence. In fact, Gakupo said he still feels some resentment between the two.

So Mikuo can sometimes be a lot to handle. And it's not often he'll really be serious. Apparently. I think I've probably seen him this way more than anyone has.

I think I may be the only one who has an idea just how complicated Mikuo is.

So I can't say no to him at a time like this. I don't have a choice.

"So..." I trail off awkwardly. This whole conversation is awkward. Mikuo seems like a whole different person, and as strange as it may seem to some, I miss the mask he seems to always hide behind.

Mikuo lets out a sigh, quickly glancing at the bathroom door, where the shower has just been turned on.

And then, he opens his mouth, and starts to speak.

* * *

"Kuo."

The boy ignored her, squeezing his eyes shut to see what she'd do.

"Kuo." The girl repeated.

Mikuo tried not to let his grin show through, struggling to keep his poker faced expression.

It went silent for a moment, and he was about to risk opening an eye to take a peek, when something poked at his stomach.

"Kuo!"

He laughed, and sat up. The girl was crouched down beside him in a very unladylike way, with a stick in her left hand, the one she'd used to jab at him.

"Really, Haine?" he asked, his voice laced with sarcasm.

The girl frowned, her dark hair falling in her face. "Haine-Lin." she corrected, again prodding him with the murderous stick. "Haine-Lin!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Haine." The boy said, brushing dirt off his jeans as he stood. He laughed as something that looked very suspiciously close to a scowl crossed her face.

She mumbled something incoherent as she too rose to her feet.

"Haine-Lin?"

The girl looked up at the sound of her name. "Mm?" He was staring at her warmly, his eyes seeming to change color, but for some reason, his gaze made her shiver. "Neh?"

He held her gaze for a moment longer, before sighing, and shaking his head. "Let's go up to the attic." He finally said.

She watched him walk ahead of her, frowning slightly, wondering if his staring really was for the reason she suspected. She'd read her share of books. But there was always a difference between fairy tales and reality.

He glanced back at her, and cocked his head. "Coming?"

Haine-Lin nodded, hurrying over beside him. He chuckled, and wrapped his hand around hers in that way he always had. She couldn't help but let out a small smile.

Autistic.

That was how she was labeled.

She had a knack for literature. She'd started reading the Chronicles of Narnia in senior kindergarden (4). She was good at math too. And she absolutely loved art.

She painted all the time, whenever she could. Mikuo simply watched her. She'd tried teaching him, but she wasn't good at teaching, and he wasn't good at anything artistic beyond stick men. So she would paint, and he would watch.

She was good at many things, yes, but one thing she definitely wasn't good at was talking.

She'd try to, but she just couldn't find anything to say. Mikuo was always really helpful with those things. He knew exactly when she wanted to say something, and when she simply just wanted to listen.

She couldn't understand emotions very well, either.

She couldn't understand why her mother would get angry when she told her that, yes, that dress did make her look fat. She didn't know why people sometimes said they'd 'catch her later'. She had no idea what even Mikuo said sometimes.

Haine-Lin was always blunt (if she ever did say anything), rarely looked one in the eyes, and didn't show much emotion. She didn't understand expressions, she didn't understand emotions, and she would correct your every mistake.

In other words, she just simply wasn't a people person.

But for some reason, Mikuo was okay with that. He'd been with her since they were both toddlers, and she hoped he'd still be with her when she died.

And he probably would.

Mikuo fiddled with the attic knob, and opened the door.

Like every time, she took a deep breath in as soon as she got through the door frame. The attic didn't smell like cooking, or sweat, or dirty laundry. It smelled like pine from stored Christmas trees, and of fresh autumn air.

It was always cold in the attic, but she loved how it felt like it froze her lungs from the inside out. She never felt the cold anywhere else.

She sat down on the couch. It sat in the middle of the room in all its old and decaying glory, but Haine-Lin loved it. It always faced the big window in the wall, the one that was never closed, and that let all the bugs fly in.

But Haine-Lin liked it open, so open it would stay. Mikuo wouldn't dare close it, because he'd already witnessed her autistic meltdowns. It definitely wasn't something anyone wanted to cause.

Mikuo sat down beside her on the couch, though he was careful not to touch her.

There were times where Haine-Lin could be over-cuddly, clinging on to anyone and everyone, including strangers. Then, there were other times where, if you did something as harmless as brush against her, whether it be an accident or not, she'd scream. Occasionally, she'd even fight back.

What amused their parents, however, was that Haine-Lin never reacted negatively when Mikuo touched her. Or, at least, she wouldn't scream or try to scratch his eyes out. The most she'd do would be to frown.

But even so, Mikuo was always careful not to touch her unless she touched him first.

Mikuo was a real gentleman; you told him not to do something, he'd listen. You told him to find you a Christmas tree for you in the middle of July, he'd try the best he could. Of course, there were some exceptions to that rule, but he was very obedient.

The only time he broke those rules were for friends, and the people he loved.

So if throwing a paper airplane at his mother would make her smile, then, even after being told not to, twice, he'd do it again for the simple sake of seeing a smile on her face.

He was the purest soul she knew.

Haine-Lin leaned against his shoulder, in a way saying, 'It's okay'. This seemed to reassure him, as he slung his arm around her back, holding her to him.

Haine-Lin sighed in contentment. This was how she liked things, how she wished things would stay forever.

But darned fate had other plans.

She should have stopped him when he reached around with his other hand to brush away a strand of her dark hair. This was already too close for her, normally. She could feel the warmth of his breath.

"Lin..." he said, his tone making her shiver.

He leaned in a little closer now. She was feeling too hot now, and though it made her uncomfortable, she didn't necessarily dislike it.

"Kuo...?" she whispered back to him, wondering what he had in mind.

Suddenly, their noses were touching.

Haine-Lin gasped, her dark eyes sparkling with wonder. Was he really doing...? Was he going to... kiss her? She prayed he would. She may not know love, but oh how she longed for it.

And then... he really did it. His lips were on hers, kissing her. And God, was it ever wonderful!

And then, suddenly, she couldn't remember what was so wonderful.

What was going on? Suddenly, everything was shrouded in mist, before she just faded away completely, locked away in the rotting cell in her mind.

Mikuo pulled away from her, noticing a lack of... something. A lack of reaction, maybe. Or a lack of life. All he really knew was that something was wrong.

And something was wrong.

When he looked at her, he was staring at empty, emotionless, blank, dead black eyes. They stared back at him... but at the same, they didn't. They lacked focus, having gone glassy now.

Wherever Haine-Lin was now, it wasn't there.

"God damnit!" Mikuo yelled. "Can I not get something right?!"

No answer.

"Haine!"

Still nothing.

He kissed her again, furiously and passionately, pouring all his locked up emotions into a matter of seconds.

But she didn't even notice. Instead, she ended up choking on her own breath (or lack of, for that matter). And even so, although she seemed closer, she was still in a far away place in her mind, a place no one would ever be able to reach but herself.

Mikuo hadn't even noticed the angry tears running down his cheeks until that point.

He started sobbing into her chest, his fingers wrapped so tightly around her arms, they were leaving bruises. But he didn't notice.

Something inside him simply... snapped.

His imagination began to get the better of him. Instead of staring at him with dead eyes, they were gleaming with pure ecstasy. A dark blush dusted her cheeks.

"Kuo...!"

To him, it was the voice that did it. It was that voice that drove him over the edge. It always would be.

His hands began to roam over her body, and in his mind, she arched against him, enjoying it, her breathing quickening. He stopped over her breast, and looked up to her face.

'This isn't right.' Something in his head echoed. 'Snap out of it.' But he was too far lost.

She was beautiful. Her dark eyes were half-lidded, her mouth slightly agape. He could feel her female nubs (1) hardening under his hands, and he couldn't help himself; he wanted to double the pleasure she was feeling now, send her to the heavens in happiness.

That was all he'd ever wanted for her.

How had that gotten so twisted?

Haine-Lin didn't know exactly when she came back to her senses. Maybe it was right then. Maybe it was just a little later. But she could remember some of it.

What had happened on the couch facing the (2) window, she would never repeat to anyone. But if Mikuo had asked her, she would've answered him with something simple: "Wow."

She remembered screaming out in pain as he'd stolen her virginity (though she would have gladly given it to him anyway), and he remembered feeling his tears fall onto her cheeks, mixing with her own.

"I don't ever want to hurt you like this again. I'll never let you be in pain with me. I promise."

She'd remembered thinking what had happened on that couch in the attic was the most wonderful thing in her entire life.

And she still remembered today that faded red spot on the couch in the corner of the attic. Their couch.

And then, they were lying side by side, panting, and she felt like her life was complete. And God, she wanted to tell him so bad... but the words just couldn't, and wouldn't form.

"Kuo..." she said instead, the nickname only she ever called him.

And then suddenly, at the sound of her voice, he just... stopped breathing. Sat up quickly. Raked his fingers through his disheveled hair in a sudden stressed out way. Then he looked over to her.

At first, a look of panic crossed his features, which then morphed into a blushing, gaping expression, as he took in what he saw in front of him.

Haine-Lin felt a little nervous. She crossed her legs, hiding herself from his sight in embarrassment, even if there was no need for her to be embarrassed about herself.

He reached out, and stroked her side, fingers trailing down her stomach, and setting itself on the side of her hip, and she was starting to get excited once more- but then that panicked look returned.

His eyes widened in absolute horror. **"What have I done...?!"**

That stung. He made it sound like what they'd done was a bad thing.

And then suddenly, he was dressed, and running down the stairs in shock, leaving Haine-Lin wondering what she'd done wrong.

* * *

She'd overheard his confession, but she hadn't understood what it'd meant at the time.

She saw her parents gape, heard her mother begin to cry, tried to pretend the sharp sting of a slap on her lover's face was just her imagination.

Then, the conversation shifted to something about a baby.

Who was having a baby? Someone she knew? But why did they look so upset? And why was Mikuo apologizing?

It was only 2 days later that Haine-Lin started to understand. Mikuo was holding a suit-case. Was he going on vacation? But then why didn't his mother and father have suit-cases too?

She couldn't hear what they were saying. She probably wouldn't understand what they were saying anyway. She did however catch something about saying his last goodbyes to her.

Last goodbyes?!

He'd glanced in her direction, held her gaze for a moment in a way that made her heart slow, and then shook his head, and said something back to Haine-Lin's mother with a sad expression on his face.

Whatever they wanted him to tell her, she didn't expect he would. He'd avoided her since the day they'd made love.

And then Mikuo got in the car, and her parents came up behind her.

"It's a shame he insisted on leaving... We aren't very happy still about what happened... but he loved you. Really loved you. And I don't think you'll have a chance to earn a love like that again."

Why were they talking like this? They were being too confusing!

"He says he'll be back one day, and he'll be fixed and proper. I don't think he gets that we've forgiven him. He seems to almost hate himself now." Her father laughed. "See the effect you have on him? You really are a special girl, Haine-Lin."

What?

"Now, I hope you understand that you might not be able to see Mikuo for a while. At least not for a year or two."

WHAT?!

'_I don't ever want to hurt you like this again. I'll never let you be in pain with me. I promise...'_

**LIAR!**

The last thing Mikuo heard, driving away in that car, was the girl he loved screaming as if the pain she felt was physical.

And he felt the exact same way.

* * *

"... You know... I never did find out if I became a daddy." Mikuo says, his face twisted into a sad smile full of regret.

And like an idiot, I just sit there gawking at his honesty.

He hadn't left anything out- not one thing, which although made the conversation somewhat awkward to me, made the situation all that much sadder, to think he can still remember every little thing that had happened.

"... She sounded... really, very special to you." I finally say.

He shrugs in a way that is supposed to be nonchalant, but looks painful. "I loved her."

"And you haven't... even talked to her since?"

Mikuo shakes his head. "Sad, isn't it?"

Yes, sad, very sad. At that moment there, I realize; Everyone here... they've been sad. They've been in complete agony at some point, let it be emotionally or physically.

Gakupo, a child abuse victim. It must have been terrible to know your own parents hate you. It must have killed him to be tortured by the ones who were supposed to love and care for him.

Kaito, a bullying victim. Everyday, he was beat, humiliated, and tossed around like trash. How did that feel?

Luka, a murderer who plead insanity in court. She'd had her label rubbed right into her face by her own lawyer, all while knowing it was true. The only way out of jail was in the direction of the mental ward.

Mikuo, who wasn't allowed to show the girl he loved any affection, and had it backfire on him completely. Mikuo, whose guilt was too much for him, and practically put himself in the ward. Mikuo, who still beats himself up in regret now. Mikuo, who is still in love with that same girl after all this time.

"... Are you... crying?"

I sniff, and try to wipe the tears off, but it's not use.

"Rin..." He leans in closer, and brushes off some of the falling tears with his thumb. "Why are you crying?" he asks softly.

"I just..." I lower my head, avoiding his gaze. "I'm... I'm so sorry..."

He backs away a little, confused. "What do you mean...?"

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Just... if it were me... I never would have let you go, Mikuo. But she... she didn't do anything."

I suddenly feel a burst of hatred for this Haine-Lin, for this girl I've never even met, for this girl who unknowingly caused so much damage.

"Rin..." he whispers, and I can tell he's going to lose it too. "She didn't know. She didn't understand. She couldn't..." he takes a deep breath. "There was nothing she could have done."

"I don't think she's as stupid as you seem to think." He flinches at this, and I already realize I've said the wrong thing, but I can't stop.

"You said you heard her scream while you drove away. She did realize it. But she didn't even try to chase after you. She didn't even try to keep you. I would've... I would've done everything I could to keep you with me."

The expression on his face, the emotion in his eyes... it's so... indescribable.

And then suddenly, his face is so close to mine, his hand pressing against the back of my head, closer and closer, until-

"Am I interrupting something?"

I jump back at Len's voice, having not heard the door open. But there he is, standing with his hair still wet from his shower, though again in its signature ponytail.

His arms are crossed, his chin raised in what might be annoyance, his brow raised.

Len, who had his sister die, and… … … and… what? Is that it?

My face heats up, and I cover it with my hands in embarrassment. "Len..."

Something passes through his eyes for a moment, and he uncrosses his arms, and lowers them to his side. Now, he just looks tired.

"Just... never mind." he says, and begins to walk towards the door. He presses the buzzer, and waits for someone to get there.

While he waits, I sneak a glance at Mikuo. He's staring at Len with a blank expression, his brow raised. Unpleased, but understanding.

Understanding what?

Some guard finally opens the door. Len murmurs a few words that I can't hear, and the guard lets him through, closing the door behind him so Mikuo and I are finally alone.

Alone...

When I look back at Mikuo, he's simply staring at me. He looks... almost like he's in pain.

"Let me guess..." he says. "You're going to go after him now?"

My expression must have looked upset, or something, because he looks away, and nods. "Okay."

I struggle to say something, but I don't have anything to feel sorry for, and goodbye sounds over-dramatic. So I simply stand in silence, and press the buzzer, knowing I've disappointed him.

* * *

Miku pressed her back towards the wall, and tried to slow her breathing. Her nerves were getting the better of her, and she knew it wouldn't help to walk in all nervous.

Gumi had told her to meet up with her in Kiyoteru Hiyama's office. But Kiyoteru was not her shrink. Cynthia Yu (3), or, SeeU, was the one she should be meeting. Not this guy.

Once she regained her composure (or... as best as she could), she walked into the room.

Gumi was sitting on one of the hospital beds, looking surprisingly comfy beside the young therapist known as Kiyoteru. Miku's eyes glimpsed down at their clasped hands, then up again in surprise.

So Gumi had a lover. Interesting... this would be useful if she ever needed to get out of a situation...

"Miku, nice to see you!" Gumi beamed.

Miku rearranged her expression to make it look blank and neutral again. The, she sat on the cot across from them.

"Do you know why you're here?"

Miku shook her head, then realized the blank look didn't suit the old Miku. She arched her eyebrows up into an expression of worry, completely erasing Miku's earlier defiant look from Gumi's mind.

'Of course she's not completely back to normal.' Gumi thought. It was a reassuring thing- at least now, they wouldn't have to go through all those files and decide what exactly had caused this sudden healing -but at the same time, it was very disappointing.

"Miku, did you play sports before you got here?" Kiyoteru asked, sparing Gumi from an awkward silence.

"Y-Yes..." she glanced around at the both of them, trying to figure out what they were thinking. "Soccer, baseball, and sometimes basketball. Um... why?"

Kiyoteru nodded at Gumi. "Well..." Gumi says, and smiles. "We've decided to apply the 30-minute exercise rule to you, now."

Miku's sudden surprised expression now was not a mask. She was gaping in horror, not in joy, or excitement. Luckily, though, the two adults couldn't tell the difference.

"We think you're healing quite nicely, Miku." Gumi says. "We also think you're ready to join the creative therapy in the afternoon."

She glances at Kiyoteru with a grin. "If you ask me... I think you might be ready to leave this place soon, and continue on with your regular life."

And then Miku does the one thing she knows will delude someone into believing you're mental; she lets out a blood-curling scream.

* * *

I've finally given up trying to look for him.

I probably should have just stayed with Mikuo, shouldn't I? I have now searched practically the entire ward (correction: about 10 rooms, buuut…). Where the hell did he run off to?!

I sigh, and begin to walk in the direction of the 'beach', where I can kayak, and rid myself of those 30 minutes of physical activity.

When I exit the building, however, I freeze.

There, on the artificial sand, sits the one I've been looking for, as dramatic as that sounds.

"Len!" I call out to him. He pretends not to hear me. Ass…

I run up, and plop myself down beside him.

He glances at me with a raised brow, but there's a hint of a smile on his face.

"It's rude to ignore people, you know." I say.

He only shrugs, and lies down in the sand. Okay, what's with him? He left looking angry and betrayed, but now, he seems perfectly content, and almost arrogant. What the hell?!

"…"

He closes his eyes, and smirks.

"… Okay, what is it?" I ask.

He opens his eyes, and glances over sideways at me. Then, he lets out a small sniff of laughter, and looks back up at the glassed ceiling.

… Okay, seriously, what's so funny?

"He told you, didn't he?" Len finally says.

Great, so he finally says something, and I don't even get what he's talking about. I tell him this, and he rolls over on his side, head on his hand.

"He confessed. He told you how he felt about you." Len says.

I blush. "Oh… well… not exactly…"

Len smirks. "He confessed to you… but instead of swatting spit with him, you're with me right now."

"…" I look away. What he's saying makes me sound deceiving. It makes me sound like a plain bitch who doesn't think anyone is good enough for her.

"Or maybe you weren't looking for me." He says thoughtfully. "Maybe you were just freaked out, and came out here to clear your head."

"... I came looking for you." I admit.

"Poor Mikuo..." he laughs. "I had no idea... I didn't even think he was going to tell you the truth of what he did, but he proved me wrong, and even confessed to you too! Ha! Now that was bold of him. I'm surprised you didn't run off scared."

He pauses, and snickers. "Or maybe you did, after all."

"I didn't run!" I yell. "And I'm not afraid of him!"

"Really?" he asks, his voice teasing and sarcastic. "He _did_ tell you the whole truth, didn't he? Rin..." he leans in a little more. "He **raped** a girl. He's sick. How are you not afraid he'll try the same thing on you?"

"What the hell are you trying to get at, Len?!" I yell at him again.

Len shrugs. "I'm just saying... he might not be the wisest choice."

"And who is... you?"

His eyes suddenly flare, in a way that looks like he's just been stabbed.

"Mikuo is honest. He told me the whole truth. But we can't say the same for you, can we, Len? (5)"

Even as I'm saying these words, I'm doubting them myself. What if he was telling me the whole truth after all, and all I've done was get him angry, now?

"What are you trying to imply?" he hisses.

"You can't get into a mental ward just by mere suspicion, can you?" I challenge him, although my voice sounds more confident than I feel.

His eyes narrow into an ice cold glare. "I didn't kill her, Rin." The why he says my name sends chills down my spine- and not _good_ chills.

"No? Then what _did_ you do, Len?"

His jaw clenches, then unclenches. "I didn't kill her."

My eyes narrow at him as well. Now, I'm sure he's hiding something. "Do any of our friends know what you're hiding?"

He stays quiet, his jaw set, that chilling glare still boring into my own eyes.

"Guess not, huh?" Suddenly, all my own self doubts come back to me, and I use them as a form of attack against him. "Do you think you're better than them?"

His glare intensifies (I didn't even think it was possible).

"You think you're better than them, don't you? You probably don't think you deserve to be in here, that you're not crazy after all. Well, guess what? You're in a mental ward, Len! You can't get much crazier!"

It's amazing, really. All I'm doing is taking my own worst fears, my own worries about my arrogance and rejecting attitude, and directing them towards him.

But I am crazy. He might not accept it, but I can. I'm a crazy kid. And I'm fine with it. Screw all the people who aren't!

"You probably think they're disgusting, huh? You're afraid of them, aren't you? What, do you think we're going to suffocate you in your sleep? Do you think I'm going to come at you with a knife, and take you apart limb by limb while Mikuo munches on popcorn in the background (6)?"

I don't miss the sudden twitch of his nose here.

"Just because we're stuck in this place, doesn't mean we aren't still people. And just because you haven't murdered anyone, or something, doesn't give you the right to just flaunt it in everyone's faces-"

"SHUT UP!" he roars.

And I do. I just gape at him. Because in his eyes... I see rage. Fury. And something else... something that frightens me.

"Shut up, Rin!" he repeats. "You don't know anything about me! Stop pretending you do! Nobody here knows anything about me! I'm not crazy! I was just doing the right thing, okay?!"

I'm still surprised at his outburst, and don't answer.

"I don't hate my friends. But I'm not one of them. They went insane. I'm not crazy." He takes a deep breath, and suddenly his face looks pained, sad. He's so shaky! "I'm not crazy...!" he repeats.

'Really?' I think to myself. 'Then what's this?'

His head shoots up as I stand to my feet. "Where are you going...?"

I glare down at him. "I came here to kayak, so that's exactly what I'm going to do; kayak. You're just wasting my time."

With that, I stomp over to the supply shed, all the while feeling that familiar and surprisingly, very missed gaze on me.

I grab the yellow striped blue kayak, a double-edged paddle, and a medium sized life jacket. After putting on the life jacket, I drag the small boat out of the shed, over to the edge of the 'ocean'- all while still feeling his gaze on me.

I push the kayak into the water until it starts floating away on its own. Then, only once I've climbed into it, do I risk a glance at the stupid boy on the shore.

He looks stressed, his hand pushing his bags out of his face, head lowered, but I can still see those sad dark blue eyes staring at me.

Dark blue... a beautiful sapphire color. My favorite color.

I shake my head and sigh, then begin to paddle away.

The one thing I adore about the 'beach' is that, even though it has glass walls locking you in, it would take hours to reach the other end. I think I'd only have the strength to get halfway. It's much like a real ocean, because it's never ending.

When I finally look back, I can't see him anymore. All I see is a red dot that must be the supply shed, and a gray blob beside it that is the forbidding walls of the ward.

There's no way to tell if he's still there or not- but I have a strong feeling he is.

I glance into the clear water. For safety reasons, the bottom is never too far down, no matter how far out you go, so I can see the sand even when looking from the surface.

The small waves keep pushing me back towards shore. Maybe they're right; maybe I should go back and apologize. But then again... out here, it's so peaceful.

Maybe I could just stay out here forever... Maybe I can just stay here and forget about life, and just enjoy the silence and the rocking of the waves against my boat.

I laugh bitterly to myself because I know that's impossible. They'd come looking for me, and force me back into misery.

I stare back into the water, and see a girl with pretty aqua colored eyes and short blond hair staring back. She looks miserable. She looks tired. She looks about ready to drown herself.

But she knows she can't. She knows the lifejackets don't come off without a special kind of key- which is tied into the shed. There's no way to take off this life jacket, no way to drown herself and end her life.

How did it all come down to this?

All I ever wanted my whole life was to have friends, to be normal. Only now do I realize how good I had it before.

Friends are just weights chained to your hands and feet. They drag you back with their problems, and with every day, the weight multiplies. And then, it gets to the point where their problems overcome you, and you're left crying out in agony.

And I, Rin Kagene, will never be normal. Never.

But then suddenly, the clouds move in front of the sun, and shadows are cast across the waters.

The girl staring back at me suddenly has dark-colored hair, and dark eyes, and a straight, blank face. She's looking downwards, and I reach over the edge of the kayak to try and get a glimpse of what's occupying her.

She's writing on a piece of paper. It's upside-down, however, and I struggle to read it, but I can make out the word 'Mikuo' at the beginning, which automatically catches my attention.

Eventually, I manage to read her messy scribbles.

_'Mikuo..._

_Hi._

_It's been a while._

_I don't understand why I still do this. I never send these. Even if I did, you probably wouldn't get them. Even if you did get them, you probably wouldn't read them._

_I know you think I'm stupid. I know you think I'll never learn about reality. But I know. I know where you are right now. And I don't think that's where you belong. You know where I think you belong. Beside me, on our couch._

_It's not there anymore. Mom and Dad... they threw it out. They said it brought back too many memories, and made me sad. I wanted to kill them for throwing it away. Which makes me worse than you._

_I still don't understand why you left me. I don't think I ever will._

_And I still hate you for it._

_But..._

_I still miss you._

_I wish you knew that._

_I wish you'd care._

_I wish you could see how much better I've been doing. I'm normal now. Normal. People can't always tell I'm different unless I tell them._

_You always thought I was normal. But you always kept telling me I should try to open up more. ...I think you would have been proud of me. _

_But I'll never know anyone like you. Never will I ever find someone like you, Mikuo._

_I loved you._

_And you threw that away like that old couch._

_I wish I could tell you... I wish I could make you realize that I'm not just an old piece of bloodstained furniture.  
That I'm not a disappointment.  
That I'm not an embarrassment.  
That I wasn't completely innocent.  
That I wasn't completely helpless that night…_

_And most of all... I wish I could tell you I'm sorry. _

_Because if it weren't for me, you wouldn't be where you are now. _

_If I'd said something different, or told you the truth earlier on, maybe we could have had a future together. Maybe we could have gotten married. Maybe we could have had kids. Just maybe... we could have had something._

_So... I'll tell you this now, in this letter I'll never send, even though I've send it in dozens of letters before:_

_I'm sorry._

_~Haine'_

And then, the girl simple held up the paper, and ripped it in two, right the middle. A tear rolls down her cheek, as she places the two halves into a cardboard box with tons of other halves of lined paper, filled with more words.

Letters she never sent.

Letters filled with regret, guilt, sadness, anger, longing... and love.

And suddenly, I feel no hate for this Haine-Lin I've never met in person. Suddenly, I understand her a little better.

A tear I hadn't realized I'd shed falls into the water, and Haine-Lin's face disappears with the ripples.

And then a different girl appears.

Her face is very rounded, but she has pretty dark blue eyes, with long blond lashes. Her hair is a pretty strawberry blond, with strands of gold mixed in between. Her hair is held up in a ponytail that sits on her shoulder.

She's beautiful.

And she looks so kind with that sweet smile on her face.

But then, suddenly, she isn't just a reflection on the water- she really _is_ in the water, in the flesh! She grins up at me.

"You're really cute, you know that?" she asks with a giggle. Without knowing why, I blush at her compliment. But why does she look so familiar...?

"Who are you?" I ask.

She smiles sweetly. "You don't remember me? Aw... that's too bad. It's alright though, I wasn't expecting you to."

She tilts her head to the side, and her hair slides off her shoulder. "I know who you are, though. You must be Rin, right?" she giggles again. "I don't blame those two for falling for you; you're so cute!"

I frown. What?

"It must be pretty lame there... although I don't have any room to talk." she laughs. "I don't even exist anymore! How boring is that?!"

"... My... imagination...?" I ask hesitantly.

"Ha!" she exclaims. "I wish! ... But then again... well..." she mumbles to herself. "... I guess you could say half and half."

"Wha-...?"

"You know, they say my life was tragic, but boy, I'm nothing compared to you!" she says in admiration. "I mean, I've _seen _your dad. He is **scary**, kid!" she pauses. "I probably shouldn't be calling you kid, should I? I mean... how old are you?"

"14." I say, a little dumbfounded by this strange girl casually floating on the water.

The girl snickers, and stops floating, now just simply standing in the water in front of me. "Ha! Never mind, I can still call you kid! Gee, you're even younger than Len is!"

"You know Len?" I blurt out without thinking.

She blinks, and cocks her head to her side. "Well... of course I do. After all... I _am_ his sister. I'm kind of supposed to know him, or that would be bad."

"S-Sister?!" I ask, surprised.

The girl nods. "Yeah..."

I rack my mind trying to remember anything Len might have said about him having a sister. Why does my memory feel so foggy, all of a sudden?

"... Lenka..." I finally say, hoping I'm right.

She grins. "See? I knew you'd remember!"

"... You're Len's sister."

She nods. "Yep!"

"_You're_ Len's sister."

She nods again, a little hesitant now. "Uh-huh..."

"**You** are Len's sister."

"I think we've made it clear now that, yes, _I_ am Len Kagamine's sister." she says with a small laugh.

"... He killed you."

Lenka frowns, and takes a step back. "Tsk, tsk. I thought you might be a little smarter than that."

I'm a little taken aback by how much her disappointment shames me. She has that way about her; she's the type of person you want to make proud.

"No, he didn't kill me." Lenka says, rolling her eyes. "Len isn't _that_ bad of a younger brother. But..." she smiles, and gazes at me with knowing eyes. "You're right. He isn't completely innocent." she winks.

I'm gawking at her now, but as embarrassing as it is, I can't _not_ gawk. "What...?"

"Haha, you're so adorable!" she says, splashing in the water. "What I mean is, you were right, about what you said earlier. He really _is_ hiding something. But I probably shouldn't tell you. He'd probably get angry at me..." she laughs. "I wonder if that's still possible, now that I'm, like... you know. Gone."

I give her an expression of pity. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry you had to go through this, and I'm sorry you had to die, and I'm sorry I thought it was Len's fault."

She looks surprised at first, but it melds into an expression of such warmth, I can feel my cheeks prickle. "Len really is a lucky boy... I hope he stops acting like an ass soon so he can realize it..."

She sighs. "Just... go easy on him, okay?"

"I-"

"I know, you're already doing that, but just... don't give up on him, please. He may not show it... but you mean a lot to him."

I blink in surprise.

"It's really killing him now that you're angry with him. I think the only reason he's being so pissy is because he's jealous of Mikuo. He probably thinks Mikuo is stealing you from him, even though he doesn't realize it. When he saw you and Mikuo, before... I think he kind of just... went into shock."

"How... how do you know?"

She smiles sadly. "A little too hard to believe for you?" She doesn't wait for an answer. I have a feeling she's afraid to hear me say yes. "Don't worry." she says. "I know my brother."

I'm a little too... shocked to say anything. After a few failed attempts, I finally manage to shape my bewilderment into words.

"Are you saying... **he's in love with me?!"**

She smiles. "I can't tell you that. ... Shouldn't tell you that. But..." she shrugs. "Yeah. That's what I'm saying."

And now, we return to 'too shocked to say anything'.

"But... please, Rin. Just don't give up on him. Because, I know that somewhere in here", she points at my chest, over my heart, "you're the same way."

I blink at her, and she laughs.

"I've probably said too much. Oh well... just, remember what I said. And don't try to be too nosy with him, okay? He'll open up when he's ready. And he will be; you just have to wait. As for the rest..." she winks.

_"Just be yourself, okay? I'm sure it'll all work out_!"

She begins to crouch down, and sink underwater, when suddenly, she pops back up. "Oh... and Rin? Can... Can you please just tell Len... that I miss him? Please?"

I nod, slowly. "O-Okay..."

Lenka Kagamine smiles one last sad smile, before sinking back underwater, and disappearing for what could be forever.

I blink back tears, and suddenly, I'm not leaning over the edge of my kayak anymore. I'm leaning back in it, and I'm feeling quite groggy.

The sky is an orange-ish color, and I'm hungry. Starved, actually.

So it was all... a dream?

Lenka's face flashes back in my mind, how kind she was, her laugh, her constant compliments on my cuteness... and her love for her younger brother.

No. This wasn't a dream, I decide. This was the real Lenka, the Lenka that never should have died, and that I wish I could have known.

With that decided, I turn my kayak around, and start to paddle back to the ward.

I'm going to fix things. And whether what Lenka said about our feelings be true or not, I don't want to be angry anymore.

I'm going to make things better.

Or, at least... I'm going to try.

* * *

Getting closer to the shore, I started to consider going back out in the waters, and waiting a little longer. I can see a figure there, sitting on the sand. Len. Right?

But then, the person stands, and I notice the long teal-colored pigtails.

"Miku...?"

I paddle up faster. As soon as I get near the edge of the beach, Miku comes running up.

I climb out of the kayak. She opens her mouth to say something, but then closes it, and wraps her hand around the middle of the kayak's paddle.

"Oh... you want to help me?" I ask. She sighs in a very un-Miku-like way, and it shakes me up like you wouldn't believe.

"Look, I just really need to talk to you, okay?" she says, her voice laced with impatience. It sounds lower-pitched, too... What, has the world completely turned upside down? Am I still dreaming?

"O-Okay." I say. Gee... I'm sounding more like Miku right now than Miku does!

We put away the things in the shed, and then sit in the sand, side by side.

I didn't really talk much to Miku, only because I was afraid of upsetting her, and because I just didn't really have anything to say to her. But now, it's Miku herself who does most of the talking.

"Kaito told me what happened- or, at least, what Mikuo told him happened. Apparently, Mikuo seemed kind of stressed out- or, okay, he seemed _really_ stressed out, but, that's not the point. He told you what he did, and then... in the end, you two almost kissed?"

She glances at me expectantly, and I blush, which she seems to take as a yes.

"But Len interrupted, and you got embarrassed, and chickened out."

Not exactly, but I wouldn't be the one to correct her. Suddenly, Miku seems so much more intimidating...

"But point is, you like him, right?"

"..."

"... Right?"

I refuse to look her in the eye, afraid she'll see my hesitance, so Miku grasps my chin, and forces me to. That backfired...

"You do like him... don't you?"

Without meaning to, my eyes shift to the side uncertainly, and Miku seems to lose her composure for a moment. Her face falls in disappointment, and she lets out an "oh".

I shake out of her grip. "I don't know, okay? I don't know how I feel about anything right now! I just..." I trail off. There's no way for me to finish that sentence.

She keeps that sad expression for a moment, then shakes her head, and the blank mask comes back. "Well then... point is, he likes you. There's no question about that..."

The way she says that makes me feel guilty.

"But... there's just this little... inconvenience with that..." she says slowly, as if not sure how to word it.

"What do you mean?"

"... Do... You do know that Teto Kasane is my roommate, right?"

I shake my head; I'd always thought Luka was her roommate.

"Well... um... she's really nice at times. I mean... you're friends with her, right? You'd know. But... she has these... moments..." she trails off, and starts again. "She has this... um... well, she's kind of like..."

Eventually, she sighs, and gives up.

"Just... watch out for Teto, okay? She's not... all there, so to say."

And with her message now retold, Miku doesn't have any more business with me. She stands up, dusts herself off, and starts to walk towards the door.

Last second, she turns around, and looks at me with a pointed expression. "Well? Are you coming?" she asks.

I quickly mimic her gestures, and follow her back into the awkward white walls of the terrifying mental ward.

* * *

_:D_

_Wow._

_This was an amazingly fun chapter to write._

_I had no idea how fun it would be to write in Haine-Lin's perspective! I mean... she's a quiet kind of girl, with a lot of inner-angst- which results in a lot of monologue. And I LOVE my monologues._

_I really liked her. How she was so hopeful, but at the same time, so negative. How she still blames herself, and after all this time, still also blames Mikuo._

_I also really love Lenka. I'm really sad_ _she had to die... She was just so cheerful and friendly, and that is something we really lack in this story. It was really refreshing for me to write such a positive girl in such a negative situation. I mean... she was raped, and murdered, but she's still watching over her brother, happily, in death. Now how sweet is that?_

_Sadly, though, I doubt I'll be writing about her again in this story, and here's just no room for another character like her. And even if I did decide to add another character, Lenka is special. She is completely pure. There can not be another Lenka, because that new character just wouldn't feel as real._

_So, R.I.P, Lenka._

_LOL… I promised a good reviewer and also good friend that I'd have this finished by September 15th, 2012. I sort of kept that promise… I finished it at 3 in the morning today, but I wasn't able to post it 'til now. XD_

_... Hey guys... is it just me, or does it sound to you like this story is nearing its end? And to think, it's only been 5 chapters, and about 40 000 (or maybe it's closer to 45 000?) words. You know, these chappies are really long... This one here is actually about 10 500 words long! Holy crap! That's a new record, I think!_

_But don't you worry... We still need to find out what happens to Miku. We have no idea where Meiko disappeared to (hopefully, I'll remember to have Kaito tell you next chapter). We need to hear Rin's final decision. And then... there's also 'The Teto Problem'. Duh duh duuuuuh! Actually... that probably won't last too long. Sadly enough..._

_... Wait a minute... I forgot a scene. *goes and rewrites ending* Okay, now I have it ending with Miku warning Rin about Teto. Scary! And so, 'The Teto Problem' begins!_

**Question of the Chapter: What do you think Teto will do?**

Well. This has been quite fun, but now it is time to introduce a little new rule I have now.

I find I haven't been getting as many reviews for Lost and Found as I did before. I went from getting 7 to 9 per chapter to only getting 2 or 3. Therefore, I am adding this... requirement.

It actually isn't really necessary for this story, but I'm going to do it anyway, so I won't forget to do it on my other two.

**I won't update until I get at least 5 reviews.**

_See that? I'm only asking for 5. That really isn't all that much! Out of the 600 viewers or so I get per month for this story, at least 5 of them should be kind enough to send me a nice review! Please?_

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

* * *

_(1) LOL, this story is still rated T, so it didn't feel right to say the word 'nipples'. But... female nubs? Seriously? XD That has got to be the worst synonym I have EVER come up with. OTL_

_(2) What had happened on the couch facing the (still-opened?!) window..._

_(3) I decided a long time ago that SeeU's real name in my stories would be Cynthia Yu. I just haven't gotten around to using her yet. To anyone who's curious, the way she got her nickname was that, in elementary school, she'd gotten a teacher who, when doing attendance, only said the first letter of the first name. So, like, M. Hatsune. K. Shion. R. Kagamine. C. Yu. At first, it was like an insult, where people would put an I in front and make it "I C. Yu" (get it?), but eventually, she embraced the nickname, and people just call her SeeU now. And there is SeeU, the shrink we haven't even met yet (/will we ever?)'s background. :)_

_(4) Okay, most of the time, I am perfectly fine with writing in the American English, but I REFUSE to spell kindergarden with a t. Because that just doesn't make sense. So, it is spelt there with two d's. :)_

_(5) To be honest... all this was based off my conversation with Len in the A/N at the beginning, which is why that line sounds so familiar. I really had none of this planned, but I suddenly realized, when I was thinking up this chapter, that Len was missing a little something. It came to me when I was thinking up some of Rin's monologue in my sleep. (Instead of thinking up events and continuing like that, I think of monologue, and come up with ideas based on that. It's much like how I do it while actually writing.) My main monologue, my powerful lines for this chapter was the part where she'd describe everyone's pain, and imagined how they must have felt. And as I listed it all in my head, I decided to put Len last for dramatic effect. But then, without me really thinking about it (this stuff comes naturally to me, so I don't really think too hard about monologue/dialogue; I just follow my instincts and write things as they come to me. Make it up on the spot, you know?), Rin's voice just came in with that one line about Len: "Len, who had his sister die, and… … … and… what? Is that it?" And I thought, 'Wow, what a twist!' I just had to include that! After all, she's right. You can't really be put in a ward by mere suspicion of a foster parent. I mean, you could, but... it's not all too likely. They'd probably put the parent in there, unless the parent can find reasonable proof that their child is mentally unstable, such as severe mood swings, or something. This is a very long footnote._

_(6) Pfft, LOL, it's fun to imagine that! Haha, that could be the sequel to Fear Garden, or something!_


	6. Slowly

**The Girl in the Ward**

_*fwoosh* Welcome... to my evil lair... MWAHAHAHAHA! _

_Have you bought your ticket? It only costs one review to visit the Dark Woods Circus... Yes, yes, thank you... come on through~!_

_Over here, we have the monster whose blood runs as cold as the food he eats... if you get what I mean... heh heh._

_On the other side, we have the Siamese twins... they are truly one with each other. It sure is a good thing they get along, is it not?_

_Last but not least, our tour ends at the cage of our monstrous diva. She is part animal you see. She is our main attraction, for no other freak can compare to her. Yes, bask in the horror of this monster! Take pictures! Gawk at her ugliness! For this is the purpose of their creation; to entertain those who are not cursed to be horrid._

_It is so much fun, yes, so much fun, to destroy what has been already destroyed._

_It is so much fun, yes, so much fun, to laugh at those who have only been toyed._

_It is so much fun, yes, so much fun, to sneer at their faces so smeared._

_It is so sad, yes, so sad, to hate every face that appears... _

_Welcome... to the Dark Woods Circus...!_

_Len: ... ... ... Are you on crack?_

**XD You shall never know...**

_Hi there! Did you like my mini Dark Woods Circus thingie?_

_It started out as me wanting to be creepy in a Nekozawa-ish kinda way (cookies to those who know who I'm talking about!), and somehow... turned into Dark Woods Circus. XD_

_My little rhymes at the end were fun to write. XD 'So sad, yes, so sad, to hate every face that appears...' :D Very fun to write~!_

_Why I wrote that... I don't know. All I DO know is that, if mom sees this, she's going to freak out and send me to a REAL ward. If dad sees this, though, he'll be like, "Uh, what's this?!" "Oh, it's some weird thing based off Dark Woods Circus, a Vocaloid song I like~!" "Oh. Okay. Makes sense..." XD Love my dad..._

_So! Onto my usual blah blah._

_... Or, wait. One more thing, first, apparently. _

_Does anyone else think of Dark Woods Circus when reading this fic? I know I do..._

_Okay, NOW onto my usual blah blah. :)_

_I LOVE YOU GUYYYYYS! (Well... that's an interesting start to it, isn't it? XD) I asked for at least 5 reviews last chap. Instead, you guys gave me 7 on the very day this chapter was posted! I have never been so proud~!_

_I really love you guys! So, so, so, so, soooooo much!_

_And... um..._

_Oh, yeah! I'm going to be starting a new Vocaloid fic! *clap clap clap* It'll be another Rin x Len fic (of course...), and... well... I haven't decided on a name yet. I'm considering Tokyo Teddy Bear, even if it has nothing to do with the song, because I just really like that song. I'm considering Shattered, too, but... that's boring..._

_I want something that's completely irrelevant to the story. Reverse psychology kinda thing, you know? Sort of... XD_

_Like, how there's a Vocaloid song called... Mozaik Role, but the song never even says the words 'Mozaik Role', and it has nothing to do with a mozaik role, whatever that is. XD_

_Maybe I'll just name it 'Vegetarians', or something like that... XD That's be REALLY irrelevant! Or maybe, 'Ivy Vines'... That's a good one. 'Vines of Ivy'. _

_Then for the summary, I could do something really vague, like,_

_'When ivy starts appearing on someone's wall, most are very quick to rip it off. Why? Because ivy tends to cling on, and the more it clings on, the more the wall starts to crumble. Little do people know, there is also such thing as emotional ivy. I am emotional poison ivy- not only do I destroy things with my grip, but whenever someone tries to remove me, they receive an ugly rash in return.'_

_Something like that... XD Okay, that was kinda bad. Sounds like the summary for some Batman x Poison Ivy fic. XD_

_Anyway, I have a really good feeling about this story, the kind of feeling I got about Lost and Found. So, basically... I need name ideas, and for you guys to read it when it's up. Deal?_

_Also, I'm on YouTube! I do song covers now for Vocaloid. There's a link on my profile for my Secret cover, but I'll probably put up another one for my Candy Psychologist cover~! _

_"Koko ni niko ame agarimashite,_

_Hitotsu wa 'ai' de, hitotsu wa 'uso'_

_Kimi wa something something something desu ka_

_Negau wa something sfnjbfgierbgib dasu!"_

_Okay... I haven't actually memorized the lyrics yet. -.-" Thankfully, when recording the real cover, I had my lyrics on the computer screen for me to read off of. XD It actually sounds really good!_

_Anyway..._

_I don't even need Gakupo here to tell me to start the story already. XD I'M GETTING THERE, GACKT!_

_Gakupo: ^w^_

* * *

_(1) Thank you to that wonderful reviewer who mentioned he or she thought Mikuo would only use Rin as a replacement for Haine-Lin. That line there was dedicated to you for helping me out. XD_

_(2) Based off a personal experience with frogs and the bio channel... It was pretty gross, but kinda funny at the same time. XD_

* * *

**Chapter 6 - Slowly**

* * *

"Rin...?"

"Mm?"

"You used to paint in your attic, right?"

I glance over at Mikuo, and his blank canvas. "Yes... my bedroom used to be there. Why?"

He shrugs. "No reason. Just wondering."

"I used to paint in my backyard!" Teto pipes up from my other side.

"Cool..." Mikuo says awkwardly.

I notice Teto frown from the corner of my eye.

"Just... watch out for Teto, okay? She's not... all there, so to say."

What exactly did Miku mean by that? To me, Teto seemed like the most normal person here! But... things aren't always as they seem... aren't they?

I glance back at Teto.

She's painting a woman - or so it seems like - with a gray hat tipped over her face, and thin, narrow eyes, that will probably look extremely seductive once they've been colored.

I can only imagine what she'll do to this painting to make it look as unique as her others.

She already has her own style. Unlike mine, it's completely unique, and refreshingly different. She's far better than I.

But... your skill level in art doesn't determine your sanity.

I start to paint.

I'm not really paying attention- I'm too preoccupied thinking of what Miku said, and why she suddenly seemed perfectly normal, and HOW she suddenly seemed perfectly normal, and why Teto seems perfectly normal, but is apparently **not** perfectly normal.

When I look back at my canvas, I see a girl sitting on a stool, her head between her hands. It's terribly out of perspective, but you can tell she's sobbing, and terribly depressed.

Oh my.

"Wow, that's really neat, Rin!" Teto compliments. "But... that arm is a little too fat. And that foot is kind of funny."

"I know..." I say, and glance back at her.

... What was I thinking? Teto's perfectly fine! If anything, Miku's the one I should be afraid of!

I mean, first, she's all shy and scared. Then, suddenly, she's intimidating and blunt. And then she warns me against one of the best friends I have here? Like, what the hell?!

"Oh, wow, I really love yours, Mikuo!" Teto's eyes glimmer. I follow her stare to his canvas.

Haine-Lin is sitting on a stool, glancing through a large window. In front of her sits a large canvas on a wooden easel, and in her hand, she holds a paintbrush.

Although the lighting and shadow works are absolutely amazing, there isn't anything all that amazing about it. He's done tons of paintings of his special Haine-Lin.

"Yeah, it's nice." I agree. "But... I think you should have made the hair a little darker. It doesn't look black enough."

For some reason, he frowns and winces, in a disappointed looking way. What? What did I say wrong?

"Yeah, I kinda agree with Rin..." Teto says slowly, smiling apologetically. "In a way, it almost looks blond!"

Blond... Blond... ... Blond!

I gasp in realization, and Mikuo smiles in satisfaction.

"This... this isn't Haine-Lin... is it?"

Mikuo shakes his head, smile growing slightly bigger. Teto looks from me to him in confusion.

"Teto was right; you really do look like her, you know."

This girl in the painting... this isn't Haine-Lin...

"You used to paint in your attic, right?"

This girl, with the sad expression on her face, and the empty canvas in front of her... this is me.

Oh my.

"Um..." I look away, suddenly self-concient. Well... why wouldn't he paint me? I mean... apparently... he's in love with me. I mean... we almost... kissed.

I shiver at the thought, though I don't quite know why. It scares me, but at the same time, it thrills me. Had Len not interrupted, would he really have...?

Or...

A thought suddenly made me frown. I always thought he was so in love with Haine-Lin. But now, suddenly, I'm his new love interest?

Or am I simply a replacement? (1)

"... Am I missing something here?" Teto asks, annoyance and sarcasm slipping into her voice, as she crosses her arms.

"No, nothing..." I mutter, knowing that sudden thought will haunt me for a long time to come.

* * *

"Miku... please, don't ever do that again."

Miku stared up at him with big, round, innocent eyes. "Mm?"

"You know what I mean." Kaito said, crossing his arms. "I know Gumi makes you nervous, although I still don't really get why... but you shouldn't scream like that, even if it does get you away from her."

Miku frowned in a cute way that made him sigh.

"I mean it!" he warned her. "If they decide you're too far gone... then they'll give you away."

Miku's brows arched further. Huh?

"Haven't you been wondering why you haven't seen Meiko since last time?" Kaito asked. "They... They decided they couldn't handle her. So... they shipped her off to a real mental ward."

But... weren't they already in a mental ward?

As if reading her thoughts, Kaito continued.

"Miku... this here is nothing. This is basically like an academy for special kids. They practically pamper us here. Where Meiko went... it's like those places in the movies; empty padded rooms with padded white walls, a huge steel door locking you in..."

So places like that really do exist after all!

"I don't think you deserve to be there. Hell, I might not like Meiko - at all - but I don't even think she deserves to go to a place like that!"

Miku scrunched her nose. Meiko definitely deserved to go to a place like that. She should have gone there straight away instead of being put here in this apparently 'pampering' ward first!

"Just... I... I don't want to see you go, Miku..." he looked her in the eye. "So... please. Just try. For me."

Out of the whole day's schedule, Miku's favorite activity was and would probably always be social therapy.

She'd always found herself lucky to have gotten Kaito as her partner, though she often wondered: if he'd gotten a different girl, would they still have been this close?

Would Miku still be in love with Kaito now if he'd gotten a different partner?

God only knows.

"Miku... are you even listening?"

Thrown out, huh? Sent away. Miku had never even considered that. They couldn't really be thinking of sending her away... could they?

But then everything she'd done so far... it would all be in vain! For nothing! All she wanted was to be able to stay with the one she loved... was that so wrong?

"Um... Miku?" Miku came back to focus, and noticed Kaito's face was flushed. He also seemed to be avoiding eye contact, his dark colored eyes darting around aimlessly.

"Mm?" It was only then that Miku realized how close they were to each other. She was leaning towards him so much, she could fall forward at any moment.

She blinked, and realized she could use this to her advantage.

Like a child with disabilities might do, Miku pressed her palm against his cheek, then brought it back to her own, as if comparing the heat.

Of course, Kaito only became pinker at this. She cocked her head towards him, seemingly demanding an explanation.

To her surprise, Kaito reached down for her hand. She was glad she didn't flinch when he grabbed it - a habit that came with her masking personality.

She glanced back up at him, wondering what his next move would be.

"Miku, I..." Their eyes met, and he began leaning back into her.

His hand brushed back her hair, and rested on the back of her head, the other finding its way around her waist.

She would have let him do it- GOD, she would have LOVED to just let him kiss her -but he suddenly stopped, half-lidded eyes suddenly widening, hesitating.

And she knew she couldn't keep tricking him.

He stopped because he was afraid he'd break the already broken doll. What he didn't know was that the doll had already mended herself.

And she couldn't keep pretending she wasn't better- not to him, at least.

"Stop." she whispered.

Kaito blinked at her, surprised she'd uttered a word, much more, a command. He immediately dropped his hands, and backed away.

"Kaito..." she whimpered his name. "I... I'm not... well... I can... ... I'm normal."

He just stared at her incredulously. "What?"

"I've been tricking everyone this whole time." Miku admitted. "I... I've been better for a while now, but I just couldn't tell anyone..."

"... Why not?" She didn't know what he was thinking. Was he sympathetic? Sincere? Or was he angry, and annoyed?

"I didn't want them to let me go... I had to stay here, Kaito!" Miku pleaded for him to understand.

"Why wouldn't you want to leave?"

"Well... because... you're here, Kaito."

His expression softened. "You... You can talk. Like... really talk. That's..." he took a deep breath, and ran his hand through his hair. "That's amazing, I... But... you just... don't... belong here. You're better, so you should go!"

"But... Kaito!" No! Don't be on their side!

"Miku, you're better. You can go back to the real world! In fact, you really should! What about your family, your friends, your-"

"I need you, Kaito!" she begged, tears glistening in her eyes. "I need you!"

"Yeah, but... so do other people. There are other people out there who miss you too, and-" he was silenced by a pair of lips on his own.

Suddenly, they were back where they'd paused.

She'd loved him for far too long, and far too much to just leave without him. Thank God he didn't mean any of the things he said; he showed that in his passion.

When they finally pulled back for air, he stared her deep in the eyes. "I love you, Miku."

"I love you too, Kaito."

* * *

"..." Luka sighed. "This kind of sucks, doesn't it?"

Gakupo looked over. "What sucks?"

"It sucks how all our friends are running around with all this drama, and we're just all perfectly set. Like... it's kind of boring, you know?"

Gakupo chuckled. "You think so?"

"Yeah..."

"I find it relaxing."

"Well, of course you would." Luka pouted.

"You don't like having me around?" Gakupo asked, wrapping his arm around her waist.

"Of course I do!" she said, shooting him a look. "It's just... we've already had our drama. Now we kind of just sit around, and watch the others. We're rarely even mentioned in the story..."

"So... what you're trying to say is, you want to catch me cheating on you with some girl, or something just because you want some drama."

"No!" Luka groaned. "It'd just be nice to have some sort of excitement around..."

"I don't think they allow babies in the ward."

It took her a moment to get it, but when she did, she smacked him. "I'm not getting myself pregnant, you stupid-head!"

Gakupo laughed, and some of the other people in the library shushed them angrily.

"You wanted excitement; I gave you a suggestion!"

"You perv..."

"I'm not a perv!" Gakupo laughed. "It's honestly the first thing that came to mind!"

"Mm-hm... second thing, actually. The first thing you suggested was that I catch you swapping spit with some other girl..."

"You asked, so I answered." He smiled. "I don't see what the big deal is..."

Luka just rolled her eyes. "... Hey, who do you think Rin'll choose?"

"And they think it's secret..." Gakupo laughed. Luka nodded in agreement.

"I was worried I was the only one who noticed. It's like when you accidentally switch to the bio channel on TV, and find one frog climbing on top of the other, and it doesn't even notice. Then it's like, 'Huh. Where'd these tadpoles come from?' (2)"

"... You're comparing Rin, Len, and Mikuo... to frogs?" Luka giggled. "I'm sure they'll be glad to hear that!"

"I'm sure they would. It's a very flattering compliment."

"Pfft, whatever..." A pause. "Seriously, though. Who do you think will win?"

"My bet's on Len."

"Really?" Luka clucked. "I think it'll be Mikuo, for sure."

Gakupo raised a brow. "Don't you remember how he acted the first day she got here? He got Miku sedated, remember?"

"No, Miku got herself sedated."

"Caught on to that too, did you?"

"Of course." Luka sighed. "I feel like an old lady... we know everything supposed to stay secret, don't we?"

"Yep, we're the gossiping old ladies of the ward." Gakupo grinned. "You do know about Gumi and Kiyoteru, right?"

"Tch, that's an old one."

Gakupo shrugged. "Forgive me for being slow."

"..."

"What?"

Luka glanced up at him. "You know... we haven't actually kissed before in this entire story."

"Are you trying to imply you want me to...?"

"Kiss me. Please."

Gakupo chuckled. "Don't mind if I do."

And the two lovers locked lips.

* * *

I put my lifejacket back on the hook.

These 30 minutes of exercise today were really very relaxing. But then again, I'm always relaxed when kayaking.

When you're out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by clear blue water, time seems to stop.

Suddenly, there's no need to worry. You're all alone in the middle of nowhere, and no one can bother you.

It's an instant stress reliever. I could spend hours paddling through the waters!

But eventually, I know it's time to go back.

Why do I always go back?

Why don't I just stay out there forever...?

I sigh, because as wonderful as that sounds, I know I won't ever be able to do that. Instead, I'm stuck in a mental ward, a wonderful place where every fourteen-year-old wants to find themselves in.

Please note the sarcasm.

But really... it isn't all that bad. Once you get past the 'Holy shit, I'm not psycho! What the hell are you talking about?!' stage, it starts to feel normal.

'Tei stabbed Yukari with a pencil again today.'

'Huh. Same as usual.'

Things like this sound normal to us. These are our average conversations.

Eventually, you get used to them.

I walk down the blank white hallways of the gigantic building. Speaking of a gigantic building... I wonder when the renovations Gumi talks so highly of will be finished. When they are, I'll have my own room, and won't have to share with Len and Mikuo anymore.

... Huh.

I suppose I'll miss being around them...

I get to the door, and pause for a moment. ... Shit. I need a pass. Only guards have passes. Darn...

I glance around to see if any guard is conveniently standing around. ... Unfortunately... it doesn't seem so. Too bad.

I finger the band around my wrist. Sure, it's not what I _should_ be doing... but I might as well.

I press the button on the clear colored band.

I never really did get how these things work, and I still don't.

I think there's some kind of GPS built in, so when you press the button, they can... track you, I guess. Then they glance at some kind of computer screen, find out where we are, and come in with super large needles.

Sure enough, the whole crew comes; 2 doctors, and 3 guards.

They glance at me expectantly, so I point at the door. "Can't get in. I need a pass."

Their shoulders sag in both relief and disappointment. "You can only use that for emergencies." One of the doctors reminds me half-heartedly.

A guard steps forward, presses the button on the wall, and scans his ID card. There's a small beep, and he pushes the door open. "Here you go, miss."

"Thanks." I say, as I walk in. The door locks shut behind me.

Mikuo is on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Len is nowhere to be found.

I walk up to Mikuo hesitantly. After all... I'm not quite sure how I should feel about him.

I mean... we almost kissed. And, yet, at the same time... I could just be a replacement for the girl I think he really loves, and always will.

I stop when I'm right beside him, and frown. Shouldn't he have noticed me...?

Then, I notice his soft, even breathing, and smile. "You're sleeping?!"

As expected, I don't receive any answer. I chuckle, and sit down beside him.

"Wow... you're a real bad hogger." I giggle, as I push him over a little to give myself some room. He groans, and frowns in his sleep.

"Stupid..." I murmur.

I sit there for a while, just watching how peaceful he seems when he's asleep. I wonder what he's dreaming of...?

Suddenly, he groans, and his eyes flutter open. He frowns for a moment, confused, then his eyes brighten as his vision focuses on me.

He smiles. "Hey, Rin-Rin!"

I shake my head at him. "Tired?"

"Not anymore."

"Don't you sleep?"

"Of course I do."

"Then why were you so tired?"

He stretches his arms. "Because." he simply says, as he lowers his limbs. "Life can be exhausting at times."

"I know the feeling."

"Mm, I'm sure you do."

"That sounds sarcastic."

He blinks. "Really? I swear, it wasn't meant to be!"

"That sounds like a cheesy chick-flick." I say, then raise my voice to a falsetto.

"The reason I'm breaking up with you, is because, like, we just weren't meant to be. It's not you, it's me, okay? Good luck in life~!"

Mikuo puts a pained expression on his face, and holds his hand over his heart. "No... it can't be! My heart is shattering to a thousand tiny pieces! Why? You can't leave meeee!"

I raise a brow. "And the Oscar goes to..."

Mikuo bows. "Thank you, thank you! I'd like to thank Rin Kagene for breaking my heart, because she is what got me here in the first place. It was by having her stomp all over my feelings that I finally realized my hidden creativity inside."

"Oh, shut up!" I say, smacking his arm.

He laughs, and falls back onto the bed.

I lie down beside him, and glance over at him.

He's staring back, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief.

And then suddenly, our faces are so close to each other, I can feel the warmth of his breath. Suddenly, we're back where we were the other day.

But this time, there's no Len to interrupt us.

He presses his lips against mine, and I kiss him back.

It's passionate, and like everything it should be, but... somehow... I can't help feeling something isn't right.

No, something's definitely wrong here...

But right now, I couldn't care less.

* * *

_XD I HAVE ESCAPED WRITING KISSING SCENES! I don't like writing kissy scenes, because I'm not very good at it..._

_This has been a very fluffy chapter. 3 different kiss scenes in one chap?! Lucky you, readers! ;)_

_I'm so completely exhausted now, but it's only 11:17pm. What the hell. =.="_

_I think this has been a really short chapter compared to my usual, but I can't check right now. I can only hope it's more than 3000 words... _**(Edit: It's around 4500 words. It's not 8000, but… it'll have to do.)**

_OH MY GOD, I'M DYING OF TIREDNESS HERE. OTL_

_I think the fluff will make up for the shortness, if it actually does turn out to be short... but hey, I might be able to update two chapters in the same week! Lost and Found, AND The Girl in the Ward! Awesome~!_

_OH MY GOD, IT'S ONLY BEEN 6 CHAPTERS, BUT THIS WILL BE ENDING SOON. T-T I'm like... devastated. But at the same time, I'm really relieved. I'm dreading the end, but at the same time, I can't wait for the end!_

_Maybe I'll make a short oneshot collection based off of this story... hmm..._

_Okay, I'm seriously dying here. Good bye._

**7 REVIEWS REQUIRED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER TO BE POSTED!**

**Please Review...**

* * *

_(1) Thank you to that wonderful reviewer who mentioned he or she thought Mikuo would only use Rin as a replacement for Haine-Lin. That line there was dedicated to you for helping me out. XD_

_(2) Based off a personal experience with frogs and the bio channel... It was pretty gross, but kinda funny at the same time. XD_


	7. Double Meaning

**The Girl in the Ward**

_*sniff* ... I love you guys... QwQ You are so awesome. Reviews are so awesome. Fanfiction is so awesome. I love you...! *sniff sniff*_

_Okay, so you epic people are expecting an epic chapter. ... We'll see how it goes, for I am currently at a dead end, and am improvising on what I should do, right now. I have absolutely nothing planned, and have absolutely no idea what to do. But this is how I usually start things off... XD The only time I don't start things this way is when it's something's first chapter, or I'm writing Lost and Found. Lost and Found has always been easy to write... hm. Wonder why. *shrug*_

_Anyway, I'm so glad you guys suggested ideas to me~! They really helped, a lot. Really. I mean, geez, guys. Now, I actually know how I'm going to start this chapter thanks to one of your ideas! So please, remember, if you have a suggestion, or an idea of any kind for any of my stories, please feel free to tell me in a review, or a PM, or... anything!_

_Well... I think I'm ready to start off. I have my beginning PoV figured out, and a slight theme. My conscience will work on the rest of it all as I write. :)_

* * *

**Anonymous Review replies:**

**Purple f: A****wesome** **like a possum in a blossom with a wii remote and king Tut word? That has got to be the best compliment I have ever heard. XD XD XD You are even awesomer than a Bostoner and a… um… an officer in California with a rabid squirrel! XD And no, there is nothing wrong with loving something… or someone. o.o XD I'm just kidding…! Anywho, I'm really really glad you like my stories, because your reviews always make my day! You are one of my favorite reviewers! XD Gimme hug~!**

**lolz: It better end as Mikuo x Rin, you say? … *glances away guiltily***

**Guest: **Hi I could explain paradichlorobenzene if you want just in your next chapter tell me if you want me to or not :) btw try listening to a born coward- Gumi and Kagome Kagome not circle you circle you bad apple (i like AL's version best) head phone actor a tale of six trillion years and a night and lastly a realistic l- Oops I meant A realistic logical ideologist just tell me if you want to know more

**Well, hello there. XD I'm not quite sure I understand what you meant, but yes, I've heard all those songs before, and they are really very catchy, are they not? XD And I know what you mean – There's another Kagome Kagome by Miku. ^w^ It's a good song. Hm, I've never heard Big Al's version of Bad Apple, though. I'll be sure to listen to it~! ^w^ Seems you like IA~! So do I. I think she's got a really cute voice. Her songs are really catchy~! Anyway, thanks for the review~!**

* * *

_(1) You know... like those things you see at Starbucks. :) Not that I ever drink coffee..._

* * *

**Chapter 7 - Double Meaning**

* * *

**Dear Mikuo,**

**Hi.**

**Um... hi.**

**Every time I start a letter like this, it always starts out awkward. Maybe that's because things still are awkward between us. Oh, who am I kidding...? I know where you are. And I know it's my fault. Things will always be awkward between us, won't they?**

**... I've been writing to you since 2 months after you left me here. That's almost 2 years from now. It's scary isn't it?**

**And yet, I'm still pathetically writing to you. How very pathetically pathetic. I can't even admit to myself how pathetic this pathetic obsession is. It's completely pathetic!**

**Um... yeah. It would seem you aren't the only crazy one.**

**I'd ask you how you are, but since I probably won't send this to you, just like the... 500 letters, I think? Let's just go with that. Just like the 500 other letters stored away in my closet. **

**And even if I did dare send this, would you even bother reading it? Would you bother answering it? Would the people there even let you?**

**It scares me. You don't know how much it scares me, not knowing what you think of me anymore.**

**I still hate you for what you did to me. **

**But I really hope you don't hate me for what I've done to you.**

**Ren wouldn't want you to hate me, I think. Well, he wouldn't understand, anyway, since he can barely understand English... but I think he wonders where you are, in his own way.**

**I'm sure you know who Ren is. You may have been apparently diagnosed as crazy, but I know you're not stupid.**

**Anyway... life is okay. I live with my parents still. I'm still homeschooled. I know you won't like that fact, but I'm too scared to go to a regular school without you by my side.**

**There is one person I've met though... in a way, he reminds me of you. I'm wondering if I should be worried. Haha. Ha.**

**...**

**Yeah... no matter how much I wish it wouldn't be, it would seem things will always remain awkward, won't they? Hm. I really wish they wouldn't.**

**I know you probably won't come back here if you get released. ... That was pretty negative. Let me rephrase: WHEN you get released. I really hope that you've found someone there. Someone as crazy as you are. Hahaha. ...**

**People don't call me crazy anymore. Slutty, yes. Quiet, yes. Creepy, sometimes. But not crazy. If you still care, maybe you'd be happy to hear that.**

**Or maybe you'd think that was a very terribly insensitive thing to say. Sorry...**

**...**

**No, really. I'm sorry.**

**I always will be.**

**I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. I know things would have turned out better for you had I not been alive.**

**You'd have someone who could really love you in return, for example, instead of someone who screamed and attacked at any sign on not getting her way. You'd get someone who'd actually truly be able to make love to you, without you getting put away for rape right after.**

**... Okay, so technically, you put yourself away. I still think that was really stupid of you.**

**I still wish you'd stayed with me. And you know...**

**...You never forget your first.**

**I hope you haven't forgotten me.**

**And just remember... please... that even if I hate, I still love you, too, at the same time.**

**Love,**

**Haine-Lin**

**P-S: Ren takes after his father.**

Haine-Lin read over her letter. She shuddered a little, holding back unnecessary tears. She'd always start crying when writing to Mikuo.

She took in deep, slow breaths, as she tried to calm herself. Then, she slipped the finished piece of writing into a white envelope, and walked over to her closet.

There, she pulled out a brown cardboard box filled with other letters. She was about to slide it in, when she stopped, and thought for a moment.

... She could send that letter.

There wasn't really any reason not to. The worst that could happen was that he sent her back a letter filled with hatred, and though that would hurt like a stab to the heart, it would help her move on.

She quickly ran downstairs. "Mom? I... I need to know the ward's address. I need... I need to send this."

* * *

"Valentine's Day is in 3 months. You guys are a little early."

I shoot Luka a look. "Not my fault she stole the same day as me."

Miku raises her brows and widens her eyes, in that way she always does that makes her seem so innocent. Only now do I realize how fake it really looks.

"Not our fault either." Kaito says with a smirk. "Blame it on him for copying us."

"Who, me?" Mikuo asks with a laugh. "Pfft, I didn't copy you! You copied me!"

"I beg to differ."

"Our little moment happened before yours!" Mikuo argues. "So, YOU copied US!"

"Actually, I think ours happened first, Mister Competitive."

Both guys narrow their eyes at each other in a friendly, yet deadly competitive way.

"Mine was better." Mikuo says with a smirk.

"I doubt it could be." Kaito answers simply, though his voice has taken on a colder tone.

"Mm!" Miku tugs on Kaito's sleeve.

Instead of breaking he and Mikuo's stare to glance at her, Kaito simply wraps his arm around her shoulders, and pulls her close. Strangely enough, Miku seems to relax in his embrace instead of growing flustered or simply losing it.

Because it's all nothing but an act.

I don't get why that others me so much. It just does.

Mikuo laughs, the sound cruel and malistic. "Two can play at that game." he says.

And then suddenly, he grabs my wrist and pulls me close. Before I have time to react, his lips are on mine. But unlike Miku, I don't lean into him. Instead, my stomach starts to churn nervously.

He pulls away and cocks his head at Kaito. "Beat that!" he yells out. A few people stop and glance over at us. But it's not like we really care.

Kaito raises a brow. "I could..." He glances at Miku. "But I'm not sure she'd let me."

I don't think Miku even noticed his words. She's staring at me with a knowing, sad expression.

And of course, I just can't help but feel guilty, even though I have nothing to feel guilty for.

Someone clears their throat at one end of the table. I look over, only to find Len standing there, in all his miserable glory.

He's glaring at Mikuo and I, and even though he probably hates me now, and even though I'm kind of still angry at him too, I can't help but feel a small flutter of happiness when I see him.

He sits at the very end of the table beside Teto, who has come to join us this lunch period. Strangely enough, she's been very quiet this whole time, which is very uncharacteristic for Teto Kasane.

Maybe it's a full moon, or something.

Miku's gaze shifts to the blond boy who has now joined the table, and she frowns. She looks back towards me, scrunches her brow, then swings her stare back towards Len.

Finally, as if she's found the answer to her unspoken question, her brow shoots up, and she makes a small 'huh' sound.

"Still angry, I see?" Gakupo asks with a small chuckle.

"Hm?" Len interrupts his glaring to look up at his purple-haired senior. "Oh, no, I'm not angry."

"Really?"

"No."

"Then what about those looks of death?" Gakupo counters.

I instantly perk up. I want to give Gakupo a high-five, now...

"I'm not glaring at anyone, if that's what you're inquiring." Len simply answers, crossing his arms, then poking at his noodles with his fork.

"Really? So you weren't just glaring at our newest couple here?" Gakupo asks, cocking his head to the side.

"..." Len continues poking at his food. "I have nothing against Miku and Kaito being together."

"No, I meant our other newest couple at this table."

"There isn't any other couple at this table."

I want to laugh at his childish manner. This is turning out to be quite an interesting conversation...!

"So you're saying Rin and Mikuo aren't actually together?" Gakupo presses, he too seeming like he's trying to hold in laughter.

Len glances coolly at us. "Not if you ask me."

Mikuo nudges me, and when I turn, he's already bent down to my ear. "What's his problem?"

"Probably on his man-period, or something." I whisper back to him. "God only knows how often he gets them. Poor girl..."

Mikuo laughs, and Len's eyes narrow even further.

Gakupo stops bothering Len after that, and things at our table return to a normal chitchat, save from Teto and Len.

Until the cafeteria door swings open again, letting Gumi in with a nervous, but excited expression.

"Mikuo?" she calls out to him. "You got a letter."

Mikuo frowns as he stares at the white envelope. "I didn't even think we were allowed letters..." I whisper to him.

"Only sometimes." he says. "But I don't think you're allowed to write one back."

He stands, and walks over to where Gumi is grinning. Huh. The letter's already ripped open. Did Gumi read it first? Was it good news? What did it say?

Mikuo begins to walk back towards our table, but she holds onto his shirt collar. "You might want to open it over here." she whispers, then takes her leave.

Mikuo is just staring at the back of the letter, presumably where the address is written. The rest of the table watches anxiously, even Len.

Teto, I notice, seems the most concerned of us all - which kind of makes me look like a really shitty girlfriend.

Girlfriend... huh.

Looking confused, Mikuo turns over the letter, where the flap opens. He holds it up, and pulls out a piece of lined paper.

I watch as his eyes scan it, confused, then suddenly lighting up in realization. He keeps on reading it, mixed expressions dancing on his face. He seems... both nervous and peaceful, at the same time.

Reassured of some things, but worried of others.

And then suddenly, his eyes stop scanning the paper, focused on something in the middle of the page. His expression turns into one of pure horror.

"What's going on?" Luka whispers to us.

"... I..." Miku falters, but I'm not even completely sure if it was part of her act this time. "I don't know."

He seems to be reading the same line over and over again, as if the words had somehow changed order.

I suppose that, being his girlfriend, I now get special privileges or something like that. I stand from my seat, and walk up to him. No one follows me, thought I notice Teto is examining my every move extremely carefully.

"What is it?" I ask, my voice filled with maybe a little too much concern.

He doesn't say anything, just tilts the page a little more in my direction. Understanding what he meant by that, I come around behind him, and try to read over his shoulder.

It all seems like an ordinary letter, with a hint of angst, but I have a strong feeling I know who wrote this.

The girl with the raven-black hair, the girl I apparently look so similar to. The girl Mikuo had once loved, and probably still does.

I read the letter slowly. Instead of sounding like the 14 or 15-year-old she probably is, she sounds more like she's in her mid-twenties, each word chosen with the care of an adult.

**P-S: Ren takes after his father.**

"Who's Ren?" I ask.

Mikuo's face stays blank. In shock, perhaps? He still looks horrified. But why does he...?

And then it hits me, as I remember what exactly brought Mikuo here.

**P-S: Ren takes after his father.**

His... father.

"You..." I whisper to myself.

He seems to hear it, and he bows his head down ever so slowly. "Oh... Oh God..." he lets out.

Not knowing what to do, I only stand there awkwardly, wishing I could help, but not knowing how to do so, and suddenly, a thought occurs to me.

'This must be how Haine-Lin felt...'

"What is it?" Luka asks, louder now.

Mikuo's head still lowered, he murmurs the words, though they are loud enough for us to hear.

"It's Haine-Lin. She had a baby."

Our friends at the table seem surprised for a moment... then even more so when they realize the full meaning of that statement.

"Mikuo..." Luka says helplessly.

Miku quickly scrambles up, and rushes to his side, hugging him.

I then realize she acts more like his girlfriend then I do. I try to show my support by grasping his hand instead.

Teto is the next one to run up to us. She steps up very close to Mikuo - maybe a little TOO close - and bends down to try and see his expression.

"Mikuo... I'm so sorry." she whispers to him. "But I think she's happy... I think she'll be okay."

'Okay... without you.' I can't help but think. Have those feelings of love inside of her vanished? Does Haine-Lin no longer love Mikuo the way she used to? Does she even love him that way at all...?

"I... should go ask for some pills." Mikuo finally says. "Some extra pills."

He sneaks a glance at me, and I can't tell what he's thinking exactly. Then, he bends down, and leaves a soft kiss on my forehead.

And somehow... even if he's kissed me on the lips before, that one kiss on the forehead has them beat. What any other kiss he'd given me before lacked, this one seemed to have it, even though it lasted only about 2 seconds.

Then, he left the room, letter still clutched in his hand.

I watch after him with a lingering silence, as the bell suddenly rings.

* * *

"You look depressed."

I glance up from the hot chocolate I'd been nursing. "Do I?"

Kiyoteru nods. "Are you?"

I sigh, and continue to stir the warm beverage with a small black coffee stick. (1)

"I'll take that as a yes."

"... Take it as a maybe."

"Should I ask what's wrong?"

"... Maybe."

Kiyo-san cocks his head. "It's my job, you know. I have to anyway. I only asked to be polite."

"Politeness is overrated."

Kiyo-san chuckles. "Perhaps so. Well, then? What is it?"

When I don't answer, he sighs. "Let me guess... it has to do with either Len, or Mikuo."

I frown. "Why do you say that?"

He smiles. "Because. Every time you're here, those two are the people you talk about the most. I think you feel quite close to them."

I'm silent, narrowing my eyes and examining his expression. Is he testing me? I shake my head. I might as well tell him. "Sure. It's about one of them."

"Mikuo and his letter, am I right?" he asks. "Gumi let me read it first. I don't think she realized what Haine was trying to say... she probably just thought Ren was a friend, or something."

"..."

"If it were me in charge, I'm not sure I would've let him read it. But then again, it would seem cruel not to... after all, Mikuo's been living 2 years without knowing that fact."

"So he really is the father?" I ask.

"I'd think so." Kiyo-san answered.

My gaze shifts away to the wall. I'd hate to have something like that hidden from me for so long, but...

"It's not just that, is it?"

My eyes lock back on my... counselor. Yes, that's what he called himself... "How do you know?" I ask, a little too harsh then I meant.

He simply shrugs it off, unaffected. "I'm forced to be able to recognize body language. You may be in a ward, but you're no different than any other human being, Rin."

"..."

"Well? Care to share? Or will I have to guess?"

"..."

"You don't have much longer here, Rin, but we might have to extend your stay if you're moping around."

"Are you threatening me?!" I yell out, surprised.

"Only slightly." he smiles. "So... is it still about Mikuo this time? Or is Len the lucky one?"

"..." I avoid eye contact with him, staring at anything in the room that isn't him. "Please... I don't really want to talk about it."

"Hey..." Kiyo-san's voice has softened. He gently turns my chin in his direction, so I'm forced to look him in the eyes. "You can tell me anything, okay?"

"I don't want to..." I say, and slide my eyes to the right, so I don't have to see the sincerity in his own brown orbs.

"... Okay." He drops his hand, and I glance over in surprise.

"R-Really?!" I say. "You're giving up that easily?!"

He laughs. "Did you want me to try harder?"

In a way... I did. In a way, I wanted him to force me to tell him. I wanted to rid mysef of that nag at my heart. But there was no way I'd admit that.

"Well, I guess we're done here." he says. "You can go back now. I'll escort you myself." He flashes a winning smile.

"..." He's turning the door handle when I say a quick pressed, "Wait!"

He turns towards me again. "Uh- um..." I stutter, not quite sure of what I wanted to say. "I... ... How do you know... when you love someone?"

He smiles at me in a way that said he'd already guessed I'd say something like that. "There's no way to know for sure, Rin." he says. "Sometimes, people only realize it when it's too late."

"But-"

"If you ask me... I'd say you'd know when you can look at someone, and imagine a future together. If you can't do that, then there's no point in starting anything."

"..." I'm silent, absorbing this new advice. "... Kiyo-san...?"

"Yes?"

"... Are you... Are you proposing to Gumi...?"

He blushes, and scratches his head. "Seems I'm not the only one who can read body language." he quickly mumbles, as he opens the door.

"... Congratulations." I say.

He looks me in the eye, and smiles knowingly. "You too."

* * *

For some reason, when I step back into our room for social therapy, it feels like déjà vu.

Len is already there, lying on the top bunk, staring up at the ceiling. Just like he was on the very first day.

"..."

Neither of us says anything, as I slowly, cautiously walk towards my single bed.

"... Are you angry?" I ask.

"... ... ... ... ... A little." Len finally admits.

"... Why?"

"Because. I... I don't know..."

"... I'm sorry for what I said, before." I say, shifting nervously.

"A little late."

My head snaps up. "What?"

He turns onto his side, so he can look me in the eye. "That was like... 2 weeks ago."

"... I know." I say. "I should've apologized faster."

"Stubbornness issues."

I can't help but quietly laugh, and he smiles ever so slightly. He swings his legs into the open space of the bunk, but instead of climbing down the ladder like a normal person, he simply lets himself fall, and lands on his bare feet.

He strides over to me. We're only about two feet away from each other, and in a way, it feels too close.

"... I know you're not happy about Mikuo and I... um..."

"Being together?" he helps. He tilts his head. "No, you're right, I'm not completely thrilled about the idea, but... I'll live."

"Will you?"

I don't know what I meant by that exactly, but his eyes soften, as he watches me. "... I can always try."

That weight on my shoulders seems to have doubled now, as I look into his dark blue eyes. "... I... don't really get why you're against it so much."

"Really?" he asks, though he doesn't sound sarcastic. "I've already told you, though."

"... You love me."

Judging by his expression, that wasn't quite what he meant. He looks very surprised, but also slightly pleased. Come to think of it... It's true that he hadn't told me that. Lenka had.

I don't have a doubt anymore that what she said was true. He regains his composure, and slowly nods. "Yeah... I do. You're right."

We stand there in a slightly awkward silence, as he watches me, searching for a reaction. When I stay silent, he seems disappointed. For some reason, so am I.

He suddenly reaches for my hand. I flinch, but he seems to have expected that, and is holding on tightly enough that I don't jerk back.

"Come on. I want to bring you with me somewhere."

... Yes, that sounds very cliché. But I still follow him.

He gets a guard to unlock the door, and rushes me to some place.

When he opens the door, I realize it's that piano room that I'd first found him in. He sits on the bench, and pulls me on beside him.

I wonder curiously what he's going to play.

He presses on the keys, and rather quickly, I recognize the tune.

"You've got to be kidding me!" I laugh. "Jingle Bells?!"

He shrugs, never missing a note. "It _is_ December. I have no reason not to!"

I laugh, and hum along to the tune.

When he finishes, he starts off another song. Again, after a few bars, I recognize it as an old classic.

"Psychotic Love Song?" I ask. "Please don't tell me you're planning on killing me."

He chuckles, and ends the tune a little early, starting off another one.

I hum along with the tune, trying to remember the name of the song. "Isn't that... Starlight Utopia, by Aria Planetes?"

He nods, and starts to play another song that I immediately recognize. "I want you to sing to this one, if you know the lyrics. Okay?"

I nod. "Alright."

It's quite a beautiful song, but at the same time, almost sad. I wait for the intro to finish, then begin to sing.

"Certain words, that you said  
Cut deep in me, and left me bled  
This strange feeling, of being dead  
I guess we could just, describe it  
as love...

A lack of sympathy, deficiency  
Getting together but, only physically  
But this is only, just a summary  
They glance at me, with looks of pity  
But I really do love you!

Isn't it okay to just be more than friends?  
When I'm with someone else, nothing ever happens!  
This isn't fate, this isn't destiny  
Just a fading love shattering inside me!"

Instead of speeding up again for the second verse, Len slows down his playing, skipping it, and bringing the tune to the bridge.

"Did you just say that you love me?  
The things I've wanted since the beginning  
Is it okay to kill these things for good?  
Fade away, fade away, go back as it should..."

To the very last chorus now.

"Isn't it okay to just be more than friends?  
When I'm with someone else, nothing ever happens!  
This isn't fate, this isn't destiny  
Just a fading love shattering inside me!"

He keeps playing, wrapping the song up, and I watch his fingers move around the keys, mesmerized. He plays the final chord, and glances at me, searching my expression.

I think back to the song lyrics, and sigh. "This wasn't just you wanting me to sing, was it? This song held a little more meaning than that, didn't it?"

With one hand, he plays the ending of the song once more, studying my expression though instead of actually looking at his fingers.

"... Is it wrong of me to find that song pretty?" he asks.

"Don't say that. I know it's not just that you find that song pretty."

He sighs. "Okay, then, maybe it does. To me, at least. Does it really matter?"

I stare at him, trying to figure out what he's thinking, but coming up with nothing, as I always seem to do.

"Yeah. It does matter. Just..." I falter, as I realize how close our faces are to each other.

And he's still leaning in, but slowly, as if warning me of what he's going to do, asking me in his own way if it's alright.

Unlike Mikuo, who, if he were in Len's place, would simply kiss me quickly before I had time to change my mind.

... Hm.

Our noses are touching now, and he wraps his arm around me, pressing his hand on my back, pulling me closer, and...

"No."

He pulls away slightly, enough to be able to look me in the eyes.

"Don't." I say. "I'm not going to cheat on Mikuo, alright? I'm not that kind of girl."

"But you love us both."

I can't help but bite my lip at that. Because it's true, isn't it? I _do_ love them both.

"You're going to have to choose one of us eventually." he says, his eyes seeming guarded. "And only one of us."

"I already have-"

"You almost kissed me just now, Rin." he interrupts. "You haven't made up your mind yet."

And surprisingly enough, I still want that kiss. It seems so completely slutty of me, but now, I wish I hadn't stopped him after all.

I wish I could've felt his lips on mine, and seen if it felt different than when Mikuo kissed me. I wish I could've felt what it would be like to be Len's lover instead of Mikuo's.

"... Can you tell me everything now?" I ask.

He frowns, confused. "Of wha-"

"The truth." I say. "Why you're here. You've only told me part of the story."

His face falls then, and he turns away. "I'm... I'm sorry for what I said the other day. You were right; I am crazy. I wouldn't be here if I weren't. It just... It doesn't feel like it." he sighs.

I watch him patiently, waiting.

"I didn't kill Lenka. I hope you realize that's the truth by now." I nod. "Okay... well you were right about that part too. You can't be put in a place like this without evidence that you deserve to be put in a place like this."

So I really was right? That would mean he really _was _holding back part of the truth after all!

"After Lenka died... I wasn't really myself. So when I found out that the police had a suspect in her case... I kind of just snapped."

I blinked, curious of what would happen next, as if this were just some simple comic book he was explaining.

"I snuck into the files- computer files, I mean - and found out the guy's name, and address, and everything. It also said he had a criminal record in the past, but that he'd already served his years, and was released. It also that the police hadn't arrested him yet this time around."

I had a feeling I knew where this was going now.

"I ended up stealing a gun from the police station, as stupid as it seems, and marched over to the guy's house. He was just watching TV, like a regular person, but... I saw bullets on the table."

My eyes widened as I took this in.

"I shot him. He ended up grazing me on the arm with a bullet, but I wasn't bleeding much. Him, on the other hand..."

He trailed off, probably deciding to skip the gore. "Anyway, he survived, and was put in jail, but they realized who shot him, and sent me here."

A pause. "I was so close, too... I almost killed him. Almost...! I could have done to him exactly what he'd done to Lenka! I could have avenged her!"

I don't think he noticed the tear that fell from his eye. I reached over, and wiped it off with the back of my hand.

He glanced at me uncertainly, as if wondering if I was just doing that to get on his good side out of fear he'd hurt me, or something.

"I think she was proud of you." I tell him, meaning it. "I don't blame you."

Again, our faces started to get closer and closer together. But this time, instead of completely rejecting him... this time, I kissed his cheek, then held him close.

"... I love you, Len." I say, so quiet I hope he actually didn't hear it all.

But he did. He squeezes me tighter, and bends down to my ear. "I love you too, Rin." he whispers, and I can't help but shiver at the warmth of his breath.

I don't know how long we sit here like that, but suddenly, the bell rings.

I pull away, and give him another peck on the cheek.

"Oh... I forgot to tell you before... but Lenka misses you."

He simply watches me with a confused expression, as I walk out of the room.

Feeling his gaze still on me, I glance back one last time, and wave.

He does the same, and I step out of the room, ready to go to the art room.

* * *

_Cowabunga!_

_That was... AWESOOOOOOME! XD I'm pretty pumped, cause this Len x Rin moment turned out way better than I'd planned! Plus, you've finally found out the whole truth about what Len did… which I only just made up on the spot. XD That was even more dramatic a chapter than I'd planned! IT WAS AWESOME! XD_

_I worked on this chapter for... 5 and a half hours. XD I'm very slow..._

_But ANYWAY! Things are heating up~! Fluffy, fluffy... So very flooffy. XD_

_Ladeeda... :D I'm in a very good mood now~!_

**Question of the Chapter: What song was Rin singing?**

_Those were my original lyrics, by the way, so you'll have to ask first if anyone wants to use them, and give me credit for them too. I quite like my lyrics...~!_

_You know, this was a very sucky question…I'll add in an extra._

**Question of the Chapter #2: Will we see Haine-Lin again at some point in this story?**

_Oh, by the way, the reason the chapter is called Double Meaning is not just for the Len scene at the end with the song lyrics. It's also for the Ren and his father part in Haine-Lin's letter, and for Kiyoteru's little speech about love. ^w^ I think it's a very appropriate chapter title~!_

_Anywho, um..._

**No updates until I get... 7 reviews. Okay? ^w^**

_I love you all!_

_Sincerely,_

_~Naty17 _

* * *

_(1) You know... like those things you see at Starbucks. :) Not that I ever drink coffee..._

* * *

**Please Review!**


	8. Fury

**The Girl in the Ward**

_Oh God..._

_I was just reading over the end of last chapter to remind myself of where we finished off..._

_SO MANY TYPOS! dkjerjgbwofboj2rvbirbjogvbo!_

_It's really bothering me... but I'm not sure if I'll actually go back and correct them._

_Oh, and by the way, you all guessed the song right. XD It really _**was**_ Mozaik Role. Smarty pants~! ;) It seems like a crappy question, seeing as not one person got it wrong... -3-_

_Phew! I'd better wrap this up soon... I mean, like... I have a bunch of new ideas I want to write, but too many stories are already in the works. I think I may wait for this story to finish before I start Puppy Mill... But then I also have a new story called Merry-Go-Round, another one called... uh... ... ... crap. Can't remember. The title is Japanese. I think it's supposed to be 'Those Words', or something? It's a Yuki x Kiyoteru story. I may change the name... Then I'm also starting Puppy Mill soon. I'm also planning out a collab story with the fabulous sugarstarcherry. And then I also have Lost and Found, and Dust in the Corner to worry about..._

_..._

_..._

_OH MY GOD. I forgot to check my calendar. I MIGHT HAVE FORGOTTEN TO WRITE A BIRTHDAY FIC FOR SOMEONE! D:_

_OTL_

_I have so much work to do..._

_I'm hoping to start/finish the Teto arc this chap, because it's dragged on for so long now, it's starting to lose its excitement. Plus, now is the perfect opportunity!_

_Oh, and someone mentioned I spoil too much in my Author's Notes... D: Well, honestly, I kinda knew that... but it's hard to keep these things a secret, because I get so excited over it all! XD Aw well... I'll try to be more careful (even though I technically just did it again right now, saying I want to finish the Teto arc... =.= I'll try to be more careful...!)_

* * *

**Chapter 8 - Fury**

"..."

"..."

"... It's really bothering you, isn't it?"

Mikuo looked up sharply. "Hm?"

"It's bothering you, isn't it?" Teto asked, frowning, her brows furrowed in concern.

"You mean, the letter?" Mikuo stared back at his canvas. On it was not a picture of a girl, like he usually did, but instead, a strange painting of dozens, hundreds of keys hanging from a ceiling.

Teto couldn't help but think this sudden change in style held more meaning in it than one may think.

"Not just the letter."

Mikuo cocked his head, watching her carefully, and Teto could feel her cheeks heat a little.

He never even glanced at her before Rin came.

"I mean... her baby."

Mikuo backed away, and the way the shadows slid onto his face as he hid it from view, it made him look 5 years older. "I... I don't know."

"You don't know if it's bothering you?"

"No... I just... I don't know what to do about it."

Teto was silent, pondering for a minute on this. "... Do you want to see her again?"

"Who? Haine-Lin?" Mikuo paused. "... No."

The pink-haired girl took a step back, surprised. "What?"

"If I saw her again", Mikuo explained, "I'd want to be with her again. But she already has someone else. Going there would confuse her too much... and I wouldn't want to force her to choose between me and him."

Teto blinked. "You've... put a lot of thought into this."

His face remained blank. "So would you."

Teto nodded. The silence between them returned. "... So... What about Ren?"

"What about Ren?" Mikuo asked, a sudden coolness in his voice.

"... Don't you want to meet him?"

"... I don't know."

"You don't know?"

Mikuo frowned at her tone of voice. "I haven't seen him once in the year he's been born. Do you really think it'd be fine for me to just step in now, and pretend I've been there the whole time?"

"Yes." Teto answered. "It's... better to finally meet him a year late than never at all."

Mikuo paused, considering this. His jaw clenched and unclenched, over and over. "It's just... I don't know. I'm scared, I guess."

"... Do you want to talk about it?" Teto asked, cocking her head, and asking in as much sympathy as she could.

A pause. Mikuo turned back towards his painting. "It's more something I'd talk to Rin about."

"But...!" The pretty pink-haired girl let out helplessly. "Rin isn't here!"

"But she will be in a few minutes. Or a few hours. Or maybe even a few seconds."

Teto bit her lip. "I could... I could probably be of more help to you than her."

"..." Mikuo went quiet, as he stared at the canvas. As Teto watched him, it was obvious to her that he was slipping away into another of his constant depressions.

Rin rarely noticed them. But Teto always would.

"... Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" Teto offered one last time.

It took a long time for Mikuo to answer, and Teto assumed he'd ignored her, but he then said, "I'm afraid that if I meet him, I won't let him go."

He hesitated, but continued. "Or maybe I'll hate him. Maybe I'll end up hurting him. Maybe I'll kill him, by accident. Or maybe I'll use him to see Haine again..."

Teto blinked in surprise. It was true, after all... she'd never even considered that. Even though Mikuo was well on the road to recovery, he still had problems, problems that would sometimes take over his entire being.

"I don't know what I might do. That's why I'm scared." Mikuo concluded.

"I..." Teto was speechless. "I... I'm sorry."

She could only watch as her apology was ignored, and his mood sunk even lower.

The doors opened, as Rin pranced in, nearly 10 minutes late.

Teto grew angry at her for being so happy and cheerful right now. Did she not realize what Mikuo was going through? Did she not care that Mikuo was suffering?

"Hello! Sorry I'm late!" she chirped in a hushed tone.

Teto grit her teeth at the blonde. "Mm."

Mikuo said absolutely nothing, still frowning at his picture.

And Rin, oblivious to everything, started humming a tune.

It was a song from a certain fairytale, an old Disney classic. As for which one, Teto couldn't tell. Perhaps Snow White? Or Sleeping Beauty? No, no, it was Cinderella, definitely. Yes... Cinderella.

Rin gazed at her blank canvas, head cocked, wondering what exactly to paint.

Teto was annoyed at how her easel had everything all set up for her, even though everyone else had theirs too. All the easels were already set up when the teenagers walked in. But it suddenly just didn't seem fair when it was Rin's.

Teto hated Rin with a passion.

The girl she'd at first felt such a bond too was apparently turning out to be another oblivious bitch. She'd thought of herself and Rin together as best friends. But then... she went and seduced Mikuo.

Why couldn't Teto have been born with smooth, flawless skin, and straight black hair, with empty gray eyes? Then surely, Mikuo would have adored her, would have chosen her over the blond Haine-Lin look-alike.

If she'd been born as Haine-Lin, Teto would have prayed the Gods every night in gratefulness. If she could be the one Mikuo loved, she'd carry 9 of his children, if that's what he wanted.

But no. She'd been born as stupid Teto Kasane. Stupid Teto with the curly pink corkscrews and the big magenta-colored eyes. Stupid Teto Kasane who looked nothing at all like Haine-Lin.

Cursed to be left behind in this awkward love triangle.

Rin's drawing began to shape itself.

Slowly, it became the image of a girl folded onto a rock, seemingly in the middle of the ocean. Her black hair flew loosely in the wind, and she wore a warm smile, as she plucked a flower petal from the red-colored daisy in her hand.

The color contrast was amazing; everything in the picture seemed dark, like it was printed in black and white- except for the girl's pale peach skin, and the blood-red flower she held in her hand.

And still, somehow, it gave off a warm aura, that would make an average person smile softly.

It was startling to see it beside Mikuo's eerie key painting. It also angered Teto to see Rin be able to paint something so simple-minded at a time like this.

"You obviously don't care at all..." Teto muttered to herself, perhaps making it a little too audible.

Rin glanced up. "Mm? What do you mean?"

Well... might as well.

"Don't you care that Mikuo's having one of his moments right now?!"

Rin frowned, then leaned down so she could try and see the teal-haired young man's expression. So she really hadn't noticed after all... pfft.

What Teto didn't notice, but that Rin did, however, was the way Mikuo shuddered at the word 'moments'.

"I... I didn't notice." Rin admitted.

"Because you obviously don't care!" Teto pressed, her rage boiling.

Rin squirmed. She didn't like the feeling she was getting from this, the negative energy radiating from her friend.

Teto snickered at the way Rin unconsciously fingered the band on her wrist. "You don't even deny it."

Mikuo's head raised up a little, listening carefully, although his face remained blank.

"I **do** care." Rin snapped. "I just don't get why you're so angry!"

Teto laughed bitterly. "You don't get why I'm so angry?" Another laugh, one that sent shivers down Rin's spine. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe it's because I hate you?"

Rin's eyes widened in horror. "What...?"

Another cruel laugh.

"Poor little Rin, who has no friends. Poor little Rin, who tried to commit suicide... You think your life is just so tragic huh?" Teto was seething. Something had suddenly turned her aggressive; something wasn't right in her mind.

And Rin saw it, too.

In Teto's eyes was the same look she'd seen in Meiko's eyes, in Tei's eyes, even in Luka's cobalt orbs before: Madness, pure sheer madness was reflected in them.

It suddenly occurred to the blonde that perhaps there was more reason to why Teto had been brought here.

"I've been here longer than you have. I've suffered through more than you have." Teto's eyes were on fire now, blazing with hate. "And then you get here. And all you have to do is bat your pretty eyes at everyone, and they all fall at your feet."

Rin's hand gripped harder on the clear-colored bracelet. But... she didn't want Teto to hate her even more by pressing the button on it. Besides, there could still be a way to fix things.

"I've been here longer than you, but because you are just so helpless and confused, you even manage to seduce Mikuo."

Mikuo tensed at the sound of his name, but didn't react at all in any other way. It was as if he wasn't able to.

"I hate you, Rin!" Teto shouted out.

A few other students turned to watch. The teacher glanced over curiously in their direction. Rin couldn't help but shrink away under all the sudden attention.

"Well?!" Teto yelled at her. "Don't you have anything to say?!"

"I'm... I'm sorry?" Rin let out quietly.

And that was all it took.

With a scream of rage, suddenly Teto was on her, and Rin was lying on the floor.

The blonde let out a shriek as her 'friend' scratched at her, dug her nails into Rin's skin. Despite Rin raising her hands to shield her face, her cheek was bleeding, and her arms were red.

Teto let out another snarl, as she scratched at Rin's collar. And then suddenly... Rin couldn't breathe.

Teto's hands were around her neck, squeezing her.

Panicked, Rin glanced over to her boyfriend with a gaze of horror, clawing at Teto's hands to try and release her grip.

But Mikuo only stood there and watched, as if it were nothing but a boring movie he was watching.

"See?" Teto cooed. "He doesn't care either..."

Rin tried to kick her off, but Teto was pinning her legs, sitting on them. The room started to sway, and Rin's head was aching.

'I never realized... that this is how I'd die.' she thought, as the door to the room burst open, and guards with sharp needles in their hands ran to them.

As Rin lost consciousness, her face tinged blue, Teto let out a laugh, as she glanced at Mikuo.

He was staring at her with a seemingly blank expression, but Teto could see, behind his glassy eyes, was a small flicker of horror.

A needle pierced Teto's arm, then another on her leg, and as she glanced down at the girl underneath her, her eyes widened.

"What did I...?" she let out, the room swimming from the fluids injected into her. 'What have I done?'

* * *

Once upon a time, there was a girl.

This girl's name was Rin.

She was a sad girl, so very lonely, and so very hurt. She thought it easier to end her life than to keep living it.

But she failed this task. Her life, she kept on living. The only thing that had changed was the world she lived in.

Suddenly, she was brought to a new place with new people, new people with worse problems than she. At first, she'd been repulsed by it all- she wasn't crazy! But slowly, she began to adjust, and even prefer this lifestyle over her former one.

She'd made friends, something the old Rin could never have done.

For once, she was...

... happy.

But then she awoke from her dream. She opened her eyes to a third world in front of her, and realized that sometimes, people played pretend. That sometimes, people lie. That sometimes, people can hate.

But by the time she realized this, it was too late.

But... perhaps she hadn't really woken up after all?

I mean... I'm still asleep now.

Maybe when I wake up, I'll find myself back in Grandmaman's attic, in my bed. Things'll just be normal again.

It seems depressing. _Normal_ seems depressing.

But it's safe.

I wonder... will I ever wake up?

I could be dead now. Wasn't that what I'd wanted? Then why do I feel scared? Why do I feel sad?

I don't blame the girl who might have killed me just now. Why should I? I suppose she has a reason to hate me. She was jealous of me. And I don't really deserve the love I've received.

And maybe that's not enough reason for an average person. But after you spend 2 and a half months at a mental ward, you begin to understand that things like this are different for these people.

So... all is dark. I'm not sure if it's really me thinking these thoughts, or someone else. I'm not sure if I'm dead or alive. I'm not even sure if I'm breathing.

The only thing I know for sure right now is that I'm scared. I'm terrified of dying. I feel like I want to cry.

But at the same time, I want to apologize to Teto. I want to hope she'll get better. I want to hope she'll be happy.

And I want to thank her for opening my eyes.

* * *

Len watched her sleep.

She seemed so pale... so fragile. He couldn't believe she just...

"Figured I'd find you here."

Kaito stood in the doorway, leaned against it.

Len glanced back towards Rin. "She's been like this for hours now. You can't blame me for being worried."

Kaito put up his hands in a warding way. "I don't blame you." he assured.

It was silent as they watched the blonde girl's slow breathing.

"I can't believe... he just stood there and watched." Len said, running his hand through his hair.

"..." Kaito didn't say anything, but listened.

"How could she ever think he could...?" He made a sound of frustration.

"He's feeling really guilty too, you know." Kaito said.

"Who? Mikuo?" Len snorted. "He should be."

"So you blame him?"

"Of course." Len said. "He nearly killed her!"

"He kind of couldn't do anything." Kaito shrugged. "Part of his... condition."

"So... you're siding with _him_." Len glanced over, his eyes narrowed.

Kaito shrugged again. "Not necessarily. I don't think I'm really siding with anyone."

"Hm."

"... Do you think she'll change her mind about him?" Kaito asked casually.

"... Why are you asking me something like that?" Len asked, shifting uncomfortably.

"I'm just wondering. If you ask me, I think she'll definitely switch over to you."

"Are you trying to make me feel better, or something?" Len asked, brow raised.

A ghost of a smile appeared on the older boy's face. "Maybe."

Len let a small smile slip onto his face. "Well... you're probably wrong, anyway. Rin... she's... she probably blames herself instead of Mikuo. She probably doesn't even blame Kasane."

"... Speaking of Kasane, they're really considering sending Teto away to where... well... you know. To where they sent Meiko."

"An actual mental hospital. I know." Len glanced back at Rin, and grazed the dark bruises around her throat. "I hope they do."

"That's not very nice."

"Choking people isn't very nice either."

Kaito paused. "She's going to live. You should be happy."

Len smiled, and held her cold hand. "I won't be happy until she wakes up. Or maybe not even until she's mine."

Kaito chuckled. "So you say."

He stood up, and began to walk out. Before stepping out the door, though, he turned, and said, "As long as she's alive, you'll be happy."

And then he left.

* * *

_Ugh…_

_This was a bad chapter. I DIDN'T LIKE IT… OTL _

_It was too short for my liking, and it just went too quick. I probably should have put in an extra scene at the beginning… but I'm too LAZY. ^-^'_

_Moooooooooooooo…_

_SO DRAMATIC! XD_

_Is Rin-chan dead? OH NOES! _

_Natasha K. wants me to tell you that she can spike. What can she spike exactly? … Perhaps the punch bowl? Nah, nah, I'm just being silly~! She meant a volleyball. :3 Sugar is yummy~!_

_Finn the goldfish is a cracker. :D_

_Do you not enjoy my randomness?_

_Today, I laughed at a presentation of some kid getting hit by a car. Does that make me strange? … Yes. It does. But I couldn't help but think, 'They never learn…'_

_WHY DID THE KID CROSS THE ROAD? BECAUSE HE WAS SUICIDAL!_

_Sorry… XD My class's teacher's pet did not approve of my last comment. Then, she told the teacher on me. ewe_

_Recently, I've been having quite a few problems with teachers… Hm. I'm not a very likeable person, so I can understand that to some point… … … but I can't help it. The earth is such a boring place… and there's no point in doing the work, because I'll probably be dead before I can even use them._

_Anywho… I should also be uploading part 2 of that Enclosure oneshot either today or tomorrow. :D Hoorah!_

_Please review! Let's go for… 7 this time. Please? ^w^_

_I love you all!_

_Love,_

_~Naty17_

* * *

**Please Review~!**


	9. Rekindle

**The Girl in the Ward**

"_Punishment game, blah blah blah blah blah blah! Doo doo doo dee dah dee dah!" _

_What? It's stuck in my head…_

_Oh, hey! LIGHTBULB ALERT! I'm gonna do that at the beginning of my chapters, now: Recommend a song for you readers! BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME!_

_Song of the day: Punishment Game (Batsu Game) - by Hatsune Miku & Gumi Megpoid_

_It's awesome; it's a song about a really serious Uno game. It's funny, cause they make it sound like life or death! XD Makes me wanna play Uno~!_

_Anywhoooooo…_

_Uh… so I've been grounded for like… 2 weeks now. AND IT IS KILLING ME. It is mentally torturing me, and I spent a good half hour today (November 21st, 2012) screaming into a pillow. I missed all those deadlines…! D: In return, though, I received a half hour of time to go on the computer. … Now it's 20 minutes. Shit._

_So, I'd better kinda… go a little faster with this A/N, so I don't waste all my time on it. … My A/N is crying now. Q-Q_

_Anyway… wow, over 100 reviews?! HOLY CRUMB-NUGGET! On the Vocaloid fandom page, when you class stories by the most reviews, I'm on the 6th page! Top 60, baby! Wow, I'm so happy! Only 8 (9, now) chapters, and more than 100 reviews… wow. LET'S AIM FOR 150! Woohoo!_

* * *

**Chapter 9 - Rekindle**

* * *

A young woman slumped in her chair, burying her head in her hands.

She couldn't let anyone know how stressed she was- they could deem her mentally unfit to support a child, and she couldn't allow that.

Especially not to the girl herself.

This fragile girl wouldn't survive in anyone else's care, and no one would probably even want her. Her father didn't want her. Her mother wouldn't be able to take care of her.

So here she was.

She adored the child immensely, but it hurt - God, it hurt - to see her treated the way she was.

In a quiet town where everybody knows everyone, a simple crime can be seen as seriously as if the demon himself appeared.

Even when the woman responsible had been put away, they had to worry about her only offspring, the innocent little girl that was her daughter.

Yes, the woman responsible had killed her father… but Haku had never truly liked him anyway.

In fact, Haku was the only one who'd believed her story.

Lily Kagene had claimed that the man had tried to sexually assault her - and it wasn't the first time. In her defense, she'd grabbed the knife she kept hidden under her pillow, and used it.

Most thought her psychotic, that Mr. Honne wouldn't do such a thing…! But Haku knew… for Lily wasn't the only woman it had happened to.

Her father was a little too loving when it came to raising his beautiful daughter…

Haku shivered. The past was the past, and even if her father was still alive and free, she avoided him most of the time, and outrightedly refused to introduce his granddaughter.

But he was the least of her worries now…

'Devil Spawn! You should be ashamed of yourself for even touching her! She's filthy! She'll kill you in your sleep!'

They didn't care that the innocent blonde girl was weeping right behind her guardian's legs, wondering why she was so hated.

It was disgusting- not the little blonde, but the people who tormented her. Could they not see they were slowly murdering a local child?

Rin had slowly grown to stop caring- or, rather, to appear to stop caring. She'd grown used to it by now.

And that was one of the saddest parts about it; the fact that she had to deal with such things every time she stepped out of the house- the fact that this was _normal_ for her.

The stress in Haku's life was not caused by her own life's problems, but rather, the problems Rin faced in her own. Rin didn't seem to realize she was allowed to stand up for herself, so Haku did it all for her.

But she was growing. Even through all she'd had to go through, Rin Kagene was turning into a pretty young girl with a kind, friendly personality. Though she was a little quiet, she was polite, and smiled often.

With Haku, she was growing to be a good person. Someday, another person her age would come to realize this. Maybe they'd fall in love. Haku _hoped_ they'd fall in love- if anyone deserved it, it was Rin. Haku didn't even care for the gender of her future partner.

Although... perhaps that opinion was biased. After all, Haku herself preferred women when it came to romantic interests.

Haku took a deep breath, sighing. She ran another hand through her hair, knowing there was nothing she could do to help Rin's situation that she wasn't already doing.

All she could do was stand by Rin's side until Rin could stand on her own, maybe even after that too.

And yet, she couldn't even succeed a task as simple as that one.

The next day, the newspaper headlines ranted on about the tragic tale of a cursed girl's guardian's sad death.

Something as simple as a car had managed to rip Haku away from her beloved niece. She would never forgive herself for leaving Rin alone in the harsh reality that was this cruel world.

Well... I forgive you, Aunt Haku. I never held anything against you. I still don't. At least now, I understand.

I miss you, Auntie Haku.

May you rest in peace.

* * *

"Figured I'd find you here."

Mikuo turned around in his seat. "Oh... it's just you."

A small sound of amusement as Miku strode over closer.

"It's weird hearing you like that..." Mikuo said. "Not sure if it's an improvement or not, though."

"Very funny." Miku said. "... You sound tired."

Mikuo snorted. "Who isn't in a place like this?"

"I'm not."

Mikuo rolled his eyes. "Insensitive bitch..." he muttered.

Miku flinched visibly, and he smiled to himself. "Have I found little Miku's secret weakness? Have I really?"

Now, it was Miku's turn to roll her eyes. "You're annoying."

Mikuo smirked. "I'll take that as a compliment."

There was a small silence, as they gazed at the pale girl on the monitor. The beeps representing her heartbeat resounded around the small room- a reminder that she was still alive.

"It's been easier to find you both, lately." Miku remarked. "You're usually always here... never at the same time, though, which makes it just slightly more difficult. Is he still angry?"

"Who, Len? Of course. Can't say I blame him, though..." Mikuo let out a string of insults and curses - to himself.

"Well... that's not very nice." Miku said. "Do you really consider yourself that stupid?"

A glare from Mikuo's part answered her question.

"It's not really your fault, you know." Miku said with a small smile.

"You've told me that before. ''

"But you still don't believe it. So maybe if I repeat it enough, you'll change your mind."

Mikuo sighed. "Whatever."

There was an awkward silence between them. "Miku... was this what you were like before?"

"You mean..." She squirmed. "Before...?"

"Yeah." Mikuo said. "Before the... you know."

"..." There was a pause. "I don't really... uh... It's just kind of... blurry." Another pause as Miku squirmed. "I... I was nicer then, I think. I guess pretending kind of does that to people: it makes them more aware of others, and calculating- therefore giving you a heart of stone."

"You don't have a heart of stone." Mikuo smiled weakly. "If you did, you wouldn't keep looking for me."

Miku seemed to consider that for a moment, then shook her head. "Hm... it doesn't matter. You should go rest; you look tired."

'So when I call myself stupid, it's a big deal, but when you call yourself heartless, it's not important?' Mikuo chuckled softly to himself. 'Seems I'm not the only one who apparently 'thinks too little' of myself.'

At the same time, he realized how she'd successfully steered the conversation away from her personal life, and that it must have been bothering her.

"I'm not tired."

Miku glanced at the girl lying motionless on the white mattress. "Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep..."

Rin looked so fragile at the moment. She'd been unconscious for a few days now- apparently suffering a minor concussion from when Teto released her. Stress, too, apparently had something to do with the alarming length of her mini-coma. Or so they said...

A bandage was wrapped around her head, and there were light bags under her eyes, even though she'd been sleeping for countless hours. Her pink lips were just as pink as they always were, and staring at them made Mikuo a little more... satisfied, one could say.

'At least they're not blue...'

One arm was lying stiff beside her body on the mattress. The other hung down to touch the floor. Following it down to her hand, Mikuo noticed something he hadn't before:

The big white ribbon she always wore in her hair was tied around her right wrist.

'Len...' He'd wondered at some point where the blonde's ribbon had gone, but hadn't thought too hard on the matter. It would seem like Len had thought of everything, though.

"They've already told you a thousand times already, Kuo: she won't die in her sleep. Her condition is perfectly stable, and she should wake up any day now."

"But I want to be there when she does..." Mikuo whimpered. "I have to be the first person she sees when she wakes up."

Miku's expression softened. At least he felt bad... it proved he cared for her. He seemed determined enough, but... "I'm sure it wouldn't really have the same effect if she wakes up to you snoring in that chair of yours."

Mikuo kicked the leg of the metal chair with its (fake) red leather cushioning. Then... despite himself, he let out a yawn.

He glanced over to see Miku smiling triumphantly, and scowled. "Fine... I'll go take a 10 minute nap, then be back. But I swear, if she so much as breathes a different way, you have to come get me, got it Miku?"

Without waiting for her answer (because he knew it would just be a simple roll of the eyes), Mikuo dashed out the door.

He'd only begun to slow as he reached one of the main corridors, when he caught a flash in the corner of his eyes. 'What the hell...?' Curious, he turned into that new hallway, wanting to find what he'd seen... or answer if he really _was_ crazy after all.

He turned into another hall- one of the first halls built at the Vancouver Medical Ward Institution.

There it was again; a flash of black was running down the hallways.

Without really thinking about it, Mikuo hurried his pace. He raced after... whatever was running, until it came to a stop in front of the office.

It was a little boy.

His black head of hair was the flash Mikuo had been seeing, and he couldn't have been anymore than three. But the eyes of the child... now that's what stopped Mikuo in his tracks.

The young boy's teal blue eyes stared curiously into Mikuo's orbs - that were the same color as his.

And Mikuo realized that, standing in front of him now was the one person he was most afraid to see.

"Um... hi." What an awkward introduction from his part... Mikuo felt like hitting himself.

The little boy's eyes widened, as he realized he was being addressed to. He smiled nervously, then broke out in a grin (1). "Hello!"

Mikuo thought it cute... but now, he was at loss for words. What does one say at a time like this?

"What your name?" the near-toddler asked, his head cocked to the side.

Mikuo lowered himself to his knees, putting himself at the boy's level. "My name's Mikuo. What's your name?"

The little boy began giggling. Then, he smacked his own chest with his fist, and lifted his chin higher into the air. "My name is Ren! Ren, Ren Ren~!" He giggled some more, jumping in the air.

Mikuo smiled despite his inner freak out. This was his own... son... in the blood and flesh. His own off-spring. A long time ago, he'd dreamed of having a child with the girl he loved- and although things hadn't gone as planned, here he was.

The looks of his mother, with pale, porcelain skin, a tiny nose, and black hair. The forever messiness of his black locks from his father, along with those bright teal eyes. The ears, too- oversized, and slightly pointed, lobes detached -definitely something from his father's side. And his personality... he was his father's child based on his energy alone.

But then he realized something. "Ren... why are you here?"

Ren blinked, ceasing his jumping around. "Mm? Uhm... I dunno! Momma made me come. I was gonna stay home and watch Pokémon! Grandmaman doesn't like it, and she makes funny faces when it's on!"

Mikuo was impressed; despite the 'wannas' and 'gonnas', Ren seemed very good when it came to talking. Perhaps not surprising, considering who his father is (Mikuo was known himself to never shut up, so Ren must have been getting plenty of practice). But still, his tongue seemed advanced for a 3-year-old.

"Where _is_ your mom?" Mikuo asked, then immediately regretted it. He still wasn't sure he actually wanted to see her...

All those past nightmares resurfaced, the ones where he'd lose control, and vent his anger on the two.  
Where he'd threaten her without thinking, where he'd hit the child without meaning to.  
Where he'd rape Haine again, no matter how much he'd regretted the first time.

Where he'd kill them both.

He froze at the thought of those possible endings, just as Ren answered, "In room 1: Office!"

"..."

"Kuo...?" Ren, confused, poked the man's side.

"... Right." He tried to straighten himself up, to redeem himself from that awkward pause. Clearing his throat, he placed a hand on the boy's back, pushing him in the direction of the office. "You should probably go back to her now."

"Ren?" a woman's voice called out.

Mikuo recognized it straight away, and tensed, waiting for her to appear.

"Momma!" Ren ran off in her direction as her figure walked closer, and she froze with a gasp.

For a moment, the two just stared at each other.

The first thing Mikuo noticed- despite himself -was what good pregnancy had done to her. She seemed to have gained extra curves in the right places.

Her eyes didn't glimmer as much as they used to, he noticed. In fact, there were faint bags under her eyes. Was she unhappy? That didn't please him very much.

She wore makeup now too, and, along with the clothing she wore, she looked much more mature than 18 (2).

However, that semi-isolated look that used to seem so obvious in her dark eyes was still somewhat there- it was just harder to see, now. Seeing it there put Mikuo a little more at ease; she hadn't completely changed. There was still a part of her he recognized, even if it wasn't her most favorite detail.

"... Hi." He said, after the silence grew awkward enough for little Ren to seem confused.

"Hi." she greeted him back, but her eyes slid to the side. Contemplating a possible escape route? Perhaps so.

"Um... you look good."

She smiled weakly. "I see you're... getting better, I suppose."

"I could say the same to you."

Her smile brought back memories he thought he'd forgotten. The sound of her laugh, the dreamy look in her eyes, the way she was so mesmerized by the clouds in the sky... And he suddenly realized he'd missed her.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"You... I thought maybe you didn't get my letter. So... I came to... um... well, visit you, I suppose." she squirmed. "Maybe not my best idea..." she muttered under her breath.

A shadow passed over Mikuo's face. "Nah, I got it..."

"Oh." She looked both relieved and disappointed at once. "You didn't answer, so I assumed..."

Ren looked between them in confusion. "Momma?"

Haine-Lin glanced down sharply, having forgotten him in the thickness that had suddenly invaded her mind.

"Do you know each other, momma?"

Haine-Lin glanced back up at her past lover, and her expression was a mix of sorrow and regret. "Ren... this is your daddy."

Ren spun around sharply, and examined the man before him from head to toe. "Kuo's my daddy...?"

Haine-Lin nodded, that same sad expression still there on her face.

The little boy looked straight into Mikuo's eyes, and despite his opponent being a 2 or 3-year-old, Mikuo suddenly felt self-concient. 'This must be how step-fathers feel...' he thought to himself.

He bent down to Ren's level. "Are you angry?"

Ren stayed blank-faced. "Why are you never home?" he asked.

"I have to stay here." Mikuo answered. "It's because I'm sick, but if I stay here, I'll get better."

Ren looked unconvinced. "I didn't know I had a daddy..."

"Everyone has a daddy." A glance up at Haine-Lin proved this was not the right thing to say. "Does it make you happy to know you have one too?" he asked instead.

Ren was silent. He almost looked like he was pouting. Then, without warning, he spun on his heel, and began to quickly speed away in the opposite direction.

"Wait! Ren!" Mikuo called after him.

"Where are you going?" Haine-Lin asked the little boy, she too sounding concerned.

The boy slowed, and turned his head to look at them. "All my friends say they play baseball and hockey with their daddies. So I'm going to look for a baseball bat."

Mikuo blinked. Was it really that easy...? Had Ren already accepted the fact that Mikuo was his father? Or was this all a test?

Mikuo had to admit, he was actually good at baseball. He enjoyed it, and he'd always been naturally talented at it. It wasn't something he needed to learn over time, like painting, but instead something more like instinct, or genes. He couldn't help but wonder if Ren would be the same way...

About 25 minutes later, he was instead wondering if he'd had this 'instinct' for baseball at 3-years-old. Ren certainly didn't.

Occasionally, he hit one of the softball pitches Mikuo threw- if Mikuo aimed **very** well. Ren had a habit of swinging the bat at the ground, instead of in the air. So if Mikuo threw the ball at that exact place, the ball would fly a few feet away from where Ren had hit it.

"God damnit..." he muttered under his breath, as he nearly hit his son in the head with the ball he'd thrown. Softball or not, that still would have hurt Ren's small face. And that would make him one hell of a father...

"How about we take a break?" Mikuo offered.

"Aw...!" Ren complained.

Mikuo smiled. "Maybe later, we'll play it again."

"Yay!" The raven-haired boy cheered. 'Bi-polar kid...' Mikuo thought to himself, and smiled again.

He held the door open for the 3-year-old (or was he a 2-year-old still? Hmm...), and they walked back into the ward.

"Here." Haine-Lin pulled a juice box out of her purse, and handed it to her son. "Drink it."

Mikuo raised a brow. "Drink it? Is that an order?"

"She likes to show off her mommy-skills in front of other people." Ren 'whispered'.

Mikuo laughed, as Haine-Lin shot Ren a look. Eventually, though, her stern expression faded to a smile, and she let out a small laugh.

"Well? Do I get one?" Mikuo asked, his hand held up expectantly.

"Nope!" Haine-Lin answered. "You're too old for juice boxes."

"Not true! You should see some of the doctors here; they're 50 something, and they're standing around sipping juice boxes!"

"Well then why don't you just go borrow a juice box from one of them?"

"You mean steal?"

"Wow!" Ren exclaimed, eyes bright and wide. "My daddy's a bad guy who steals! Wow! That's so cool! My daddy's the joker!"

Haine-Lin rolled her eyes, and slanted her eyes Mikuo's way. He only chuckled. "I'm not the joker; I'm the super juice box drinker!"

"Wow, really?!" Ren's eyes glimmered, and gazing at them, Mikuo felt like he was staring at his reflection in the mirror. "Here, show me!" he said, as he handed his father the box of juice.

Haine-Lin gaped at how Mikuo actually took it. Mikuo knew what she was thinking, and it made him smile: 'You'd steal a juice box from your own _son_?!'

"Watch this." He pulled the plastic straw out from the drink, and began to gulp down the juice from the small pierced hole. Ren watched carefully, his teal eyes filled with amazement.

"Wow... cool! My dad's like Super Man!"

Mikuo facepalmed. The kid had completely missed the point...

"Do you have a super hero costume? Can I see it?"

"I do, but it's top secret; I can't show anyone!"

"I won't tell anyone!"

"It still can't show anyone." Mikuo shrugged. "Super Hero rules."

Haine-Lin smiled at them.

"Oh, okay..." Ren nodded, as if he understood perfectly. "Who do you work for?"

"Who do I... work for?" Uh-oh. Now he'd asked a tricky one... "Um... the same person... Batman works for."

"... Batman works alone." Ren stated, giving Mikuo a look as if this were something obvious, and that he should be ashamed for not knowing it.

"Are you sure...?" Mikuo tried.

"Yep, Batman works alone. Well... except maybe Robin."

"That's it! I work for Robin!" Mikuo decided.

"... But I thought Robin was just a sidekick!" Ren pointed out.

Mikuo began cursing himself for not watching enough action movies, so he'd be able to recognize these hints.

"He _was_ a sidekick." Mikuo answered nonchalantly. "But now, he's a CEO of the Super Hero department. He's the best of the best!"

"Wow, really? Awesome!"

Haine-Lin smiled, and shook her head. "Nice save."

Just then, a familiar figure appeared in the hall, and stopped, watching them.

"Oh, Teto!"

She seemed alarmed at first that Mikuo had recognized her, but settled for a more confused expression when she saw the grin on his face "Um... Hi."

He stopped a few feet away, and Teto asked in a hushed voice, "Is this...?"

Mikuo nodded, and moved to the side so she'd be able to see them better. "Teto, this is Haine-Lin, and Ren."

When Teto glanced back at him for reassurance, she was surprised to see him with a somewhat proud expression on his face.

A proud 17-year-old father. Huh.

"It's... an honor to meet you." she said, ducking her head. "I've heard a lot about you, Miss Haine-Lin."

Haine-Lin forced a smile, but beckoned Ren closer and held him against her.

"And you, Ren..." Teto smiled. "You seem to be a lot like your daddy. I'm glad I got to meet you."

Ren seemed uncertain of her. "Teto...?" he tested.

Teto glanced at the two older teens. She whispered to Mikuo, "I'm sure you want some time alone together." Before Mikuo answered, she was already telling her distraction. "Hey, Ren, come with me! I'll show you how to paint in the art room!"

Ren blinked, then grinned. "Okay! Bye momma! Bye 'Kuo!"

As he ran off with Teto, Haine-Lin's expression seemed to grow more and more worried. "Will he be okay with her...?"

Mikuo thought back to the other day, when Teto had attacked Rin, and felt somewhat nervous too. But she regretted her actions immensely, and she'd only snapped because she was jealous of Rin. But... could she also be jealous of the time Mikuo was spending with Ren? And even if she regretted it, she could very well snap out of control again...

But she wouldn't. He had to believe that.

After all, she was one of the few who understood just how much Haine-Lin had meant to him. Therefore, she would never even scratch their child, would never even consider it.

If there was one thing Teto was, it was loyal.

"They'll be fine." Mikuo answered. "Really."

"Are you sure...?"

"You make a good mother."

She huffed. "I'm not sure if that was sarcastic or not."

"It wasn't."

"Mm-hm." There was a small silence. "Painting, huh?"

"I've gotten better."

"A lot of time to practice, I'll bet."

"Same with you, right?"

She glanced over at him, frowning.

"You don't have me there to drag you out anymore. You probably had tons of time to practice."

She kept frowning. "I have Ren now. I barely have any time to paint."

"But I bet you're still better than I am."

"Maybe."

They stood in the hallway, and Mikuo couldn't help but think of high school freshmen, giggling over their crushes, and blushing at everything.

"Here, come with me." he said, then grabbed her around the wrist. Like a high school freshman, he was too nervous to actually hold her hand.

He brought her to the nearest door, a few feet away, and pressed his ear to the black metal. He couldn't hear anything from the other side, but that didn't really mean much.

He opened it just a peek, letting go of Haine-Lin's hand, and glanced in. It was a small room with a single black gleaming piano in the back. But it was empty, so it'd be fine.

He held the door open for her, then closed it behind him, locking the door.

"Wh-What are you doing...?!"

Mikuo turned to her. She was sitting on the piano bench, her eyes wide with worry. "I just thought it'd be awkward if someone walked in on us, so I locked the door." he explained, a little confused by her actions.

"Walked in on us doing what...?" she asked, her voice squeaking funnily.

Mikuo raised a brow. "Talking...?"

"Oh." Haine-Lin buried her face in embarrassment, and Mikuo realized what she'd been thinking.

"Well, unless you'd rather do something like that...?" he smirked, and was quickly cut off with a, "No, no, that's okay!"

He strode over to her, and sat on the other side of the piano bench. And god, did it ever kill him to be so close to her...! There arms brushed against each other, and it gave him shivers.

"I'm surprised you only need a... a guard for the rooms..." she blushed again, and tried to correct herself. "I mean, like, the bedrooms."

"Yep, all other rooms are unlocked, and free to go into. Pretty lousy security, huh?"

Haine-Lin smiled. "At least it isn't boot camp, or military school."

"Because who knows how long I'd ever survive that. right?" They laughed together.

"You can be serious, though." she said thoughtfully. "I've seen that side of you before. I'm a witness."

"Yeah, sure, I can be serious..." Mikuo said, clipping his words slightly. "When it comes to raping you."

Haine-Lin could feel the rage simmering in him when he said those words. "About that..."

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's-"

"I never should have done it, and I regret it. Alright?" His mood seemed very dark all of a sudden. "You can even hit me now if you want to..."

Haine-Lin paused for a moment, surprised at his sudden change of mood. "Uh-um... no, I'm fine."

"Go ahead, I won't blame you!"

"What I wanted to say- for the last 2 and a half years -is that you never raped me."

"Are you kiddi-"

"It's not rape if you both want it."

This made him stop. "... What?"

"I'm the one who should be apologizing, Mikuo!" she said, and he shivered at the sound of his name. "It was my own fault for... withdrawing. I wanted you... so bad. And then I made you think what you did was wrong..."

Mikuo was silent, as he contemplated all of this.

"I wanted you just as much as you wanted me!" she insisted. "I loved you...!"

"..."

"Please, say something...!"

"... You mentioned there was another guy in your life now." Mikuo said. "What's he like?"

Haine-Lin's expression sank, along with her heart. "So that's it...? After all this time, that's all you had to say..."

"Well what _do_ you want me to say?" his tone rose, as if wanting to yell, but not daring to. "That's all done and over with, and we're obviously done and over with. You're moving on with your life, and I'm stuck here, trying to fix myself! There's no point in just adding more regret to the mix!"

Haine-Lin was silent, her eyes tearing up.

And... of course, Mikuo regretted saying what he had. "I'm... I'm sorry..."

"... There isn't a day that goes by without me thinking of you, Kuo. I've wanted to tell you that, to clear things up, since you left the attic that day. I just... I thought maybe it would mean something."

Without really thinking about what he was doing, Mikuo leaned in, and pressed his lips against hers.

He wondered what her expression looked like, on the other side of his closed lids. Was she sitting there in horror, too shocked to push him away? Very possible...

But no, she was kissing him back, her lips moving against his too.

And Mikuo realized that this was completely different then when he'd kissed Rin. It probably didn't matter how many years they could spend with each other, they'd never truly gain the passion Mikuo felt when he was with Haine.

Never.

The kiss began to grow more heated, and Mikuo noticed a few wet tears rolling down Haine-Lin's cheeks.

As he teased her tongue with his, he felt... whole. Complete. This was who he belonged with. This was who he needed to be with.

When he felt her hands unconsciously pull on his shirt, he broke away from her, and pried off her fingers. "Ah-ah-ah!" he scolded. "If we're going to try this again, we've got to do it the right way. So, new rule: I don't rape before first date."

Haine-Lin laughed, the tears still falling, and he pulled her against him, embracing her. "I missed you..." she sobbed.

He smiled. "I missed you too..."

* * *

_... ... ... Okaaaaaaaay... so I know what some of you are thinking: Didn't she tell us Mikuo and Haine-Lin weren't supposed to get together? Well..._

_Basically, it was just supposed to be a scene with Mikuo and Ren, where he'd talk to Ren a bit, get to know his son, and that was that. But then... why would Haine-Lin bring Ren all the way there just to talk to Gumi, or something? Wouldn't she be there to see Mikuo?  
So then, it changed: Mikuo would see Haine-Lin, they'd talk a little- casually, that is -and they'd bid their farewells. Sure, it'd break Haine-Lin's heart that she didn't get to say what she wanted, but at least Ren got to see his father.  
And then... well... I found it too awkward between them to make it work out that way, so it changed again. Mikuo and Haine-Lin would go to that piano room, Haine-Lin would confess, but then Mikuo would tell her that they shouldn't try to rekindle the past, blah blah blah blah blah, 'Let's not do this.' They'd have one kiss goodbye, for old time's sake, and then Haine-Lin would leave and get together with Yuuma, while Mikuo would stay and fall in love with Teto.  
OBVIOUSLY, my own romantic fantasies had different plans though... well, basically, I thought of that catchphrase at the end ("I don't rape before first date."), and thought, 'Oh my God, I need that!' So... Mikuo and Haine-Lin are officially reunited, and the small part of me that kinda wanted Mikuo and Teto to be together is sulking in the corner._

_Just goes to show: you never know what you're going to write until you start writing it. :) I think that's one of the things I love best about my writing; even if I'm the author, I never know what's going to happen next!_

_Sigh... now I have to find a way to get rid of Teto, or she might try to kill Haine-Lin, too... XD Will Teto be forever alone...? Most likely, unless my romantic side starts feeling bad about it. XD_

_Anywho..._

**Question of the Chapter: Who do/did you prefer? Mikuo x Haine-Lin? Or Mikuo x Teto? Are you happy about the way it turned out? Do you think I should have done it differently?**

_That was like... 5 different questions in one. -w-" Ehehe..._

_Anywho, I want to thank all my readers, reviewers, and anybody else out there! The Girl in the Ward has finally reached 100 reviews, and it's all thanks to you~!_

_My last update was about a week ago (8 days ago? 9 days ago?). Normally, by this time, my view count would fall down to about 20 views per day. However, it hasn't yet dropped under 50 since last update! (I haven't checked before, but I don't think it's even fallen under 50 all month!) That's amazing! I think it's proof that, just maybe, I'm truly on the road to becoming THE BEST FANFICTION AUTHOR EVER! ... In the Vocaloid fandom, that is._

_So, I'd like to give you all a big hug for being so damn awesome, and for bearing with my big-ass long Author's Notes, my constant mistakes, my forever need to go back and change things, and my constant rants about anything, good or bad. Oh, and for my little footnotes. ^w^ Because I like my little footnotes~!_

_So, one last time: Thank you very very much for everything!_

_As a reward for your never-ending kindness, I'd like to announce that, contrary to what I said before about The Girl in the Ward ending at chapter 8, or ending at chapter 10, this story shall be going on for a longer amount of time! I think I might end it at chapter 15, now, instead!_

_Thank you so much to everyone for making this so great!_

_Love,_

_Naty_

* * *

_(1) A combination of his parents' genes: The nervous and shy smile comes from Haine-Lin's side, and the quiet ways of his family, versus the big toothy grin that comes from his father's overwhelming energy and charisma. Obviously, it seems he has more of his father in him personality-wise than his mother. ^w^_

_(2) Damn... due to a minor miscalculation, I had to make Mikuo older than I'd wanted. He was supposed to be about 15 when he got sent away. He was supposed to be 16 now. Ren was only supposed to be a baby. ... Oops. Apparently, he's around 18 now. ... I don't like that. Let's make Ren a super-smart 2-year-old, then, and make Mikuo 17 instead. 14 and 17... that's a three year difference between he and Rin. Ehehe... ^/^ Sorry for always making you that much older than her, Kuo-kun~! I suppose that would make Len nearly 17, too, since they're supposed to be around the same age n' all... ... ... bleh. Damn it. Len was supposed to be 15. Poopy... we'll make him 15 going on 16, then. No, wait, his birthday's already passed (in March), so... *mumble mumble* 16, and a late bloomer, then. Sort of. ... Oh, by the way, Haine-Lin is actually older than Mikuo. w _

* * *

**Please Review~!**


	10. Four Years Missing

**The Girl in the Ward**

_I just finished typing up the very first chapter of my long awaited new story, Puppy Mill, a few seconds ago. Seeing as it will be posted by tomorrow (hopefully), and this chapter should be uploaded hopefully a day later, two days later, or on Saturday (December 15th, 2012), I'm going to ask you to please go check it out._

_You may be surprised; in a sense, it's sort of similar to this story, but way different in the atmosphere. While this story is kind of light and fluffy, Puppy Mill is the exact opposite: Dark, creepy, the kind of story that makes you think. There's a reason it's in my _**Darker than Death** _series! ^w^_

_I really like it, though. In a few chapters, it may even become my favorite story. That's how confident I am in it. I am sure this will be perfect for me, and the ideas are just flowing._

_... ACHOO!_

_For those who follow my other stories, you may have heard that I caught myself a nice cold. (Damn Canadian weather... OTL) I caught my cold on Thursday, December 6th. It is now December 12th, 2012, and I am still very sick. There are currently... five kleenexes in my little garbage bin since I came up at 9:00 pm. ... ... ... Six. I feel like I've used up a whole box or two during this week of ew._

_I don't get how all that snot can fit in a person's nose... bleh. My nose is all red and puffy, and it's starting to get all irritated; I keep wiping it with the back of my hand. At least my throat is feeling better, as well as my tummy, and I no longer have a fever! Hooray! I still feel like crap, though..._

_But... back to TGW... I do think it's about time for Rin to wake up... don't you? Good~!_

_For those of you who were rooting for Mikuo x Rin, I may make an alternate Rin x Mikuo ending for you, once I finish the main TGW storyline. So don't go away now!_

_By the way, this is the 10th chapter! Hooray! We currently have approximately 135 reviews, and I am extremely proud of how far I've come. I can't wait to see how many reviews I'll have when this story finally ends, and how many of you stuck with me all throughout! I hope you've all enjoyed this story so far! ^w^ I thank you all for your support!_

_Now... Len, you creep. Are you ready for your true love to awake from her slumber?_

Len: ... Zzzzzzzzz...

_-.o" Seriously...? You're sleeping too? Totally ruins it... Kiyo-san, go kick him out._

Kiyoteru: *grins* Roger that! Heh heh heh...

_Enjoy, my magic unicorns of lurve~!_

* * *

**Anonymous Reviews:**

**Guest: **_(Or you could not leave Teto alone and... *drumroll* Pair her up with Yuuma! Jk, kinda. They might be able to console each other or whatever. Who knows what this will end in!)  
_**Mm... XD I don't think so. After all, they've never even met... But good idea, anyway. XD ... Maybe I'll just kill Teto off. Heh heh heh...**

**Milkywayy: D: Uh-oh... Don't die, please! Rin x Len-ness will come along sooner or later... I promise!**

**Guest: **_(Wow best chapter I think it was a great idea to have Mikuo and Lin get together.)  
_**^w^Why, thank you~! I'm glad you thought so~! Most of the Mikuo x Rin fans didn't think so... ):**

**JOJO: Haha, yeah, they make a pretty cute family, don't they~?**

* * *

**Chapter 10 - Four Years Missing**

* * *

Kiyoteru sighed, smoothing out his doctor's coat as he walked down the white halls.

Why were so many of the patients insistent on loading him with work? Couldn't they just hold in their urges to murder each other for at least a day?!

At least Ruko was doing somewhat better... Though she still lashed out on the people around her, the number of attacks was starting to decrease.

But would that be enough?

After all... Meiko Sakine had also been improving slightly.

Though still violent, her attacks were slowly becoming less frequent.

Perhaps the difference between them was their personalities...

Ruko had begun to open up and show regret, fear, sadness... especially guilt. Meiko had never shown any of those signs; she always assumed she was right, and that was that. Of course she wasn't at fault!

So Meiko was sent away to a real hospital, where they'd perform the EOO operation (1) on her.

Would Ruko be next?

But he couldn't worry about that now; he had another patient to worry about at the moment.

He opened the door of the room said patient was residing, slipping his card key back into his pocket.

When he glanced up, though...

"What? How on earth do you even get in here?!"

As always, Len was sitting on a chair beside Rin Kagene's hospital bed.

He didn't answer or even look his way. Instead, he remained motionless, his head resting on the mattress.

"Hello?"

Still no answer.

He came up closer, and realized the blonde boy's eyes were closed. Ah... he was asleep.

Kiyoteru smiled to himself. It wasn't surprising, really. Considering how often he found Len here, the boy must have been too worried to sleep for the last few nights.

After 5 days of Rin remaining completely motionless, he too was slightly concerned. It was almost like she'd fallen into a mini-coma.

Which shouldn't be normal.

She'd been knocked unconscious due to lack of air, but she should have woken up later that afternoon, the next day at the latest. But now, it'd been 5 days... what exactly was wrong with her?

There _was_ a large bump on the back of her head... had she suffered a concussion? Very possible... but it couldn't be very serious from hitting her head against the ground. After all, she couldn't have been hit very hard...

Maybe...?

His eyes widened.

Could someone be drugging her?

He shook Len's body until the small blonde roused from his sleep. "... Mm...?"

"Out. Now." Kiyoteru ordered.

"But-"

"Now!" Kiyoteru yelled, pointing at the door.

Perhaps Len could hear the panic in Kiyoteru's voice. His eyes widened, and he walked out the door, pausing to glance back behind him. "I'll wait outside."

With that, the door was shut, and Kiyoteru went searching for his box of disposable gloves.

Once he had them pulled on, he grabbed a sanitized needle from the counter, and came closer to the frail girl on the bed (2).

He paused, glancing at the heart monitor. It beeped every second, the pattern going sharply up, then down, in the way it was supposed to. Normally.

Just in case, though, he'd detach her from her IV, in case she _was_ being drugged. That was the most obvious place to inject such a thing.

He wrapped a section of her arm in a black material, then wrapped another about half a foot higher. Then, he plunged the needle into her pale arm, and withdrew some of her blood.

He unwrapped the material from her arm, and transferred the blood into a small glass vial to examine.

"..." He glanced back at the girl on the bed. "Are you going to be okay?"

Of course, he received no answer, and only sighed.

However, her breathing could be heard, if one tried hard enough to listen. That in itself was reassuring enough.

An hour later, his tests came out negative.

All of them.

Not a single drug was in her system.

Then why...?

He shook his head. Maybe the answer would come once he woke her up...

He approached her side, and bent down to his knees.

How to wake a crazy teenage girl up without causing her too much panic...? Hmm...

"Rin?" he whispered, and immediately felt pathetic. If she'd been able to hear him, she would have woken up days ago... there'd been enough commotion in this room for that.

He blew a breath into her ear, to see if she'd react at all. When he looked, her right brow was only slightly furrowed... very slightly, and almost unnoticeable. But she was still somehow conscious in her bodily shell.

He'd never had to wake a patient before... they'd always woken themselves up. So... what could he do?

Simple; professional or not, he'd wake her up the same way he'd wake up any other sleeping teenager.

He reached down to the small cooler in the corner of the room, and pulled out a cold bottle of water. Smiling to himself, he unscrewed the lid... and dumped all its contents on the sleeping girl.

* * *

I sit up in bed, spluttering and wiping the water out of my eyes.

"Ma tante! Il ne fallait pas faire quelque chose de tellement... mouillé." I speak in French. "J'allais me réveiller dans quelques minutes quand même..."

I finally look up... and don't see Aunt Haku anywhere. Instead, an Asian man with black rimmed glasses stares at me in confusion.

I blink. "Ma tante Haku...?"

"Rin... are you... talking French?"

I squint at him. "... Who are you...?"

He seems surprised, and not in a good way. "I-It's me... Kiyo-san! Don't you remember me...?"

"..." I search through my memory, trying to fit a name and a face to a past. "...Where exactly... do I know you from...?"

His mouth falls open, and for a moment, he seems to go into shock.

Then, he stands up to his feet without a word, and walks to the door, quiet as a ghost.

"Len... you can come in now." I hear him say. "But... there's something you should know. She's a little... ... well... something happened."

What? What happened?!

I glance around me. I'm in... a hospital.

Oh god...! No way...! That woman... That lady must have tried to kill me! After all, she believed me to be evil, dirty, a living sin... she might have thought it best to rid the world of such an ugly being.

But what about Aunt Haku, who stood in front of me to shield from her? Is Aunt Haku here too?!

The door opens again, and a boy around my age appears.

His cerulean-blue eyes are clouded with worry, dark shadows beneath them, as if he's been having trouble sleeping.

His blond hair is messy, but pulled into a small ponytail on the back of his head.

He's cute... but I don't like boys.

His eyes widen as they see me, cerulean turning a hopeful ocean color. "Rin...!"

He runs up and squeezes me to his chest in a hug, and I blush. Who is this person?! What on earth is wrong with him?!

I push him away, although my puny fists don't really do much. He pulls away more from surprise that I'm rejecting him than of force, it seems.

"... Please get off me..." I mutter.

The boy blinks, and I notice his eyes are damp, teary. Come to think of it, his eyes seemed to water as soon as he saw me... "Rin...?"

"Why are you saying my name?!"

"Rin..." his brows furrow. "A-Are you... angry at me?"

I make a face, and inch back a little. "Who the hell are you?!"

His expression then... you would have thought I'd shot him. Horrified, he backed away from me. "I-It's me... Len...!"

I shake my head, and roll my eyes at him. Whatever. "Do you know what room Haku Honne would be in?" I ask the Asian doctor. "Would I be allowed to visit her?"

The boy - Len - stares back in forth between us, from me, to the doctor, to me again, and to the doctor again. "Is this... real?"

The doctor hesitated, then nods. "I... I think it is."

"... Did you not even listen to my question?" I ask, a little irritation growing into my voice.

"... No way..." Back to me, those blue orbs stare. "Rin... you really don't remember me?"

"Oh, quit it..." I say. "It's not like I haven't heard this one before... 'Don't you remember me from hell'? Terribly overused."

Len's eyes darken in confirmation, and he slowly backs out of the room. Once he reaches the doorway, he turns around, and runs. (3)

"..." I turn back to the doctor. "Sir, you never answered my question."

He clears his throat awkwardly. "U-Um... Haku Honne, you said?"

"Yes... What room is she in?"

"... That's your aunt, correct?"

"Yes."

"... How old are you, Rin?"

"Eleve- (4)" I glanced down at myself, at my longer fingers, my longer legs, and most of all, the two small bumps on my chest. "... I don't know."

"... Do you remember what year it is?" The doctor asked.

"What kind of a stupid question is that?!" I ask, annoyed. "Whatever trick you're pulling, I'm not falling for it!"

"... I think... you may have forgotten the last 4 years of your life." he says slowly.

"... Yeah right." Unbelievable. Even the doctors think it's fun to tease me.

"I'm not tricking you." He stares straight into my eyes, and though his dark brown eyes _seem_ truthful, I know better than to just trust them.

"Really? Then why not have Aunt Haku come here, and tell me herself how old I am, what I've missed, hm?" I can't believe how stupid their taunts have been getting, lately.

"Rin..." he says slowly, and pulls off his glasses to clean them off. Stalling. Plotting his next move. "... Your aunt Haku is dead."

"Ha!" A very nice play; an excuse to not bring in Auntie Haku to save me, along with a hidden suggestion to kill myself to join her. Very nicely done...! "Nice try!"

"I'm not tricking you, Rin!" he repeats.

"Do you know how many times I've been told that?" I ask. "'No, I'm not going to trick you...!' I've stopped falling for that a while ago."

"I can go find a death certificate for you as proof, if you'd like!" The doctor insists, his tone a little louder. Realizing his attempt to scare me was failing.

"What wonders you can do with Photoshop nowadays!" I exclaim. "If only I had the-"

I suddenly gasp. Because, for just a split second... something had flashed in my head.

'**Death of Rumored Cursed Girl's Guardian!**'

A title on a newspaper.

I remember feeling angry at that article. So angry, even, that I'd tried to find the writer's apartment, to tell him just what I thought of it.  
I remember giving up, and sobbing on my knees when I couldn't find him. Overwhelmed with my own grief.

Grief of... what, though?

I am the 'cursed girl'. Haku is my guardian. But of course she isn't dead. There have to be plenty of cursed girls in this world!

"..." The doctor pushes his glasses back up on his nose. "You... You should rest a little. I'll... just... go."

And with that, he left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

... Len... Kiyoteru... Some place in my brain is saying the names ring a bell. But I don't recognize them at all.  
Although they seemed to know me... I can't think of any place I may have seen them before.

And... what's with this...?

I stretch out my arm, to see how far it will go.

This was definitely not what I looked like before I went to bed. I wonder... is there a mirror here somewhere? I'm curious... What does my face look like?

I try to get out of bed, but there's some strange tube keeping me attached to a monitor. What the...? I pull down the collar of my hospital gown, and find a strange suction cup over my right breast, where my heart should be.

Frankly, I'm more surprised at the fact that I actually _have_ breasts.

I tear it off, and jump as the monitor begins shrieking out a single note. "Ow...!" Covering my left ear, I reach around the table where the monitor sits, find the plug, and pull it out.

The shrieking dies out. 'Thank god...'

I resume my search for a mirror. Perhaps in one of those drawers...?

The first drawer I try is locked.

The second is filled with band aids and wrapping.

The third, with hygienal care, such as deodorant, toothpaste, and- dare I even mention it -tampons. Ew.

Then, I turn, and see a spoon on the counter.

I reach for it, and hold it up in front of me. The image is distorted... but it will do.

I really haven't changed all that much, have I? I still look like me, which is a relief; after all, I don't _feel_ like me, and I'm caught in a world where I'm not the _real_ Rin Kagene.

I have the same blue eyes, the same choppy blond hair, the small nose, the pale skin... although I do look slightly more mature, somehow...

I don't like it here.

I've decided that now.

This is only a nightmare, where people look like me, where doctors are Asian, where Auntie Haku is dead, where everything is thwarted.

It's not real.

That's all I need to do.

I climb back into the bed, and try to relax.

It's just a dream, after all...

A very, very tiring dream... where all goes round and round, in the magical land of Wonderland.

A dream about people... doing... something... what was it? Searching for the last page of the story? But it was ripped out, wasn't it? Who stole it?

'Mitsuketa...~! (5)'

Oh... you did it. The lead actress... the Villager's Girl. Well? What shall you do with the key in your hands? Will you save us? Or will this just be another Bad End Night?

'Ma Tante...!'

Why are you crying? You're dressed in black, and those people are there beside you. You recognize them, don't you? After all, they _are_ your grandparents...

'Ne me touche pas!'

Ah, but these are the grandparents from your mother's side; they won't hurt you! Of course they won't!

'C'est à nous de te prendre bien soin.' The lady says. Didn't they have names? Yes, they did... but you only ever called them 'Grandpapa' and 'Grandmaman'.

So it's true, isn't it? After all, her coffin is right there... why not dare take a peek? Prove what you've been avoiding; that she no longer exists. Now's your chance to find out, is it not?

No! No, no, no! She can't be...

There was a car.

Oh, so you _do_ remember now, do you?

The man in the blue suit told me there was a car. But I never saw it happen.

A mouse runs through the maze, desperately trying to lose the cat at its tail. It finally reaches a dead end, and backs away from the slowly approaching white cat.

Mm... that cat was getting hungry. He was glad lunch had decided to stop running away.

'She's... dead.'

My eyes fly open, and for a moment, all I can bear to look at is that white ceiling over top of me. Yes... ignore all the people around me. Just relax...

"She's... dead...!" But you already knew this, didn't you?

"Rin...?"

Oh... he's back. The boy with the blond hair brought friends.

There's another boy around my age staring at me with just as much worry, with messy teal hair and elfish ears.

A girl with long pink hair and blue eyes.

Another girl with long teal pigtails, who doesn't seem as openly distressed at the others.

A boy with long purple hair in a ponytail. He looks so much older and mature than me...

And then last, there is one fourth boy with dark blue hair, and sapphire eyes.

They all surround me, as if I'm some kind of experiment. What do they want...?!

"Rin... do you know who any of us are?" 'Len' asks.

I look around at each of them. "... You look familiar." I point to the long teal-haired girl. I can't tell why, but somehow, I feel I've known her. Somehow.

Len takes a step back, and they all stare at the girl.

"... Me?" she asks in disbelief. "... Why me?"

"What do you remember about her?" the teal-haired boy asks.

I blink. Suddenly, my vision starts to get blurry. "... I'm tired..." I yawn.

"Rin...!" the teal-haired boy whimpers, but the girl with the pink hair stops him.

"Rin, what do you remember about Miku?" she asks. "Anything?"

I turn to stare at 'Miku'. "... I know her..." I simply say. I had to concentrate on keeping my eyes open, and my mind was growing dizzy.

"Do you have any idea where you are?" the boy with the purple hair asks.

"Do you know how old you are?"

"Don't you remember me?"

"Rin?"

"Rin!"

All these voices... They're giving me a headache. Ignoring my fatigue, as well as the pounding in my head, I shoot my arm out and squeeze my hand around fabric, yanking it towards me.

The teal-haired boy falls forward, pulled by my grip on his shirt.

"Mikuo, is she dead?" I ask, a bit of a hiss in my voice.

His eyes widen. "M-My name...!"

"Haku Honne!" I yell. "Is she dead?!"

"... You mean your aunt...?"

"YES!"

"..." He swallows, and slides his eyes to the side. "Well... from what you told me before... Didn't she die when you were eleven?"

I let go of him, my eyes widened in horror. 'N-No...' My hands are shaking furiously now, but I'm not angry or cold. I'm... ... empty.

There's really no other way to describe it: I feel empty.

"Y-You remembered my name..." the boy repeats. I notice Len glaring at him, and wonder why. Do they not get along? But it's only a fleeting thought. My curiosity has been drained for now.

"I don't know who you are." I answer, my lids drooping once more. 'She's dead...'

"But you just said my name a few seconds ago!" he insists.

I glance around at the other people, and they all nod, their faces as surprised as Mikuo's.

Mikuo... "Mikuo...?"

They all gasp, and suddenly, much like Len had done earlier, Mikuo collapses over me and wraps me into a hug.

Do they not learn?

"Please... get... off me!" I shove his chest. He looks disappointed and hurt as he pulls away. "That was a lucky guess; I don't know you, so please, don't touch me!"

He glances over at Len, who winces, and nods. "... Okay."

"I'm extremely tired, and I'd like to get some sleep, if you don't mind. (6)" I say, stretching out my arms.

For a moment, no one moves, and I consider repeating myself in a sterner voice. Then, slowly, the purple-haired boy closes his gaping mouth, and leaves the room.

Luka stares after him, and follows.

The boy with the dark blue hair glances back at me, then takes his turn.

Len, Mikuo, and Miku stay there, and watch me.

"We... We should go." Miku says awkwardly, elbowing Mikuo in the ribs.

"Ow- Hey!"

She sends a cool-as-ice look his way. "Don't you think it's time to go?" she asks, smiling at him through clenched teeth.

"Miku, I-"

She nods her head towards Len, which Len raises a brow to. "Mikuo, we should go."

"You can't tell me what to do!"

"Mikuo!" Her volume is almost at a yell now. Again, she slides her eyes over at Len, as if this should provide enough reason.

"I don't care!" Mikuo spat. Hm. Somehow, he understood what she was talking about, even though I'm still blank about it. "She's not your girlfriend yet, so lay off!"

What? Girlfriend?! I don't have a boyfriend! I don't even like boys, for that matter! I don't even really like girls!

"I'm allowed to freaking talk to her..." Mikuo mumbles.

Miku's jaw sets, but she doesn't object.

I still don't understand why she's so angry. I may have wanted them all to leave, but why is she only ordering Mikuo out? Why is Len apparently allowed to stay?

"You're... different." I say to her.

She looks around, as if wondering who I'm talking to. "... Me?"

"Miku..." I try it again. It feels familiar, but... "... I must be thinking of the wrong person. Sorry."

"Oh." She almost sounds disappointed.

"You seem very different from each other..." I say thoughtfully. "I mean... I don't know who exactly I'm thinking of... but she's nicer. You know, gentler."

She bites the inside of her cheek. "..." Without saying another word, she spins on her heel, and walks out of the room. Speed-walks, really.

The two boys watch her go.

"... What did I do?" I ask, truly confused.

"... Do you really not remember me?" Mikuo says.

I sigh. Seriously? Thanks for completely ignoring my question. And I already answered that about, what, 6, 7 times already? "No, I don't 'remember' you. I don't know who the hell you are, and I'm tired. Please go."

He almost looks depressed. He gloomily escapes the room, leaving Len and I alone.

"... Do you want me to try and explain things to you?" Len finally asks.

"Explain what?" I snap. "This is just some weird dream. When I wake up, I'll be in my room, up in the attic, and I'll forget all about this."

"... You tried to commit suicide." He says quickly.

"... What?"

"You tried to commit suicide." He repeats. "You cut your wrists, and nearly died from loss of blood. Then, you came here. This is the Vancouver Mental Institution."

"You mean... a ward...?"

"Exactly." He nods. "A mental ward. There was a misunderstanding, though, and you were put into our room, Mikuo and I's, instead of a girl's room."

I blink. What the hell...?

"You didn't like me at first. But I found you interesting. Different." He admits. "You got me to tell you how I ended up here. You were... exactly like you are right now. Cold, suspicious of everyone, withdrawn... And anything I said that seemed too personal to you would make you blow up emotionally."

"At one point, you told me it seemed like I didn't want anyone getting close to me. Like I was putting up walls between me and everyone around myself." He chuckles. "It was hard not to laugh. I could have said the same about you."

And yet, he says I'm exactly as I was then. He's being quite insulting, really. First, he calls me cold and withdrawn, and now, he says it seems like I put walls between myself and other people. Thanks.

"At some times, I'd wonder if you were bi-polar. You'd start off all cheerful, and then end up yelling at me. We yelled at each other quite a bit, actually..." He trailed off thoughtfully.

It was almost like he was repeating those fake memories to himself more than to me.

"Then your dad came to visit." He smiles to himself. "I have no idea why, exactly, but you told Gumi to bring me with you."

Gumi? Who's Gumi? The name sounds familiar...

"I think that's when I first really noticed you changing. You were friendlier to people. Teto helped out a lot with that, too. You got along really well with her..." he drifts off in a way that makes me wonder who she is- or was.

"Who's Teto?" I ask.

"A friend of yours." He shakes his head. "Not important."

Hmm... That name also rings a bell. "Did... she... have red hair?" I ask, uncertain.

He blinks. "It's... hot pink. But yes, it's close enough. Why, do you think you-"

"Remember her?" I finish for him. "No, not really. I'm probably thinking of someone else again. I think I just had a dream about someone with the same name. That's all."

"..." He hesitates.

"It was after that when Mikuo told you what he did to get here. And..." He pauses, as if trying to arrange the words in his head. "You two kind of... uh... hit it off."

I frowned. "Hit what off?"

"... Became boyfriend and girlfriend." He finally says, avoiding my gaze and blushing slightly.

"... Me and Mikuo?!" I ask, stupefied, then quickly realize my grammar mistake. "Mikuo and _I_?!"

Len nods.

"... No way. You're..." I shake my head. "No way."

The ghost of a smile appears on his lips. "I felt the same way."

"... And... what happened?" I asked.

"I thought you were too tired?" Len remarks teasingly.

I glare at him. "I am. I'm simply being patient."

"..." He stares at me, in a way that also faintly rings a bell. His azure blue eyes bore into my own, and it almost feels like he's reading my thoughts.

It makes me shiver.

Finally, he sighs. "That's enough for now, I think. You should get some rest. Maybe then you'll remember some more."

"If I sleep now, I'll wake up in my bed, and I'll forget all about this weird dream!" Rin protests. "While I'm here, I'd might as well find out how this weird story ends."

"..." He hesitates again. "I fell for you. I was too late. He's already claimed you."

"... Fell for me...?"

He ignores me. "I tried." He laughs. "I still tried. I came so close, too... You were almost mine. But then, you left for art, and..."

"Ooh, let me guess; never came back?" I ask sarcastically. "Very cliché."

"Your friend Teto tried to kill you."

"Very dramatic."

"You almost _**died**_!"

"Truly tragic."

"Rin...!" He runs his hand through his hair. "You really don't remember any of this?"

I shake my head. "You've never told me this fairy tale before, Mr. Len. How could I remember?"

"..." He clenches his fist. "This isn't just a fairy tale, Rin..."

"Isn't it? So you admit it's a lie?"

"I'm not ly-"

"Well if it's not the truth, it's a lie, and I don't appreciate liars."

He beats the bed's hard green mattress with his fist. "God, damnit!" he yells out to himself. "I'm in love with you, Rin! This is freaking reality, and I'm in love with you. This isn't a freaking dream, or a lie!"

"You're lying. No one in their right mind would love me." I say, but I'm not feeling quite as confident as I sound. Why is he suddenly saying he loves me...?! I don't even know him!"

"_I_ love you." He says, staring at me in that same, strange way. "Mikuo loved you. Our friends love you. Even Teto loves you. And even if we aren't all in our 'right minds'- we're in a mental ward after all -I think that should be enough for you. I love you, Rin..."

It almost sounds like he's begging me for something. But for what? To tell him I love him too? I don't even know him!

"I don't believe you." I repeat, my face as stern as ever.

"... Fine." He finally says. He starts to get up, but then remembers something.

He leans towards me, trying to cup my chin in his hand; not to use force on me, or to kiss me, but rather, to make sure I look him in the eye.

I flinch, though, before he has a chance to really touch me. A mixed expression crosses his face, and he dully lowers his had back into place. "Good night."

"... Good night." I say, and watch him leave the room.

Finally, I close my eyes, and am swallowed into a sea of dreams.

* * *

_Well._

_That sure was unexpected, don't you think?_

_If not for you... well, you could say you saw it coming, or something, but I sure didn't. I'm not even kidding- it was one of those split decision things. All of a sudden, I thought, 'Hey... OH MY GOD, LET'S HAVE RIN LOSE HER MEMORIES!' I had quite a few paths I could have gone down... Like that drug path. I actually spent a good 15 minutes or so thinking of possible culprits, but then decided against it._

_Rin doesn't have enough people who hate her in this story. XD She's too nice. ... Most of the time._

**Question of the Chapter: Do you think Rin will ever truly regain her memories, and return to the way she was?**

**Question of the Chapter: If all the characters in this story got stranded on an isolated island, who do you think would survive? You can pick more than one person. Who would die first?**

_I'm curious about what people will say for the second... XD I'm not quite sure who I'd say myself~! Hmm... maybe Kaito and Miku would survive. Gakupo would die first. Why? ... Because he doesn't have much of a personality in the story anyway, so... yep._

Gakupo: D':

_Heh heh... Sorry Gaku-nii~!_

Anywho... oh yeah, I'm planning on having some sort of Q&A at the end of this story. I'm still not sure when it will be ending, but I've decided to start collecting questions now. You can ask things like...  
-How old are you?  
-Were you always planning on having it end up Rin x Len?  
-Why did you choose Teto to be the yandere one?  
-Why wasn't Meiko there much?  
-Where did you get the idea for this story?  
-Etc, etc.

_Anything, really. Please do~!_

_Ladeeda...~!_

_Funny; I started this on the 12th of December. It is now the 20th. I spent 8 days writing this... ^w^" Heh heh... I have an excuse, though. I started Puppy Mill Ch.2 somewhere between that, finished it, and posted it. Yep._

_SYNCHRONICITY PART 3 IS OUT._

_I was in tears. Seriously. My dad got annoyed. Oh... and now he's denying it . XD Okay, dad..._

_It is absolutely beautiful. Just... wow. Absolutely stunning. It makes me want to write a Synchronicity story... but god knows how many will appear now that the 3rd part is out. -_-"_

_I think it was worth the 2 year wait for it. (I only waited 2 years instead of 3. I became a Vocaloid fan in August 2011.) It really was wonderful, despite Rin, Len, Kaito, Meiko, Teto, AND Gakupo dying. XD And Neru. Can't forget poor Neru...!_

_Speaking of 2011... soon, it will be my 2 year FFN member mark~! I believe my anniversary is February 26th... I think. It was near the end of February. QwQ I can't believe I've actually worked for two years now on this stuff... this is so wonderful...!_

_Anyway... congratulations everyone for making it to the 10th chapter with me! I love you all so much, my heart could burst!_

_I mean it. Each and every one of you; I couldn't have made it this far without you._

_Naty17_

* * *

(1) A hint at a story I'm working on... It may not become an actual _fanfiction_... I'm thinking of perhaps turning it into my first real novel. Of course, it is very probable it will be rejected, so... it's based off Heartbreak Headlines, by Gumi Megpoid (composer: Nem, Art: tama). So... we'll see how it goes. :3 Wish me luck~! Because I don't want anyone to steal my idea, I cannot tell you what EOO stands for... sorry!

(2) Oh my, how that sounds perverted~! ^w^

(3) This was actually a spur of the moment thing, Rin's loss of memory. I figured it would reduce the awkwardness between her and Mikuo, but cause more drama for Len and Rin. I'm not sure how it's working out for me, though... I mean, yes, it's fine, but... I find it was somewhat below my own expectations.

(4) Heh heh... I only just realized something recently. In chapter 2, I originally said Haku died when Rin was 11. (Hence the cut-off 'Eleven' when she was asked her age.) In chapter 3, though, it changed to 9. (o.0) And then, I think it was last chapter, I made it sound like she was 5 when Haku died. OTL I have to remember to keep checking up on my ages...

(5) "Mitsuketa~!" A true Vocaloid should recognize this line; it means 'Found it'.

(6) That's my real self complaining. It's only 11:36 pm, but I'm so tired...!

* * *

**Here's a challenge: Let's see if we can make it to 20 again this time! You have for the last few times, so it shouldn't be all that hard, but... you know.**

**Please Review~!**


	11. What You Deserve

**The Girl in the Ward**

_..._

_You know... I never realized this until now._

_I don't know how to finish a story._

_I've been meaning to end TGW for a while now, but as you can see, I keep adding things in- like Rin's sudden memory loss! It never occurred to me that I'd never truly ended a story before...!_

_I've only ever completed one multi-chap story; Meet Me in the Pouring Rain. It was crappy all the way through, and I just wanted to finish it. As a result, the ending was cut short and extremely rushed. It doesn't count as a true 'The End'._

_All my other stories are either on-going now or were discontinued when I switched fandoms- so I've never actually ended a story before._

_No wonder why TGW is still here... It all makes sense now._

_Without meaning to, I keep looking for ways to extend the story. Unconsciously, I must be brainstorming new arcs for this story instead of finding an end for it. Rin's memory loss was never supposed to happen- neither was Haine-Lin and Mikuo's reunion. Teto was supposed to go yandere, yes, but Miku was never supposed to be wearing a mask. I keep adding to it, and so the story never ends._

_Maybe a reason for that is that I often end my chapters with cliffhangers. In fact, most of my chapters end in cliffhangers! (I'm evil that way. ^.^) I guess I keep trying to add some more crap in, to augment my word count, and am only satisfied to end it when there is a perfect cliffer in place._

_But, all that aside, I'm not sure how I'll dig myself out of this one, now. I mean... people don't remember stolen memories after only one night, do they? No, they don't. Which means... whatever part of me doesn't want to see this story end has won out. OTL Congratulations, my dear readers... Lucky you._

_I wonder what I'll do..._

_Oh, LOL, I love how some people seem to know my story better than I do! The whole 'memory loss' thing was very spontaneous, a switch of the moment decision. Which means I couldn't have intentionally foreshadowed this, seeing as not even _I_ knew what would happen! But I got a few people saying they saw it coming. O.O Are you psychic? Cause... I didn't. XD Seriously. You guys must be pretty clairvoyant. *nods*_

_Oh, hey... I think it's been nearly a year now since I've started this story. How sad that I'm only at chapter 11... XD Waiiiit... I first saw the original while I was at an airport. Yes... I remember that. I was with my mother, too... perhaps we were on our way to Florida? Well, then, that would have been in March 2012, I think. Yep, almost a year._

_Without realizing it, I passed my 1-year anniversary for Lost and Found, by the way. XD Oopsies... I only just realized it yesterday (January 23rd, 2013)._

_What's fun to compare is my A/Ns; look back at chapter 1 and let your jaws drop at its shortness. I think it was at about chapter 5 where my A/Ns really started to grow. ^-^ Teehee~!_

_Anyway, surely you'd like to begin reading now, so I'll end this A/N. Yep. Lucky guys...!_

_(By the way, your reviews last chap were just… XD So funny! I'm so sorry I didn't get time to reply to many! OTL I'm just so busy…! LOL, I love how someone mentioned Meiko would probably eat Kaito to survive on that island… XD And so many people thought Gakupo would die first! D: Poor Gackt! But then again, _I _said__ so too… Ehehe…)_

* * *

**Anonymous Reviews:**

**Guest: **(I so loved the water bottle part. It sucks to be sick *cough* *cough* well welcome to the club. -.-)  
_LOL, why, thank you! I'm all better now that The Frozen North here has warmed up just a little bit… (Although it was -29 degrees Celsius last week. O.O That's EXTREMELY cold.)_

**Guest:** (When u put Mitsuketa I started singing bad end night.)  
_Didn't we all? XD Yeah, I love that song so much… It's probably been mentioned in at least half of my ongoing stories. I know I mentioned it somewhere in Merry-Go-Round…_

**Guest:** (I wish more people would read this story, it rocks!)  
_*sniff* Nooo… YOU ROCK! XD Thank you so much, I'm glad you think so! But I'm already so happy with all the readers I already have… QwQ And do I really deserve more…? TTwTT I'm not a very good person…_

**TokyoTeddieBear: **_Ah! I'm sorry, here's the update! XD I felt bad when I saw that, like, "Hey… Do I really not update enough? D:" Be happy now!_

**iSeeU123: **_LOL, wanna know the first thing I thought when I read your pen name? "How do you spell I-Cup?" "Hm, I-C-U-P…?" "MULTI-COLORS!" XD I couldn't help it… You left quite a lengthy review for an anonymous user. Thank you! I did consider what you suggested, and I hope you'll like this chapter! ;3_

* * *

**Chapter 11 – What You Deserve**

* * *

One foot... in front... of the other.

I woke up in the same bed I remembered falling asleep in. Most people would prefer this over waking in another's bed, but I was both panicked and outraged. Was I trapped into this dream?! How would I get out!?

Yes- somehow, I managed to trap myself in a dream as great as Alice in Wonderland's. It was as unreal, to say the least.

I roll onto my side. What exactly does this dream mean?

It has been 3 days since I'd first gotten here, and now, I'm starting to worry. Why can't I wake up?

Of course, several times now, I've wondered: Could it be real?

The doctor - Kiyoteru - told me I've forgotten four years of my life. Of course, it seems crazy, doesn't it? But... it just might be...

No, it can't. Those visions I've had in my sleep were only illusions; the only reason Miku looks familiar is because she bears a resemblance to that one pop singer, Ring Suzune; the only reason Len claims to love me is because a dream likes to tease you with the things you want most.

That thought echoes in my mind. _'... the things you want most...'_ Is that really what I want most of all? To be loved? I hug my knees to my chest. 'How pathetic...'

I'm currently residing in Kiyoteru's doctoral office. I've refused to sleep in the same room as two boys, no matter the circumstances, so I've been staying in the same cot for the last few days.

It smells like disinfectant. The cot is small and hard. It feels so claustrophobic. I want to go home...

But I'm stuck here.

_'... a dream likes to tease you with the things you want most...'_

Why can't I stop thinking of that line? Am I really that desperate? I've never really had friends back at home because of my born curse, but... I've never needed anyone before. I could survive without anyone around me. But these people are already calling me their friend, when I've done nothing. Maybe... I just...

I sigh and run my hand through my hair.

How ironic that I dreamt myself into a mental ward; I certainly am crazy enough to be accepted into one, aren't I?

Am I really even considering pretending? How sick. How sick of me to even contemplate faking a love for someone to satisfy my own curiosity. How sick of me...

I touch the back of my hand to my lips. 'I... I wonder how it feels.'

Ugh. How disgusting. I'm as bad as the 'normal' girls I used to know. Just as shallow, just as simple-minded.

The door opens and in walks the doctor who'd taken care of me for the last few days.

"I have some good news for you." Kiyoteru says. "... Or some bad news, depending on what you remember today."

"Today...?" What did he mean by that?

"You may be getting your own room."

"My own room?"

"Mm-hm." He answers, organizing some papers on one counter.

"... By myself?"

I hear a small chuckle. "Don't get too optimistic, now", he says. "You'll be rooming with another girl." He glances back. "You like Miku, don't you?"

I cringed. "She's... strange." He laughs at that, which I ignore. "So that's the girl I'll live with?"

"Yep. Her roommate is seriously thinking of moving away."

"You mean she's getting released?" I ask, cocking my head.

Kiyoteru hesitates. "... Um... Sort of." I didn't bother wondering what that meant.

I tuck my knees to my chest again. "What did you mean by 'what I remember today'?"

He stops and glances back at me. "I've been asking you questions for the last three days. You remember that, right? I've been asking about events that were supposed to happen after the time you seemed to wake up from."

"I... I don't understand."

Kiyoteru came up and sat on the edge of the white cot. I flinched and tucked myself in closer, but he didn't notice. "You thought you were eleven years old, and you've apparently forgotten the three years after that. So I've been asking you things that have apparently occurred to you when you were twelve or thirteen or fourteen.

"You seem to be remembering more with every day, unless you're only taking wild guesses."

This depresses me. It only adds to the proof of the part of my mind saying all this is real. But it can't be; it's only trying to convince me so.

"... Like what?"

He grabs his clipboard from the counter and flips to a certain page. "Yesterday, I asked you what subject Mr. Devone taught. You said science..." He glances up at me. "That was correct. Mr. Devone was your science teacher last year, in grade 8."

I blink. 'I know who that is...' "I... I doubt that. He was probably just a supply teacher."

Kiyoteru raises a brow and reads another paragraph off his clipboard. "I also asked you the names of the Spanish foreign exchange students at your school, which you got correct as well."

"Which one are you asking about, the boy or the girl?"

"Both."

"The boy was named Bruno, and the girl was Clara. They were the foreign exchange students before I-" I catch myself and silently gasp at the words I was about to say. _'... before I came here...' _Now I'm just being delusional.

Kiyoteru smiles. "You see?"

"That's no proof of anything!" I mumble.

"You sound like a child."

"I _**am**_ a child! I'm freaking eleven!"

"I don't think kids nowadays say 'freaking'."

"Where have you been living? They do too!"

Kiyoteru pauses. "Well, it's not like I'm a teacher, or anything, so it's not like I'd know."

"_Now_ who sound like a child?"

"You do."

I roll my eyes and huff. "Whatever."

Silence takes over as he reads through his notes. "You remember my name." Kiyoteru finally speaks up.

"You told me what it was."

"But you still remembered, which means you haven't developed any memory dysfunctions of a sort. Which is good."

We are silent again. There's a thought that has been nagging at me since I woke up, though. "... Why does everyone think I've lost my memories?"

He glanced over at me with a raised brow. "Maybe because you've forgotten everything?" he suggests sarcastically.

I roll my eyes. "I get that, but... Why me?"

"What do you mean?"

"It could have been Miku or Luka or whoever... So let's say this whole story of yours is true, and I really _have_ forgotten the last three, four years of my life. Why me, of all people? Why couldn't it have been Len or someone else instead?"

Kiyoteru thinks about it for a moment. "There's an expression stating that 'All things happen for a reason'. Maybe you just have to find your reason."

I reflect on that. "That's... awfully vague."

Kiyoteru only shrugs. "I won't bother arguing. I'll leave now so you can get dressed."

"Get dressed?" I repeat. "For what?"

"The only thing damaged is your memories, which means", he smiles, "that you get to go through the regular patient routine again."

"What? What regular routine?" He pulls a sheet out of his clipboard and hands it to me, seeming amused. I read it over. "...What time is it now?"

"It's about 8:20. Breakfast is in ten minutes."

How strange. For the last few days, I've been waking up at around eight in the morning, while back at home I tended to sleep in 'til nine or ten. This schedule shows I would usually have had to wake up at eight. Why is my body already used to this early routine?

"You may want to hurry." Kiyoteru says as he leaves the room. He pauses at the door and looks back one last time. "... Good luck, Rin."

* * *

"You should brighten up a bit more. This is only a temporary thing, I think!"

"Mm-hm..."

"Len, I agree with Luka. You're depressing us."

I see Len roll his eyes as I approach. He looks tired.

"Len, if you're just going to be miserable, then just stay in your dorm for breakfast!" Miku snaps. "It's been three days now and it's getting annoying."

"Oh shut up."

I hover awkwardly about ten feet away. I feel like I'd be interrupting something if I walked up to these people now... obviously they're doing fine without me. (1)

I notice a girl sitting alone at another table, looking more depressed than even Len. She stares gloomily at her plate of eggs and toast, playing with her food using a fork but not eating it. She looks awfully skinny...

She suddenly looks up and our eyes meet. Right away a name comes to mind when I see her face, but I ignore it. The girl's bright magenta hair is pulled up into two curled pigtails on the side of her head, as always, but they look uneven, as if she did her hair carelessly. Her eyes widen in both surprise and hope as we stare at each other, but for some reason, I get a somewhat bitter taste about her.

Is this the girl who apparently tried to kill me?

"Teto...?" I whisper to myself, softly enough that no one should have been able to hear it, but Teto's eyes widen to the size of saucers, sparkling hopefully.

Why is she staring at me like that? What is she expecting from me? What does she want me to do?

I narrow my eyes at her and walk away, over to the table where my 'friends' sit. I see her deflate from the corner of my eye and feel the tiniest bead of satisfaction. Ha!

As I approach their table, Miku sees me first. Her eyes widen and then she averts her gaze, as though ashamed of something. It makes me wonder, but I don't think too much of it.

Luka sees me next and gasps quietly. She scoots over and pats the spot between she and the purple-haired boy, beckoning me over. 'Well, it's not like I have anywhere else to sit...' I come up and sit where she wanted me to.

Now the rest of the people are gasping as they lay eyes on me. It's actually quite irritating. Especially the way they right away swing their gazes to Len. All but Mikuo. Mikuo is the only one who doesn't seem to care what Len thinks and is still staring at me as though wondering if I'm not simply an illusion.

Len seems to be thinking the same thing, although his expression is a lot more sad. Although, despite myself, I can't really blame him.

Imagine that- the girl you love nearly kisses you (or so he says), then leaves for art class and almost dies courtesy of her best friend. Then, you wait by her for days to wake up, and when she does, she has no clue who you are, and couldn't be any more rude.

Somehow, I sympathize for him.

"Good morning, Rin." At least he's come to accept the fact that I don't remember him at all and that demands of 'Do you remember who I am _now_?!' only annoy me. Although, now that I think about it, he's never really bothered me with questions like that at all. On Day 1 (of my 'resuscitation', as I've heard them call it), he explained to me exactly what I 'missed' (even though I didn't and still don't believe it), and despite everything, he's still friendly towards me.

Although he always looks pained doing it.

He's always trying to touch me- no, not in any sexual way, mind you. He always reaches his hand out to pet my hair, caress my cheek, trail his hand down my arm. It's like he can't stand not touching me, and although I always pull away, refusing him, I can't help but be flattered.

No one has ever actually wanted to be with me. Never. Or, at least... No one since Auntie Haku. I miss her terribly...

He's never tried to force me to do anything, though. He's never forced me to kiss him, to touch him, and if I pull away, he never seems angry about it, only sad. Maybe that's what makes me feel for him in that way- despite 'loving' me, he'd never force me to, and would rather live with one-sided feelings than pain me.

It seems to me like this is what real love should be like. It sounds like the love I read so much about in books, but can never find in real life. So why do I refuse it?

I stare at him, his tired dark blue eyes. My favorite color is reflected in those breathtaking blue orbs of his.

I refuse because it would be unfair to pretend. I don't love him- we've only truly just met. Whatever feelings I have for him right now, whatever reason there are butterflies in my stomach for, it's only infatuation, a girlish longing. He doesn't deserve that. A person like him who is willing to be completely honest deserves only the same.

"Morning..." I mumble, averting my gaze.

"Here." Luka pushes her plate in front of me. There are some remains of scrambled egg on it. "I'm not hungry anymore."

The boy with the long lilac hair - Gakupo - does the same, offering some crispy bacon. "Go ahead and take my rests too."

"Thank you..."

"I still have some toast, if you don't mind it has a few bites in it already." Miku offers, holding up a triangular half of whole wheat bread with two fingers. True to her word, there are some bites taken from it already, but I don't really mind.

"Thank you, Miku."

She nods and drops it onto the plate Luka gave me, reaching across the pink-haired girl's place.

Kaito, her boyfriend, the one with the navy blue hair, smiles from where he sits across from her. He seems somewhat proud. I wonder what she's told him. Surely, being a couple, she must have told him things she wouldn't tell to any other sitting here. What does she feel? Is there something bothering her? Why?

The reason I wonder is because Miku acts somewhat cold all the time, and it is extremely difficult for me to tell what she's thinking. But the way she's always avoiding meeting my eye... Something's bothering her.

But, then again, I barely know her. It's not my responsibility, nor is it my business. (2)

For some reason, even though she seems somewhat insensitive, I like Miku. She seems so much more... real, in a sense. Well, she and Luka both, but... Luka seems to be over whatever pain she's experienced. She's happy with Gakupo, and they're perfectly fine minding their own business. Miku on the other hand still seems stressed about things and worried about others, and despite her sudden avoidance of me, I can still feel, in some strange way, that she cares for me.

I think it's the fact that we're both scared about certain things, so uncertain, that draws me to her. We both have this in common.

While I admire her, it is still no reason to meddle into her business. And, besides, it could be about her past or something. I don't know how on earth she ended up at a mental institution (I can't 'remember'), but if what's bothering her is about what she did to get here, she probably won't want to share it with me. It would probably make her uncomfortable if I asked. It's none of my business.

I finally realize I'm staring at her and lower my gaze to my plate, slightly embarrassed. "Um... so..." I mumble, taking a bite of the toast.

No one can seem to find a topic of conversation now that I've arrived. I knew it; I'm just the elephant in the room, a nuisance to them, the awkward girl they're forced to take in.

"What are we going to do for break, tonight?" Kaito finally speaks up.

"Hm?" Miku looks up sharply. "Ah- oh, sorry... I didn't hear you."

"I asked what we're going to be doing for break, tonight, Miku."

"Well..." She twirls a strand of long teal hair around her finger. I love the color, I'm so jealous. "I... They're making me do the half hour of physical activity now that my act's cracked, so... How about we go out onto the field? Soccer?"

Kaito smiles. "I'll be goalie."

"Could we come with you?" Luka asks, grasping Gakupo's hand. I don't think they realize they're blocking my plate.

Kaito and Miku turn to each other and Miku shrugs. "Why not?"

"Mikuo, what about you?"

"Nah, they're letting Haine and Ren visit." Mikuo says, blushing slightly.

"Aw, why don't you bring him along with us?" Luka asks.

"Yeah, why not?" Kaito asks. "This whole time, you had a kid, and none of us knew about it! At least let us meet him!"

A kid?! My gaze swings over to meet Len's and he bats once at the air. 'Later', it seems to mean.

"I'd like to meet your off-spring too." Miku says, resting her head on her propped-up hand.

"Yeah, come on! We've never even met the little guy!"

"That's the point." Mikuo says jokingly and they all laugh. "I'll ask Haine, but I probably won't be playing with you guys. You all can get really aggressive with sports..." He narrows his eyes at them.

"Luka isn't necessarily an aggressive player", Gakupo says, "She's just a sore-loser."

"I am n- No, never mind, you're completely right." Luka admits.

"I don't think I will." Len says.

"Pfft! You say that as if we weren't already expecting that answer!" Luka laughs.

Even Miku smiles at that. "She's got a point, Mr. Mozart."

Len rolls his eyes. "Alright, so I don't see the point in running around a field for some black spotted ball. No need to judge me for it."

Kaito laughs. "Are you trying to make us feel bad?"

"No; If I were, that would have been a horrible attempt."

"Whatever. What about you, Rin? Are you coming out with us?"

"Soccer?" I can't help but cringe. "I... have to agree with _Len_ on this one." It feels so strange dropping his name so casually. "I'd rather stay inside."

"Oh, poo. What a shame."

"You sure?" Gakupo insists.

I narrow my eyes at them. "If you really knew me, you'd know I hate sports." But they can't, because they're only characters of my imagination.

"Heh, don't you remember, Gackt?" Kaito asks. "On the... what was it, the second, or the third day? We tried to get her into sports. She couldn't even figure out a hoola hoop!" He laughs.

My eyes widen. That part was true; never in my life had I ever been able to work a hoola-hoop. But...! This doesn't prove anything at all.

I nibble on my eggs as they threaten each other about the soccer game, placing bets, discussing Mikuo's son (which I'm still quite shocked about), and so on. Only Len and I remain silent.

_"If there isn't anything to say, I just don't say anything." _(3) Somehow, I know he told me that once. It was probably just something he said at some point in the last three days, but, for some reason, it seems like it came from a while ago, a few months ago, maybe.

It feels like he wants to tell me something, or at least talk casually, but he just sits there and watches me. It actually makes me feel self-conscious as I eat.

Finally the bell rings, and I breathe out in relief. I hadn't realized how uptight I was until then.

I quickly push my nearly empty plate away and join the flush of people heading towards the exit. None of them follow, but instead linger at the table.

'Class...' I remember. 'Shoot. I forgot to ask what classes I'm supposed to be taking.' I begin walking down the hall. 'Well, then... if I can find the office where Megumi works, she'd be able to tell me...'

"Rin! Where are you going?!"

I spin around hearing that high-pitched voice call out my name. A little girl no older than ten runs up to me. She has dark-colored hair pulled into two ponytails on either side of her head and big gray eyes.

"Hey! Rin! Homeroom's this way!" She jabs a thumb behind her.

I blink. "U-Um... okay. Thank you?"

She immediately frowns. "Are you alright...?"

I nod. "Um, yes, I'm fine."

Did you know the most commonly told lie in the world is 'I'm fine'?

This little girl doesn't look convinced. I wonder what her name is. It would be rude to ask, I find. Besides, then I'd have to explain the reason I can't remember. I'd prefer avoiding that situation.

"Good thing I caught you in time." She says. "I don't know where you were going, but you would've been late." She glances back at me. "Where _were_ you going?"

"I don't know," I say, which really _is _the truth. "I was lost in thought."

"Uh-huh." She smiles at me adorably. "Alright, if you say so~!"

Seeing such a young person here makes me think about Mikuo. Why didn't anyone tell me he had a kid?! How old is it? I think I overheard that this child is a boy. What's his name? Who's his mother?

I wonder about him through most of class. The rest of the time, I'm thinking about Len. What is he thinking about right now? What on earth is making him think I'm worth loving? What did I do to make him feel that way?

Maybe I'd ask him. After all, he'd already admitted to loving me; surely he wouldn't mind me asking why, would he?

It all seems so odd, I thought to myself, as I made my way down to Kiyoteru's office. But, then again, I'm currently residing in a mental ward- things are supposed to be weird. Ahaha.

I knock at the door to his office room and wait a few moments. He finally opens it. "Rin", he says right away, "is it alright if we skip our session today? There's been a little... unscheduled visit, so to say."

I try to peek in through the crack in the door, but I can't see inside well enough, for his body is blocking my sight. "Um... alright, I guess. But, then, where do I go?"

Kiyoteru hesitates, then steps out and closes the door behind him. "I'll bring you. She needs time to reflect anyway."

"Who?"

He raises a brow at me with the slightest smile. "I can't tell you that; it's confidential. It's just a person facing a very big choice in her life, one that will severely affect her." His eyes seem to grow sad. "You'd be surprised to find how much of an effect you can leave on someone, sometimes."

I frown. Is he telling me this as some sort of wise advice, or something, or did I do something to hurt this girl? Who is she...? Miku?

I shake it off as we stop at a door. It's none of my business.

He slides a card into the wall pad then punches in a code. The door beeps and opens and I'm met with an empty room.

There is a bunk bed in the middle and a regular bed on the left wall. A room for three people. The bunk beds are unmade and clothing is strewn on the floor.

It looks familiar.

"Whose room is this?" I ask.

"Mikuo and Len's room." Kiyoteru answers and my eyes widen.

I take a step back. "Um, no thanks, I don't think I should be in their room without their permi-"

"You're supposed to be here. It's for the interactive therapy; you get to spend a half hour with Len." He laughs at my expression. "You know, you always did both think strangely of each other. I'm not really all too surprised you both ended up together."

"We're not-"

"Your stuff is still in here." Kiyoteru interrupts. "You should find something to do while you wait for Len." He starts to leave but pauses. "Don't forget, this is your room too. You're perfectly welcome here."

And then he locks me into this room.

A _boy's_ room.

What kind of mental institution lets a girl live with two teenage boys?! They're hormone-filled and crazy! Obviously it isn't a good idea to put them all together, especially not when one of them could have been a rapist, or something! Unless... hm. Maybe they're gay...?

I chuckle at my own thought. Maybe I should clear that up with Len, just in case. 'Oh, hey, you do realize I'm a girl, right?' Just in case, haha!

I sit on the single bed. It must have been mine, I guess. There's a small night table beside it. On it, I see my white ribbon. I pick it up curiously. There's a sticky note on it, and something is written in red marker.

_'You dropped this.'_

I cock my head, wondering who in this crazy fantasy could have written it. Perhaps it was Kiyoteru? But then he would have mentioned it, wouldn't he? Perhaps it was Len, trying to be a mysterious romantic. I giggle at the thought. How cheesy!

I pull off the note and place my ribbon on my head. It relaxes me to feel it back in its place.

I gaze around the room. What is there to do? All there seems to be is clothing, bags of who knows what, and the bathroom. Well, there's also the beds, and... Well, I _am_ pretty tired.

How simple a thought.

Without really thinking, I lean back onto the pillow. Ah... so comfy! I curl myself into a ball and make what sounds like a strange purr.

It's getting cold outside- it seems to be near or in December, and Vancouver definitely isn't the warmest place on Earth.

My eyes fall close and I'm sucked into a dream.

'It's amazing how fast I can fall asleep...' were the last words I remember thinking before everything went dark.

* * *

_A girl stood facing a wall._

_She had golden blond hair down to her shoulders and a pale complexion with big blue eyes. She still had some baby fat in her cheeks but she was very skinny and fit._

_What immediately clued me into her identity was the big floppy bow she wore on her head._

_This was me._

_The angle changed and I saw that she was looking into a mirror. Her expression was serious, her eyes cold._

_Her reflection, though, was different._

_The girl in the mirror wore black clothes, for one, while I wore what looked like plain white winter pajamas. Her hair, though cut in nearly the same style, was a little longer and completely black. Her eyes were thinner, more Asian, and she had a slightly heavier weight than I, though we were both extremely skinny._

_She stared at me with black-colored eyes, her crimson red bow leaning to one side. It was almost a glare. So naturally, I glared back. She seemed surprised by my reaction and took a step back._

_Then, she slowly brought a hand up to the glass of the mirror. Her gaze returned to my face, searching me._

_I wasn't sure what she wanted, but I brought my own hand up as well, pressing it against hers. But instead of cold glass, what I felt was like fire. It burned through my hand, but I didn't pull away or react to it at all._

_"I know you." I heard myself say, though I didn't know at all what I was talking about._

_The girl in the mirror nodded her lips twitching. "Of course you do." She whispered. "You know me better than anyone."_

_This made absolutely no sense to me. Why had I told her I knew her when I didn't at all? "W-Who are you...?"_

_The girl's smile grew. "We'll meet each other soon enough." She pressed her hand up to my forehead, and suddenly I could feel that same burning feeling. It hurt! It was blistering my skin with its heat, burning through my skull, but I couldn't pull away! What the heck is going on?!_

_And then suddenly, the wall of glass was gone. She was standing there right in front of me, completely human, and when she smiled at me, I knew what her name was._

"Oh, you're awake."

All I can do is blink as I struggle to keep that dream in mind. I was going to say something... I was going to call her a certain name... I was going to... to... ... What exactly _was_ I going to do?

The dream disappeared from my memories as fast as a blown dandelion seed. With every second that passes, it all starts to fade more and more.

... Is it even possible to dream _during_ a dream?

"Rin? Rin, are you okay?! Hey!"

I blink some more and shake my head. I've given up on trying to remember. Len is crouched over me, his expression filled with worry.

Not understanding the situation, at first I only see a male figure leaning over me, his left hand pressing beside my shoulder, digging into the mattress of the bed I lay on. My mind simply put together the two main pieces: Boy + Bed = RAPE!

As a reflex, I push my hand upwards, attempting to hit him or push him away. At the same time, though, I squeeze my eyes shut, bracing myself for a hit, or something.

When I open my eyes again, I see my hand hovering far to the left of Len's head. He stares at it incredulously.

'Oh god..." I think to myself in embarrassment. 'I totally missed.'

He stares back down at me in confusion. "Um..."

"Don't scare me like that!" I cry out, dropping my hand.

He only blinks. "That was supposed to be my line."

I scoff. "Don't say that! This isn't supposed to be a comedy! The author just read a funny manga which is messing up her mind and producing gags- such as this one. Ignore it and be serious!"

"Um... alright." Len says, trying to ignore the author's pathetic insertion of humor in a serious story. _(A/N: Sorry...! =w=") _"Are you okay? I called your name, but you were just... staring up at the ceiling."

"I'm fine, I was just... sleeping." I scratch the back of my head, sitting up. Len sits himself down on the edge of the bed, by my legs. To give him more room, I tuck my knees in.

He doesn't really look convinced with my excuse, but it's not like I have anything else I can tell him. I can't even remember the reason!

"So, um..." I squirm slightly under the covers. Funny... I don't remember ever pulling them back. "What exactly do we do for this whole... social therapy thing?"

Len smiles. "You can't just figure it out by the name? We act social to each other."

"Yeah, but, like... Is there something specific we have to ask?"

"Nope. You can talk about anything you'd like to."

"..." I try to think of a topic. "Oh, hey... How long have you been here?" I ask, only just noticing this.

"About five minutes, maybe?" He shrugs. "Not very long."

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You looked peaceful, and you've been very tired lately. I figured I'd just let you sleep; it'd be selfish of me to wake you up."

"You shouldn't have." I say, getting all flustered for no real reason.

He gives me a strange look for that. "It's not really a problem... We don't actually have to talk if you don't want to. It's not like they test us about it."

"But _you_ want to talk to me." I say. He looks surprised. "... Don't you?"

"... Well... um..." He scratches the back of his head. "I can talk to you any time I want to, so I don't mind letting you sleep..."

"But not alone."

"What?!"

"You don't get much time to talk to me alone."

"Oh..." He lets out a breath of air, and I realize what he must've heard. 'I don't mind letting you sleep...' 'But not alone!' Gee...! Why must I say such stupid things...! "... What exactly are you getting at?" he asks.

"Huh?"

"Why are you saying all this?"

I frown. "I... I don't know. I'm just... being weird, I guess."

He leans back horizontally on the bed. "I guess you're right, though. I _do_ prefer being alone with you."

I gasp. I can't help it; he just admitted to something... that... Ah! Somehow it affects me more now than before, when he told me he loved me. Is it because he took me by surprise, then?

"It doesn't matter to me, though. You need your sleep."

I just stare at him in awe. How can he be so upfront about his feelings...?! "Len..." I blurt it out before I can stop myself. "Why do you love me?"

He rolls onto his side. "Where did that come from?"

"Just... answer the question." I grumble, embarrassed.

"Well, let's see... You were the first life I saved, for one." he says, lifting a finger.

"What? When?"

"When you first got here." He lifts another finger. "You were the first one who hated me for no reason at all." A third finger. "You were the first one to make me feel jealous. You were the first girl I've ever wanted. You were the first girl I ever tried to steal away. You're beautiful, you're careful, you're caring, you're forgiving, you're honest..."

My eyes widen. So many compliments at once...! The only compliments I had ever gotten were from Aunt Haku, and yet, it feels different coming from a person I'm not related to.

"You're the only person I've ever actually **felt** **something **for." His eyes lock on mine. "I've never actually been in love before... Not even as a kid. I always thought other people were stupid. So the fact that I even wanted to be with you at all..." He shakes his head. "Just that is surprising enough."

"But... how is that love?"

His smile falls. "Hm. So you're not just asking."

I don't understand what he means by that, but I don't interrupt as he sits up straight, turning to face me.

"If you want me to be honest... It's killing me that you're being so cold. It's hurting me not to be able to touch you or kiss you or anything. And... well... I guess I'm like every other guy in the way that I say that, the one thing I want to do most right now is make love to you."

I gasp and squirm, blushing. He... Did he actually say that?!

"If we ever get out of here, and you let me, I'd even marry you."

Oh. My. God.

"But only if you want to." His face is coming closer.

He... He's practically proposed to me! What the hell do I do?! What on earth do I do?!

We're literally only inches away from each other. Inches! N-Now what?! I've never actually kissed a boy before! (Or, maybe I have, but I wouldn't know. I wouldn't 'remember'.)

"But if you don't want to..." he starts to say. "All you have to tell me is stop."

I... I should tell him to stop. He doesn't deserve this. I don't love him! The only reason my heart is thumping so hard is because he's said all those things to me, because his face is so damn close to mine. He doesn't deserve this!

Our noses are touching now. I can feel his breath on my face.

"L-Len...!"

So... So close now. I feel like I might faint. I want him so bad, I'm shaking. Or, no, not true; I want to be loved so bad, I'm shaking. He's just the one providing me with it. I'm just using him. I'm so selfish, so so selfish...!

"I love you, Rin..." he whispers.

I can feel my eyes tear. "I'm... I'm so sorry...!"

Before he can pull too far away, alarmed by my sniffles, I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him towards me. His lips brush against mine and I can't help but let those tears flow. I'm so cruel, so selfish! He doesn't deserve this...!

"You don't deserve this...!"

He circles his arms around my waist. "Shh... It's alright."

We're not close anymore. He's pulled away from me. He's so good to have resisted such temptation when I couldn't take even half as much as he. It must hurt him so much now. So, so... much...

I can't help it; I sob in his shoulder.

He doesn't say anything, just repeats a soothing "Shh..." over and over again, holding me in his arms.

"I... I don't deserve you. You deserve someone better. You... shouldn't have to take this." Another sob.

He rubs my back with his hands. "... I don't want anybody else, Rin. But that's okay if you don't want me. I'm glad you stopped me."

"You're lying."

He doesn't answer, only holds me.

"... Is this still a dream?" I finally ask.

It takes him a moment to answer, and for a moment, I thought he was ignoring me. "Only if you still want it to be."

I focus on steadying my uneven breathing. "I... I wish I could... remember. I wish I could remember everything."

"I don't."

My head snaps up. "What?"

He smiles, his blond bangs falling into his face. "It'd be just too easy if you hadn't forgotten. Don't you think?"

Again, my eyes well up with tears, but he doesn't hesitate to hold me close to him. And when has anyone but Auntie Haku ever held me close to them?

Just that thought makes me want to cry.

'Rin...' I think to myself, speaking to the girl whose memories were lost. 'You're so unbelievably lucky. Please come back... If not for me, then for Len.'

That Rin either didn't hear me or didn't listen.

* * *

_All dah floof ish flooooofy~! Lalalalalalaaaaa~!_

_Ah! It's 3:30am! I'm so tiiiired... OTL_

_I was supposed to have this posted two days ago, but I was so bloody exhausted that I could barely keep my eyes open. I fell asleep before I could finish, which was why it took so long. After being grounded for so long (a week and a half probably isn't that long, is it?), have my sleep patterns been disturbed? O.O_

_Oh, hey, I'm reading the manga 'Absolute Boyfriend'. I didn't want to borrow it from my library at first because of its name... I mean, how stupid and girly does 'Absolute Boyfriend' sound?! Couldn't they just have named it 'Nightly Lovers', or something?!_

_But, anyway, I'm on volume 3, and it's actually really good! Weird, but good! I love Soshi so much... *kiss kiss kiss* I'm always like, "GO TO HELL, NIGHT! SOSHI'S WAY BETTER! YOU'RE JUST SOME ROBOT DUDE TAKING SOSHI'S PLACE! *sob sob sob*" Yep. It's very inspiring, though... It gave me an idea for some kind of Len x someone fic. Although that idea sounds more like that manga B.O.D.Y, if anything... =.=_

_Speaking of which, B.O.D.Y is also a very good manga! I've only read halfway through the first volume (my mom dragged me out of the book store), but it's very interesting! The whole time I was reading, the song Spice was playing in my head. XD_

_My absolute favorite manga, though, is Pearl Pink. I loved it so much! I was so devastated when I found out it got cut short! IF I WERE JAPANESE, I WOULD HAVE VOTED FOR YOU IN THE SURVEYS, PEARL PINK! I was so upset... only 4 volumes! D': I felt like crying...! So well made, and... *gasp* Raizo...!_

_So much could have been done with that idea, but it was put to rest so early...! Why did I have to die?! *sob* I wonder if Meca Tanaka (or whatever his name was) made any more manga after that...? If so, I'd like to read it._

_I'm too lazy to give you a question this chapter, but because I like reviews, I'll give you one anyway. XD_

**Question of the Chapter: Don't I fail at romance? :'D**

_Ehehe... I'm so very cheesy. I read over Len's little speech, and I'm like, "Yeah, now it's obvious you're fictional." I blame it on the third volume of Absolute Boyfriend; I read it right before writing that part, so... yeah._

_Just saying, girls (and guys, if you want), real boys don't say stuff like that. Unless they're trying to get in your pants. Normally. (Although there is that rare one, sometimes... but VERY rarely.)_

_Oh, hey, I forgot to put a song for this chapter~!_

**Song of the Chapter: Gigantic O.T.N**

Lyrics: "Danger, danger, it's getting swollen up now! Hey you! Make me climax~!" 'Nough said. ^w^

_Well, as usual, I love you all. Now review before I die of exhaustion. I DID THIS FOR YOOOOOOU. So you better review. Or I might actually die. D:_

_Love,_

_Naty17_

* * *

(1) She doesn't even realize they're talking about her. XD

(2) And now we know why Rin has no friends. *shot* I'm just kidding, it's a lot more complicated than that. And besides, take it from me, it's not always easy to make friends. Some people - like me - have a harder time than others. If anything, Rin and I are quite alike in this way. But... hey, I'm good now. What can I say, us losers like to stick together! *shot* I love my loser-ish friends~! *shot* STOP SHOOTING ME! *dies*

(3) Len says this line in Chapter 3, in case you forgot. ^w^

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**REVIEWWWWWWWWW. NOW. Or MY Gigantic O.T.N will EAT YOU! XD *anatomically impossible- my penis has no mouth -but who cares? XD***


	12. Only Just A Dream

**The Girl in the Ward**

_Well, what do you know? Mom's actually letting me write._

_For those who have no idea what's going on, there was this huge issue about my mother trying to ban me from FFN. It's still ongoing, actually. But... for some reason, when I asked for my laptop today, she let me. I'm like, "... Wait, really?!" _

_I have no idea what this means, but it looks good._

_It's 8:57 pm, and we're (meaning mom and her friends- I'm sitting in the corner writing) watching the Toronto Maple Leafs vs. Montreal Canadians hockey game. Leafs just scored again, so now it's 4 - 0. Yay, we're winning! I'm not really into hockey, but if I HAD to watch some sort of sport match, this would probably be it. I'm a Leafs' fan- don't judge me. Our jerseys are awesome._

_I'm kind of surprised, but I won't waste time on this A/N. If I'm going to get time to write, I'm going to use it._

_But... one more thing. My 'Don't Let the Author Die' update thing got about 35 reviews. 3 FREAKING 5! How many of you readers have been silent all this time?! But seriously, that's amazing. 35 freaking reviews... Holy SHIT. I've never gotten so many._

_**NOTE: If you reviewed to my update thing, you'll have to log in and review ANONYMOUSLY for this chap. Understand? Good.**_

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**Anonymous Reviews:**

**iSeeU123: **_LOL, yeah, I know. XD I've always thought that about SeeU's name as well. It's funny! I See U…! RAWR! Aw, you really think so? That's so sweet! I'm really glad I inspired you to get an account, that's awesome! And it doesn't matter if you can't update often- I may not be able to either now, thanks to… well, you know. You should drop me a PM when you post the story; maybe I'll drop by and read it, when I get the chance. ;) Aw, really? That's great! I'm really not a 'higher, greater' person; I'm just me. And you are you. I'm glad I made you feel special, though. :D LOL, Nelly Taco… XP You mean Nelly Furtado?_

**Lazy-Faye: **_Yesh, yesh, I know…~ There isn't much fluff in this one, unfortunately, but… ;) We'll see what happens next chap. Ah, but you think everything's romantic, Faye! You're like Chelsea, from Harvest Moon SI; I could give you a weed, and you'd be like, 'Oh, it's the thought that counts!' XD Hmm… I wonder, yes, who was that reflected in the mirror? Most people guessed right. ;) It's sort of obvious, so it won't be very hard to guess. Don't worry, it isn't a mysterious new character that's gonna go nuts and eat everybody. (That'd be a funny ending.) Yes, you mean Kiyoteru. XD And no, you are not 'completely wrong'- in fact, you're 'completely right'! ^w^ Good job, my dearest beloved~! And yes, I WILL have fun coming up with an ending! … Or maybe not. It depends on how much trouble it decides to give me. And of course I know who it is! XD Duh… You'd think I'd make the connection between Lazy-Faye and my beloved wifey! XD That'd be so awkward though, if I didn't… O.O_

**Guest: **(Oh I soo don't mind that you are dragging out TGW I personally love your work so whatever you do I think it will be great. Sorry if I was cheesy :) )  
_Oh yoooooou…~! You're too kind, you know that? And how did you know I love cheesiness? XD Ooh, cool, someone else called it TGW! :3 I thought I was the only one; people usually say the whole thing instead. It feels so cool that someone else used my acronym (or whatever it's called), even if it is for my own story. :D And for your dragged out pleasure, I present you with chapter… uh… *checks* 13! … Oh, crap, I mean 12! (Typo down there…) Thanks so much for the review!_

**Leila2469: **_Hey der, Leila~ Have I ever told you I love your name? No? Oh. Well, then, I love your name. XD Very pretty. O-Oh, yeah, this is supposed to be a review response… right. Right. =w= Actually, yes, Teto knows about Rin's memory loss. She was hoping maybe Rin would remember her and forgive her. Rin remembered her (sort of), but forgiven… well, I think not. Oh well… We'll see how it goes._

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**Chapter 12 - Only Just A Dream**

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I was so tired when I fell asleep that night, I shouldn't have been surprised by the way I wake up. Or rather, what I saw when I woke up.

My eyelids felt so heavy, my body felt like it was made of cement. My mind was fuzzy and it took me a while to finally wake up. When I finally opened my eyes, I felt lost.

The walls are painted green and light shines through the blinds on my window. The first thing I thought was how strange that was; The ward had white walls, everywhere, and there was only a small window in Kiyoteru's office.

Then I noticed the bed isn't a recliner and the pillow isn't fluffed up. The sheet I had over me is kind of itchy and a baby blue color. There's a wooden base to this bed too, but the one in Kiyoteru's office had no boards at all and was made of gray metal.

It doesn't reek of alcohol hand sanitizer- it smells kind of... warm. It was hard to describe. It smells like cooking and heat.

Here I am now, sitting up, glancing around me. Where on earth am I?

The floors are clothed in green carpet, though it isn't the same shade as the walls. There's a desk against the right wall, and a dull wooden night stand in front of my bed.

... Okay. What the hell.

As I push myself out of bed, I glance down at myself. I'm wearing plain cotton yellow pajamas. They're long sleeved too. They look like the ones I wear at the ward. In fact, I could swear they're the same ones. Huh. I ignore it and walk over to my window.

I push the boring stained white curtains away and glance out. I'm surprised to see a driveway and grass and roof shingles. It looks like late summer, which brings me to wonder why I'm wearing long-sleeved pajamas. Isn't it strange? It's no wonder I feel so warm.

"Riiiiin!" That voice sounds awfully familiar. I ignore my confusion and open the door, starting downstairs.

The ward doesn't have stairs.

I carefully step on cool white-tiled floors. How strange- it's only the base of the stairs that's tiled. The rest of the room is wooden. There's a patterned carpet in the center with a cushiony maroon sofa facing a dark cabinet with an old TV set on it. There's a black glass-topped table in front of it.

Why's there a TV? Huh.

To my right seems to be the front door, which returns me to 'Where the hell am I?!' To my left is a short hall. I turn that way and notice a picture frame hanging on a background of peeling yellow.

In the picture stands a girl in a pure white dress. Her long golden blond hair stops mid-back and she has the prettiest blue eyes- just like mine.

The funniest thing, however, is that the picture is in black and white. How could I have known of her troubled blue eyes?

I shake my head and keep forward. There's a sudden opening and in it I see a person's figure. When I poke my head through, I find a kitchen. It had those same ugly yellow walls and stained white tiles. The counters are gray spotted marble, the fridge old fashioned. Just like the people who own it.

The woman seems to be in her early sixties. Her hair is black with traces of gray and it's obvious she uses hair dye. Her eyes are the same blue as the girl in the picture's, the same blue as mine. Wrinkles decorate her face and there is slight jello hanging from her arms. I can tell by the sudden hesitation as she sets her eyes on me that she never planned on having me here.

To my right is the dining table where an older man sits. He too has dark hair, but his eyes are an amber color instead. He looks up curiously but quickly loses interest and returns to his paper. His hair is nearly all gray and he too has wrinkles.

No, this isn't the ward. I know these people. I may not remember them very well, but they appeared in a small flash. They were at her funeral.

"Grand-maman..."

She frowns at me. "Pourquoi tu me regarde comme celà?" French. I understand her perfectly. _'Why are you looking at me like that?'_

I avert my glance, staring down at the floor. "Pour rien. Je m'excuse." _'It's nothing. Sorry.'_ I speak French. Of course I do, my mother knew French as well. But I never spoke the language with Aunt Haku. Aunt Haku was English.

I know where I am, now. I'm at my maternal grand-parents' house, about an hour or two away from Vancouver, British Colombia. I'm back in the past.

I sit down at the table wide-eyed. Grand-maman hands me a plate with a slice of toast. She frowns at me. "You slept in. Natalia should be here any minute now."

Natalia? Who's that?

Grand-papa never looks up as I take a bite of toast. It's burnt. I miss the ward's food...

About a minute later, I hear a doorbell ring. I watch as my grand-mother wipes her hands on a dishtowel and starts for the door. "Right on time", she mumbles.

What? Who's right on time?

"What's the date today?" I ask Grandpa. He glances up confused, as if wondering if I'm not talking to myself. "C'est quoi la date?" I repeat, translated.

"Euh... Mardi." _'Tuesday.'_

"Oui, mais quel jour? Quel mois?" I don't dare ask what year.

"Euh..." He glances back down at his paper, and for a moment, I fear he's ignored me. "Le 22 Septembre," he finally answers.

September 22nd. For some reason, that specific date sounds important to me. I know it's an important day.

Grand-maman comes back in with someone following in tow. It's a girl my age. She has a round face, wide blue eyes, and a big nose. Her lips are plump, her skin tanned. Her shoulder-length brown curls frame her face nicely and her blue and white striped turtle-neck shirt looks nice with her dark denim jeans.

In her eyes is the same hesitation I saw with my grandmother. I'm used to it, though. Everyone looks at me like that- except for the people in the ward.

Natalia... yes, I remember her now. She walked in on me when-

I choke on my toast. No one tries to help me as I spit out a wet piece of burnt bread. "Disgusting..." I hear my grandmother murmur.

Natalia walked in on me as I stained those blue itchy blankets with my blood. She saw the kitchen knife I'd used to slice open my arm with. She stared at me in horror and called for my grandparents. She had me sent to the mental ward.

I have no doubt that the whole mental ward fantasy is true, now. As Natalia and Grand-maman whisper to each other, I clasp my hand around my right wrist. Under the cotton material of my pajamas, I can feel scars.

Scars I cut myself.

Aren't they beautiful?

I can't help my gasp. I can remember them so very vividly. I don't even know how. I can remember crying out, staring in wonder at those drips of beautiful red.

Beautiful... what on earth am I talking about?! How is it beautiful?!

I pull up my sleeves harshly and stare at the marks. How on earth could I have called those beautiful?! They're ugly, hideous! They're so... disgusting.

"What are you doing, Rin?" I turn towards my grandmother. My face must be wearing an expression of horror. I feel horrific.

Her face contorts into that of disgust, and I can see the smallest gleam of fear in her eyes. Natalia looks disturbed as well. "What is it, Rin?" she asks, mimicking concern. She looks more worried about herself, however, as if she expects me to pounce on her at any moment.

"I-I..." They don't know. Do they? They've never seen my scars. Or maybe they have noticed, and choose to ignore them. 'Good riddance', they'll say, as they watch me bleed to death. But... they didn't. After all, blood is such a pain to clean off, and those nosy policemen would start an investigation if a corpse were found in the house. What a bother.

"Get dressed already, Rin." Natalia is smiling at me. How fake it looks. "You have to hurry, or we'll be late. You slept in." I couldn't help but find the 'You' sounded accusing.

I nod stupidly. "Mm... Yes. Right." I leave my toast on its plate and stand up. Back up the stairs I go into what I can now remember as my room.

'I have an ugly room.' I look around searching for a closet door or something. Then I remember that I don't have a closet in this room. Right.

I slowly step towards my dresser. It feels so strange… and yet, I seem to be acting so normal. Why is that? I feel so used to this, as if these events happen everyday. I feel like these scars on my arms are normal, that the fear in the people's eyes around me is supposed to be there. I feel used to it all.

I shouldn't feel used to it all. I should feel panicked. I should be asking what on earth is going on, not simply just gliding along. It really feels now like my adventure in the ward was a simple dream. It… feels…

… Was it only just a dream?

I don't know what happened directly after that, exactly. I think I let out a scream. Next thing I knew, I was on the floor, shaking, as if I were having a seizure.

My eyes are so wide open, it's hurting, and I can't breathe.

'It was only just a dream…'

What's going on with me?! Wasn't that what I had wanted?! For it only to be a dream to wake up from? I'd gotten my wish. He was gone now. I'd woken up.

I thought of his sad smile, his dark blue eyes filled with understanding, and let out another wretched scream.

"Oh my god!"

I can barely hear the yelling behind me. All I can think of are the words 'Only just a dream…'

I must be crazy.

My body shakes so violently in this little ball I've made myself into. I'm crazy. I'm crazy. I'm crazy!

'It was only just a dream…'

I want to scream, but my lungs are out of air, my throat constricting in need of oxygen, my head pounding and throbbing. It feels like my head is being squeezed, and-

They must have shot something into me. I don't even know who 'they' are. Suddenly, there's some strange nothingness around me. It feels as if I'm floating in a liquid-filled glass container, like in those sci-fi movies. Floating carelessly into oblivion, floating, bobbing, sinking…

* * *

What does it mean to be crazy?

The definition is the dictionary describes it like this: crazy (kra'ze); 1. Affected with madness; insane. adj. 2. One who is or appears insane. n. (1)

I've always thought of being crazy as rather being misunderstood. I don't know if I necessarily even believe in mental conditions. After all, aren't they just labels?

Plenty of people find fire pretty. Plenty of people are mesmerized by the look of a tiny flame. Are they all pyromaniacs? No, it's only the ones who set buildings on fire and watch as they burn down, huh? Only crazy people would go that far, right? I thought so as well. Until I had that dream.

Now, my views have changed. These people are not crazy. They are not pyromaniacs. They are only selfish, immune to the feelings of others. All they want to see is the show of such beautiful tongues of fire swallowing up the house bit by bit, bringing it to ashes as if the bricks were instead game cards stacked one on top of the other to form a castle.

Public shootings. The person holding the gun- he must be crazy, right? He must be insane not to feel disgust, horror, guilt, as he unloads his ammunition into people's hearts.

He's not crazy; only hurt. Hurt beyond belief, the scars to deep to ever heal. This is making him feel better. It satisfies him to see the people in front of him collapse, when they've all done nothing to help him as he died on the inside.

A woman kidnapped a young child of 3. She must be crazy to have grasped the child's hand carelessly and brought him to her car, driving away with him. Of course she's crazy. Her own child of 3 years died of disease a few months ago, not long after his birthday. She's been very down since. Seeing the other woman's child play in the park brought a smile to her face, and smiling was something she missed so much, something he wanted so desperately. If she could feel happiness again like that, for even just another day, she'd be willing to pay the consequences.

Maybe you still believe these people are crazy. Maybe they are. But I never believed Len was crazy. I never believed Mikuo was crazy. I was worried when around Luka, after she'd told me what she had done- but I don't think she's crazy anymore. In fact, I think I understand her better than ever now. (2)

So what about me? What will they diagnose me as? What will they look at me and assume I have? Will it even be remotely close to the truth? Or will it be completely off, absurd, an assumed opinion based off non-existent facts? Ha, what a question. Of course it will be.

Who would believe me if I told them I was really eleven, that I'd somehow skipped three years and woken up as fourteen? What would they say when I'd tell them that I'd been with a boy in a mental ward who'd sworn he loved me, but who turned out only to be a piece of my imagination?

What would they say if I told them I still had feelings for this boy? What would they say if I told them I'd rather be in that mental ward with all those people than back here in the real world.

'You're crazy.' That's what they'd tell me.

"You are a very interesting person, Miss Rin. Your case is somewhat unique; it's difficult to pin what it is you may have."

I don't say anything.

This doctor looks nothing like Kiyoteru. Kiyoteru was far more handsome. This doctor is old with wrinkles forming around his face. His hair is completely gray, though he can't be more than forty years old.

"Your friend, the one who found you- Natalia, was it? She's very worried about you. How does that make you feel?"

I bring my eyes up to his dull gray ones and glare. Natalia is worried about me? I'd be surprised. She's probably relieved to be away from me. But of course, I don't tell him that. I stay mute.

"Were you scared of something? Is that why you screamed?" he asks.

"…"

He holds our stare for a few more seconds, then sighs. "If you don't answer me, I won't be able to help you with anything. You have to open up to me, Rin."

No. I won't. Because no matter what I say, because of my past and present, you will define me as mentally ill. It doesn't matter what I say. It never has.

He turns back towards me and inspects my expression. Immediately, I unclench my jaw, my fists. I am now only wearing a blank expression. 'I won't let you read me.'

"I hear you weren't very liked in your neighbourhood." Wrong. I wasn't very liked in my entire town. "Is there a reason for that?" Check the summary you have on the paper in front of you. It says it all. In fact, you've probably already read it.

He frowns at my lack of parole and my lack of reaction. Clearly, this session is going nowhere.

"Do you miss your mother?" he finally asks, his eyebrows creasing upwards in sincerity. Ha! I knew you'd read it!

"I never knew my mother." I breathe out quietly. If I had remained quiet then, he would have taken it as a yes. I don't miss my mother; I despise her.

His face brightens at the sound of my face. Perhaps there really is hope…? Not if I can help it, sir.

"I understand you were very harassed by the people around you. It would seem you were born into a terrible situation", he says. His expression has returned calculating.

I stay silent again. It sounds rhetorical. He looks like he's telling a grand speech. There's no reason for me to interrupt.

"You do know what your mother was accused of doing, don't you?" Of course I do, you idiot. "Do you know why she did it?" Nobody but Haku knows. … Haku knew. But she'll never be able to tell me. "Do you have any idea why she may have done it?"

"Your grandfather… my dad… He wasn't the nicest person." Aunt Haku told that to me, once upon a time. It seemed like the memory of her father pained her. But perhaps that was only a dream as well?

The doctor looks discouraged again, though he hides it behind a smile. "They think you may have schizophrenia, along with a few other illnesses. Do you agree with that diagnosis?"

Schizophrenia. A long word.

"Do you know what that is?" he asks gently, smiling sympathetically. I don't. I don't remember. "Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that makes it hard to tell what is real and what is not. It makes it hard to think clearly, or act normally in social situations. It also makes it difficult to have normal emotional responses."

He smiles at the sound of my gasp. He thinks he's struck a chord. And he has…

'A mental disorder that makes it hard to tell what is real and what is not.' Len… Mikuo… Miku… Luka…

"At first, you may experience constant irritable or tense feelings." My eyes lock onto his again. "You may also have trouble concentrating or sleeping. Have you suffered from any of these?"

Slowly, I shake my head, as I try to reassemble my expression. I close my gaping mouth and squeeze my eyes shut so they won't be so wide open anymore. He seems to notice, and his smile puts a sour taste in my mouth.

"As the illness continues, you may develop problems with thinking, emotions, and behaviour, including…" He folds over to a new page on his clipboard. "Bizarre behaviours, hearing or seeing things that are not there, isolation, lack of emotion", I notice his small smirk at that and glare at him. "Problems paying attention, strongly held beliefs that are not real- also known as delusions, and thoughts that 'jump' between different topics- loose associations."

He finally looks up. I can't help but think he seems satisfied. "Can you tell me which of these you think you may have experienced?"

He doesn't seem too hopeful of an answer and, as expected, I don't give him one. He only nods.

"Personally, I think you may be suffering from disorganized schizophrenia. I believe that, out of the ones I mentioned, your symptoms may be as follows: Irritable or tense feelings," I notice that, as he names the symptom, he writes it down on a sheet of lined paper from his clipboard. "Bizarre behaviours, hallucinations, lack of emotion, perhaps also delusions, trouble with explaining what you are thinking, and lack of response to others."

He glances up to see my reaction. I think some of the blood may have drained from my face, but I don't falter. I stare right back at him without hesitation. That's… quite a bit of symptoms.

"I think you also may be suffering from anxiety, perhaps, and maybe a few other symptoms from other illnesses. Unfortunately, I can't say that isolation is one of your symptoms, since it seems you've been forced into that state by the rejection of others." Unfortunately?

"Do you think this diagnosis is accurate?" he asks, a sweet smile on his face. It seems to be saying, 'I dare you to even try to protest.'

'Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that makes it hard to tell what is real and what is not.' Am I only then imagining the hate in his eyes?

"I think…" His right brow rises at my voice. I furrow my brows, trying to block out that ugly face. "… that there is no such thing as mental illness. There is only misunderstanding."

"Is that so?" Ha. He's mocking me. I can see it!

'Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that makes it hard to tell what is real and what is not.'

"STOP IT!" It takes me a moment to recognize my own shout. … I didn't mean to say that out loud! I was only speaking to that echoing voice inside…

'As the illness continues, you may develop problems such as hearing or seeing things that are not there…'

That echoing voice… inside…

'Problems such as hearing things that are not there…'

… Inside my head.

"Are you alright?" The doctor looks very surprised at my outburst. He's completely pressed against the back of his chair, away from me.

I can only stare at him in horror. This must be the icing on the cake for him- Now he must think I'm crazy! Now I've proven it for him!

"I-I… I'm done with this." I quickly push back my chair, nearly making it fall on its side, and rush out of the room.

I'm running down white halls with doors constantly appearing on each side. It seems familiar. Finally, I feel far enough away and sink down to my knees on the cold floor.

The tears I cry… where are they from? Are they tears from three years ago? Are they tears from the mental ward? Why am I crying? Are these too only simple 'hallucinations'? Are my tears real, or are they only my imagination fooling with me? If I keep crying, could I flood this entire floor?

Why am I crying if I am not bleeding? People cry when they are hurt. My scars are crusted, healing. What part of me is it that needs a band aid?

I shouldn't cry if I'm not hurt. The boy who cried wolf ended up getting eaten. I shouldn't trick people into thinking I need medical attention.

Instead of crying, I will sleep. Sleep until everything fades away, both the dreams, the nightmares, and the reality.

If this is the real world, then I don't want to be a part of it. I would die if it means going back to my fantasy land. At least there, I could smile…

* * *

I stare at my feet as I walk through the never-ending hallways of white. How I still can is beyond me... you'd think I'd be too weak to do so.

"There's also a big cafeteria, and they have a vegetarian special for you if you need it!" a lady in green rambles on cheerfully. I try my best to tune her out. Besides… I'm not vegetarian.

Can she not understand I want to keep the depressing silence hanging? After all, what happiness can you gain from being locked up anywhere that isn't Len's haven? To only be let out to eat, get therapy, and be taught?

Of course, I did live like that for a while. For about a week, I was locked up in a place similar to this. Eerily similar. The walls were the same dull white. I couldn't help but think they'd look so much nicer with a mural painted over. Perhaps a bright flower to brighten the atmosphere, or maybe an innocent deer, my favorite animal…

It wasn't so bad in that dream of mine, that false existence. People could smile. People could feel happy. People could love.

I'm still not sure I belong in one of these rooms, with the metal sealed doors and the child-proofed everything. After all… what happened to me wasn't all that serious, was it?

So maybe I had a mental breakdown. Maybe I should've stopped myself from screaming. Saying I couldn't isn't really an excuse, after all, is it? Now all I'm doing is convincing the people of my town that evil runs in my blood. After all, I am a sinful child, born from a sinful mother. I am devil's spawn.

"Oh… there's been a slight misunderstanding I should warn you about", the lady in green trails off, interrupting my thoughts.

"Has there really?" I don't care. I may be at a mental ward, like in my dream, but I know now that it was all fake. I was right after all.

"Well… Yes." The lady bites down nervously on her bottom lip, clasping her hands together in front of her. "Um… I believe your grandparents forgot to check off an option in the form you sent us… the option determining your gender."

I raise a brow. Oh?

"We barely have room left- we're under renovation -and I'm sure your grandparents did this because they were so anxious to have you put in one of the best mental facilities in the province." She smiles pridefully. "They only want you to get better faster, I'm sure."

They were only anxious to get rid of me faster, I'm sure.

"And… this misunderstanding?"

"Ah, see…" She fiddles with her thumbs. "You… You are a girl, correct?"

This dialogue seems familiar. (3) "Yes, I am a girl."

"Right… well…" She bites down again on her lip. "There's the slightest possibility that…"

"Gumi!" I look over and can't help but gape slightly. The man walking towards us- he looks exactly like… No. I refuse to say it. _'It was only just a dream…'_ I have to remember that. It's only coincidence.

"Gumi", the man says, "Our little dilemma's been solved. She's agreed to move." His eyes shift to mine and he smiles. "Speak of the dilemma, you must be our newest patient, correct? My name is Dr. Kiyoteru Hiyama, but I prefer a simple Kiyo-san."

"Dilemma?" I repeat, ignoring the fact that this man even has the same name.

He glances over at Megumi, who subtly shakes her head. "It's nothing really. It was just a small problem involving your rooming, but we have it all sorted out now." He looks up at Megumi. "She is to room with Hatsune. As I said, Kasane has agreed to leave." He nods and keeps walking past us.

"Well", Gumi says, her cheeks a bright pink, "it's nice to know that has been taken care of. One less problem to solve." She continues walking. "It would seem your room mate will now be Miku Hatsune. She's a nice girl; I'm sure you'll be fine."

"She's not..." I hesitate, "_completely_ crazy?"

Megumi pouts. "Here, we don't believe in such thing as 'crazy'. But yes, to answer your question, the patients who don't need _as_ much help usually room with others."

"So you don't think I need very much help?" She doesn't answer and keeps walking.

Eventually, we stop before one of the thick steel doors. She presses the red button on the control panel beside it and scans the ID card that hangs on a string around her neck. A beep sounds and the door slides open.

Inside the room are two low beds with white covers. Sitting on the one closest to the right is a girl who looks maybe a year or two older than me. She is everything I remember wanting to be. Her blue eyes are glazed over in slight depression as she stares at the wall. Her long teal-blue locks fall around her like a curtain with natural blues and purples. She is so very beautiful, I can instantly feel a small knot of jealousy form inside my chest.

"Miku?"

She snaps back to attention and her eyes lock onto mine. "You...", I can't help but say. "You look like someone I used to know..." God damnit, why did I say that?! Why did I let that slip?!

Her eyebrows arch upwards and she glances up at Gumi with a somewhat panicked expression. "That's not a bad thing, Miku", Gumi says. "This is Rin, your new room mate."

Miku looks back at me again, examining me from head to toe. "T-... Teto...?" Teto? Who is...?

Gumi's lips press into a thin line. "Miku, Teto... has made her decision. I'm sure you're well aware of the choice she was presented with. She thought it best to go."

For a strange reason, Miku almost seems relieved by this. "... Rin...?"

"Yes, this is Rin. She is two years younger than you, but I'm sure you'll be very good friends." Megumi smiles at me, then gestures to a guard behind us (I'd completely forgotten they were there), who hands me my suitcase. "You can spend the morning unpacking, Miku will bring you with her to the cafeteria for lunch."

With that, she turns and leaves.

Miku watches me curiously as I move closer to the left-side bed. I put my suitcase on the ground and unzip it, pulling out a shirt to hang in the closet. "You really do remind me of someone", I say. "But do you know how I know you aren't the same person? The girl I used to know- she looked exactly like you, but your personalities are complete opposites."

Miku's brows furrow and she leans away. She reminds me of a nervous puppy who hasn't yet been housebroken.

"The girl I knew was very strict, somewhat insensitive. She couldn't quite grasp emotions. They seemed foreign to her. But she had a boyfriend, which I found funny. If feelings were so difficult for her to understand, how could she have found love?" I don't know why I'm talking so much. Perhaps to fill the awkward silence. Maybe it's reassuring to list all their differences, like proof that they are not one and the same.

"What are you here for?" She doesn't answer, only staring at me with wide deer-like eyes. Deer... my favorite animal. "Apparently, I'm schizophrenic. Isn't that strange? I invented my very own world inside my head. I thought it was all real- I had a nervous breakdown when I found out it was only just a dream." I pause. "That's where I met that girl that you remind me of. In my head." I let out a nervous laugh. "Strange, isn't it? Crazy..."

Her eyes fill with pity.

"I guess I was a lot like that girl. I still am. We both have trouble understanding emotions. And yet..." I drift off and pull out a pair of shorts from my suitcase. Miku watches me curiously. "Someone told me they loved me. Have you... Have you ever gotten that?"

Miku doesn't answer. All she does is stare, but I know she understands. Behind her glassy blue eyes, I can see her sparking intelligence.

"I still don't know what I did exactly... but I miss him. Even if he was just some made up character inside my mind... I miss him very much." I can't believe I'm admitting this to a complete stranger.

"... Love...?"

My head snaps up and I meet her gaze. Her expression is completely serious. "I-I... No, no, I didn't love him back. I didn't... and he knew it. I felt guilty about it, but I barely knew him. And yet, he seemed to know so much about me..."

She nods and stares down at the floor. "See him... again? Can you?"

I smile sadly. "I guess I could dream about it, but..." I shake my head. "It wouldn't be the same. It felt so real..." I shake my head again. "But it was only just a dream."

"Oh." She nods again and twirls a long lock of hair around her finger.

It would seem our conversation is over now. I put away the last dress (I don't have very much) and lay back on my new bed.

"... Maybe... this too? A dream?" I turn to look over at my new room mate. "This... Maybe this... the dream? That... reality?" She dips her head and bites her lip.

I laugh drily. "I wish... I really wish. But it just seems so far-fetched... This is the truth. I'm sure of it."

"Even the surest of people can be wrong." My head snaps towards her. Just now, she spoke with a strong, serious voice, steady and without any stuttering. The tone was more level, not as high and squeaky. It sounded exactly like the girl from my memories. She stares at the small square window in a way where her bangs cover her face, hiding her expression from me, and I doubt that's just coincidental.

"You make it sound like you've proven that saying true." I can't help but wonder about her background, what exactly happened to her to drive her into such a place as this.

"..." A soft bell suddenly rings somewhere. She straightens up and turns to me. Those scared doe eyes are back. "L-Lunch... Lunch time." She quickly scurries to the thick steel door and waits a few moments. It opens automatically and she glances back at me. "Lunch!" she repeats.

_The mask has snapped back into place._

I follow her out.

* * *

Every hallway looks exactly the same. White with plain doors to the left, plain doors to the right. White, with doors of steel on both sides. White with a curious expression here and there. White without a single window or gate to the outer world.

As we come closer to our destination I catch a scent in the air. It smells like freshly-baked rolls which makes me wonder what exactly they're serving us here.

"Are we close?"

Miku doesn't turn. Her pace never falters as she continues to march forwards.

Finally, she stops in front of a double door entrance. They are made of brown metal and there are small rectangular windows to peer into. They don't seem to be made of glass, however- glass would be far too dangerous in a place like this. It almost seems like plastic, thick, thick plastic.

She hovers at one side, staring at me expectantly. I eventually realize she's waiting for me to peek into the cafeteria before I make my grand entrance. Oh. How considerate.

"Thank you", I murmur, before leaning into the closed doors. _'They all look normal enough.' _I don't really know what I was expecting, exactly. Maybe a room full of cannibals, clawing away at each other. Perhaps I assumed I'd find people my age screaming like spoiled toddlers. It sure seems like a place to scream in. But that last thought is only me being negative. It seems nicer than what I assume an average high school cafeteria resembles. (4)

There are rectangular tables scattered throughout the large never-ending room. They aren't placed in rows, however- there's literally just a table placed here and a table placed there, as if they're all too repulsed of each other to stay any closer than they are now.

And... Oh, the smells. It smells so good. To my embarrassment, my stomach makes a longing groan. I can't even tell what it is my nose is detecting; I suspect it's all the variety of foods' scents melding together into a floating perfumed cloud. It makes my mouth water.

"I'm done", I say, backing away from the window. Miku nods and opens the door, slipping through. She doesn't bother holding it open for me. It would seem not _**all**_ Canadians hold doors open for others.

I nervously follow after her. The buzzing of chatter is so loud, it feels like I've stepped into a giant bee-hive. Miku starts towards one side of the room, glancing back every so often to make sure I'm still following. As I walk past them, I can't help but feel like every pair of eyes is on me, though when I turn to look in their direction, no one is staring.

It feels strange, no one running from me or whispering words about the devil's child behind my back. No one glares at me in accusation, no one secretly makes the sign of the cross, no one tries to escape. It's as if I've lost every grain of importance. I'm a nobody now. Funny... I can't tell if I like that or not.

I nearly walk right into her when Miku stops. In front of us is a group of people older than I sitting at another random table. What strikes me as odd is that they all look familiar. I refuse to think of it as any more than that.

Luka and Gakupo sit on one side. Kaito sits to Gakupo's right. Across from him is... a boy with messy turquoise locks. Miku sits herself down on the boy's right, across from Kaito. Reluctantly, I inch myself onto the bench on the other side of the boy who's name I know, without a doubt, is Mikuo.

They all look me up and down. "Who's this?" Mikuo asks my room mate.

Her eyes go scared again and she pleads with me through her bright blue orbs. It would seem that, even with her best friends, Miku is still a 'shy' girl.

"My name is Rin", I mumble. "I'm... new."

Luka smiles warmly at me. "It's nice to meet you. My name is-"

"Luka, I know." I blurted it out without thinking. My cheeks begin to heat up as I rack my mind for an excuse. "Miku... told me."

"Ah." Luka nods politely. I notice Kaito raise both brows at my room mate, who slowly shakes her head. She never told me a thing about the others here.

"... Aw, you're cute!" I blink at Mikuo's bold exclamation. He pokes my cheek and I push myself away so violently, I almost fall off the bench. He starts laughing. "You're like a shy little cat! I won't hurt you, I promise!"

I huff and keep my distance from him. It doesn't matter if Len thought Mikuo once 'loved' me, I-

I heave a silent gasp, but unfortunately for me, it doesn't go unnoticed. "Surprised?" Mikuo laughs. "We're not _all_ dangerous. We have better things to do than lurk in the darker corners to jump you."

"You think I'm pretty." I hide my face with my hands. I've never been very good at receiving compliments, even though Aunt Haku used to drop them on me so effortlessly. She'd say the words as if she truly meant them.

Mikuo scratches his head awkwardly. "Well... yeah..." He averts his gaze. "Don't worry- it doesn't mean I'm planning on jumping you, or anything. It's really not much coming from me, is it?"

Kaito shakes his head. "There's only one girl for Mikuo. No one else can ever compare, he says. You **are** a pretty girl, though, despite that. I don't understand why you're so embarrassed to hear someone say it."

"You know..." Gakupo cocks his head slightly. "She looks a bit like her. If her hair was a darker color and her eyes were browner... Don't you think?"

Luka purses her lips. "I can see it."

"Yeah, so can I," Kaito agrees.

A small "humph!" turns us all to Miku. "They're... same... No!" she says, an angry pout on her lips. "Don't... them... compare. Rin, Haine... not the same. Cruel to Mikuo, cruel to Rin."

We all stare at her for a few moments, watching as her angry expression dissolves back into her usual scared puppy-dog look. I'm not quite sure if her friends are staring out of surprise from her anger or to try and understand what she wanted to say.

"What she means is..." I begin, "that she doesn't want you comparing me to Haine-Lin because we are not the same person. We are different people, and I don't want you to compare me to her either."

Their looks of shock turn to me, now.

Mikuo looks almost horrified. Well, of course he does. I, a stranger, show up knowing his deepest secret, and he doesn't know how. My mistake.

"H-How on earth did you know her full first name?" Gakupo asks disbelievingly.

"I-I..." Crap. Oh poop. I'm done for.

For some reason, Miku seems to suddenly decide me worthy enough to save. "Me... I... told her. Know... she wanted to." Ah. So we'll split the blame. Sounds fair enough.

"Oh." Mikuo still looks disturbed. "I... I probably would have told her anyway, eventually. Did you tell her everything?" Miku shakes her head, locking eyes with mine. I know what she's asking me. _'Do you __**know **__everything?'_

"I-I... Isn't there another one you were telling me about, Miku?" I ask quickly, trying to change the topic. Frankly, I'm not sure if there _is_ another one, but even a 'no' should start a new conversation.

"Oh, you must be thinking of Len," Kaito says nonchalantly. He doesn't notice the way I stop breathing.

No... No way. No freaking way. No no no, you wouldn't _**dare**_ torture me so, reality cannot **possibly** be so cruel as to give this boy the same name as the boy from my dreams.

"He's probably in one of the small piano rooms," Gakupo adds, as casually as Kaito.

There's only one way to find out.

"I... I have to go." I ignore their frowns of confusion as I start for the doors.

Running down boring white halls. It seems so very familiar to me. It seems like I'm reliving a vague dream. I can't remember though whether it was a good dream or a terrible nightmare. Perhaps I'll soon figure it out.

Somehow, I can find my way exactly. A left turn here, followed by a right. Five feet. Through this door.

And there he is.

The piano plays a soft lullaby. I remember it so well- I remember singing to it as he played. I remember feeling amazed by the way his fingers glided across the keys. Mesmerizing. That's what he is to me.

The tune comes to an abrupt stop as he hears the noise of the door close behind me. Slowly, he turns.

I already recognized him from his signature ponytail, but it's his dark blue pools of vision that force me to believe he's real.

"Len...!" I breathe out, hiccupping.

And it kills me so to see him frown, confused. He has no idea who I am. After all this, I thought I'd lost him, but now... He doesn't even remember who I am!

"Who...?"

The guarded look in his eyes hurts more than a stab to the heart. Make that two. Or maybe even two hundred.

Little clips of past and present take over my mind, a boring black playing background. It's so loud, but I can't understand a single word. The back of my head begins to throb so painfully, it feels like I hit it off the floor. My eyes feel like they've been sealed shut for days, my arms as sore as they'd be after waking from a year-long coma.

The light burns my eyes. I still can't see a thing but I can feel a person's warm breath on my face.

"Happy birthday", a familiar voice murmurs, and I've never felt so happy.

* * *

_Feb/14/13_

_Hey. It's been about… 3 days since I started this. My mother hasn't let me on since, and right now, my PhysEd teacher from last year is being actually extremely kind to me and even breaking the rules to let me stay in his classroom alone and write. He's so very kind- he knows about my current situation (he asked me why I looked so down), and I'm so grateful to him for doing this for me._

_My mother stole away my computer laptop again, which means I probably won't have it for this Friday (tomorrow)'s wake-a-thon. Which means I'm losing 12 hours that I could be working on stories to a stupid event where I get to be social for 12 fucking whole hours. Perfect. Hopefully my daddy will help me convince her. Stupid * #!$%..._

_Happy Valentine's Day._

_Feb/20/13_

_Nope, I was right about that; I wasn't allowed to bring my mini laptop to that wake-a-thon. I could have been on for hours there, but... Ugh. I just can't believe it._

_So I'm resorting to my usual methods- sneaking about. Hopefully I'll have this chapter posted by tomorrow._

_LATER - 11:36pm_

_WOOHOO! DONE!_

_Okay, so the end is rushed, I know. I'm going to bed; I'm tired. I just have to finish this A/N._

_Alright, so I know you're all probably very confused. Some of you might find what I did stupid. I might've been- I really didn't know where I was going when I started the 'memory-loss' arc. But that's okay- it didn't turn out so bad, did it? ^-^_

_All will be revealed next chapter, but for now..._

**Question of the Chapter: What the hell happened at that end scene, after Rin saw Len?**

_I'm curious to hear what you think. ;)_

_I really hope you're all happy to see this up, guys. I've been working on it for a while, and... I think I may be able to get back on track. It still hurts to think that I missed 6 deadlines... (I should be working on TGW Ch.13!) but I'll make up for it. Maybe._

_I really hope this was somewhat worth the wait and the troubles._

_Thanks again for all the support- I never could have dreamed of feeling so proud. It really gave my ego a boost. (Though do I really need that...? XD)_

_I think I'll update Puppy Mill next. _**(Edit Feb/21/13: I'm working on it, guys. Chapter 4 is on the way! I think it might be another long one, though, so... you may or may not have to wait a while.)**

_Thanks again, loves. :')_

_~Naty17_

_P-S: Oh, and, now that all you once-silent-reviewers have spoken up for the Don't Let the Author Die cause, I really hope I'll be able to hear from you again when you review to this chapter~! ^-^"_

* * *

_(1) Source: The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language; thefreedictionary.c om_

_(2) Note how she remembers Luka. ;) Also, I meant all I made Rin say just then; I don't really believe in the word 'crazy'. I think people are just misunderstood. I don't really like labels, so I'm not sure I believe in mental illnesses such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc. I think depression is more of an adjective, a feeling, than an illness. Please don't be offended if anyone thinks the opposite; I just personally get very annoyed with people trying to diagnose me of something, as if there's something wrong with me. Even I, though, can admit that some people really do have problems- the ones who can't even form proper sentences, who can't hold up their end of a conversation. But isn't that also a sign of autism and other disabilities as such? Aren't those considered physical disabilities? I believe that anyone who can hide a 'mental illness' on a daily basis, those who could surprise people by admitting their 'illness' to them is not really suffering of mental illness. They are only 'different', so people put labels on them to prove they aren't 'normal'._

_(3) That, my dear friends, is because it is mostly the same as the beginning of this story~! Go back to chapter 1 and read the beginning- you'll find it is almost exactly the same. ^-^_

_(4) Do note that, because she forgot three years of her life, she's never actually been to a real high school cafeteria. I think she may be expecting too much from a high school cafe, but... *shrug* The ward prides itself in its clean, excellent quality cafeteria._

* * *

**REMEMBER: IF YOU REVIEWED FOR THE 'DON'T LET THE AUTHOR DIE' UPDATE, YOU'LL HAVE TO REVIEW ANONYMOUSLY FOR THIS CHAP!**

**Please do~! It'd mean a lot... =^w^=**


	13. Different than a Simple Fairy Tale

**The Girl in the Ward**

March 11th, 2013

_AHAHAHAHAHA! It seems I've got you all confused, hmmmm? It was very entertaining to read the reviews and find that everyone (or almost) put 'I have no idea what the hell is going on' in it. XD I'm not sure if that's good or bad, though... I mean, it __**was**__ what I was aiming for, and all, but perhaps it's not really a good thing to purposely confuse you...? Probably not. Chiio wouldn't approve, I'll bet. ^-^_

_So! Hm... It's the first day of March Break, and I slept in 'til 12:45pm. That's almost 1pm! ^-^ I'm quite happy. However, this means a few hours taken from my writing... Considering it that way, I am very _**not**_ happy. But... nothin' I can do about it. *sigh* All I can do is use the time that I do have. ... While remembering to do chores and make food._

_This morning, at like, 9am or so, my dad apparently brought me a sausage-egg McMuffin from McDonalds. He came back at 12:40 to drop off my little bro, and had to stand there ringing the doorbell for a while before I realized that, 'Shit, this isn't a dream!' So I heated it up and ate it. I now feel very content. I mean... yes, I know McDonalds' makes you fat, but... :3 It's yummy. And come on, the only reason I'll ever eat a McDonalds' breakfast is for the hash browns. Even as a little girl, I've always loved the hash browns. Seriously, it's like, one of the greatest creations in the world. Yep._

_Anyway... Oh yeah, for some reason, someone posted a review (I think it was for this story) that started with, 'Oh hey, Naty-san, you're Asian too?' ... I'm trying to figure out where I might have accidentally hinted that I'm Asian because, unfortunately, I am not a bit Asian. Not at all. Sorry... I'm German, though? And French? And Scottish, too... Oh, and slightly Indian (as in, Canadian-Indian, not Indian from India). But nope, I am not at all Asian, though I wish I were. I'm only European... *tears*_

_OKAY, my A/N is long enough now! (I'm TRYING to shorten my A/Ns... TRYING! What is it with my incessant need to talk...?) Haha, I _used_ to have short A/Ns, a long time ago_..._ Hm._

* * *

**Anonymous Reviews:**

**RatherFancyPanda: **_Sorry for not replying to that PM, Panda-chan. I admit, I didn't at all make the connection! Pandapper, RatherFancyPanda… I see it now, LOL! I can't believe I didn't see them if you say there really are that many. I mean… ^/^ That's super awesome…! Thank you so much!  
So not to make the story kind of boring-ish and flat, I didn't put a full explanation as to what happened, but hopefully you can kind of tell… sort of. LOL, yes, my Phys Ed teacher is great. ^-^ I promise you, you will like this chapter._

**satuross: **_Not an anonymous review, but I think I might've forgotten to respond to your review, so I'll do it here. And… LOL, no, lemons did not happen. XD I think that was one of the best guesses, though. Hahaha!_

**MaddyTheAwesome: **_It screwed with EVERYONE's mind, Maddy-chan. XD Don't feel down. I promise you'll like this chapter. I think. Maybe._

**RI: **_I don't think I've ever tried so hard to respond to a guest review. XD Just to let you know, I did go on CrunchyRoll to look you up. I found you too and tried to send you a reply, but you had to have an account, and I don't have one. Sorry… ^-^"  
I'm getting back on track. Proof that no matter what obstacle they send me, I will vault over it if it's for Fanfiction, right? ;) I hope you'll like this chapter.  
Oh, and… yes. I do live where you guessed I did. ;) So you live nearby? _

**iSeeU123: **_Well, you can't review for the same chapter twice, so if you reviewed for the Don't Let the Author Die thing on this story, then you wouldn't have been allowed to review again. Oh, LOL, my Secret cover? Haha, thanks! ^-^ I like it too. Ah, no! I really am not anyone higher, or anything. Please don't say that… I really am just an average person like any other. I just got lucky. :)_

**Adorable Reader: **_Yeah, I know, confusion is confusing, haha! Yes, chapter 12 was all her coma dream. Now, she's woken up. Did that help?  
Also, I saw that community invite alert thing. Kagamination Community? You want me to become a staff member? THAT IS SO FREAKING SWEET. QwQ I don't really know what to do, though… Send me a PM about it, okay? Or give me details about it in your review, m'kay?_

**Anonymous review: **_You really think so? I'm glad. :3 I was a little worried chapter 12 wouldn't be well received… Haha, that's good! I guess now, you'll think twice before calling someone crazy, hm? ^-^_

**CORN-CHAN: **_Ah? You changed your name? You trying to confuse me, girl? D: LOL! Oh yeah, I hate the labeling… My mom decided to bring me to a specialist. He gave us quizzes for AD/HD. When mom and I left the building, at the same time, we were like, "I/You don't have AD/HD." It was kinda funny, haha! Ah, yeah, maybe I should have… After all, this is a Len x Rin x MIKUO story… Oh well. Mikuo and Haine-Lin are cute together, you gotta admit, right? ^-^ Thanks for the review~!_

**Guest: ****(****(;;) I am soooooooooooooo happy you're back I even cried a little bit out of happiness. And I'm glad to hear that you like cheesiness I personally love it :) And your latest chapter of TGW (;;) And you're late.)  
**_LOL, thanks! XD Aw, yes, I don't mind fluff too much… THOUGH I MUCH PREFER BETRAYAL! *creepy smile* Oh? I'm late for what?_

**Ownitlikeaboss: **_Well, lucky for you, the next chapter is here! Hopefully things will become clear to you now! And I'm glad you're happy! And yeah, your answer for the question of the chapter was… half right. Sort of. :D_

**YeahImAGuest: **_Thumbs up to the cool pen name. :P If I can help it, I promise, I won't leave! Thank you so much!_

Wow… That was a lot of anonymous reviews. O.O 11! Holy shmokes.

* * *

**Chapter 13 - Different than a Simple Fairy Tale**

* * *

Here I lie, very confused, and yet very happy.

I recognize Kiyo-san's office immediately- just as quickly as I recognize the boy sitting beside me.

I must have such a stupid expression on my face, for he repeats his words. "Happy Birthday." He doesn't seem very disturbed or anything. In fact, he seems as happy as I am. Both of our faces show big silly grins.

"I-It's not my birthday..." I say, blushing. I'm so self-conscious all of a sudden!

"It is too!" he insists with a laugh. "Christmas was two days ago. Your birthday is December 27th, right?"

I blink, surprised. "How did you...?"

"You told me, a long time ago." He smiles at me. "You don't remember?"

"U-Um... No, I... I don't." I shake my head. "What's...? What's going on? It's not December, it's only September, and... You're not supposed to know who I am...?"

"What?" He laughs. "Maybe you hit your head harder than we thought!" He laughs again, but it doesn't sound as happy, like he's actually worrying about how hard I hit my head. "What's the last thing you remember, Rin?"

The sound of him saying my name makes me shiver in happiness. "We... I found you, in the piano room. It was my first day. I... schizophrenic. This is only just a dream again, isn't it?" I don't even care anymore. "I think I fainted. I guess that's what you must mean when you say I hit my head, huh?"

His brows crease upwards in worry. "Rin... What are you talking about?"

"Is something wrong?" Perhaps I've been put on drugs, or something, for my head feels unnaturally light and my mind is a little foggy. "Mm... My head hurts."

He leans closer to me, taking my hand in his own. "Rin... Did you lose your memories again?" Again?

"Oh, yeah... That's what Kiyoteru said in my weird dream," I say thoughtfully. "He told me I forgot four years of my life, but then I woke up and realized it was all just some crazy fantasy in my head." I laugh, but it sounds nothing like myself. I remember exactly how hurt I felt when I realized that world was nothing but a fantasy. I wanted to scream because I felt so hurt, so betrayed, so empty... so I did.

"I..." Len shakes his head sadly. "You don't remember what happened last week?"

I blink. "I got... sent here. I had a breakdown. I'm schizophrenic." It all seems like it happened years ago.

"Rin, you're not schizophrenic," he says. I could laugh at how worried he looks. I'm not worried at all! I understand now that this world probably isn't reality. But who cares? It's far better here. And _he'_s here too. I don't need anything more.

I reach my arms out to him. He seems surprised, which makes me smile some more. I hold him closely to me, afraid that when I'll open my eyes again, he'll be gone, and I'll only be hugging air.

_I_ don't even understand why I suddenly have such an obsession with him. Perhaps it's because, in my dream, he claimed to love me. Has anyone ever truly loved me? Not in this way. I said I didn't love him back, and at the time, I meant it. It would only have been selfish of me to pretend. And yet, now, I'm saying such foolish things like I need only him to live. What does that mean?

"Rin...?"

"I... I missed you."

He seems to hesitate, but then I feel his grip tighten around me. "Rin, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good," I say. Oh yes, now I'm sure there are drugs in my system. My head is swimming.

"Rin, you're not schizophrenic," he says once more. "I think you were dreaming."

I laugh. "Auntie Haku always told me I was a dreamer."

"Rin, you were brought here for attempted suicide. Why did you say something about a nervous breakdown?" I'm sure he was wondering if I'd been lying whenever it was that I told him I'd attempted suicide. Obviously I must have, though I don't ever remember telling him something like that.

"I know you don't understand," I tell him. "I don't know how much you know. I don't really understand much either. All I know is that somewhere, there's another world waiting for me. I don't know how long I'll be here before I'll have to go back."

He looks at me with an unsure expression. He probably thinks I've lost my head. That's okay; I wasn't really expecting much else. "Don't think too much of it," I say, nuzzling my head in his chest. "I'm just glad you're here..."

Again he hesitates, his grip loosening. "I should probably tell Kiyo-san you're up."

"How long have I been asleep?" I ask him, humoring him.

"Well... After the incident, you were asleep for five days. Then you woke up, but... you didn't remember any of us. Four days after you woke up... well... We just couldn't wake you anymore. It was as if you never were with us. You've been asleep for another five days since then."

He pulls away and stares at me with those dark blue eyes that I love. "We've been really worried about you. Kiyo-san thinks you might have gotten a concussion. I guess she must have slammed your head against the ground without us noticing..." he drifts off.

"She?"

"You don't remember Teto?"

"No, I-" A sudden thought occurs to me. "What was her last name?"

"Her last name?" He stares up at the ceiling, struggling to remember. "Um... I believe it's... Kasane?"

_'She is to room with Hatsune. As I said, Kasane has agreed to leave.' _"Oh... Miku's old roommate, right?"

He blinks in surprise. "I-I... She hasn't left yet. Do you even know where she's going?" I stare at him blankly. "Do you even know _why_ she's leaving?"

"No. Do you?"

He holds my stare. "But you remember me...?"

"You're Len." Of course I'd remember him.

"... You said that... in your 'dream', Kiyo-san told you you'd forgotten four years of your life, right?" he asks. "Then... that must mean you remember everything- or at least, some things -from the four days you were awake... right?"

I blink. "Len, you're confusing me."

"I-I'm sorry, I just..." He covers his face with his hand and smiles weakly at me. "You've got us all really worked up. Especially me."

He stands up and I start to panic. "Len?! Where are you going?!"

He seems surprised. "Just to fetch Kiyo-san."

"You're... leaving me?"

Quickly he sits back down again. "Hey..." he coos, bringing his hand to my cheek. "Don't say that, okay? I mean... I'm glad and all that you want to be near me, but-" He pauses, smiling at that realization. "I'm just going to get Kiyo-san, and then I'll come back, okay?"

I can only stare at him helplessly. He's just so beautiful, I...

He makes a move to stand then stops, turning back to me. Quickly he leans forward and presses his lips to my forehead, as if afraid I'd push him away. In a way, that gesture reminds me of Mikuo, but I don't mind it so much coming from him. After all, he's waited long enough, hasn't he? Maybe.

"Sorry," he smiles. "I couldn't help myself."

"Don't say sorry," I tell him, and watch him leave.

As soon as he's gone, I sigh. 'You, Rin Kagene, are one messed up girl.'

So here I am, once again. That rhymes. I'm here in the world that I've made up. It's so bittersweet; I wanted to be back here again, even knowing this isn't real. Now that I'm here, I feel so... Well, I don't know how I feel exactly. Perhaps that means I feel undecided. No, that doesn't sound quite right.

I feel bittersweet. It seems like at any moment, I could be whisked away, but at the same time, there's also the real Len... right? The one who doesn't know me still exists outside, doesn't he? Or is that too my imagination? I hate this. I'm so confused as to what is real and what isn't. It's so bloody unfair!

But that's what schizophrenia is... isn't it?

My head hurts. I'm getting such a bad headache, I can do nothing but hold my head with my hands. Shit, it hurts!

"Rin? Are you alright?"

I open my eyes and see the worried looking doctor watching me. "K-Kiyo-san..." My head throbs in pain and I wonder why. Is reality already trying to pull me back?

"Oh, good! You remember me." He smiles and grabs a clipboard from a cluttered counter, scribbling something on a page. "Does your head hurt?"

I give him a look. "Um, yes."

He chuckles and grabs a bottle of pills from another counter. Quickly he reads over the label, then hands me a clear blue pill (1). "Take this. It doesn't warn against mixing with other pills, so it should be fine. (2)"

"Can I have a glass of water to help it down?"

He fills a glass with tap water and watches me swallow the pill. "In what way does your head hurt? Is it a headache or is it the skin that is bruised?"

"Shouldn't you have asked me that _before_ you handed me that pill?"

He chuckles. "You sound like you did last week. I gave you general pain medication, so it works for both." I roll my eyes. "You seem rather irritated all of a sudden," he remarks. "Can you tell me why?"

"My head's freaking killing me," I mumble. "And my brain's messed up. That's all."

"By messed up, do you mean confused?"

"Mm-hm."

He smiles at me with interest glimmering in his chocolate brown orbs. "What do you think has happened to you over the last week?"

I raise my brow at him. "What do you mean?"

"You say you're confused. Well, tell me what you think you've pieced together so far." He pulls a chair over and takes a seat.

"Why should I tell you?" I ask. "It's a waste of time, and I don't think I have much of it left. Please let me go."

"I'm sorry, but I can't let you go yet, Rin." His face loses its smile and turns completely professional. "As your doctor, I have to evaluate you now, right after you've woken. We don't know what's happened to you and I need to figure it out. I need to find out as soon as possible if there's any internal damage and if surgery is needed."

"Can't you let me go?" I plead. "I don't know how much time I have left...!"

He blinks. "Time left... for what?"

Oh. Oops. I hadn't even realized. "Please, Kiyo...! Just let me go!"

"I will not, Rin, until you begin answering my questions!" He was trying hard to stay calm but I could feel him grow angry. "I will strap you down if it'll get me those answers, Rin, and I really don't want to do that. Do you want to go that far?"

Slowly I shake my head. I can see the determination in his eyes and I know he isn't bluffing. I sigh. "There's no use to it, though... It won't change anything because you don't know what's going on either."

"Don't I?"

"You're not real," I say, knowing full well how stupid I sound. "You don't know any more than I do."

"Not real?" He scribbles something down again. "How am I not real?"

I don't say anything. It feels like the day after I collapsed at Grandmaman's house, when that therapist was questioning me. I didn't say anything then, and I don't feel comfortable saying anything now.

Kiyoteru sighs. "Alright... So do you remember how exactly you ended up in this... coma, I suppose you could call it?"

"This one?"

"Have you had more than one?"

I blink, ignoring him. "Len told me... some girl named Teto tried to kill me...?"

"Yes." He pushes up his glasses and flips to another page in his precious clipboard. "She was a very good friend of yours here, but like all others here, she suffered from mental disorders. She had severe depression, inferiority complex, slight bi-polar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and some other minor things." He looks up at me. "It was the OCD that caused the problem in this case."

"How?" I ask. I'd never heard all this.

"You do remember Mikuo, correct?" my doctor asks me. I nod. "Yes, well... It seemed Mikuo had feelings for you. Unfortunately, Teto also held feelings for this boy. She hid them well, but she secretly grew an obsession within her. I conversed with her later in private therapy sessions, and she revealed she even hated you at times, because she felt you didn't deserve him."

I think I'm gaping. This is all very detailed and personal. "A-Are you allowed to tell me this...?"

"There has been an attack between you and another patient. I am allowed to give you some details on why this happened. Her parents have also given me permission to." He continues his lecture. "She hid this very well and kept it under control, but I suppose she just snapped that day. She immediately felt regretful and disgusted afterwards, which is a promise for recovery, but..."

"But what?"

He shakes his head. "I'll tell you later. Do you remember now what I'm talking about?"

"No. I don't." I frown. I can picture the girl's face because I saw her in the dream, at the cafeteria. When I try to think of anything else related to her, though, all I can see is a strangely painted tree with many different colors like a peacock's feathers. It's beautiful, but I don't understand what it has to do with her.

"I see..." He writes this down. "Alright. Tell me what happened as soon as things began to go strange."

I raise a brow at him. "Um... Well, one day, it was my birthday. No, a few days before my birthday. I was almost eleven, but there was this lady... She wasn't very nice. Quite the opposite." I smile bitterly as I think back. "She called me devil's spawn, which wasn't really anything new. But then she kicked me. Then again, that wasn't new either, but normally it wasn't adults who'd try to hurt me.

"Auntie Haku saw her and ran up to me to try and protect me. She always would. I got a few bruises, but that's it. But then she shoved me, and I fell, and then... when I opened my eyes again..." I look up at him. "I was here."

"Is that so? So you don't remember anything from between?" I shake my head. That glimmer of interest returned in his eyes. "Hmm... So you woke up here and you didn't recognize anyone at all. Is that correct?"

I frown, trying to think back to nine days ago. My killer headache definitely isn't helping. "No, I did recognize someone. Miku looked familiar, but that's it. Oh, and I guessed Mikuo's name. But that's all there was."

"Really?" I watch his pencil slide across his paper. "If it's as you say, then there's a good chance your memories aren't lost forever. So what happened next? I told you you'd be able to room with Miku, and when I came to get you the next morning, you wouldn't wake up. Can you remember what happened when you were gone?"

I shift uncomfortably, and that action doesn't escape his eyes. "I woke up."

He doesn't understand. "No, I mean before you woke up. Did you dream of anything while you were unconscious?"

"No, I woke up from the dream." He stares at me in confusion, wondering what the hell I'm talking about. "I came back to reality, to the real world."

He frowns for a moment, then lights up. "In the few days you were awake, you kept on calling this place a dream, and we were trying to convince you this is reality. Do you still think that?"

"You make me sound like the dumb one." I don't like that either. "I went back to where I should be, sort of. ... Well... Kind of." I only just noticed this now. "I woke up on September 22nd, and I was at my Grand-maman's house..." There's four years difference between the time I fell asleep and the time I woke up.

"September 22nd? Of what year, exactly?" he asks, flipping through his notes.

"I don't know. No, wait... one of the doctors asked me how old I was later, and Grand-maman put fourteen on the form. So... this year."

Finally, Kiyoteru finds what he was looking for. "September 22nd is the recorded day on which you were found bleeding to death in your room. Not too long after, you were sent here." He looks up at me. "What exactly happened while you were there?"

"I... I went upstairs..." I feel very nervous explaining this to him. It feels too personal. "May I leave?"

"Not yet. Please tell me everything you remember, Rin. I might be able to help you out, here." He looks like he truly believes in his own words, so I take in a deep breath.

"I-I... When I got upstairs, it really sank in that everything that happened was just a dream, and that in reality, no one actually loves me, and... I just... I lost it." I keep talking before he has a chance to interrupt. "I had a breakdown because it hurt, god it hurt!"

"Rin, would you like another glass of water? You're shaking."

"Y-Yes, please..." I didn't even notice, but now that I lift my hand up, I can see how it's trembling. "They found me- Someone found me. Next thing I knew, I was being sedated and carried to a hospital. The next day, there was this doctor, this god-awful doctor, and... I'm schizophrenic. All of this is just something I'm making up because I'm a schizophrenic; I can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality."

He hands me a glass of water and I thank him, but I notice something just as I'm about to drink it. "It's... cloudy." There's obviously something mixed in with this water. I glance up at him warily, though my hand is shaking so much now, I nearly drop the glass all over myself.

"It will help you calm down," he assures me, and gestures for me to go ahead. But how can I trust him? I've never been able to trust anyone. I set the glass on the stand beside me and focus on regulating my trembling. He ignores this.

"So you think that this world you just came from is reality and that this here now is all your imagination?" He smiles in a way that angers me, as if I'm nothing but a foolish little girl. "Doesn't it seem like this world here makes more sense to you?"

I glare at him. "No, it doesn't."

"Then how come is it that, when you fell asleep, you were eleven, and when you woke up, you were fourteen? And no one seemed to realize you'd been missing for four years (3)?"

That's the flaw I noticed a few minutes ago. "It... It was just as you said before, I lost four years of my memory."

"From what, exactly?"

"From when that lady pushed me," I reason. "I must have hit my head on the ground."

"But then, if you were knocked unconscious, you would have been hospitalized. Did you wake up later in a hospital?"

No, I didn't. I stay quiet because I have no answer to this. This is a big flaw, a puzzle piece that I'm missing, and that I have no way of really finding.

"I think it's more than coincidence that you ended up collapsing in that other world on the exact same day you attempted suicide here," Kiyo-san says. "I think your own memory is playing tricks with you."

"But..." I scrunch up my face as my headache rages. "Ugh... Those pills you gave me did nothing at all...!" I complain as I grip my head.

"I'm willing to let you go now, but I will be conversing with you later about this matter. I'd like to hear more details, but I've stressed you enough for now." I glance down at my hands and am relieved to find they are no longer shaking. "Now... Let's see if your time really does run out." He winks at me.

"So I can go now?" I ask hopefully.

"All I need to do is give you two needles - one to take blood and one to inject fluid - and then one pill."

"Why?"

He looks over at me and smiles warmly. "Why? Are you asking this to flatter me or are you actually interested in me explaining doctor's matters?"

I don't answer and he chuckles. "Fine. I'm taking blood to compare it to the sample I took before you woke up the first time, to see if there are any differences. I'm injecting cells to help your immune system against viruses. And then that pill is a special I ordered that is supposed to help with Alzheimer's. I'm hoping it will help with your memory at least slightly while I look for a better sample. Satisfied?"

I nod and he pulls on some clear gloves. He grabs a needle that I didn't notice he'd laid out earlier and comes closer, bending down beside me. "You aren't afraid of needles, are you?" he asks.

"Doesn't it mention how I attempted suicide?" I ask sarcastically. "I'm not afraid of blood."

He gasps. "Rin, did you just...?"

"Huh? What?"

"You remember your suicide attempt?" he asks incredulously.

I have no idea what he's talking about and I tell him just that. Did I mention anything about suicide...? (4)

He shakes his head. "I won't bother you about it, then." He takes an alcohol-dipped cotton swab and rubs at a spot below my shoulder. I watch him plunge the needle into my flesh and am surprised to not feel a thing. I guess that pain medication worked for something. Or perhaps you can't feel pain in a dream.

As my blood fills the vial, I feel mesmerized by the beautiful color. Blood has always both enchanted me and repulsed me at once. It's so amazing to think there are thousands of cells in a single drop of that red fluid, and it's so perfect and scarlet and thick. At the same time, though, it's disgusting to think something so pretty comes from pain and suffering, for always there is pain where there is blood.

I've always been curious about it, which scared the people around me and further convinced them I was devil's spawn.  
Once, a girl passing by on the sidewalk (one of the few who dared stay on the same side of the road as me) fell and scraped her knee. She was my age, and at the time, we were both around five or six. She was crying and I rushed over to her. As I knelt in front of her, though, I didn't ask if she was alright; I right away began examining her knee, curiously checking if her blood was the same as mine, if it felt the same.

Normal children don't play with blood.

Any person who saw me with that girl walked away horrified, convinced I wasn't a normal child and that my soul was dirtied.

Maybe I'm not normal. After all, look at where I am. Were they truly right all along? But... it's not my fault! It's not my fault I'm 'crazy'! It's all Lily Kagene's fault- she's the crazy one!

"Ah...!" My head.

The second needle is already in my arm so I have to be careful not to move too much. Kiyo-san stops and looks up at me. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just..."

He nods and finishes with the injection. "Tell someone if you feel nauseous, cramping, or if you feel like you're about to faint."

"I thought you had a pill for me to take?"

"I do." He smiles at me as if to say he would never forget anything of the such. "It is... right here." On his hand is a round white pill the size of a penny.

I take it from his hand and swallow it with the help of some water, nearly choking on it too. "Am I set, doctor?"

"You are now," he says, as he pulls off his gloves. My eyes are suddenly attracted to a silvery band around one of his fingers.

"You're married?"

"Hm?" He glances down at his hand and lets out a small 'oh'. "Engaged."

"... Congratulations."

"Thank you." He starts for the door and pauses. "Happy Birthday," he says to me.

I'm not sure what to answer.

* * *

My clothes were easy to find. We have to wear a uniform, though, which pleased me little. I managed to get it on me, at least, though the dull colors don't suit me well. I am a blonde, after all; bright colors suit me best while I leave the darker, boring shades to brunettes. Or, well... not really. I've never owned clothes of bright colors, except for when I lived with Aunt Haku.

I don't spend too much time on it, though. I don't know how much time I have before reality whisks me away. Quickly I leave the room and begin my search for the cafeteria.

It isn't too far away so it doesn't take me very long to find it. I remember how, in the real world, Miku had me look through the window first before going in. In memory, I do the same.

It all looks so very normal. Perhaps I was expecting a bit more from a ward. I can hear murmuring and chattering from the inside, and though it's somewhat loud, there are no screams. No one is being attacked, no one is pulling out their own hair, no one is doing anything abnormal.

'This can't be a true mental ward,' I decide. 'A real ward wouldn't be this sane.' Finally, I open the door and step inside.

It's the smells that draw me to the serving counter. A lady with a miserable face dishes me some mashed potatoes, a slab of pork, and some cooked carrots and mushrooms. I begin scanning the room for my... acquaintances, forgetting to ask for a drink.

Finally, in the top left corner I spot some long blue hair. Miku.

"Um... hi." They all smile at the sight of me. All but two, who simply watch me, awestruck. I'll give you three guesses as to who they were.

"Rin!" Luka reaches out to me, then pats the spot to her left. Right beside Len. "Come on, sit here!"

I feel nervous as I sit down between them. Now that the drugs' effects have worn off, I'm back to feeling sane again, pun unintended. I'm not feeling so obsessive anymore and am feeling more than slightly uncomfortable being so close to a boy.

He smiles at me. "Hey... I didn't think you'd be allowed out on your first day back."

Kaito gasps from where he sits beside Miku. "The boy speaks!" Gakupo and Mikuo fake gasps as well and they all grin at him. Len simply scowls, but doesn't say anything.

"I told you!" Kaito clicked his tongue. "This girl does wonders to our emo little blonde!"

"Shut up..."

"Oh, so she passes out for a while, and suddenly she's a miracle-worker?" I turn sharply to face the origin of the slightly bitter-sounding words. Miku takes a sip of apple juice and smiles. Perhaps I was the only one who heard the sharpness of her words... after all, I'm schizophrenic.

"It's been longer than that," Luka said. "It's been since she got here. Right, Kuo?"

Mikuo rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah..."

Gakupo let out a snort. "Trust me, Mikuo made his own little miracle himself." They all chuckled at this.

"Huh...?"

"You don't remember?" Mikuo asks. "I'm pretty sure we told you last time you were awake..." His eyes widen. "Oh! You probably don't remember any of that, do you?"

"No, I think she does," Len says. "She remembers our names, for one. She just doesn't know what we're talking about."

"Oh." Mikuo cocks his head and smiles warmly. "I'm eighteen, Rin, and I have a three-year-old boy."

I gasp. "O-Oh yeah... I _do_ remember that... You told me in the last dream."

Luka frowns. "Dream?"

"Don't ask," Len warns, shaking his head.

"They haven't met him yet either," Mikuo tells me. "Haine-Lin's just a little nervous, us being from a mental ward n' all. I'm not really complaining much, though. For three years, I didn't even know I _had_ a kid... I'm just happy I actually got to meet him."

Miku sighs. "I actually want to see him, though... I'd like to know what the offspring of Mikuo looks like."

"What did you say her name was?" I ask.

"_He_, Rin. His name is Ren. Haha, that's pretty close, isn't it? Rin, Ren..."

"No, I mean... the girl."

Mikuo cocks his head curiously. "You mean Haine-Lin?"

"Haine-Lin..." That's it.

The last time I was caught in this dream, I had another dream... Yes, I know how confusing that sounds. In my sleep, I saw a girl dressed in black on the other side of a mirror. _'I know you,' _I'd told her, but I didn't know! She said the strangest thing back. _'Of course you do. You know me better than anyone.' _But I didn't! I had no idea who she was!

Until I woke up. When I did, her name was on the tip of my tongue.

"Haine-Lin." I shake my head, feeling uncomfortable with the sudden flashback. "Have I ever met her before?"

"No... Why? Do you think you remember her?"

"There are a few dozen paintings of her in the art room," Miku says. "_He_ drew them, of course. I think that's the only place you could have seen her."

"Is that so...?" My mind really _is_ messing with me. "Does she visit often?"

Mikuo smiles. "I'm allowed one visit per week. It sounds too good to be true... I mean, I haven't seen her in three years, but now I get a visit every week?!" He lets out a small laugh. "If there really is a god up there, I think he's finally found me."

_'We'll meet each other soon enough...'_

"What day will she be here on?"

They all seem taken aback by my question. "You want to meet her...?"

"Yes, I... I do." My curiosity is burning. How does she know me? How do I know her?

"She'll be here tomorrow with Ren," Mikuo answers softly. "I really don't know if-"

"Please, Mikuo. Please?" I disgust myself. Look at how desperate I've become! And for a girl I've never met, too...

"We'll see."

* * *

I was dismissed from class due to my sudden memory loss. I couldn't remember any of the practice work I'd apparently studied before the accident and my teacher declared there's no way I can possibly pass the upcoming test if I don't regain my memories.

So I get to wait in Kiyo-san's office.

There really isn't much to do in this place, so as usual, I find myself sleeping.

It's true that I've been very tired recently. I don't think anyone can blame me either. My headaches began shortly before I closed my eyes and when Kiyo-san later woke me, they were like large hammers hitting on either side of my head.

"Ah! Kiyo-san... do you have any stronger medicine?" I ask.

"I don't think that's a very good idea with the pills you took this morning," he answers, organizing some papers into multiple binders. "I can give you the weaker one you had earlier, but I don't think taking anything stronger is a very good idea."

"Ugh." I swallow the clear blue pill and feel the storms of my head recede slightly. Very, _very_ slightly.

"I woke you up because there's someone who needs to see you."

My eyes go round. "What?" Who could need to see me? Did Haine-Lin maybe arrive a day early? Did she know I was here?

"Come, follow me."

Beside Kiyo-san's doctoral office is his therapeutic office. I remember it now as we step into it. "You may not remember, but last week, our session was canceled. The reason was because someone else required my attention." He closes the door behind us. "This is the girl."

Oh my. I don't think I'm ready for this.

_"You were almost mine. But then, you left for art, and... __**Your friend Teto tried to kill you.**__"_

"Please let me go," I plead, as my eyes meet those of a girl with hot pink-colored drills and scary ruby red eyes. Ruby red eyes that remind me of my father's.

Suddenly, I can remember it quite clearly. Ruby red eyes glared at me with such hatred, with such envy, and her lips twisted into an ugly snarl. Her hands wrapped around my neck and squeezed, squeezed me so tightly, I could no longer breathe.

"Are you alright, Rin? You're looking very pale. I promise Teto won't hurt you. She feels very guilty about her actions and-"

"Why is she crying?" I ask bitterly. Why is _she_ crying?! **She **is the one who stole my memories away from me! **She** is the one who nearly stole **my life** from me, and she has the nerve to _cry_?!

How strange. For a second there, it sounded like I actually believed in this dream life. I can't fall for that, not again, or I'll only wake up heartbroken.

"She feels very guilty, Rin," Kiyo-san repeats. "She's been crying since the incident."

"**She has no right!**" All three of us are surprised by my outburst, but I don't quiet. "You put me in a freaking **coma**, and yet **you** are the one crying?!" I ask. "You have no idea what you've done to me!"

She almost seems to shrink. "I-I _do_ know, I-I've heard everything..."

"Why?" I ask, shaking my head in disbelief. "Why on earth would you do something like that?" Kiyo-san is only standing there with his arms crossed, watching us. I'm surprised he hasn't tried to stop me yet.

I hate it how she doesn't answer. "I asked you a question, damnit!" I yell. "Why the hell did you freaking choke me?!" No answer. "Why?!" Still nothing. **"WHY?!"**

"I loved him, okay?!" She sobs into her hands. Her voice sounds strained, like she really has been crying often lately. "I loved him, and he loved you, and... You didn't care about him that way at all!" She sniffs. "I've been here for almost three years, just like him, but not once was I able to have an actual conversation with him! And then you came, and it took what, a month and a half? By then, he was down on his knees in front of you, and you weren't even looking in his direction!"

My eyes widen. I don't remember any of that! Did I really...?

"You treated him like dirt, and you didn't even seem to notice!" She lets out an animalistic scream. **"You have no idea what love **_**is**_**, Rin! NO FREAKING CLUE!"**

Silence echoes through the room. "So you tried to kill me... because I took the boy you liked?" It sounds strange to me. Does it sound strange to her?

The angry glare falls from her face. She looks like she's just been shot in the chest. She begins sobbing again, louder this time. "I'm sorry... okay?!" More sobbing. "I'm... I'm so sorry...!"

I watch her without any pity at all. Had I not changed the way I had, had I not gone back into the past, would I have forgiven her? How foolish. How stupid!

"I was your friend," I say quietly. I doubt she can hear me through all the noise she's making. "I trusted you." Or, at least, I think I did. Maybe I didn't. Hard to argue when you don't know all the facts. "I trusted you, and you betrayed me. Do friends really attack each other? Did I not get the message, or something?"

She's practically screaming now and it's so strangely satisfying. Yes! Scream!

"You really do belong in a place like this, Teto!" I yell at her. "You belong in a mental ward! You really _are_ crazy!"

It almost feels like a huge bell has rung. Teto stops crying. Kiyo-san steps forward. I suddenly grow dizzy. Am I a hypocrite? Back in reality, I said I didn't believe in crazy anymore. But this girl... she...!

It sure feels different when you aren't just reading about it, doesn't it?

"I'm afraid I'll have to stop you now, Rin", Kiyo-san says. "You've gone a little beyond, I suppose..."

"No, she's right." We both stare at the shaken girl. Her eyes are filled with a sudden determination and I can't help but suddenly think she looks admirable when she stares at us like that. 'This girl could have become so much...' "I _am_ crazy. She's right; a normal person doesn't do what I did. I want to be normal, I really do..." She takes a step closer to my doctor. "Kiyo-san, I've made my decision."

"Decision?" I wonder aloud.

"I told you the girl had a big choice ahead of her, didn't I?" Kiyo-san asks sadly. "You must have realized by now, Rin, that this facility can't exactly be called a ward. We take in more minor patients whose psychological problems aren't dangerously deep. Do you remember Meiko?"

I nod.

"You remember how she attacked Miku?" he asks, raising a brow. (5) I hesitate, then shake my head 'no'. I don't know why I nodded in the first place. "Because Meiko showed continuous violent behaviour without any sign of guilt, she was sent to a true mental ward, the kind of place where you're locked up in the same room all day."

"I understand."

"I've decided," Teto says with another sniff, "that I need to be put there instead."

"What?" Really? "But... I thought Kiyo-san said you showed signs of guilt...?" Why does it sound like I'm protesting against this? She deserves to go to a real ward after what she did to me, what she did to us all!

"I've lived here for three years," Teto says, "and does it look like I'm getting any better? This place isn't helping me. What happened is just more proof." (6)

I'm not sure what to say. I'd feel bad agreeing, but at the same time, I don't want to protest. I won't _let_ myself protest. "Okay." What a dumb thing to say! Could I have been any more simple?!

"Maybe someday, you'll forgive me." She gives a low, dark laugh. "Maybe someday, _I'll_ forgive me. Heh..." She looks up at Kiyo-san. "Thank you for letting me see her."

"I can... go?" I ask.

"Would you like some time alone, Teto?"

"Yes, please..." Her shoulders hunch in forward and she suddenly reminds me of a scared little girl with a scraped knee.

Beware the devil's child, little girl. I hear she likes blood.

* * *

I can't do anything but lay on what was once my bed. My eyes wide open, I stare at the ceiling. It's white, just like every other in this ward. The opposite of my emotions. I feel so dirty and stained, it hurts. My muscles ache all over. My head is pounding.

"Oh... you're awake." His voice barely registers in my mind, and even when it does, I can't rip my gaze off the white sky above.

"Were you going to watch me sleep like you did before?" I ask.

I can hear him chuckle. "As a matter of fact, yes I was." A pause. "Are you alright?"

"Did you know Teto was debating on going to a real ward?" I ask. I can feel the weight on the bed shift as he sits at the foot.

"So she really was? I had a feeling. Has she decided?"

There's the smallest little black speck amongst that sea of white. Isn't that strange? "She's going."

"And how do you feel about that?"

I feel like making a snarky remark about him being my therapist but for some reason, I don't. "I don't know," I say honestly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Okay then."

Silence takes over, but I can feel him shift. I feel so lifeless. "Rin? Look at me, please..."

I blink. The ceiling looks like snow. "Rin?" Hm? Oh, he wants me to look at him. I tilt my head downwards and stare at those dark blue eyes that have been my obsession for the last few days.

"You're a weird person, Len."

He looks surprised. "Oh? Why?"

"I don't know. You just are." I turn my head back up to look at the ceiling again. It's very interesting, you know. Where does it start and where does it end?

"That's a strange thing to say." He pauses for a moment, as if considering something. "Rin... can I touch you?"

'Speaking of strange things to say!' I turn my head so sharply my brain feels like it's been pierced. "What?!"

He slowly takes my hand. "I meant like this."

My face heats up. "Oh." 'Am I a pervert...?' I watch him curiously as he entwines our fingers together. He smiles at the sight of our clasped hands. "I told you you're a weird person."

"Maybe I am. What does it matter?" His perfect blue eyes slide up to mine again and my breath hitches.

"It... It doesn't matter."

He laughs. "Isn't that what I just said?"

"You're a weird person."

He smiles at me. "I have a feeling you're tired."

I scowl. "What, so you can watch me sleep again?"

"Or maybe you're just drugged."

I glare at him. "Or maybe I'm just annoyed."

"Or perhaps even a mix of all three. That sounds logical enough, don't you think?"

I heave a sigh and finally sit up. I stare down at our hands with mixed emotions. It feels so strange having someone hold my hand... "Did you mean what you said? Last time, I mean?"

"Which line specifically?" he asks. "See, I said a lot of things last time. Quite new for me, really."

I snort. "Doesn't sound like it."

He wags our clasped hands in front of my face. "You're something special, Rin."

I roll my eyes but my emotions betray me and my face heats. I know he's noticed by the little smirk he wears. "I still don't get why you think that."

"That's okay."

"Oh?" I raise a brow. "You aren't going to start a whole speech this time? Should I stop the cameras?"

"You're being awfully teasing today." He cocks his head. "Are you mocking me to see how I'll react?"

"Huh?"

"Haven't you heard the rumor?" He grins. "It's said a girl teases the boy she likes."

My face turns beet red. "Sh-Shut up!"

He laughs. "The best part is the fact that you've never heard that saying. It's actually the boy who teases the girl he likes." He stares at me with that serious smile, the kind that tells me that last line meant something more.

I'm slightly awestruck by him.

His skin is almost as pale as mine, but just as creamy. His eyes are warm and sincere and his bangs fall messily into his face. His golden blond hair is, as usual, tied up in its ponytail at the back of his head, though a few strands fall from both sides. He's beautiful. I wonder if he knows it.

"There are prettier girls than me," I say bashfully, glancing down shyly at our hands. I really don't deserve him... I really don't.

"Are there?" he asks playfully, stroking me with his thumb. "I've never seen them."

"I really don't get it... How can you love me? How do you even know what love is?"

He stares at me for a few moments, testing me to see if my question is genuine or another simple tease. He seems to come up with an answer as he presses my other hand to his heart. "Feel that?"

My eyes widen. "I didn't think... I thought hearts could only beat faster like that in stories."

He tilts my chin upwards to meet my gaze. "Only the ones with happy endings." Oh my god. I want to kiss you, Len. I really do.

I release my right hand from his grasp and press it to my own heart, only to be met with disappointment. "It's only normal." I let my arms fall. "Teto was right..." _'You have no idea what love is, Rin!'_

"That's okay." He smiles at me. "Someday, it will. I can wait."

"Yes, but how long have you waited already?"

"Only three and a half months. Nah, more like just three months. That isn't really long, you know." He leans forward playfully. "There are others who've waited longer."

"You shouldn't have to wait, though..." I mumble.

"Oh?" He quirks a brow. "Is that an invitation?"

"N-No! I mean it though... Why can't you find someone else who actually knows how to love?" I ask. Some of my hair falls into my face and he brushes it back again.

"First, I think you're capable of loving," he whispers. "Second, it's far too late for me to turn back and find any other girl. And third..." The way he captures me with his gaze like that... it gets to me every single time. "If I gave up on you and started looking for someone else, I know you'd be sad. I _know_ you would be."

"You're getting very cocky," I say, but it comes out breathlessly.

"Is your heart beating now?" he asks, cocking his head.

I ignore him. Of course it's beating, or else I'd be dead. Well... yes, I know what he meant, but... I'll only be fooling myself if I checked once more. "I kind of wish all of a sudden that reality would just take me now."

"'Reality'? Why's that? You don't enjoy my company?"

"You're a flirt," I say, but with a smile. "I really think there's another girl who'd appreciate you more than I do."

"Please stop. It hurts me when you reject me over and over again like that." His dark eyes have that sad gleam in them again. Never mind hurt- my heart's just cracked.

"Don't you think it hurts me too?!" I ask, raising my tone. "But... you just... and I..." I'm not making any sense.

His face darkens and he swallows. "Alright," he finally says. "I get it." He leans away and scoots back. The look he gives me... I'm sure it wasn't on purpose, but that doesn't matter. I feel exactly like the tease Teto told me I was.

"Len...!" Oh god, don't cry, Rin, don't cry...!

As soon as he heard that crack in my voice his expression softens. "P-Please don't, I-I'm sorry..." He stays where he is, though, and makes no move to touch me. Trying to keep his promise.

"Shit...!" I mutter as the tears fall from my eyes. And while I wipe them away, I don't feel his warmth any closer to me. He sits at the same spot, only watching with a torn look. I hang my head low. "I'm sorry, Len... I really am."

"Don't be." He gives me a weak smile. "You didn't do anything wrong."

I stare at him, thinking. I've refused him because I told myself he doesn't deserve to be lied to, to receive pretended feelings instead of real ones. But he knows I don't love him. He knows and he accepts it. What he truly doesn't deserve is to have to be distant with me, to keep his feelings bottled. He doesn't deserve to be hurt, I'd told myself, but that's all I've been doing to him. He deserves to be happy, if only for a few seconds.

"Len..."

He doesn't answer but only stares at me with those beautiful eyes of my favorite color. Beautiful. Just like him. Perfect inside and out. Surely he doesn't have much time left in the ward.

"Len... If I..." How do I phrase such a thing? "What would you do, Len... if I _asked_ you to kiss me?"

His eyes widen. "R-Rin... please don't say things like that if you don't mean them."

"I **do** mean it!" I insist. "I do...!"

We stare at each other for a long time. My tears are still falling. Isn't that silly? How can I cry when I'm the one hurting him?

"If you asked me to kiss you..." he repeats. "Right now?"

I nod. It sounds so foreign coming from him. Did I really ask him that? Is that truly English he's speaking?

His expression is so serious, it makes me lick my lips. Beautiful, that's all I can think of when I look at him. Beautiful... Is that what he thinks whenever he looks at me?

Our eyes meet again and he tells me his answer. "If you asked me that, right now... I'd have to say no." I gasp. "I know you're only offering this for me. This isn't what _you_ want, so it isn't what _I_ want either. All _I_ want is for you to be happy. This won't make you happy, will it?"

"If you're happy, I'm happy!" I protest. "Really... I want you to be happy."

"That won't make me happy," he pouts.

"I know you're lying..." Why? Why is he refusing me? _'It sure feels different when you aren't just reading about it, doesn't it?'_

"Nope, I'm telling the truth." He leans backwards, resting himself. "Honest."

"... You want what I want?" I ask, just to make sure.

He frowns, uncertain as to where I'm heading. "Yes..."

"Len." I take in a deep breath, summoning all my courage, and look him in the eye. "I want _you_."

He looks shocked. "Rin... still? I told you, I don't-"

"I want you!" I say it again. "I want you, Len!" I feel like a spoiled three-year-old, but I do. It may not be real love, but I want him, I truly want to feel his lips against mine, to know what it'd be like to kiss him.

Ever so slowly, ever so carefully, he leans forward. I can see his Adam's apple bob as he gulps. "Why are you saying this, Rin?"

"I lo-" No, don't lie. "I want you, Len. Please...!" My eyes flutter close, so I can't see his reaction. I have no idea what's going to happen next.

All I can do is shiver in excitement and listen to my heart race.

* * *

March 14th, 2013

_Oh shit. CLIFFHANGER!_

_THE ULTIMATE CLIFFHANGER HAS ARRIVED! ^o^/ Yes, yes I know I'm evil, but to be fair, this wasn't supposed to happen in the first place._

_To tell the truth, Rin and Len were originally supposed to only talk. Holding hands was as far as I wanted them to go. And then suddenly, this little fluffy plot bunny appeared in my head, and it was like... super fluffy. I got it around the part where it says 'I'm slightly awestruck by him', and where it describes Len's godly appearance. XD It had this four-letter word spelt on its fluffiness in huge Arial Black letters: K-I-S-S!_

_My plot-driven side of me was like, 'No, not yet! We have to wait 'til later! We have to wait for the exact moment!' Then, the other... Well, let's just call it the 2:19am side of me. The 2:19am side of me said, 'Fuck this, I wanted to finish this ages ago anyway. LET'S DO IT!' And so, the plot-driven side and the 2:19am side made a compromise and left it at a cliffhanger. I still haven't made up my mind as to whether or not they will kiss, so you better review and tell me what you want! ... Yo, tell me what'chya want, what'chya really really want! (Spice Girls, anyone? No? Okay...)_

_Seriously, though. Help me make up my mind by reviewing before my plot-driven side does it for me. Because you know what my plot-driven side will have to say..._

**Question of the Chapter: SHOULD RIN AND LEN FINALLY KISS?! (Rin x Mikuo shippers, feel free to say no. ^-^)**

_Ugh, this story takes forever to write._

Gakupo: You say that about every story you write. ^-^

_Your point being...?_

Gakupo: Ah, am I speaking to your 2:25am side?

_Yes, yes you are. I work too hard... *sob sob sob*_

Gakupo: *pats* There, there, you know you love it...

_I do, I do! Am I a masochist...?_

Gakupo: Pfft, maybe. XD

* * *

(1) Ironically, Clear Blue is also the name of a company that produces pregnancy tests. XD I assure you, that was not a pregnancy test she swallowed- it was just an Advil. No, really! I promise you.

(2) You know he's a good doctor when he trusts the warning labels on a container of pills and says, "Oh hey, we're going to make you eat a bunch of different drugs, but you _should_ be fine, I think." (Sarcasm, friends. ^-^)

(3) I say four years because she's turning fifteen, well, today. Fifteen minus eleven is four; therefore, she has forgotten four years of her life, not three. Very confusing stuff.

(4) It actually started out as a mistake on my part. That line about the attempted suicide and fear of blood and whatnot was something I added in and then I thought, 'Hey... She's not supposed to remember that! Whoops!' XD

(5) I had the same problem here as I had in four. She's not supposed to remember Meiko... Oopsies! LOL!

(6) You're gonna laugh... I needed Teto to disappear somehow, so the original plan was that she'd decided to donate her brain for research. XD Yeah, I know, I thought of it quickly, so... I much prefer this version, don't you? It was supposed to be much calmer, too... Look how that turned out.

* * *

**IF I GET 45 REVIEWS OR MORE, I WILL MAKE RIN AND LEN FINALLY KISS! But if I get less than 45 reviews... ^-^ My plot-driven side will say no. You know what to do~! ON, MY FLUFF-LOVING MINIONS! PRESS THAT REVIEW BUTTON FOR THE LOVE OF RIN X LEN!**


	14. I Don't Know Who I Love

**The Girl in the Ward**

March 29th, 2013

_Uuuuuuuuuuugh. This story has got to end soon!_

_Seriously, though. As much as it excited me when I was reading over chapter 13 (preparing for this chapter, you know?), this story has got to come to a close soon. Unfortunately, though, I suck at doing that. I have a whole other arc coming in now, again. OTL Why can't I just finish this?! But I know that, if I finish this story this chapter or the next chapter, I won't truly be satisfied with its ending. I went the end of this story to be thrilling. If I make Len and Rin get together this chap and end it immediately afterwards, it will only be a decent ending, and I won't love it. I'm working to conclude every arc I've started, now. I'm trying!_

_You know, Rin's memory loss is really stretching this story majorly... =_=" I kind of regret using that now, haha! Ugh, oh well, nothing I can do now! Besides... it's lead to what could be a kiss~! Ehehehe... =w='_

_Speaking of which, you realize I was kidding last chapter about the forty-five review thing, right? XD I just wanted to see if we could do it. We did get more than half, though! Woohoo! Hahaha! I didn't really get much more than average, though._

_Hey, guys, you wanna know something? The other day, my brother Eric and I were watching the Bakuman anime (it's a manga about making manga! XD), and every time I read/watch it, it gets me super pumped to draw. Apparently, Eric felt the same way, because as soon as episode nine was over, he announced we'd make a Pokemon manga. He told me he'd do the story and I'd do the art. I was like, 'Uh, no, do the art yourself!' He started complaining about how I am a good artist and he never will be, and I asked him what made him think he was such a good story-writer. "Well duh, writing is easy!" he said. I gave him such a look, then... *laughs*_

_While writing can be really fun, it isn't exactly 'easy', so to say. I mean, I used to think I was super good. Looking back now, I sucked really bad... Now, I only think I'm alright. Next year I'll read this and think, 'What the hell is this?!' It's not so much the spelling errors that annoy me - even at the age of eleven, I was actually rather good with my punctuation, spelling, etc. - but the story. I'd make characters so overdramatic, they reacted to a lot of minor things. 'Oh my god, I have to live on a farm for five years! Let's cry, now, then pass out on the floor because Naty doesn't know what else to put in this scene!' XD_

_Basically what I'm trying to say is that even writing requires practice. I've been writing on this site for over two years now, and I _**still**_ have much to learn. In reality, I'm probably not great. For a thirteen-year-old, maybe, but if you compare me to successful thirty or forty-year-old authors like JK Rowling or Sophie Kinsella or VC Andrews (she's dead, but she _**was**_ in her thirties when she died, I think...), I'm probably like a speck of dirt under your nail; to be scraped off and forever forgotten. Someday, I'll become the best, but for now, I just have to keep practicing. There _is_ such thing as good writing and bad writing, just as there is good art and bad art (disproportioned stickmen may or may not be considered bad art), good and bad cooking, good and bad hockey players, etc. You can't magically wake up, decide you want to be a writer, and actually be good at it. You really have to practice._

_The way I look at my work sometimes to help me improve is, 'If someone tells me this is terrible, what would they be able to prey on?' If I can find something flamers would use (not that I ever get flames), I can try and fix it to make it better!_

_Wow, look at that. Did I just try to write an inspirational speech there? o.o I wonder if that's something they'd prey on... Oh, but it's part of my Author's Note- I get chastised all the time about my A/Ns! XD It doesn't matter if it's not the actual story!_

_Anyway, off we go! The response to my cliffy awaits!_

* * *

**Anonymous Reviews:**

**Guest: (****asdadsdadsad Rin and Len kiss!)  
**_Well, asdadsdadsad to you too~! XD_

**Leila2469: **_Haha, you saying that the way you did… You make it sound like you know something. Why did you say that about Chiio? ^.^ Don't worry, she isn't mean to me at all, if that's what you're thinking. She's just blunt, haha! But I appreciate it… You've inspired me. ;)_

**MaddytheAwesome: **_Things won't end well, you say? O.O Eh?! Is that a threat?! Ahaha, well… You'll see for yourself very soon that I found a loophole. ^-^ I wonder if you'll be upset? Eh, nah, you won't be- I did, after all, give you what you wanted!_

**Guest: (****YES YES YES! Rin and Len should kiss :) and I love your story I it was a manga it's so beautiful *cries* wonderful chapter I can't wait for the next one.)  
**_Haha, thank you~! I'm glad you think so! It'd be awesome is someone made it into a manga… o3o Never mind that, it'd be super cool to get some fan art! But, alas… *sigh*_

**Theawesomereview: **_"I like your"… my what?! Ah, the suspense is killing me, hahaha! XD_

**dragonballbaby: **_Your wish has been granted~! ^-^_

* * *

**Chapter 14 - I Don't Know Who I Love**

* * *

What are spirits?

When people picture them, they often are transparent-looking and seem made of mist. It's almost as if they come out of nowhere and will disappear at anytime, especially when most inconvenient. Or perhaps that's only in the movies.

Typically, it's only the people who love us who 'see' us. Often, these people are deluded and are only talking to their own imagination, but occasionally, there will be a person whose will is strong enough to see us. That, or someone whose intent and heart is completely pure. Or, that's my guess, at least.

I never tried to reach out to him. I never tried to let him know I was here, because I knew it would only hurt him. But I saw everything. Did you know that even spirits can cry?

There is something wrong with Len Kagamine. There has always been something wrong with my little brother, but slowly, he's healing. It's funny- ever since we were little, people knew he was different. He was far more mature than other children his age, especially around the time of our parents' death, but at the same time very isolated, strangely preferring to keep to himself rather than to play with friends. Always, his piano would be his only company.

I remember Momma had a sleek grand piano, beautiful and shiny. It was only about fifteen years old but it looked brand new and beautiful. I was always afraid to touch it, but Len was always at awe around it. Sometimes, I'd find him sitting on the couch, staring at it. Always he'd hover around it when Momma would begin to play. He adored it, loved it with all his heart, and so Momma decided to teach him.

Momma was an amazing pianist. She'd won medals for her talents and could bring some people, including herself, to tears. That had always frightened me, when I'd find Momma sobbing to herself as her fingers glided along the keys. I know Papa hadn't liked it either. Len, on the other hand, would sit down beside her and silenly cry too. They were very close, he and our mother. By the time he was eight years old, my brother was already showing 'great musical understanding', my mother would say. I'd never really understood, but I knew it meant my brother was a genius.

I'd always admired my younger brother. He did only average in school, but only because he'd disregard his homework to practice his music. Never had I found anything that captured me so. I'd never been able to create or achieve. All I had were social skills, and whoop-dee-doo, that'd take me as far as homecoming queen. Beyond that, I'd go nowhere. Len had the power to create, a skill I envied.

Apparently, he looked up to me to. I think he might have hated me, even, when we were young. He'd always been shy while I'd talk a lot. _'You make it look easy,'_ he'd say, and I pitied him so.

As he grew, he seemed to retreat more and more within himself. Father blamed it on the piano and told our mother to try and wean him off it. Of course, she refused. He was destined to be a prodigy, she'd tell him, a miracle worker, and we had to let him do what he needed. They'd argue about it all the time, sometimes getting quite loud about it as well.

Secretly, I'd always been on my father's side. He always rejected inviting people over, saying he'd have less time to practice. I always had friends over and couldn't understand him. I could see, though, that his isolation was becoming serious.

As he grew, it became better on its own. He played the piano less and instead read books. He loved fantasies and Grimm Brothers' tales, where the handsome prince would save the pretty princess by defeating the dragons, the ogres, the demons.

I still think today that he looks up to those courageous princes; he's always trying to be noble and selfless. I'm sure it hurts, though. I'd never have been able to follow up such a promise. I never saw what exact monster he was always fighting against, but for a long time, it's been clear he fought demons; the demons within himself.

It was when he was ten that the accident happened. We lost everything, including our family and that beautiful grand piano. It seemed to kill him. He'd been improving before then, but after the funeral, he just... died. He'd sit in his room at the orphanage and stare at the floor for hours. I'd never been so afraid for him, I think.

We'd been incredibly lucky to find an older couple to adopt us both. They'd brought us to their home and given us everything, though it was obvious they favored me. For his birthday, they'd gotten him a keyboard, though. While I know Len was thrilled, he didn't smile. He took it to his room and began playing familiar melodies- Mother's favorites. It scared me.

They often discussed him, the old couple did. While they treated us both kindly, they felt very uncomfortable around my sweet little brother. His eyes were always filled with horror, his mind still traumatized from all he'd lost. They adored me however, which was why they kept us. Still, they tried their best to fix my broken eleven-year-old sibling. He stayed glued to his keyboard.

I knew at that time that something was wrong with him. I'm ashamed to admit that I even avoided him sometimes because of it. One night, though, he came into my room. I think he thought I was asleep. He curled up beside me in my bed and began sobbing. It made me cry too. He'd been through far too much for a twelve-year-old boy. Often, he looked so weak, he seemed five.

He rarely spoke, but he always listened to me. I know he did. I loved him so much, and he gradually started expressing emotions again, like interest, curiosity, surprise... and once every moon, I'd see him smile. I knew there was hope for him and I longed to give him back what he'd lost. I'd wish every night for it!

But one day... It'd been getting late and I'd been walking home alone. I'd been worrying about him, about if he was feeling lonely. He was showing resentment towards the old couple who'd taken us in and the feeling was becoming mutual. They didn't trust him (never had) and found him suspicious. If someone had broken a window, they automatically assumed it was him. If a child would hurt themselves in a fall, they'd suspect Len had tripped her, even if he'd been nowhere near.

_'A child of the devil, I swear...'_ I hated it when they'd call him that, but never said anything.

Next thing I knew, I was dead.

For a long time, nothing happened. It was like I was stuck in a coma- one moment I was being stabbed by some filthy man, the next, I was watching Len steal a revolver.

The lawyer went for an insanity plea, which the judge accepted. Len was to be sent to a mental ward.

I was there when he first lived alone. He suffered and stayed in his corner, sniffling and sobbing. Why had a child who'd already lost so much have to suffer even more afterwards? Did God have no mercy?!

He could never see me beside him, but I'd talk to him. Sometimes, it felt like he could hear me; he'd calm down and stay still. Once, I mentioned something about a book he'd enjoyed- I can't remember what I said exactly -and he immediately got up and ran (or speed-walked- it's not a good idea to run in a ward) to the library. He began to get into the fantasies he'd loved as well as super hero comics.

He was thirteen when the staff decided to put him with another boy- Mikuo. By this time, Len had begun speaking again, but only short sentences. 'Yes', 'no', 'maybe', were about all he'd say. It was so odd seeing him with another boy. I'd grown quickly fond of Mikuo, though he'd never know that.

Mikuo was two years Len's senior and turning sixteen. He seemed like an emotional masochist; he'd often lay on his bed staring at the ceiling, wincing to himself like he was commiting self-torture with his thoughts. He probably was.

I'd been horrified when he'd first come back to their room high. They'd filled him with endorphins, a chemical that made people happier. I'd thought it ridiculous at first- when the drugs wore off, he'd be in the same depressed state as before, right? I'd been wrong, though. Slowly, his mood got better. I'm sure Len was pleased when he stopped moaning his lover's name in the middle of the night. Even I was disturbed by it.

Mikuo started teasing Len. At first, I'd been angry, thinking it was bullying, until Len suddenly snapped back. That's when I realized that just having Mikuo around was helping Len, as he became more used to another person's presence. Len was fuming, but Mikuo had laughed. 'I knew you couldn't be mute!' It was around this time that Len went back to his long-abandoned piano.

He was as talented as ever, but it was obvious how nearly two years of absence from the instrument had taken its toll. He made mistakes. He worked at it, though, and it made him happier. Seeing him so proud of himself made me happy as well.

He began listening more to Mikuo and Gakupo's conversations. It wasn't long after that Kaito and Luka appeared, and when they did, he retreated again. I think he might have been a little jealous because Gakupo and Mikuo stopped noticing him as much. He may have also been scared, I think. Kaito and Luka were far different back then than they are now.

When Miku appeared though, something changed. Despite her being older, she was very weak, in long-term shock from her experience. He took advantage of it and tried to protect her from things- mostly because she reminded him of me, I think. I don't believe she ever noticed though, and I think it hurt Len to know she preferred Kaito.

It was amazing to watch them all improve over time. They became such different people than who they seemed to be, and I loved them very much. Len especially amazed me, and not only because he is my brother. Once, when Miku was having an issue again, trembling and whimpering, he'd told her, 'Don't worry; The Princess always ends up getting saved.' I think it was a line from a book he'd been reading, but it surprised me to hear him say something so... heroic.

I noticed he became nicer to people (or tried, at least), especially girls. If Luka complained she was cold, he'd right away hand her his jacket. If Yukari was having trouble with a math problem, he'd slip her a note explaining the formula.

He still didn't talk much, but he'd smile and laugh with other people, listening to them speak instead of actually participating. I had to wonder, didn't that make him feel rejected? Wouldn't that make him feel lonely?

He was fifteen when finally, Rin arrived. Before then, I'd suspected he had feelings for Miku, but... This Rin girl... Hm.

At first, I hadn't liked her. She was so negative, and unlike the others who'd come with obvious emotional turmoil, she seemed rather normal. Sort of. She'd been extremely turned off by boys, for some reason. She was extremely rude as well, very snappy, and distrusting. I hated the way she seemed disgusted of others around her, until...

_'It's just obvious you wouldn't get it, no matter how much I try to explain. You'll get it after a while, though. Maybe.'_ I was so shocked! He'd said so much...! The tone he'd used, too... He was also annoyed with her at first, it seemed. Then she ended up bleeding all over the floor, and **that** seemed to change everything.

Neither of us expected her to do something like that, and it intrigued me. For a while, I followed her instead of Len. She seemed such a miserable soul, but she was so hopeful too. She pretended to be revolted over Len and his friends, tried to seem like she was pushing them away, but her wills conflicted; she only wanted to be loved. She reminded me of Len in that way.

He loved her- I knew that. But so did Mikuo. Rin was confused and not ready for something like that when she was only just getting used to being social. I'd say she was getting through alright, but then... Teto...

Let's just say, it hurt me as much as it hurt Len to see her wake up without recognizing anyone. When Len left that room, he... He looked the same way he first had when he realized our parents were gone. He seemed ten years old again and broken.

I stayed with Rin and whispered to her, told her about things that had happened while she was here, praying for her to remember. It seemed to be working, but then, she went down again. When she woke up, she was wounded. She seemed to believe everything here was only a dream, but... She knew who Len was. She remembered what he'd said the last time she was awake.

I couldn't believe it when my brother had told her he'd marry her. It was such a shock, but it thrilled me so! I do want Rin to be my sister-in-law (even if I'm not alive), but most of all, I want her to be Len's wife. It seemed to shock her too, and she looked a little creeped out, but I could see she was flattered as well. Perhaps it was a little early for Len to mention marriage, but it seemed to carry his point out to her: that he loves her.

I'll admit I whispered to her to give him what he wanted, because she probably wanted it to. She kept on telling herself she couldn't hurt him. _'But aren't you only hurting him more this way? Can't you just make him happy for a few moments?'_

So she'd offered herself to him. It was up to Len now to decide whether or not to take it. I knew he'd refuse it at first, so i tried to keep pushing Rin towards him. It was up to him to choose whether or not to give in to temptation or try to keep Rin pure. It'd be stupid of him to refuse her. If he decides to reject her, he may lose his chance.

_"Rin loves you, Len,"_ I whisper to him. _"She does. She loves you and you love her. Don't be afraid."_

I can see his hesitance as he leans in, but that's okay.

Never had I thought Len would ever have the courage nor the heart to love someone other than his piano. I believe Rin has saved him. Both of us, really. I hope she chooses him. Please, choose him...!

What are spirits?

Spirits are remnants of a memory. Perhaps they exist, perhaps they do not. Maybe I really am no more than his imagination, but I feel like more. I may be dead, but through my brother, I feel alive.

Through this girl, I existed, because I know she saw me. I am known to these people as Lenka, but I am no more than a memory. When Len finally stops thinking about me, I will disappear, but I will be happy doing so. I hope someday he'll let me be. I hope someday he'll be happy.

Rin Kagene, I beg you please, make him happy for me.

* * *

"I want you, Len. Please...!"

For the longest time, there's only silence. All I can hear is the sounds of our breathing and the thumping of my own heart. It _has_ sped up, but I know nothing of what it means. While it could be for love, it could also be from fear or excitement or something else.

We're so close to each other, it's making me dizzy. My head is swimming and I feel so different, as if I've woken up into a completely different person. I... I really do want him! It's all I can think about, and it's torturing me that he's hesitating. Kiss me, damnit!

Finally, my curiosity overtakes me and my eyes flutter open. How strange. He's just sitting there watching me, his head cocked to one side. His dark blue eyes are all watery for some reason.

"What's wrong?" I ask. "Are you... crying?"

"Nah," he chuckles. "I just... I just thought of stuff. It's nothing." Is that... it? Is he really rejecting me? I thought... I thought this was what he wanted! What...? "Rin?" He examines me carefully. "Do you love me?"

My throat runs dry. Why did he have to ask me something like that? Hadn't we already gone through this? I can't say anything. I can't say anything, because I don't know!

"If you don't love me, then why should I kiss you, Rin?" he asks. "And if you don't love me, then why would you want to kiss me?"

Ah! He's annoying me now! "Why are you feeling so self-pitiful?!" I ask him angrily. "If I want to kiss you, Len, it's because I wanty to kiss you! Why do you have to keep thinking so much into it?! Do you not want me back?!"

His eyes widen. Why is he ruining the moment like this?! He says nothing at all and just watches me. I know, now; If I wait for him, he'll never do anything. If I want this, I'll have to do this myself.

I put my hands on his lap to support me as I lean forward and he does nothing to stop me. Quickly I shut my eyes and tilt my head slightly. S-So close now...!

My lips touch his and I panic. Oh my god...! What do I do?! What now?! I'm frozen!

I feel his hand press on the back of my head as he pulls me closer. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god...! I feel so warm all over, but still, I can't move. It's somewhat terrifying, but at the same time, so good. Have I ever felt this way before? I don't think so.

I let out a small whimper-like sound and he pulls away, pressing our foreheads together instead. "I'm sorry," he says. That stupid-head! Why is he apologizing?

"I lo-" I can't say that. "Don't say sorry, Len."

He smiles. "Okay." He tilts my head upwards again and our lips connect once more, and I just... nngh. I don't even know how to feel.

I need you, Len. Or is that all just an illusion?

How do you know when you're in love? How is love different than an attraction, than a dream, or than friendship? What _is_ love? I don't know. I really don't know. And it bothers me so much, it aches.

"Hey... Please don't cry, Rin," he chuckles, wiping my tears from my cheeks.

"I'm sorry, I just..." I sniffle. "My head hurts again. That's all." My heart hurts too. He hugs me and holds me to him and I feel terrible. I know I'm only going around in circles, but I just can't help but feel he deserves something better. He deserves more than this stupid girl he's just kissed.

Why can't he see that? Why can't he see anyone else but me? And... why can't I be the same way? Is my heart as dead as I pretended it was?

Is it true that devil's spawn can't truly love?

* * *

"We're leaving."

Everyone at our table gasps. "What did you say?"

She looks sad as she plays with a strand of long hair. "We had a long talk with Gumi, and... She knows we love each other, and all," the boy beside her explains. "Miku was supposed to be leaving soon anyway, and I've been fine for a long time, apparently. We'll be leaving in about a week."

"K-Kaito..."

Kaito gives a weak smile. "We've been here for almost two years, and though we still have some quirks, we can live in the real world, now. If we don't leave now, we never will."

"Oh, Miku...!" Luka hugs her tightly and Miku lets her, without making any gesture back.

It seems so strange to see someone leave. It almost did feel like we'll spend forever here, like this is some kind of alternate universe. It never did occur to me that someday, we'll all leave...

"We don't live too far away from each other," Kaito says, "so we'll even be able to go to the same high school. Of course, we'll have to go through summer school and stuff to catch up. We'll spend the rest of the year in a special school and by September, we'll be in regular high school."

"High school, huh?" Mikuo whistles. "You've got it all sorted out. By the time I get out of here, I'll probably be eighteen or nineteen- I'll be too old. Wonder what I'll have to do... Maybe I'll flip burgers for the rest of my life."

"I'll be eighteen too by September," Kaito points out. "I'll be put in grade twelve, though, when I should already be in college. It kind of sucks, but it won't be that bad." He ruffles Mikuo's hair. "You'll be fine."

"You'll be leaving soon too, right Gaku?" Miku asks.

My gaze swings to Luka's purple-haired boyfriend, and he laughs. "I should've left ages ago, but I don't have anywhere to go. I have no parents, remember? They were taken away."

"Taken away?" I question.

Mikuo nudges me. "That's right, you don't remember. Gaku was a victim of child abuse, so his parents are in jail. He's got some nice scars to prove it, too!"

"I'd rather not exhibit myself," Gakupo says bitterly. "Anyway, I'll be staying until Luka gets let out. She still has at least another month here."

"We've talked about it too," Luka says. "My parents died in an accident, so I've only ever had foster parents. I came here when I was supposed to start grade nine, so I've been here three years now. When we're ready, child services and the ward will find us an apartment and we'll get a certain amount of money given to us every month for a year and a half until we get decent jobs. It won't be easy, but," she smiles, "we'll manage."

I glance around at everyone. Does everybody already have plans for the future? "W-What am I...?"

"You have your grandparents still, right?" Miku asks. "Gaku doesn't have any relatives that want him, but you have your grandparents waiting for you. I guess when you're let out, you'll go back there. You're still in high school too, so you won't have much problem. You're one of the luckier ones here."

"W-What?!" I shake my head as thoughts of my town fill my mind. The hatred...! Nobody liked me, never! "I can't go back there. I can't! I can't!"

Luka's eyes soften. "Oh, right... You have a curse there." She looks at Gakupo. "I guess they can't force her, but then what will she do?"

Gakupo shrugged. "Foster care, I guess."

"Oh." That doesn't sound very nice at all. I glance over at Len. "What about you?"

He holds my stare for a few moments before shrugging. "I don't know yet. I haven't thought much about it all."

"Soon, it'll be just us three, huh?" Mikuo laughs. "The three of us in a room! It doesn't sound all too bad. At least I'll have you guys, right?"

I stare at him. He's so cheerful. His bright teal hair is always messy but his matching eyes always shimmer. He's happy with his current life. "I loved you," I say quietly. Thankfully, no one hears me. It's only just sunken in, though.

He hasn't chased after me as much as Len has, but before the accident, we'd been dating, right? What had happened to that? Had he dumped me while I'd been sleeping? That was a little bruising...

What had happened to us? What happened to the feelings he'd held for me?

As they continued to discuss Miku and Kaito's pending departure, I can't help but stare at Mikuo's profile. He catches my eye a few times and grins at me, but I just can't help myself. What made me choose Len over Mikuo, in the end? If Len hadn't gone after me, would I have chosen him? I'm so confused!

Finally, dinner is over. The bell rings and we all stand, grabbing our trays and dumping our garbage. Mikuo leaves ahead of us while Len trails behind, chatting quietly with Luka. I'll take advantage of this time.

"Mikuo?" I call out, racing after him.

He stops and waits for me, nearly tripping someone by accident. "Hey, Rin. What's up?"

"I want to talk to you," I say. There's one sure way I'll be able to find out. By asking him.

"Well, I'm here," he grins.

"N-No, I mean... alone."

"Oh. A _serious_ conversation. I get it now." He flattens himself against the wall in a James Bond fashion and winks at me. And this is supposed to be a seventeen-year-old...

I have to giggle. "You're so strange," I say.

"I get that often." I immediately feel bad hearing that. How insensitive of me! We're in a mental ward, after all! "Come on. We'll go to one of the small rooms, the ones that no one ever use."

I follow him down the hall and we stop before a plain door without a scanner. He jiggles the handle and grins. "Unlocked! Damn, the security here really sucks."

Inside are shelves stacked with boxes. Uniforms, I realize, when I peer inside. I'm wearing mine today too, the maroon colored jacket and skirt. I still don't like them, but I don't complain about them anymore.

The cupboard is very cramped and there isn't much room, but there's a light bulb hanging from the ceiling to give us light.

"We'll leave the door open a little," Mikuo says. "You know we'd have a lot of explaining to do if they caught us in here with the door locked..."

I shiver, remembering what Mikuo had done to deserve his spot at the ward. _'He raped a girl...'_ I brush it off though. He's better now, right? Besides, I can't distract myself from my main goal. I have to know. "Mikuo, Len told me that, before the accident, I... We were in love."

"Oh." Mikuo winces. The air suddenly becomes awkward. "Ah, yeah, I suppose so... Len told you that? Huh."

"What happened?" I ask. "I mean, you haven't- Now that I'm awake, you haven't... Nothing."

He leans back against the shelf. "Why do you want to know, Rin? What's it matter now?"

To be honest, I don't know. I plead with my eyes, because I can't really give him any reason. What _does_ it matter to me? Oh, yeah... I want to know which one I love more. I want to know why he loved me. I want to know why now, he doesn't anymore. Or does he? Whatever- I want conclusion. (1)

But what does it matter if this isn't actually real in the end?

Ha. I've given that up now. It doesn't really matter, does it? Whether it be reality or a dream-land, what's happening is happening, so I'll live through it. Who cares anymore if it's just a dream?

Mikuo sighs. "Is Len not cutting it for you? Is that why you're asking me? Damn, that must suck for the poor guy..."

"What do you mean, 'cutting it'?" I ask.

He cocks his head, his teal-colored eyes glowing. "Well, don't you like him?"

"'_Like_ him'...?" I repeat.

He smirks and crosses his arms. "Don't play dumb with me, Rin. We all know he loves you. Don't you love him back?"

I cower, bowing down my head. "I... don't know," I admit. "I don't know. But that's not what I asked."

"Alright, alright," Mikuo says, raising his hands up in the air. "Yes, we dated before you went down. It was my fault you got hurt though, and Len knew it. He blamed me for it whenever he could. That's alright, too, but... When you were in that coma, Haine-Lin, she... She came here to visit me. You _do_ know who that is, right?"

I nod slowly. "The girl you...?"

"Raped. Right." He laughs bitterly. "Apparently, I got her pregnant too. Anyway, she brought our little boy with her too, and... we..." He shakes his head. "You have to understand, she's the love of my life."

"You chose her... over me?" The look of pity he gives me affirms this. I hide my face in embarrassment. "You haven't seen her in almost three years, but the day you see her again, you choose her over me." It hurts.

"Rin, please don't..." He reaches out to me but stops and drops his hand. "What does it matter? You have Len. You don't need me."

"But what if I do?" I protest. "What if I don't want Len?!"

"You d-?!"

"I don't know!" I yell in frustration. "I don't know..." We stand in silence for a few moments (well, apart from my sniffling), when suddenly he pulls me to him. I bury my face in his chest. "I just don't know what's what, Mikuo, and I hate it. I hate it! I don't know if I love Len, and I don't know if I even _**can **_love, and it just...!"

"Shh, I know, I know..." Mikuo coos, petting my hair. "I get it. I'm sorry, Rin, for everything, okay?"

"What do you mean, you're sorry?" I sniff. "You didn't do anything wrong..."

He cups my chin and forces me to look him in the eye. "If you ask me, I think you liked Len more anyway, even when you _were_ dating me. I'm sorry this is all so messed up and that I got you into that accident."

"That was Teto's fau-"

"She did it because she was jealous, because I didn't realize she had feelings for me. That makes it my fault. Besides, I was there when she hurt you, and I didn't do anything at all. In fact, I didn't even notice until the end. That makes it more my fault than anyone else's."

His teal orbs have some sort of spark to them. It hurts to see him try and convince me into loving someone else, when it should be the other way around...!

"If you want to know who it is you should love, look over at Len. You loved him before the accident more than you loved me, and I think you love him now too. If you didn't, you wouldn't be so worried about hurting him."

That gets me there. I _have_ been worrying about hurting him. All this time, I've been treading lightly to make sure I wouldn't- is that really love? "How do you know...?" I ask softly.

"Common sense."

"But what if it turns out you're wrong?" I ask him. How can he be so damn sure?! "What if I end up deciding I love you more?! Then what?!"

He looks so serious right now. Does he realize he's got me pinned? Or is that maybe a habit of his? "If you decide in the end that you love me more... then we'll see what happens then. Okay?" He doesn't want that to happen- I can sense it. "For now, though, convince yourself that you love Len, because I know you do."

He's making me angry...! "What did you see in me in the first place, Mikuo?" I ask. "Why did you love me if you could let me go so easily?"

He closes his eyes, wincing. "You look like her."

I'm sure my heart broke. "I-Is that it...?" He doesn't answer. "I don't believe that... I don't believe that! Haine-Lin has black hair. I don't look like her at all! I don't believe you! You're only trying to discourage me, that's it! You didn't treat me like you'd treat Haine-Lin. I know that's not all it was!"

He stares at me blankly.

"I know that wasn't all," I insist. "I **know**." But still, he doesn't say anything. He seems almost frozen, and then I remember something.

The first day I came to the ward, he was high off endorphins, to treat his severe depression. Sometimes, he has what could be described as withdrawals, where he just zones out. He's here, and yet he's not. I'm surprised I was even able to remember... Are those pills Kiyo-san gave me really working?

I decide I'm going to take advantage of him now the way he took advantage of me. I lean up on the tips of my toes and lightly bring my lips to his. 'I need to know if it's the same...!'

His lips are rougher, I realize. It _is_ different, kissing Mikuo. At first he doesn't react, but the next thing I know, he's slammed me back against the shelf.

He's panting and his eyes are wide. I don't think he's even realized he's hurt me, though it's not so bad. The worst I might get are some red marks on my arms and a bump on my head. I know he didn't mean to shove me. "R-R-Rin...!"

I don't say anything. We're both panting, and damn, I want him too, in the same way I wanted Len. Is this what they call a slut?

"Fine," he says, his voice slightly strained. "It wasn't just that. (2) You're special, Rin. You accepted me, even after knowing the whole truth about how I'd gotten myself here. You understood me, and that wasn't an easy thing to find in a person. You were kind, pretty, but you weren't perfect, which I liked. But I have a past with Haine, and there's no one I love more than her. Alright? I'm sorry, but that's the way it is."

I blink incredulously. "Mikuo... Do you love me?"

He stares at me, hesitating. "Yes," he finally says, "but not in the same way I love Haine."

I nod. "Okay. Thank you..." I pull away from him and walk out into the hall. I'm tired, and I just want to sleep now. I speed-walk down the hall, when suddenly, I hear footsteps behind me. "Who-?"

"I'm sorry for eavesdropping." Miku! How much had she...? "I heard most of it," she adds as if reading my thoughts.

"What is it?" I ask. "What do you want?"

She's such a pretty girl... Her face is cute and round, her body thin, her hips curvy, her hair long and beautiful. But those cold eyes of hers are somewhat frightening... "Mikuo told you that, even while you were dating him, you ended up falling for Len."

"Yes... and?"

She shifts uncomfortably. "There's a quote I heard once... 'If you're in love with two people, pick the second. If you were truly in love with the first, you never would have fallen for the second.' (3) I think that might help you."

I turn to her and cross my arms. "So you think I should pick Len too?"

"Do whatever you want, it's not my business," she says harshly. After a moment's pause, though, she admits, "Yes, I think you should pick Len. Mikuo already has someone, and you shouldn't get between them. I always thought you preferred Len anyway. But, like I said, it's none of my business." And just like that, she spun on her heel and walked off.

Such a strange girl, and yet... Hm. I turn back and begin walking towards my room. **Our** room. I'll be sleeping in the same room as Len and Mikuo tonight, just like I apparently used to. How awkward... I stop a guard who was simply standing around. "I need to get into my room."

He follows me to our dorm and swipes his card, entering in the code. The door beeps and opens for me, and I thank him.

The room is empty when I walk in. I'm actually very grateful for this, for I don't think I'd be able to face either of them tonight.

I quickly strip out of my clothes, not bothering to hide in the bathroom, and pull on my long-sleeved cotton pajamas. It's only seven o' clock, and yet, I'm exhausted. I lay in bed for only five minutes before I fall fast asleep.

Tomorrow, I'll come face-to-face with Haine-Lin for the very first time. Tomorrow, I'll let her know just how much I detest her, and I'll find out what exactly links us.

_'Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow! You're only a day away...'_

* * *

March 30th, 2013

_Well, would you look at that? ... Eh, I forgot what I was going to say. *fail*_

_I finished this chapter rather quickly, huh? It only took me two days! Impressive... considering it's me, that is. XD_

_I'm not sure I liked this chapter. Hm. To be honest, I can't wait for this story to finally finish. XD I don't have anything in particular that I'll start once this is over, but... *shrug* There is an idea I had, though, involving an invisible girl... The pending title is 'Picture Perfect', but there's already a really good Oliver x Rin fic with the same name (go check it out! I dare you!). I'm not sure I'll post it, though._

_Ugh, I want to try writing for a couple that isn't Rin x Len, for once. I mean, all my on-going stories are for Rin x Len apart from a single Rin x Miku fic (Dust in the Corner)! Hmm..._

**Question of the Chapter #1: What pairing should I write for that ISN'T Rin x Len?**

_I have an idea in my brown leather book for a Gumi x Len story based off Heartbreak Headlines, but... it's alright. Not much. There's another one in my red notebook for a different Len x Gumi story with more shonen-like themes. It's actually pretty neat, but... Hm._

_I also would like to do a Mikuo x Rin fic, but I don't have any good ideas for it. The same goes for Kaito x Rin._

_I've always wanted to write a Len x Lui fic (my favorite yaoi pairing), but again, I haven't come up with any ideas yet._

_I'm working on a Miku x Luka fic for Paru-chan (STILL- her birthday was almost four months ago, now OTL). Is there any other yuri pairings you like? I do enjoy Rin x Gumi, but it's more of a side pairing to me._

_What I've been wanting to do lately is a story involving an emotional masochist- like in the song 'Spinal Fluid Explosion Girl' -but I haven't had the chance to brainstorm for it yet. There's also another loose idea I had for a yuri story with an obsessive yandere, and either of these two could be the third story in the Darker than Death series._

_Anyway... when this story is over, I'll probably add a bunch of bonus chapters to it. For example, I was thinking of having a bonus chapter on Luka's arrival to the ward and how she and Gakupo got together. I also want another bonus chapter on Lily Kagene's life involving the stepfather she murdered. There are a lot of angles I can still work on in this story that just can't be reached with Rin's perspective. I considered making the 'Lily Kagene's life' bonus a separate story, but I'm not sure people will read something with a pairing like Lily x Haku. XD Oh yeah, did I not tell you guys that? There was hinting at Haku being a lesbian in one of the chapters before this... and she is. Yay~!_

_So! Let's finish this off, shall we?_

**The next chapter will be the last chapter of the main story (in Rin's perspective).**

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**April Fools. XD**

_Sorry, I had to, LOL!_

**Question of the Chapter #2: Guys, I need help... What exactly connects Rin and Haine? (And no, they are not related. Not by blood, at least.)**

_Yeah, I know, I've stressed it so much, and yet, I haven't even decided what it is that ties them. I only just realized now. XD_

_Well, have a holly jolly Christmas (in April?!), and because I know I won't have this posted for April 1st, happy late April Fools' Day~! Tomorrow, I wake up at 6 am to drive home from Quebec. *sarcastic* Whoopee... =_=" I'm not a huge fan of nine hour car rides, thanks._

_Ciao, ciao, for now~!_

_~Naty17_

* * *

(1) 'Whatever- I want conclusion.' That's supposed to be my line, haha! ^-^ This was not an easy scene to write... I tried to keep it flowing without making it _too _awkward, but... ^-^" Not easy stuff. I'd say this was the hardest scene of the chapter while Lenka's perspective was the easiest. And damn, Rin cries a lot! =.="

(2) I didn't like how harsh Mikuo seemed, and so I changed it. He still holds some feelings for Rin, even though he loves Haine-Lin far more. ;) It seemed too cruel to leave it as it was, and I didn't like that...

(3) My classmates like to write quotes all over their binders, for some reason. I don't do it, but I do like reading what they've written on there. There's a girl who sits behind me named Natasha (K.- there's two of them in my class), and I was reading the quotes off it when I stumbled across the one Miku mentioned. Apparently, it's by Johnny Depp, and I loved it so much, I _had_ to use it in this story. I even wrote it in my Mini-Notebook-of-Ideas-and Concepts/Quotes (MNICQ- actually, it doesn't have an abbreviation, but it sounds so 007 to say it like that, LOL).

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**Reviews are awesome, and if you send one, you will be too.**

**If you give me reviews, I will give you virtual bacon. Sound good?**


	15. Today Is The Day

**The Girl in the Ward**

**April 28th, 2013**

_Holy mackerel. Oh my goodness. Oh dear golly-lolly! TGW is one of the most reviewed Vocaloid fics there is! Oh gee, oh my, I shall pass now and be resurrected another day. I still can't believe it! Oh my goodness!_

_When you enter the Fanfiction archive, if you class the stories by 'most reviewed', TGW is on the very first page! Can you believe that?! I'm on the same page as The Riddler, as Meltdown, as Project: VOCALOID. I am so close! I can't believe that. I just cannot comprehend! We're only at chapter 15, and yet, we almost have 300 reviews! Oh my gosh! I just... *mind blown* I cannot comprehend, I simply cannot. I can't even try. It's all just so much. I think my heart stopped beating when I saw that, I just... Pfft. Mind blown, I am, mind blown..._

_*Calms down a bit* Oh yeah, I just got back yesterday from Cuba. Meaning, I'm super tan. XD I'd write all about my trip and my sexy dancer chronicles (don't ask) in this A/N, but I'm afraid it might become longer than the actual chapter if I do, haha! I might make it into a oneshot instead. I'll call it 'The Grand Rejection' or something cliché like that. XD I've never gotten rejected before until three days ago... IT'S NOT PEDOPHILIA, ABRAHAM, I SWEAR! IT'S ONLY A SEVEN YEAR AGE DIFFERENCE! *sob sob sob* XD Don't laugh at me, readers. Just don't. I'm depressed. Just because I'm chuckling at myself, doesn't mean you can too!_

_Ugh, Canada is so cold compared to Cuba. I miss the palm trees, the piano coladas... ... The sexy dancers... :3_

_Oh, something funny happened today. I was gasping at my abundance of mail when I saw a PM from my beloved Ducky-kun. I thought, 'What could this be?' When I opened it... 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATYYYYYY! *hugs*' I thought, 'What the heck? What's he talking about...?' Then I checked the date. He sent it yesterday on April 27th- everything suddenly made sense. I died laughing; my birthday is MAY 27th, not April! That was such a fail, I HAD to feature it in an Author's Note! XD I was extremely flattered though that he'd 'remembered' (even though he had the wrong day XD). In case there are any others out there hoping to wish me a happy belated birthday, let me help clear your minds: My birthday is in a month still. I'LL BE EXPECTING PRESENTS! Mwahahaha! XD_

_Okay, okay, I'll cut off my A/N now. (300 reviews, OMG!) Okay, okay... *hyperventilating* Let's just start/finish this thing!_

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**Anonymous Reviews:**

**Leila2469: **_LOL, I don't know… It's alright though, we're friends now. XD LOL, a lot of my characters have been called sluts lately… o-o" And yet, there are how many M-rated lemons on FFN again? And _**I **_get called the slut? Weird. XD Haha, but sometimes it helps to know which characters I'm making it for. ^^_

**mome-chan: **_*gasp* You're asking my hand in marriage?! Oh, no, you're asking the story to marry you. … I feel so rejected. *sob sob sob* Well, I hope you haven't lost your mind yet, because the next chapter is HERE!_

**1Question-San: **_Len x Aoki? You know, I actually like that idea. I had one romance story idea with a few supernatural themes, and I think it could work well with that pairing… Hmm… It's a good idea, so I'll really consider it. ^^_

**Guest: (****This story is confusing in a good way!)  
**_Why thank you~! I'm glad you like it~! ^w^_

**TheAwesomeReview: **_In other words, you sent the review by accident without finishing it. Right? XD Don't worry, I do that all the time~!_

**Guest: (Oh my gosh you posted three days before my birthday thank you so much I'm so happy ;) the section with Lenka was so beautiful I was tearing up I'm sad that your going to end it soon but all good things must come to an end keep up the good work!)**_  
WHAT?! Damn, that's so close! Happy late birthday! You should have told me, I could have delayed it those three days… Q-Q Oh well. Really? Thank you! I really love Lenka as well… She's just so sweet! I had a lot of fun writing her part~! Thank you very much and I hope you enjoy this chapter!_

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**Chapter 15 - Today Is The Day**

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I've never been overly obsessed by my family.

Even as a child, I was satisfied with Auntie Haku. I didn't care too much when it came to knowing my grandparents, my cousins, my godparents, et cetera. The only person I was ever interested in was my mother. Because of that, I never really knew how large my family tree spanned. In reality, though little, it was bigger than I'd thought.

I was sure I had neither brother nor sister, certain my mother had only ever given birth to one child- which she had. I knew my father had twin boys with his wife, twin boys I would never meet. It was funny how much I didn't know, however. I knew little to nothing about my father's father, though he'd played such a big part in my life. I hadn't even known!

I really hate secrets. Secrets torment the oblivious, the innocent, and break them. They're like Spanish moss; they cling onto those they're trying to protect and slowly consume them, reducing them to little crumbs, broken bits.

I'd already been broken though. I wouldn't let secrets break me any more. Never would I fall victim. Never again. Never again...

I had a picture of my mother, back when Aunt Haku was alive. She was beautiful, perfect. I felt like prey to a siren, lured in not by her voice, but by her looks so like mine along with her maddening secrets. In truth, there was so much I didn't and still don't know about her. I'd never realized how much that bothered me.

Very soon, I'd collect another piece to the puzzle, very soon. I'd had no idea that some girl I had never met would teach me the truth when no other had ever known. A link as thin as a spider's web yet as strong as tight metal chains, that was what brought us to.

The things I'd never known, the things I'd never known... Would they too drive me to madness?

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He won't look at me.

It hurts that he won't look at me, although I suppose I'm not helping much either. I can't find anything to say that won't sound stupid or pathetic.

I think Mikuo might be slightly afraid of me- afraid I'll try to pounce on him like I did yesterday. But how can I help myself? I want to know what made me love him before the accident, why I chose him over Len, and why he chose Haine-Lin over me. I want to know! I need to know! And yet he refuses me, silently going on with things as if I'm nowhere near.

Today, Haine-Lin comes to visit. Today I will meet her. Today, I will come face to face with the girl who stole Mikuo from me. The girl who haunts me, I will finally meet.

I wonder what will happen when she sees me. Does she even know there was another girl before her? How will she react when she finds out? Ooh, it makes me smile to wonder. She'll be furious with him, vow never to speak to him again, and he'll be forced to be only with me!

I have a brief thought about my sanity before it flits away like a butterfly, too quick for me to catch.

Len is trying to get my attention, I realize, and look up. He cocks his head cutely and shrugs, asking me by his gestures what it is I have on my mind. I point to the clock on the wall. It's twenty to one- in five minutes, it'll be time for lunch. That's when Haine-Lin will be arriving. I wonder if she'll be bringing the boy too? Ren, was it?

He looks at the clock and nods at me, though I'm not sure he understands completely. He probably thinks I'm only excited for class to end, when really, it's much much more.

He points down at his open notebook, then turns his index to mine. Have I written down the math note? I lift my notebook and show half the note written within. I shrug and he smiles back, passing me his to copy off of.

"Thanks." I'll copy it off later.

Len sits diagonal from me, so it's easy to talk to him during class if I want to. Well, if the teacher isn't listening, that is.

He's such a sweet boy, isn't he? Strange, but sweet. Any girl would be lucky to have him. He isn't mine yet, though. He'll never be mine. Right? Ugh, I shouldn't talk like that; he isn't an object.

"You okay?" Look at him, his beautiful dark blue eyes, the unconscious tilt of his head... He's such a cutie.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" I smile at him, trying to reassure him. "Why do you ask?"

"You look like there's something bothering you." He narrows his eyes. "Are you sure?"

I laugh and shake my head, glancing over at our teacher from the corner of my eye. "You're silly. I'm fine, Len. There's nothing bothering me."

"You keep glancing at the clock." Four minutes. "What are you so impatient about? Meeting Haine-Lin?"

"Aren't you?" I ask. "I mean, this is the girl Mikuo's so obsessed with. Don't you want to learn what she's like? Maybe she's as crazy as Tei!"

We both glance over at her. Tei sits in the back and always stares straight ahead, her scarlet eyes opened wide in horror. She always seems like she's watching something terrible unfold, and sometimes she'll lose it and start attacking all around her.

"Tei isn't crazy," Len replies bitterly, "and neither is Haine nor anyone else."

"Really? So you've met her before?" Wow. Did they get along? What happened when they met? When was it?

Len sighs. "No, I've never met her. I'm saying that it's rude to call someone crazy. You're assuming things. Would you like it if I called _you_ crazy?"

I hold his gaze then bow my head. "Sorry. I wasn't really thinking when I said that. But still, you know what I mean, don't you?"

He rolls his eyes. He probably feels my apology is only half-hearted, but I can't help it right now. I'm too excited! The clock says there are only two minutes left. Maybe she's here already! She might be waiting in a room nearby. Maybe she's in the classroom beside us, or maybe she's in Megumi's office. The point is that she'll really be here in the flesh!

Of course, Len doesn't know of my darker intentions. He doesn't know the hatred I feel for her stealing Mikuo from me. I'll admit it's only just the slightest spark, though. I understand where Mikuo is coming from, and maybe I'm just making myself into a drama queen. Oh well! Today, I'll meet her. Today I'll meet Haine-Lin.

"You know, I don't see what the huge deal is," Len says with a sigh. "It's just a girl."

"A girl who happened to seduce Mikuo while I was asleep," I point out, "and who also gave birth to his baby! I mean..." I made some wild gestures. "How can you _not_ be excited to find out what this girl is like? Don't you see how much power she has over Mikuo? He hadn't seen her in like, three years, and then one day she comes back, and he's completely ready to trade me in for her." I smile. "I'm going to tell her just how I feel about that. It isn't nice to steal someone's boyfriend away from them."

"Who cares about Mikuo anymore?" Oh. I've offended him.

"Don't be like that, Len," I purr. "I just want to know. Wasn't there anyone you loved before you came here? Is there a girl from your past coming to steal you away too?"

He holds my gaze with a serious expression, mulling something over. "No."

"No, what?" I cock my head and giggle.

"No, there's no other girl." He seems a little embarrassed. It's so cute!

"No other girl coming to steal you away from me? Or do you mean she's waiting for you, for when you finally get out of here?" I straighten, excited now. "Ooh, I'll show her her place! 'No ma'am, Len is mine now. Please, step aside, and no photographs.'" I pause my acting to grin at him.

He looks very unimpressed. "That's not what I mean, Rin." His blue eyes slide nervously to one side and his cheeks redden slightly. "I mean that there isn't any other girl. At all. Not from the past, not from the present, and hopefully none in the future either. Just you..."

I blink, quite surprised with his expression, then let out a laugh. He seems shocked at the sound. "You don't mean that! You're just trying to act charming... aren't you?"

He doesn't say anything at all. Dark blue eyes bare into my own and I feel my breath catch at the honesty I see within. "... Wait, you really mean it?" I ask. "No one? No one at all? I'm the first one you've ever...?"

He swallows and turns back to the front of the class. Maybe he's lying and is trying to avoid eye-contact to prevent spoiling himself, or... maybe he's just too embarrassed to look at me after confessing. Slowly, without even glancing my way, he nods.

'Maybe someone in front of us asked him a question.' I follow his gaze but no one is looking at us. He must be talking to me. But... no way. I can't be that special. Even I've had small crushes as a child. Surely he must be disregarding those.

Now I'm blushing too, I realize. How amusing we must seem to others. Awkwardly I begin tracing the lines of my notebook with my pencil before I finally muster the courage. "I love you..."

I'm not sure he even understood it. He looked up at me with a surprised expression, but probably more because I said something than anything else. Those three words were so quiet, not even Superman could have heard it, I'm sure.

The bell rings and I quickly make my escape, my face burning. I can't tell him that again... not in public, at least. I don't even know what came over me. His confession just tugged on my heart strings I guess, and... I think I melted a little inside. I do love him, I think. I love them both.

Thinking of the other boy in my life brings another thought to mind: Haine-Lin is here now. Oh my, she's here! Where is she? Where could she be? I run towards the cafeteria.

I'm not surprised to find I'm the first one here from my group. I ran fast enough to win a race, I think! To be honest, though, I wasn't _just_ running here to find Haine-Lin- at the same time, I was running away from Len, too shy to see him after what I said. It probably won't make any difference, though, will it? He'll be here any minute just the same.

It's not that I don't _want_ to see him, it's simply that I don't want_ him_ to see **me** right now. I know he won't, but I still harbor the secret fear that he'll laugh at me when he sees me and say something like, 'I knew you were easy.' I don't want to be tricked. I know he's too honest a person to even consider doing such a thing, but I can't help my worries.

Oh, I'm just being silly. Stupid Rin, stupid Rin!

"Are you talking to yourself?"

I blink. "Gakupo? How long have you been standing there?" Then I remembered his question and blushed. "Oh, and no, I wasn't exactly talking to myself..."

The tall boy sits down across from me and rolls his eyes. "Oh, great- now you're going to tell me you see ghosts." I laugh. "I've only just gotten here, though. I'm not like Len; I don't just stand around and watch you. He doesn't do that so much anymore, though. He's getting much better if you ask me."

"Oh?" Was he different before?

He stares at me with his gray-blue eyes for a moment as though he'd forgotten my lost memories. "Sometimes," he begins, snapping out of it, "we'd all be sitting here chatting and he'd just be staring at you. It was pretty creepy too. He kind of looked like a stalker if you ask me."

"Really?" I feel my lips twitch. "That sounds kind of funny."

"Kaito would tease him all the time about it. He hated that." The purple-haired boy looks up thoughtfully. "Sometimes, he'd try denying it, but Mikuo wouldn't hear it. Mikuo didn't like it, actually. He said he thought it seemed like a lion watching a gazelle and he wouldn't be surprised if Len suddenly licked his lips watching you. He probably did, I'll bet." He chuckles. "Len is one strange kid, but he's good."

I watch him carefully. "Why are you talking so much about Len?" I ask suspiciously.

He looks back at me, some of his lavender strands falling into his face. I wonder if he ever got made fun of for having such long hair. "I just thought you'd be interested, seeing as you don't remember much from before. Isn't he your boyfriend or something?"

I'm sure my face turned a funny color. "N-No! He's not my boyfriend! I don't have a boyfriend!"

The smirk on Gakupo's lips makes me nervous again. "You'd better not tell him that."

"Why? What did he say?"

"He didn't say anything, but it's no secret how he feels." He lets out a low laugh. "You're quite popular, you know. With reason, of course. You're pretty and you're sweet, so it's really no surprise." By the look in his eyes I know he hasn't dropped those compliments by accident. (1)

"What are you trying to do, Gaku?" I ask, a little bothered. "Did Kiyoteru set you up to try and make me feel better, or something? I feel fine, so tell him that."

Another deep laugh. "Don't worry, I wasn't told to do anything," he assures me. "I just realized recently that you don't know it. So I decided to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"That you're pretty." Another smile. "It's the truth, so you'd ought to be told." He leans back and examines me with gleaming blue eyes. "I think your self-esteem is dangerously low, Rin. Wouldn't you agree? Before I leave, I want to bring it up again. Will you let me?"

Dangerously low self-esteem? Maybe, actually. I know I'm not arrogant or confident. It's really no need to go spouting lies, however. Lies won't make me feel any better. "Where's Luka?" I ask, averting my gaze from his.

Of course he notices my change of topic- it's not like it was at all subtle. "She's helping Miku pack up some things already. They're leaving in just a few days."

"What about Mikuo?" I nearly forgot! "Is Haine-Lin here yet?" I ask with wide eyes.

He shrugs. "Probably. Don't you think they deserve a few minutes alone, though?"

My eyes narrow as I contemplate some of the things they could be doing in their 'few minutes alone'. They wouldn't **really** be allowed time **completely** alone, would they? Not after what Mikuo did to her so long ago. No, no way. There's probably a guard with them too, I'll bet. That is reassuring.

"Do you think she brought her baby?" A little boy named Ren. _Mikuo's_ little boy.

"I don't know; I haven't seen them yet. What's with all the questions?"

"Curiosity," I snap. I didn't mean to- I just did.

He sits back in his chair and studies my expression. I don't like it, but it's not like I can really stop him, so I take advantage of the time to study him as well.

He has high cheek bones and a thin but pointed nose. I wonder if he's European? He's somewhat tan, though it's probably his natural color; Canada isn't exactly known to give good tans, or any tans at all!

His lashes are very dark and very long, almost feminine. He has thin lips too, slightly chapped, but still rather nice. He really is handsome, I decide. Luka is a lucky girl.

"Please stop staring at me," I finally say, ducking my head. "It's scaring me."

Of course he laughs. "Am I really scary? Ouch. I'll have to tell Luka. 'Guess what? I really do scare young children!' She won't be surprised. She's always saying stuff like that." He smiles fondly just at the thought of her. A pang of envy shoots through me as I wonder, will I ever be like that? Will I ever be as in love as Gakupo is?

I'll wish upon a star that, for the both of us, I'll someday be able to love Len as much as Gakupo loves Luka. Please. I don't want to be a piece of devil's issue anymore (2). But what can I do? Nothing, I can't do nothing, can I? I'm forever caught in this existence. There's nothing I can do, nothing I can do... Those of demonic blood can never truly love.

"See? I told you you have self-esteem problems. Now you look all depressed for some reason."

I bring my gaze back to his. "I'm fine," I snap. "Stop trying to analyze me, please."

He shrugs nonchalantly, completely unaffected by my tone. "Stop being so easy to read and maybe I'll stop analyzing you." Something behind me catches his attention. "Oh, there's Mikuo."

There he is, just as he promised! He's ten minutes late though and there's no one beside him. Where's Haine-Lin? Where is she? Where is she?!

"Hey," he says casually as he sits down beside Gakupo. I don't miss the discreet peek at me, though, as though he's worried I'll reach over and pull him to me, or something. Tch. I wouldn't do something like that... There's a line between trying for something and becoming desperate.

"Isn't Haine here?" Gakupo asks.

"Hm? Oh, yeah, she is." He smiles, his teal eyes dimpling. "I was just..." He looks over at me. "You wanted to meet her, right?"

I nod, a little surprised he bothered asking.

"I don't know why, but she asked me if I knew your last name." He raises his brow at his own comment. "Did you know her at all?"

Did I know her? Wait... did she recognize me from something? Did she see me in a dream like mine? Does she know who I am somehow? "I don't think I've ever seen her," I say uncertainly.

Mikuo shrugs. "Oh well. Come on." He stands up and starts walking away then stops when he realizes I'm not following. "Aren't you coming?"

"Me?" I ask to clarify.

He gives me a funny look but smiles. "You wanted to meet her. Don't you want to anymore? If not, you can stay here, she won't mind."

Before he can say any more, I stand and run up to join him. I can't believe it. I can't believe it! I'm seconds away from meeting the girl from my dream, the girl in the mirror, the girl who's been haunting my thoughts since I awoke. I'm going to meet Haine-Lin. I'm going to meet Haine-Lin!

We don't say anything; I simply follow him down the bare white halls to a visiting room. It looks familiar and I want to think I've been here before, with my father maybe, but I don't remember any more of it.

It's a completely white room, of course, and the door is one of the few in the ward with a window. There isn't one piece of furniture, nothing but white on every side and a camera hidden in one corner.

And a girl standing in the middle of the room.

Our eyes lock as soon as I enter. Dark eyes versus light blue, black hair versus blonde. She looks rather fragile, I observe, skinny and slightly bony. Just like me. She has light curves, small hips. A small nose, full red lips. My lips are pink rather than red. For some reason, I expected her to be cross-eyed, but she can perfectly focus her sights on me. Her eyes are so dark, I can't distinguish her pupils from her irises.

She's pretty. Just like me. You'd never have thought she is a mother, or a victim of autism. You'd never know. There are a lot of things you could never know...

Her already pale face whitens even more at the sight of me. It seems like there's no one but Haine-Lin and I in this room- all else has disappeared. She attempts to recover and smiles weakly. "You must be Rin." She has the slightest speech impediment but speaks rather clearly. It's cute.

"You're Haine-Lin?" Of course she is. I know she is. She looks exactly like the girl in my dream. "You're... You're the girl who stole Mikuo from me."

"Rin," Mikuo warns, "don't." It sounds like a hiss, I find, like a cat protecting its mate from an intruding fox. I don't want to be the evil manipulative fox. Can't I be the defenseless cat for once?

"Hm? Kuo?" I look down. I hadn't noticed the child playing on the floor behind Haine until now and I gasp when I finally do. The little boy has dark hair like his mother's but his father's striking blue eyes. He seems to have more of the looks from his mother and the personality of his father, if those bright red cheeks and fun-loving grin are enough to base the opinion off. He lifts a toy truck and calls Mikuo over once more. "Come play with me, Kuo! Come play with me! You can be the red one."

Mikuo hesitates and glances at his lover, who nods. With her approval, he goes to the far corner to play with his son. His son! How strange it seems.

"I didn't know," Haine-Lin whispers quietly to me once the boys have started playing. "I didn't know about you, or else I'd never have let him..." she trails off. "I didn't know. I'm very sorry, Rin."

"But you did find out." I'm surprised. "You found out and you still did nothing."

She averts her gaze to the side. "I should have done something, anything, you're right, but I didn't. I'm apologizing now, though. Can that make up for it? Please?"

A long silence. "He chose you over me without a second thought," I mumble. I know I shouldn't have said that, but it still hurts. It hurts to know. It hurts.

For a while she says nothing and I can hear Ren instruct his father on where to put the yellow Chevy in the background. "I... Without wanting to, I've forced chains around us," she says. "Ren is what links us together." Links... A very interesting choice of words. "Without Ren, I may never have come back. I wanted Ren to meet his father at least once- or at least, that was my excuse. We're parents together, and because of that, we have a stronger bond between us. What I'm trying to say is, he didn't necessarily choose me over you, he... In a way, he felt responsible for Ren and I. We're 'his', and it's in his nature to protect those dear to him." She pauses and scrutinizes my face. "I'm not making this any better. I'm sorry. I don't really have any other explanation..."

She has no answer because she knows it's true. No matter how you put it, he had a choice between she and I... and he chose her. I wasn't as good. I can never be as good.

"How old are you exactly?" she asks. "You've just turned fifteen, right?" I nod. "That's what I thought. I'm three years older than you. That _would _be right..."

"Right? Right for what?" Nothing, probably, but it made me curious enough to ask.

She shakes her head. "Who did you live with when you were younger? Your grandparents?"

Why is she asking? "I mostly lived with my aunt, Haku, though after she died, I moved in with my maternal grandparents." I send her a look. "What's it to you?"

"Your aunt?" Her eyes soften. "What about your mother?"

"I don't want to talk about her." I shouldn't have snapped at her, yes, but what she said tore open an old wound. I am still very hurt in regards to my mother and don't like being reminded that she is the reason for all my life's misery. Without her, I wouldn't be here. Without her, there'd be no footsteps to follow.

There's a long pause before she finally says, "I think you're the one." She kneels. "You might want to sit down." And so I do. "Do you know who your father is?"

"Of course I do," I reply without truly answering the question. "Why are you asking me all th-"

"Do you know his name?" She realizes her mistake and adds, "Could you please tell me what you think it is?"

I send her another creeped look. "His name is Dell Honne. I took my mother's name instead of his."

"Kagene, right?"

I gasp. "Y-Yes, but how did you-...?" It isn't possible! **I** don't even know **her** last name! How could she know mine? Isn't this the first time we've met?

She smiles at my reaction. "My mother told me there was another girl after me. Of course, she told me when I was older, about thirteen. She told me the whole truth, the truth she'd never told anyone before and let me know there was another victim after her. That victim had a baby girl named Rin. The same mother ended up getting sent to court for his murder but was granted an insanity plea. She told me she wished she could find you so she could keep you, for in a way, you were sort of her daughter too. I'm not sure if she ever did, though. Were you hidden?"

"I-I'm sorry, but I don't understand..." What is this girl babbling about? Maybe she really _is_ crazy. Maybe she'll turn out to be my newest roommate! An amusing thought, yes.

"Rin..." A look of uncertainty crosses her expression and her impediment grows more distinguishable. "... Aren't you that girl? You look like me. I-It has to be you. You've got the same name, the same age... But you don't know any of it, do you?"

"Any of what?" I don't like this. I want to go! Can't visiting time be cut short?!

"Momma, look!" We both look over at Ren. He giggles and points to Mikuo. "Kuo's uglyyy!" he exclaims. Mikuo pulls down on his cheeks and sticks out his tongue, making a funny grimace, then joins Ren in his laughter. 'Their laughs sound the same...' Even Haine-Lin is smiling. Ren quickly forgets about us one more as he starts telling Mikuo of some new story.

Haine slowly turns back to me again. Her eyes are wide, the black seeming to gleam. "How much do you know about your mother?"

"My mother?" A new pang in my chest. "I said I don't want to talk about it."

"Please!" she insists. "It's important. I have to know what you remember!"

I hesitate and we stare at each other. I see no malice in her eyes or face and I think maybe that is what pushed me to consent. "My mother's name was- or _is _-Lily Kagene. She had long blonde hair in the pictures I saw of her and dark blue eyes. She was with a boy named Dell Honne and her best friend was his sister, Haku. She... She got pregnant with his child and at some point during her pregnancy, stabbed her boyfriend's father. Now..." I try to speak over the lump in my throat, but I'll admit I'm having trouble. I'd rather just stay quiet. "She's gone."

Haine-Lin shifts a little, leaning forward. "Do you know what her reasoning was for her actions?" I blink, confused, so she adds, "For his murder, I mean."

"She claimed he..." I trailed off, not really wanting to say it.

"She claimed he sexually abused her," Haine-Lin finished, "as well as his own daughter, though Haku Honne refused to claim it was so. Perhaps it was because of Honne's denial that they chose not to believe her. Had Haku owned up to the truth, Lily probably would have been set free."

"Please don't say stuff like that!" I say a little loudly. I notice Mikuo look up and watch us. "She was crazy. They all knew she was crazy!"

"She wasn't crazy," Haine insists. "Not then."

"Why do you even care?!" I think I'm on the verge of having a meltdown. My head is throbbing and adrenaline is pumping through my arms, urging me to hit something. I feel like having a giant tantrum! "Why can't you just leave me alone! Take him, I don't care, but just leave me alone!"

"Haine," Mikuo rests a hand on her shoulder, "what are you doing?" Even Ren now is watching.

"I care because my mother suffered through the same things as yours, only three years earlier," Haine reveals, "and because we are much closer than you might think."

"Go away!" I screech. They have cameras here- they can **see** this blonde basket case going lunatic! Why won't they run in and sedate me?! Why won't they stop her from talking?!

"Rin, stop it!" Her hand wraps around my wrist and I go frantic trying to pry it off. "Rin, listen to me!"

"Haine, what are you doing?! What did you say to her?!"

"Nothing! Nothing to make her react like this about, I swear! I'm just telling her the truth!"

"Don't, okay? Just don't! Look at what you're doing to her!"

"She's overreacting, okay?! I don't know what's wrong with her!"

'What's wrong with her'... I knew it. She looks at me and all she sees is some crazy psychopath obsessed with her boyfriend, a threat to her child, and a pain to herself. All she sees in front of her is the demon I am. All she sees in front of her is me, not me, yet me. Rin Kagene at her worst.

"I just want to tell her something, Mikuo. I want to tell her something. If she chooses not to listen, that's okay, but there's one thing I _need_to tell her."

"What?"

She whispers something to him, something too hushed for my ears to pick up, and everything goes silent. Not even little Ren makes a sound. Surely he must be scared now, surely he must be scared... My panting slows but I keep my eyes squeezed shut and for a moment I wonder if I'm sleeping. Was this too all just a dream?

I hear a rustle of movement, then, "Okay".

The sound of someone coming closer, scraping their knees on the ground. "Rin? Are you listening?" I don't answer her but I open one eye. She looks concerned and maybe a little scared but there's no disgust. She seems relieved too to see my open eye. "There's something I need to tell you, and Mikuo agrees with me. It's important. Do you understand that? I just want you to listen to me." Her speech impediment is especially strong now.

I shift a little. I'm propped up against the door, my legs pathetically stretched out like that of dolls. _I _look pathetic. Why must _I_ be the crazy one?

"Dell Honne is not your real father," Haine-Lin says. Liar! How would she know? "My mother met yours when the court case was still in trial. She told me your mother seemed scarred, paralyzed by the knowledge that she'd murdered someone. My mother thanked her for it." She pauses, making sure I'm still listening. "Lily told my mother right after that she was pregnant. Your real father's name was Leon Honne... the same as mine."

I stare at her incredulously, speechless but curious.

"My mother was raped by the same man who raped yours. My mother was already pregnant when she met my father. My father is the same man as your father. Which means..." She needn't say it; I've already made the connection. "Rin, we're related!"

"I have a sister...?"

"We're half-sisters, sharing the same father." As if I haven't already realized!

"Nobody ever told me..." I feel my eyes water. All my life, I've thought I was an only child. Now, out of nowhere, out of sheer coincidence, I'm meeting my very own half-sister, a half-sister no one has ever told me existed. Why didn't anyone ever tell me?!

"I don't think your mother told anyone else, Rin. I don't think Haku ever knew. I don't think Dell even knows! He probably still thinks you're his."

I can't believe this. She's trying to trick me. "How do you know all this?" I ask in suspicion. My head is throbbing so hard I fear it might burst.

"My mother told me. Lily told her." She blows out in disbelief. "I never thought I'd find you here. I never thought we'd find you anywhere! My mother wanted to take you in and raise you with me, but Haku wouldn't let her. When we heard she died, my mom went out to claim you, but you were already gone. I just... I can't believe it."

So... "You're my sister."

Her eyes soften. "Don't you feel it too?" She spoke so quietly that I'm not sure Mikuo heard it. I hope he didn't.

I feel so unstable right now. It's taking all my will-power not to burst out sobbing, pathetic and disgusting. She looks so much like me- they'd all told me so and I'd seen it through Mikuo's paintings -but never could I ever have imagined... This girl is my sister. I have a sister.

I let out a sniff and in a pathetically choked voice I ask, "Can I go now?"

It's obvious from the way Haine-Lin's face falls that this isn't what she wanted me to say, though she may have expected it. I wonder, what _did_ she expect? Did she think I'd leap into her arms and promise to love her forever? Just because it turns out we're related, it doesn't mean anything will change between us. Blood may be blood but strangers are still strangers.

I was a fool to have thought there was any sort of 'link' between us. I was being too hopeful, clinging onto little girl dreams. Would the fifteen-year-old me, the girl with all her memories intact, have done something like this? Would she have wished and wished until her wish came true? Would she have run once she got it, the way I am now? I don't remember. I don't remember...

I shouldn't have wished for something like that. I shouldn't have wished to be needed. I don't want someone forced to like me. ... Perhaps in saying that, I'm contradicting things I've said before. Maybe. Ugh, I'm just... I'm so confused.

I leave the room clutching my head. Maybe I'll ask Kiyoteru for more pills- headache pills, I mean. I want to sleep. Oh, I don't know what I want, I don't know what I want!

Finally, taking in a deep breath, I make my decision. While Kiyoteru is a good listener, he's paid to do so. There's someone else that I think will listen to me voluntarily. Maybe. I don't know, I know nothing, but...

The lunchroom, I realize, is nearly empty when I step inside. It would seem everyone is doing something else, though lunch is barely half over.

"Where did Gakupo go?" I ask the two.

"I don't know," Miku answers, poking crankily at a chick pea on her plate. "He probably went somewhere with Luka."

"Do you need them for something?" Kaito asks.

"No, I- I was just wondering. I was actually looking for... well, for you."

Miku looks up sharply, a fork-stabbed chickpea paused midway to her mouth. I watch her study my face and feel like crying again. My lip even trembles! Gee, I'm such a baby! "What happened?" she asks immediately.

I sit down across from her. Kaito tries to examine me as well from beside me but I lower my head so he won't see. Am I really so easy to read? She looked at me for five seconds and she _knew_ something was wrong. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

They both glance at each other. "I have a little brother," Kaito answers. "Miku's an only child."

"I thought I was an only child too."

Miku's eyes narrow. "What do you mean by that?"

My lip starts to tremble again. "You've always told me we look alike. We do, we look alike! I just..." I shake my head. "Haine-Lin... She's my half-sister. My sister! I never ever knew I had a sister- and not only that, but apparently I've never even known my true father! It was all nothing but a lie, and now there's this whole new part of me that I never knew of, and-!" I pause to catch my breath and press my palms into my temple, grinding them into my skin, mussing my hair.

"So it's really true," Miku murmurs, "that even when they're not around, your family will always manage to mess you up somehow. Huh."

Kaito wraps his arm around my back. "Be sensitive, Miku." He looks down at me and I gladly hide my face in his chest. "I get that it's a shock, but aren't you glad? You've got a new family. You've _got_ family. That's something some people can only dream of. You should be happy."

I sniff. "He's right, you know. I don't see why you're so upset, to be honest. Just because you happen to be related to some girl you don't remember ever meeting before, doesn't mean anything will change. So, you're related. Big whoop! You'll still be stuck here until you leave. You're expecting too much and overreacting." She narrows her eyes at me again. "And quit glaring at me, please. I'm only being realistic."

Isn't that why I went looking for her? To look for a realistic opinion? Yes, it is. Now, I'm getting it, a completely honest opinion without any sugarcoating. I should be glad she spent as much energy on someone like me. I should be grateful.

"Please stop, Miku. If she wants any more realism, she'll ask. I know you don't understand, but at least try a little harder. Come on. You know it's what SeeU asks. Try to understand, Miku. Just try."

"No, she's right." I sniff again and push myself off Kaito. Miku smiles triumphantly. "She told me what I need to hear." I nod. "Thank you."

I don't need to push myself onto other people. I don't need to be held when I'm sad. Not anymore. I stand and leave the room. I know where to go now.

I push open the door to his favorite place, the piano room. Of course he's there, playing away. He's always there when I can't find him anywhere else.** That**, I remember.

He looks up at me and smiles. "Oh, hey Rin."

"I love you."

He stays there smiling for another second or two then blinks in surprise, as though it took him that long to understand those three simple words. "What did you say?"

Quickly I run up to him, sitting myself on the bench beside him. "Len... I love you! I love you, Len!" Without hesitation I lean and kiss his cheek. I'm probably as shocked at myself as he is. "I love you, Len."

He gives me a funny look but kisses me anyway. "What's going on?" he asks with a small laugh.

"I love you," I say again, desperately clinging to him- though he doesn't seem to mind at all.

I'm so sick of being me. I don't want to be this wimpy little creep anymore! I don't want to feel like an outsider whenever I'm caught in a crowd. I don't want to be different anymore!

Today marks the day that I change. From now on, there will be no more depending on others. From now on, I will be strong enough on my own! From now on, I will be stronger, stronger!

I've always been the wallflower, the only one not to get invited to big parties, the girl who spent most of her time in the shadows. Not even my 'best friend' could look at me without getting disgusted. Well that's enough of that now! I've had enough. I've had enough... Have they realized how much they've hurt me with those things? Yes, they have; they could see it on my face and it satisfied them. My hurt gave them joy, for the devil shouldn't be left in peace. Well no more.

From now on, I will be stronger. My heart will no longer be worn on my sleeve. I will harden myself to the insults, to the strange looks. I will become stronger, for both my sake and for Len's! I will be stronger, I will be stronger, I will be stronger! I have to change... I have to.

I need to become the fifteen-year-old girl that I am- or rather, the fifteen-year-old girl I happened to wake up as. I'm not sure what she was like before but Len told me I was different now. I'm not the same girl I was before my rest. But I vow to be a better one. I won't be a cry-baby anymore. Crying is for little girls, and I am no longer one of them. I will freely dream, but I'll keep those dreams in reach from now on. Rather than dreaming of being a princess, I'll dream of being queen, queen of my own world, my own life, free to make my own choices.

It was stupid of me to wish for family. Family is forced to love you while strangers love you of their own free will. Like a child, I wished and prayed for someone forced to love me, only to realize that wasn't what I wanted. Never will I wish for something so shallow again. Blood relations are nothing more than blood relations. Haine-Lin is just Haine-Lin, just another girl, as Len put it. Never should I try to complicate such things again.

From now on, I will focus on getting better so Len and I will be able to escape. I won't return to Grand-maman's, for my life there made me too unhappy. Len and I, we'll find someplace to go. We'll find somewhere. My luck may not have been good, but it will change- it has to change. But only if I do too.

'He's beautiful,' I think to myself, as I take his face into my hands. I was a greedy fool to try and take Mikuo back again, I realize this now. Mikuo is happy with another girl and their child. He's happy without me, and thought that hurts, I will accept it. I will accept it and be glad about it. I won't let it hurt me. After all, I have Len now, and I want Mikuo for no reason more than friendship. I wouldn't be able to get any more from him anyway (3).

His dark blue eyes bear into mine with such intensity, it makes my head throb again, but I'll ignore the pain. I refuse to be weak anymore. You know, I still don't think I deserve him. Look at me, look at all I've done! He confessed to me his love and I chased after someone from the past. He waited for me to wake up and I did, while completely forgetting his identity. He tried to get me back and I refused him with petty excuses. And yet he's still here.

I don't deserve him, I truly don't, but he deserves anything he wants. He was nothing but honest with me when he could have made things easier for himself by lying. He remained faithful even after being rejected, even when there was no tie forcing him to. He was patient when I couldn't make up my mind, when I was confused. He held back when I was vulnerable. Frankly, I don't know how he did it. It doesn't matter- he deserves a medal. He deserves whatever it is he most desires, and if that happens to be me, then I certainly won't complain. I may not deserve him, but if it's me he wants, well, I want him too. I realize that now.

From now on, I won't run from my fears. I won't cling to people, but I won't push them away either. From now on, I'll be more forward with my feelings. I'll tell him everyday how much I love him, even if it annoys him. I will stand up for myself, but I'll turn to him should I feel conflicted. No one else but him.

I promise I will grow up now. I promise I will be stronger. From this day forwards, the nightmares will never haunt me and the blood relations won't scar me. Every time someone looks at me coldly, I'll glare just as coldly back until they cease. Every time someone tries to trip me, I will force my body not to fall and instead walk off with better posture than I had before stumbling. And... should I fall, Len will be behind me to catch me. I'll let him help me up, dust me off, and walk alongside me. For once, I'll let someone walk beside me. That in itself is scary enough for me.

'Look at all the promises I'm making myself,' I thought, and suddenly fear took refuge within me, gnawing at my gut. What if I couldn't fulfill them? 'Already I'm proving myself weak,' I thought, and decided to stop. I gazed into Len's eyes once more and my fears dissipated. Never had I known love could be so powerful.

"Are you feeling okay, Rin?" he asks me, brushing a strand of hair off my face.

In response, I lean up and kiss him again, a quick yet magical touch of the lips. "I'm better than ever, Len." And I am. "I promise you."

Satan has never been known to keep his promises, but I will change that. I, the devil's incarnate, will withdraw the horns and tail people seem to see on me. I will become an average girl like any other, nothing special yet nothing diminishing. I promise I will become normal. I will be a regular girl for the first time in fifteen years- all except for the blonde angel I'll have trailing behind me.

"I'll get better for you, Len," I promise him, "and then we'll go away somewhere. Together. We'll be okay, won't we? You're better for me than any therapy, than any drug."

"You sound possessed," he says with a chuckle then sighs. "I don't know if I agree with that, though."

"You don't have to." I'll know it's true. I lean up to kiss him again because I simply can't get enough of his taste, the feel of it.

Today is the day I change for the better. Today is the day I grow stronger. Today is the day I leave my past behind and look forward towards the future. Today will be the day of my rebirth! No longer will I be the demon-child Rin, daughter of a murderer; from now on, I will be Rin, daughter of Lily Kagene, lover of Len Kagamine, girl of peace. Should a single drop of blood well up now, I'll slap on an emotional band-aid over the wound. No one can touch me now, no one but Len. Today is the day I stop caring what others think. Today is the day I start caring more about what _I_ think.

"I love you, Len."

Today is the rebirth of Rin Kagene.

"I love you too."

Only this time, Len Kagamine is by her side.

* * *

_I feel I should say something. Happy Rebirthday, Rin Kagene. Hopefully this life will be better than the last._

**May 4th, 2013; 11:30 PM**

_Aw, SHIT._

_I'm babysitting three boys at their house. They're asleep now, and I took advantage of this time now to work on finishing this chapter on my mini Netbook laptop._

_My USB just broke. FUUUUUUUUCK._

_I knew it wouldn't last long anymore and I'd been planning to get another one. It's been bent for a long time since my friend Devon tried to save it from falling. And I mean REALLY bent. Like... a 75 degree angle. Okay, maybe just a 60, but still. REALLY bent. The worst part is that I was telling my teacher yesterday (on Friday) how my USB would probably die soon, and she offered me to take the one she found a few months ago. I, being the Canadian I am, politely refused. I should have taken it... I should have taken it!_

_My USB was plugged into my laptop just now when I noticed the light wasn't on. Because it's so bent, that sometimes happens. I took it out and put it back in- no problem, right? Yeah, no. It wouldn't light up. Again, again, again, but nothing! Turns out, the part that you use to plug into the computer, the outer part, got detached from the inner memory. And so... it's broken. The only way to fix it is to take apart the compartment to see if I can reconnect it, but then... Then the compartment's broken. OTL I can't open it, anyway. This SUCKS. How will I get this chapter up...? The Netbook uses WordPad files instead of Word files, so I'll need to convert this. To do that, I need a USB to save it on. There's no internet on this stupid thing and there's barely any memory. Ah, I'm so pissed! First I lose my book, now I lose my USB too. AAAAAARGH!_

**May 5th, 2013; 8:06 PM**

_First, I found my book. The baby I was sitting decide to throw it down the stairs. -_-" My poor V.C Andrews book! It's fine though, thankfully._

_Oh yeah, about my USB, I got a new one~! It's purple. :3 See, what happened is, I took apart my old USB compartment and it turns out that one of the four bridges that connected the outer duck to the inner memory got lifted. I pushed it down, clicked it into place, and it started working again! Quickly I transferred everything from the old USB to this new purple one. Thankfully, I'm super organized. No, really; to get to my TGW chapter files, you have to click, in this order, Flash Disk2, Fanfiction Stories, Naty17, Vocaloid, Current On-going fics, The Girl in the Ward. That's 6 different folders! I'm REALLY organized, file-wise. Thank to this, the move was pretty simple. ... Sort of. I had to do it the long way because of a single corrupted folder. Truthfully, I'm thankful there weren't any more, but... The corrupted file contained only a songfic oneshot for Rotten Heresy and Chocolate, but I was going to finish that someday! It saddens me to know it's completely gone! Oh well... It's better than nothing._

_Hehehe, Hedwig, my pet cockatiel, is sitting on my shoulder right now. I'm feeding him half-eaten gummy bears. XD Right now he's watching me patiently, waiting for the next half-eaten treat. So cute~! O-Oh... He just shit on my arm. So _**that's **_what I get for feeding you, huh?! Grr...! ... I think he's laughing at me. His eyes look pretty darn mischievous. Doesn't help that they're naturally red. (Creepy albino bird I have.)_

_Hooray for my finding a new USB!_

**May 7th, 2013**

_OTL I can't believe it. I lost my new USB._

_I've looked everywhere for it, but it's just gone! I haven't any clue anymore where it could be! *cries* Plus, it had the completed version of this chapter on it... Now I have to redo the last 1000 words of this chapter, PLUS this whole bottom A/N!_

_Anyway, I tried my old green USB again. It wasn't working. I thought I'd lost my files for good (while most are saved on my computer hard drive, the newer files aren't), and I was about to give up and pull it out, when suddenly... *blink blink blink* It was extremely unstable, but it was working! I managed to copy everything onto a new black USB, the one I'm using now. Although... I still had to rewrite the end of this chapter. And that was like, the hardest part, too! As well as the most annoying... -_-"_

_Oh my. o.o I think I hear Hedwig masturbating upstairs, bird-style! XD I've got to see this. Hang on a second._

**May 7th, 2013; 10:25 PM**

_I officially have the worst luck in all of Fanfiction._

_I went up to catch my bird red-handed in the act of bird-masturbation, but he heard me and jumped to another perch before I could see him. Then, he tried to play it cute by letting me scratch his head and all for about ten minutes. Then, I come down here... and my Netbook laptop thing died. WITH THE COMPLETED TGW CHAPTER STILL OPEN AND UNSAVED ON IT. FUUUUUUUUCK._

_Now, I have to rewrite this chapter a THIRD WHOPPING TIME, and I didn't even enjoy the second! FUCK THIS FUCK THIS FUCK THIS._

_... Shit. In the midst of my angst, I spilled my bottle of coke. All over Mom's carpet. -_-" Fate is against this chapter. It's been ten days since I've started it because I can't seem to freaking finish it! I HATE MY LIFE SOMETIMES! RAWR! *angst moment*_

_Just you watch- I'll probably spill my coke all over my laptop next._

**May 8th, 2013; 7:34 PM**

_I didn't spill my coke over my laptop, thanks. XD (I've FINALLY finished. AGAIN.)_

_I've realized something quite saddening with this chapter. ... TGW is ending. ... Okay, yes, I know I've been saying that since, like, Chapter 8, but still... Now it's REALLY ending! Chapter 16 will be the last REAL chapter of The Girl in the Ward. ... I'm very sad. Can you believe that? Oh gee! It'll just be one more chapter, and then... nothing! D':_

_I feel like I'm about to go into some huge thank you speech now, but I'll skip for those who get annoyed by my constant gratitude. QwQ Okay, next chapter will be the final epilogue, but along with it, there will be some bonus stuff, like some Q&A. Therefore, I need you guys to bombard me with question~!_

**Question of the Chapter: Think back to the story; is there anything you wondered that wasn't answered during the story? Are you wondering what happened to this person, that person? Are you wondering why this person said this, why this person did that? Is there anything at all you'd like to know about this story or about me? Well, now is your chance to ask~! I will answer all questions - even those asked by guests - next chapter.**

_One of the most popular questions will probably be whether or not there will be a sequel. Well... I have a few ideas. ;) While I don't know if there will be or not yet, I'd be willing to share the ideas with you if you'd ask~!_

_Alright... well... this is it. ... This car smells funny. Or maybe it's just my brother. *shrug* FUCK THIS, I'M GOING TO TIM HORTON'S! (Long live Canadian coffee/donuts.)_

_Love,_

_Naty17_

_P-S: I broke my new _**new**_ USB last night. TTwTT At least it still works… I fixed it. But what did I say about the worst luck of Fanfiction? Sigh…_

* * *

(1) How many of you thought Gakupo was going to rape Rin there? XD I considered it briefly, but then I thought, 'Poor Luka', as well as 'This story will never end if I do that...' Still, though, did anyone else get a nervous feeling around that part? I think Puppy Mill's Pedo-Dell made a friend with TGW's Gakupo... and L&F's Piko. XD

(2) I have NO IDEA why, but when I opened this document on May 2nd, the line there read, 'I don't want to be a haunted piece of devil's poop anymore'. ... What? XD I must have been high off endorphins when I wrote that, I think. I just sat here just now thinking, 'What the fuck...?' Maybe I was just fooling around and forgot to erase it or something. Or maybe I really was high. XD

(3) The Rin from Puppy Mill would surely disagree with that. she would have practically forced herself onto Mikuo just because he dared refuse her. Ooh, she would challenge him well... The Rin from TGW has finally accepted rejection. PM's Rin never will. ... Random tidbit. :3

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**It'd be totally awesome to get 350 reviews by the end of this story... Don't you think? :3 Please?**


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